Friend to Lovers: Why We Fall for Them, Stages & 30 Secrets to Progress to Love

Have you ever felt like you were falling for a friend but couldn’t figure out why? What do you do when you’re just friends, but you NEED to be lovers?

Falling for a friend is a path riddled with confusion.

If you’ve ever taken the time to notice and grope around a bit, you’ll be able to see that there’s a distinct line separating the bonds of friendship and love.

You feel that you should be in love with each other, but there’s the bond of friendship that seems to be holding you back.

So, what do you do when you’re falling for a friend and how do you go from friend to lover in their eyes? [Read: How to get a girl to kiss you by arousing her gently]

Am I falling for a friend?

Falling for a friend is like a little dance under the spotlight, especially when you don’t really know how to dance. You jiggle your feet awkwardly with your dance mate and hope that the audience will never figure out that you have two left feet.

Haven’t we all noticed how easy it is for people to realize that there’s something weird going on? Haven’t you ever been teased by someone at the very first instance when you blushed or stared a little too long at a friend?

There are a few things you need to know before you take the icy plunge of turning your friend into your lover. First of all, ask yourself if your friend’s love is what you truly need. [Read: How to kiss a friend and get away with it]

Going from a friend to a lover is a big transition. You can ask yourself if you’re falling for a friend a million times, but you have to know that it really depends on a lot of circumstances. It’s tricky business, and you need to remember that a lover and a friend are two different people, even if it’s the same person.

Stages of going from friends to lovers

It’s pretty rare that this is a quick transition. It’s a slow burn.

There’s a lot involved and a lot at stake, so it’s important that you take your time making sure that this is what both of you want. When you cross the bridge, it’ll never look the same if you have to come back.

1. You start talking more often and spending more time together

Once you’ve decided that you really like this person as more than just a friend, you’re bound to want to be around them more. You’ll start to initiate conversations more frequently and try to hang out with them as much as possible. [Read: 24 secrets to talk to your crush & make them fall for you in no time]

Especially if the feeling is mutual, you’ll notice your friend doing the same.

Soon, you’ll be talking to each other and spending time together constantly. This plants the seed for everything to come!

2. You start to experience jealousy

If you have feelings for your friend, you’re going to experience jealousy. This is especially true if you haven’t made a point to tell this person that you want to be more than friends.

Chances are they’re talking to other people and maybe even flirting. They might be going on dates, and you might hear about them because you’re a friend, which will surely fill you with envy.

You don’t like the idea of them flirting with other people because you want them to flirt with you! Jealousy is super normal, but don’t let it get out of control!

They’ll be experiencing the same, so it’s important to acknowledge that. [Read: Why am I so jealous? The real reasons why we feel it & how to fix it]

3. Innocent touches start to feel different

Have you ever liked someone so much that even a high-five feels different?

It feels like legit electric energy when you have any physical contact with them at all. You start to crave it in any way that you can get it, even if that just means carefully coordinating an “accidental” brush of arms when walking past each other.

When you go out to eat with your mutual friends, you casually make a point to sit next to or across from each other so that you can find ways to secretly touch.

4. You treat them differently from other friends

Your favoritism is starting to become obvious. You’re obviously talking to this person more than you once did, which might mean that you’re talking to your other friends less. [Read: Madly in love – how to balance your life when you’ve fallen hard]

You favor their opinions, hang on to every word they say, and perhaps let your gaze linger a little too long on them when you’re with the group.

5. You start flirting

You’re starting to become a little more open about your feelings and start throwing in casual flirtations from time to time. That might come in the form of flirty touches or remarks. Either way, the spark is more obvious, and the tension is thick.

Little compliments here and there or frequent eye contact will start occurring more regularly, and you’ll be able to tell the difference in the way you interact as friends. [Read: Friendly vs. flirty – 34 subtle signs to tell if someone is flirting with you]

6. You experience lust

You can’t get enough of being around them or touching them in any way you can, and now all you want to do is rip their clothes off.

