How to Attract an Older Man: 18 Things to Do & Know Before Dating Him

A man who is 20 years older than you can seem very exciting. So, if you’re wondering how you can attract an older man, here are some things to think about.

There is just something about the appeal of older men that makes them irresistible to women. Many young women tend to be drawn to the older man’s allure, and, likewise, older men tend to fall in love with younger women. But how can you attract an older man to you?

Women often want to form relationships with older men for many reasons.

For one, women tend to feel more secure in a relationship with an older man, as opposed to younger men or men within their age group. Many of these women believe age brings maturity, and, like the finest wines, these men definitely age well.

[Read: How to tell if an older man likes you – 20 ways to read his thoughts]

Dissecting the appeal of an older man

While dating older men was originally considered taboo, it has become more of a norm these days.

As people age, they want different things in relationships. When women grow older, they desire partners who offer them not only financial stability but emotional maturity, as well.

Many women believe age brings wisdom. Perhaps they learned that dating men within their age group leads to bumps in the road.

Studies show a great number of men mature emotionally in their early forties, which makes them less likely to commit early on. [Read: When does a man emotionally mature? 19 signs he’s grown a real pair]

How to attract an older man – The essentials you need

Finding someone who is right for you is never easy. For many people, it is a case of trial and error, and of losing and finding.

Some people search their whole lives, wanting to find that missing piece. How does one find and attract that ideal mate? Do you want to attract an older man? Here are some tips to attract an older man and help reel him in.

1. Have an air of confidence

Confidence is infectious. There is just something about it that brings positive energy into the room. Men admit to being attracted to confident women, or those who have a commanding air about them.

When trying to attract an older man, show him you are confident and comfortable in your own skin. [Read: How to be a strong independent woman that men love]

2. Be mature

If you want to attract older men, it is important you learn to project an air of maturity. Older men are attracted to women who have an air of independence about them and make mature decisions.

Get rid of childish habits like whining and learn to be financially mature. Older men want their partners to be level-headed women, who don’t make rash decisions or rely on their emotions to make decisions.

3. Make a change in your appearance

Sure, older men are going to be attracted to your physical attributes at first. But there is something about elegance that makes older men stay with women. Older men are usually done with their partying days and are most likely willing to settle down with the right woman.

Chances are, older men don’t want to settle down and start a family with someone who always winds up drunk at the local bar, with one shoe missing. 

Be a classy woman and conduct yourself with elegance and charm. While good looks do attract a lot of people, remember charm and elegance last far longer. [Read: 27 subtle ways to be more elegant and graceful with your body and behavior]

4. Do not act insecure

Older men don’t want to be tied down to women who are insecure and clingy. Men rarely want to be with a woman prone to drama all of the time, as many men don’t want the extra baggage. 

Low self-esteem isn’t attractive, and it is advised you work on boosting your self-esteem before you decide to pursue a relationship.

5. Don’t act like you love his money

Having a relationship with an older man might raise questions about your intentions. When you start dating an older man, avoid iffy topics like how much he makes in a year, or what kind of car he drives.

It is always best to stay away from sensitive and money-centric topics.

You don’t want him to think you are some sort of gold digger only interested in his money. Instead, be an independent woman who accepts responsibility for her own wants and needs. [Read: 24 signs that make a girl a 24K gold digger in a guy’s eyes]

6. Don’t make him feel old

The reason many older men tend to date younger women is that younger women make them feel young again, and they feel like they have someone to protect.

When dating an older man, don’t make him feel old. While you act flirty with him and tease him about your age gap, don’t rub it in his face. Keep your jokes tasteful and conduct yourself with tact.

7. Spend time with him

Really spend time with him. Don’t only jump on opportune moments to have sex. Get to know him. Engage in conversation with him. While you might think you have nothing in common because of your huge age gap, you might be surprised to find you do have a lot in common.

Show a genuine interest in getting to know him—listen to his opinions on things, and his views of the world. You learn a lot and broaden your horizons. [Read: Dating an older man – All the reasons why it’s worth doing at least once]

8. Be appreciative

Men love women who appreciate them. When the two of you are together, take time to genuinely thank him for the time you spent together. Do more than just say, “thank you.” Take time and put in the effort to really make him feel appreciated.

9. Be ready to deal with his emotional baggage

When you date an older man, chances are he will have had his share of women. Chances are, he will have children and a string of past relationships. 

Know he has had his share of disastrous relationships and be prepared to deal with that. Ask yourself if you are still willing to pursue the relationship, despite his baggage. [Read: Why relationships fail – 25 reasons why love can fall apart entirely]

Why do you want to attract an older man?

Now that we have talked about how you can attract an older man, let’s talk about why you want to. Sure, you might think you know why.

But do you really? Here are some things you might not have thought about if you actually do attract an older man.

1. His children

If the man is older than you, then there is a good chance that he will have children. Depending on how old he is, they could be school-aged or they could be full-grown adults with their own lives. Either one has its drawbacks.

