Toxic Girlfriend: How to Tell if the Girl You Like Will Be Toxic

Your first date was fun, but by the third date, you notice she’s exhibiting some behaviors that are making you second guess if she’s a toxic girlfriend.

I was a toxic girlfriend. There. I said it. It’s actually the first time I said it out loud. I was a toxic girlfriend, even when I met my current partner. I spent two years of the relationship unlearning that behavior and becoming my true self. And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy.

First, no one wants to admit they’re a toxic person. Secondly, I didn’t even know I was toxic until my partner sat me down and talked to me. I was a wounded person. I dated the same type of guys over and over again, cried over the same reasons, and nothing changed.

How to tell she’ll be a toxic girlfriend

Now, you may really like her. Listen, just because she’s like this doesn’t mean she can’t change. She can change, but it will take a lot of work and effort on her part. She will need to wise up and make the change on her own.

[Read: How to fix a toxic relationship… can you or is it too far gone?]

So, this may not be someone who’s ready for a healthy relationship right now. She needs to do some soul searching. If you see these signs in her, this doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. However, it does mean you should avoid going into a relationship with her.

Get out before you even start with these signs of a toxic girlfriend. [Read: 15 signs of a toxic relationship that’ll go from bad to worse] 

#1 For her, love is the most important thing in the world. She doesn’t believe she can be happy unless she finds herself a man to be with. For her, love is the biggest goal in her life. And this can place her in positions of being with men she doesn’t truly love.

#2 Her idea of love is shallow. When you ask her about love and what she thinks of it, her answers are shallow. Her idea of love is based on what she’s seen on TV or read in romance books. There’s not a strong sense of reality in her definition. She doesn’t talk about the struggles and obstacles people in relationships need to work through. [Read: What is love? How to recognize it when you see it]

#3 She lets go of her boundaries. She has boundaries; it’s not that she doesn’t. But her boundaries are all over the place. No one really knows what she wants or what she’s looking for because she doesn’t even know herself. Her boundaries are inconsistent, which is what brings on the drama. 

#4 She has unrealistic views of love in her head. She wants to be chased by a man in the rain or proposed to on a baseball field after two dates. She doesn’t have realistic views of love going on in her head. She lives in her head, loving the drama and fantasy of what she sees in chick flicks. 

#5 She doesn’t learn from her past. She makes the same mistakes over and over again. If you ask about her dating history, you’ll notice all her stories have the same plot. Her ex treated her badly, yet, she never mentions her own behavior or responsibility in the relationship. [Read: 18 sure signs the girl you like is just using you!]

#6 She loves attention. It’s not that she loves it; she needs it. If she’s always texting you or calling you a couple of times a day, she’s craving attention. This is because she’s empty inside and needs something to fill herself. Instead of self-reflecting, she looks outwards.

#7 The smallest thing feels like the end of the world. She lost her earring or accidentally tripped going up the stairs, either of those actions would destroy her day. When things don’t go according to plan, she can’t handle it. She struggles with adapting to situations that aren’t flowing exactly how she pictured it. [Read: 11 types of girls you should avoid falling for at all costs]

#8 She has a history of dating men who trigger her issues. She just can’t get enough of them! She chooses these types of guys because this is what she knows. The emotionally distant ones, the abusive men, these are the types of people she goes to because they’re also toxic.

#9 She falls deep into a relationship. She gives all of herself into her relationships, even to the point where she doesn’t know who she is. And the reason is that she doesn’t have a strong sense of who she is. When you don’t know who you are, it’s easy to lose yourself in someone else’s hands. She wants to spend every moment with her partner, never letting them go.

#10 She lacks self-awareness. If she was aware of herself, she wouldn’t keep dating the same guys over and over again. But toxic girls lack this self-awareness, always falling into their old ways. This goes beyond her dating life. This lack of self-awareness runs through all aspects of her life.

#11 Her partner provides her with self-esteem. On her own, she has very little self-worth or respect for herself. But if her partner thinks she’s beautiful, then she is. She depends on her partner for her own self-validation, and that’s a scary thing. Without a man by her side, she questions who she is and her worth in the world. [Read: How to deal with a needy girlfriend and help her feel secure]

#12 Nothing you do is good enough. You could give her the world, and she still wouldn’t be impressed. This is because, for toxic women, nothing is good enough for them. They keep wanting more and more, yet they don’t understand why they’re not happy. She has an emptiness inside of her that cannot be filled with outside people or objects.

[Read: What is a toxic relationship? Know the signs and how to get out]

If you’re noticing that the girl you’re dating is exhibiting these signs, the odds are she’s going to be a toxic girlfriend.