You guys have hungry eyes, you’re both clearly full of lust and sexual tension. This is the biggest difference between just being friends and falling for a friend.

7. You find ways to be alone together

When you’re falling for a friend, and they’re falling for you, you’ll find sneaky ways to be alone with each other without your mutual friends being around.

If you have everybody over to your house to watch a movie, the two of you might make your way to the kitchen to “get snacks” just to sneak in a couple of minutes alone. [Read: How to get a friend to like you – sneaky ways to brainwash them]

8. You put them first

You’ve started considering their needs and wants more than those of your other friends.

When it comes down to it, they matter the most. If you’re needed by them and another one of your friends at the same time, you’re definitely going to drop everything for the friend you’re falling for.

9. You give each other sweet nicknames

One of the sure signs that you’re falling for a friend and you’ve officially entered territory beyond friendship is that you’ve started to use other names for each other. Maybe you’ve picked something from an inside joke or are sticking to the standard “babe.” [Read: Cute pet names for couples & how to pick nicknames for each other]

10. You talk about each other more often

They’re on your mind all the time, and you can’t help but bring their name into the conversation more often. Your other friends might be growing suspicious about your sudden obsessions with each other.

11. You feel different around them

The feelings of friendship and really liking someone are vastly different. You might feel a desperate need to be around them as much as you can and be as close as you can.

You start to imagine a future with this person, and you obviously think about being with them in ways that you don’t think about with your other friends.

12. Your mutual friends are onto you

They’ve obviously caught on to the fact that you two are becoming something more than friends. [Read: Are you more than friends? 17 signs you’ve gone from talking to dating]

They’ve noticed the poorly hidden glances and subtle flirtations. They’ve noticed that you can’t shut up about them and that you’re spending more time together. They’ve seen it all.

13. You worry about losing your friendship and feel confused

This is a completely understandable thing to worry about. You’ve been friends for a while, and while things are great at the beginning of your more-than-friends relationship, what if they don’t stay that way?

What if, for some reason, things don’t work out between you two? What happens to the friendship you had before all this started? You know it’d be a devastating friendship to lose if the worst-case scenario were to happen, and you know that your new relationship isn’t guaranteed.

It’s okay to be worried. Just talk to your friend!

14. You’re ready to risk it

All things considered, you’re ready to dive into this relationship.

You know that you could have something really great together and have decided to be confident in the fact that it wouldn’t ruin your friendship. [Read: 17 must-knows to subtly ask a friend out on a date & not risk the friendship]

15. You go out on a real date

You’ve finally decided to take the plunge! It’s time to go out on a real date and acknowledge that your friendship has blossomed into something more.

Tips for going from friends to lovers

Some of the best love stories have started out as friendships.

If you were already friends, then you have a great foundation! However, going from friends to lovers is an uneven path and a pretty tricky ground to walk on. You definitely have to tread carefully and make sure that you have all of the following bases completely covered.

1. Make sure you want the same things

It’s important to have this talk. There are a lot of ways that this situation could go awry, but wanting different things out of it will cause an immediate downfall.

For instance, if you want a REAL relationship but they only want to be able to hook up when they feel like it, some tension will be had if those differences hadn’t been discussed in the first place.

You both need to make yourselves clear so that you aren’t totally blindsided by your own expectations. [Read: Communication exercises for couples – easy games to be a better lover]

2. Know the risks

There are a ton of risks when going from friends to lovers, and you need to be sure that you’ve addressed and thought of them all.

Do you know how you intend to handle the awkwardness among your friend group? Do you know what’s going to happen if your relationship doesn’t work out? You have several things to consider and weigh before you dive too deep.

3. Don’t rush things

We can be certain that you didn’t just wake up one day with intense feelings for this person. Your feelings probably developed over some time, so you should give your relationship time to do the same. [Read: 25 signs your relationship is moving too fast & the best ways to slow it down]

Allow yourselves to get to know each other on a deeper level. Take some time to develop some emotional intimacy before you rush into other things. It’s one thing to know each other as good friends, but it’s entirely different to know each other as lovers.

