Not Interested in Dating? The Reasons & Why This is Becoming the New Normal

If you are not interested in dating, that’s fine. You should do what feels right for you – and only you. Don’t let other people pressure you into doing it.

You being not interested in dating is something that most people won’t get. There are many things that people must endure here on earth. Two of the hardest things? Both being in love and losing love.

Being in love is awesome when it goes the right way. But, it is the worst thing in the world when it isn’t. Losing love feels tantamount to missing a limb. One moment a critical part of you is right there at your side. The next moment it isn’t. Yet, you are supposed just to pick up and carry on.

Why are so many singles uninterested in dating these days? 

So many single people are just frustrated and about ready to give up on dating ever again. There really does seem to be a trend these days with people not taking dating very seriously.

Back in the old days, you had to meet someone in person if you wanted to date them. You would be introduced by mutual friends or family members, or you might just meet them somewhere like in school, at work, or at a bar. It was a lot more work to find someone to date.

But in the modern era, we have dating apps. This has really complicated dating and simplified it all at the same time *although that sounds like a contradiction*. We have people literally at our fingertips. Because of that, we can talk to anyone, at any time.

This makes people less interested in dating or a committed relationship. It’s kind of like going to a buffet full of food, and you can’t wait to eat it all. Why would you only stick with one thing on the buffet when you can have a variety of yummy foods? [Read: Guys and casual relationships – why they like it and what they want from it]

Unfortunately, that is the mindset of a lot of people nowadays. It’s just easier to text or sext with someone than it is to establish a relationship with someone before you have sex. In addition, people can “have their cake and eat it too.” They can have companionship without commitment.

Why is there so much pressure to partner up?

Regardless of how casual people take dating these days, there is still pressure on some people to find partners. Families and friends can constantly ask you when you’re going to find “The One”, or get married.

This has been happening for hundreds of years. Because it’s natural and normal for people to fall in love, get married, and have a family. So, that’s why some people still feel the pressure to do that. [Read: 58 best and worst reasons to get married and signs you’re not ready for it]

However, just because you feel the pressure doesn’t mean that you have to give in to it. You have the freedom to live your life the way you choose to without any influence from other people.

What drives not being interested in dating?

If you aren’t interested, then you shouldn’t ever let someone make you feel like you are missing something. In reality, you look around and see you enjoy life just as much, if not more, than all those people telling you what you are missing out on.

If you are not interested in dating because you’ve been hurt before and are fearful of being hurt again, you might want to reconsider. We all go through a whole lot of hurt, but it helps us to recognize when things are good. [Read: 42 secrets to be happy being single and lessons singledom can teach]

If you never try to love, then you lose from the beginning. Hey, it is your choice, and I totally get it. Before you stop trying and live solo, examine why you aren’t interested and see if it is what you want or if there is something else driving your desire.

12 reasons people might say they are not interested in dating

If you are someone who’s not interested in dating, that’s totally fine. Relationships aren’t for everyone, even if you haven’t ever had things go wrong. There are just some people who would rather be on their own.

The problem most people have when they don’t want to date is that there is a host of people in their life who continually try to figure out why, convince them out of it, or psychoanalyze how they can “fix” you. The truth is not everyone is meant to be in a relationship, have children, or even find love. [Read: Are some people meant to be alone and single? 18 signs you’re that one]

1. They have been hurt so badly they aren’t interested in doing it again

Sometimes we fall in love super hard and think that person is our soulmate. However, things don’t always work out the way we want. We don’t always ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

The term “until death do us part” doesn’t always mean you will be together until death. Or sometimes, death comes a whole lot earlier than we want it to. There are all sorts of ways we can be wounded in love. Just don’t cover up your wounds so tight that they never get to scar over.

If you push other people away forever out of fear of getting hurt again, you won’t ever get to experience the awesome feeling you experienced when you were in love. Although tainted by feelings of hurt or betrayal, love is a feeling like nothing else on earth. Maybe you should experience it again. [Read: Why does love hurt when it goes bad?]

2. Their parents hated each other

A lot of people’s parents didn’t really like each other that much. Okay, they really didn’t like each other period. And when kids are growing up, they think that their distaste for one another was just what couplehood was like.

But it isn’t. A lot of couples get along fabulously. They love each other more than they love their next breath, and they respect and want the best for one another. Don’t assume you will follow in your parent’s footsteps. If you aren’t interested in dating because of your role models, find new ones.