If he has school-aged kids, are you prepared to deal with them? Are you mentally and emotionally prepared for the fact that he may put his kids before you? And if you are, do you think you can handle the stepmom role to those children? [Read: Dating a man with kids – 10 things you need to be prepared for]

If he has adult children, have you considered the fact that they might be closer to your age than he is? This could be quite awkward for you and for the “kids.” They might have a big problem with their father dating a much younger woman – one that could be their sister age-wise.

2. Has he been married?

Most older men have been married before. And some of them have been married two, three, or even four times. In your pursuit to attract an older man, are you prepared to deal with the ex-wife *or ex-wives?*

You never know how they are going to impact his life. They could be nice people, or they could be a green-eyed monster who is jealous of your youth.

Being the new, young, hot chick in his life might not be as fun as it sounds if he doesn’t have a good relationship with his ex(es). A relationship with an older man does not exist in isolation. You will accept him with all of his baggage. [Read: Dating a divorced man? 14 tough truths to make it work]

3. Does he want marriage again?

There are a lot of older people who have been divorced. Some want to get married again, but a lot don’t. They have the “been there, done that” kind of attitude. They probably had a bad experience and don’t think that marriage as an institution is something they want to participate in again.

He might just want to have a hot young girlfriend and travel without being tied down by a ring. At this time in his life, he might just want to have fun and will expect you to just be okay with it. So, are you okay with that? You need to ask yourself that. [Read: The mind of a sugar daddy, what girls expect from him and the things he knows]

4. If he wants marriage, what about a prenup?

Let’s say he does agree to the marriage. Is he doing that because he really wants to marry you? Or have you been pestering him so much about it that he’s just doing it to shut you up or make you happy? [Read: A girl’s guide to snagging a rich boyfriend or sugar daddy]

If he agrees to get married, don’t be surprised if he wants a prenuptial agreement. In other words, you might not get a whole lot of his assets if you ever get divorced.

Are you willing to sign that? Some women are insulted by it because it’s like he’s preparing for divorce even before you get married. But if he’s rich and divorced, you can’t blame him for wanting to protect his money this time.

5. Has he NOT been married? 

This is another thing that could be a red flag when it comes to dating or attracting an older man. What if the man has never been married? You might think, “so what?” But you have to think of the possible reasons why he has never committed to anyone.

Maybe he hates commitment and if so, he won’t want to commit to you regardless of how awesome you are.

You might think you can convince him, but the fact that he’s still not married after all these years says something – and not necessarily something good. [Read: Commitment phobia – 15 signs a guy is just not ready to commit]

6. Does he want more children?

If you’re of the child-bearing age and you want to settle down and have a family, the older man might not be your guy. If he already has children – especially if they are grown adults – the chances of him wanting to start over are very small.

Even if he says he wants more children, is he telling the truth or just saying that to make you happy at the moment? And if you do have children with him, he might be 80 years old by the time they graduate high school. He’ll be the “old dad” and might not be up to coaching all of their sports teams.

7. Grew up in different eras

You know how sometimes you can’t relate to your parents because they grew up in a totally different era than you?

They probably didn’t have cell phones or the internet when they were kids. They listen to different music and watched different TV shows when there were only three channels to chose from. [Read: Dating age rule – what’s an acceptable age gap for a couple?]

Well, you will have the same problem when it comes to dating or attracting an older man. Chances are that he won’t be able to relate to Snapchat, TikTok, and Hulu. He will tell you stories of where he was when 9/11 happened or when the space shuttle blew up.

This is probably ancient history to you, but for him, it will be like it happened yesterday. 

8. Longevity of the relationship

When you are dating or married to an older man, you have to think about the fact that he will die before you. We know this sounds morbid, but it’s just the mathematical truth. So, if and when that happens, you could still be relatively young – like in your 40s or 50s.

Then you will be single and alone someday and have to go through the dating process all over again at that age. True, anyone can die at any time, but the chances of an older person going before you are pretty good.

9. He will look old someday 

This might sound shallow, but he could be a totally hot older man right now. Maybe he’s in his 40s, 50s, or even 60s. He might take really good care of himself and look younger than his age. But eventually, it will catch up to him. [Read: Does age difference in relationships matter?]

If you are with the older man for decades, you will still look good and he will look like an old man. Maybe you’re fine with that because you love him. But maybe you’ll be looking at all your friends who are with younger men and be envious someday. 

Final thoughts

Just because we gave you a long list of things you need to think about before you attract an older man, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. It’s all up to you. 

We just really needed to give you the cold, hard truth about it. When you’re young, you don’t necessarily think of all the things that could happen in the future – good or bad. [Read: 15 posh signs you’re a high maintenance woman most young guys can’t afford to date!]

So, now that we’ve told you, this is the time to weigh the pros and cons and decide for yourself if you want to attract an older man.

[Read: 5 “creepy” myths about older guys dating younger women]

Now that you know how to attract an older man and the other things to think about in the process, you can experience the advantages or disadvantages for yourself. If you decide to go for it – great! You can open yourself up to a whole new type of mature relationship.