3. They have been taken advantage of

If you thought it was love only to find out that it really wasn’t, then maybe you think real love is an illusion. It isn’t. Real love does exist. You just didn’t find the right person. When you are taken advantage of, lied to, or cheated on, you might have decided that love isn’t real, but it is.

Many people have seen it and lived it. Instead of choosing not to be interested in dating, maybe just choose better and take it slower next time. You don’t have to marry someone if you date them. Just take it slow and be friends first. [Read: What are twin souls? 16 signs to know if you’ve found yours]

4. They want to focus on work

If you are more interested in a promotion at work than dating, that is totally cool. You don’t have to be distracted by the drama of having a relationship if you want to focus your life on something else.

You might find the rewards that you receive from your work accomplishments provide you with enough satisfaction in life. No one defines what happiness and success look like but you. If you already have both, or know you can without a mate, then more power to you!

5. They don’t want kids

If you don’t want to have kids then what is the point of dating and finding a mate, right? If you don’t want to have children, there are many people out there who probably feel the same.

Relationships, and even marriage, do not equal a home in the suburbs, a minivan, or a bunch of kids. Find someone who wants the same things in life. Or, stay single. Just don’t use that as your excuse not to get close.

6. They are tired of the drama

Gotcha on this one. Relationships are never drama-free. Sure, they start out all exciting and fun. But eventually, they go through many transformations, and they aren’t easy, that’s for sure.

To make a relationship work, you must put in the time and effort. And, if you just aren’t interested in the drama, that’s understandable. If you want a drama-free life, then not dating might be the answer for you. [Read: The different kinds of love traps and how to avoid them]

7. They don’t want to answer to anyone

The best feeling is being able to make decisions for yourself and do your own thing. If you want to watch porn, buy a car that is too expensive, or go away for the weekend, not having someone to answer to is one of the most liberating things on earth.

Only being responsible for yourself and not having anyone treat you like a child or hold you back is incredible. If you want to live the single life, have at it.

8. Marriage is not something they ever want

When you date someone long enough, there comes a time when things move forward and long-term options need to be discussed.

Many people aren’t interested in dating because they don’t want to get married or have a long-term partner. The thing is, you can date and not have to be tied to someone forever. Or, you can choose not to date anyone and stay on your own, so you don’t ever have to have “the talk.” [Read: Should you get married? How to know if it’s for you]

9. They haven’t ever connected with anyone in that way

Some people just don’t feel a connection with other people. Loners are people who like to be on their own. It isn’t that they can’t find someone to date; it’s that they aren’t interested in dating. It is a totally reasonable option and choice. If you are someone who likes to be on your own, then that is your decision to make.

If you are someone who isn’t interested in dating, you probably have everyone in your life trying to convince you otherwise. The questions flying at someone who says they don’t want to date can be endless, but live your life the way that makes you happiest.

10. They are aromantic

Aromantic people have little or no romantic attraction to others. They may or may not even feel sexual attraction at all. They can also be one of two things – aromantic sexual people or aromantic asexual people *which we will discuss next*. [Read: Aromantic dilemma – 16 myths and truths about their love life]

Like other sexual orientations, aromanticism exists across a continuum. Some people have absolutely zero desire for romance, while others are mildly interested, but not much. So, when someone feels like this, it makes sense that they would not be interested in dating very much.

11. They are asexual

Asexuality and aromanticism are related but slightly different. An asexual person feels little to no sexual attraction, even if they choose to engage in sexual activity. Asexuality is a sexual orientation, just like being gay or straight. And it’s not the same as celibacy or abstinence.

Because dating and romantic relationships usually involve sexual activities, an asexual person might not have any interest in dating. They might enjoy someone’s company and companionship, but don’t want to have sex. This might lead to them avoiding dating and relationships altogether unless they find another asexual person to couple up with. [Read: 18 signs you’re asexual and don’t like getting laid as much as others]

12. They just had a bad breakup

Some people don’t take breakups very well. Furthermore, if someone was blindsided by their ex and didn’t see the breakup coming, that would make them not very interested in dating again – at least not anytime soon.

Or perhaps the person was in an abusive relationship. If that’s the case, it’s understandable that they would not want to get into another situation like that. It might make them shy away from all kinds of dating because they associate it with negativity and being trapped.

[Read: 15 reasons why being single can be a lot of fun too]

It doesn’t matter if other people think they have the perfect girl or boy to introduce you to, if you are not interested in dating, simply say “no, thanks.”