4. Stay friends even if you’re lovers

Having this new relationship might feel like a lot of weird pressure, but you shouldn’t let it change the relationship you had too drastically.

You should continue to have the fun together that you had before. Your relationship will only work because your friendship worked, so it’s important to keep that part of it!

Make sure that you joke around with one another and do some of the things that you did when you weren’t in this type of relationship. Don’t stop being friends.

5. Don’t get too comfortable

As friends, you might have gotten to a certain level of comfort with them. Maybe you never put effort into your appearance around them because you didn’t feel like it was necessary. They were just your friend, after all.

It’s great to be comfortable with one another, but relationships require a certain level of work that most friendships just don’t. [Read: Signs you’re getting too comfortable with each other]

You should treat this new relationship the same as you would treat any other and dress up for your partner. Be willing to go the extra mile for them.

6. Go on real romantic dates

Even though you should maintain some aspects of the friendship you shared, you still need to treat this more like a relationship than anything else.

Focus more on dating than simply hanging out all the time. Be intentional with romance!

7. Be honest, but not too honest

There are definitely things that you tell your friends that you don’t tell your new romantic partner.

It might be hard not to confide in your friend-turned-lover the same way you once did, but you should reserve certain details for your other friends.

For instance, you can’t gossip about your love life with them anymore, and you probably want to sugarcoat a few things about yourself. [Read: 16 steps to communicate better in a relationship & how to fix a lack of it]

8. Let your shared friends know that you’re dating

This is important to do for a couple of different reasons. First, your other friends have probably already noticed some differences in the way you behave around each other. Not acknowledging it or choosing to hide it only makes things super awkward.

It’s okay to keep it private in the beginning while you’re figuring things out, but you should let them know when you know what’s going on.

Second, if you keep your relationship hidden from your other friends, you’ll be forcing yourselves to act as nothing more than friends. This will squash the romance, which is the last thing you want.

9. Don’t become friends with benefits

Avoid becoming friends with benefits. Sex complicates so many things, and friendship is something it does the most damage to. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to make sure you have a happy ending]

Be clear with each other about what you want before you decide to get physical, and take the relationship slowly so that you can avoid this disaster.

10. Use the things you know about them

You have a huge advantage from being friends first. You know so much about them that you wouldn’t know otherwise! Use that knowledge for good.

You know their relationship history, so you know what buttons not to push. You know more about what they want and need based on hearing about their past loves. If they’ve had bad experiences in the past, treat them with empathy and make sure that you don’t make the same mistakes as their last partner.

Why do we fall in love with a friend, and how do we know if it’s a good idea?

Ask yourself one last time if the feelings you have for your friend are real. Is it pure lust, or is it because of an emotional upheaval in your life? [Read: What is lust? 25 typical signs to look for & ways to turn it into love]

Sometimes, you can misinterpret your feelings. When you feel more attached to them all of a sudden or feel jealous when they start going out with someone else, figure out why that’s happening. Be true to yourself about the origin of your feelings.

For all you know, it may just be a crush. Would you really want to mess up your friendship for that?

There are several reasons that you might find yourself falling for a friend, and you need to be sure that it’s happening for the right reasons. Developing feelings for someone isn’t something that happens with the snap of your fingers.

Evaluate what might have happened to make your feelings shift, and ask yourself these questions to come closer to finding out if this relationship could work.

1. Do you have compatible relationship behaviors?

You know your friend’s behavior best when they’re in a relationship. They may be flirty with others while you’re too possessive. Maybe you’re a little too needy, but they have a tendency to be emotionally unavailable.

Either of those combinations probably wouldn’t manifest a healthy relationship. You want to be sure that your relationship styles mesh well with one another. [Read: Relationship compatibility – what it is, 40 signs you have it, & ways to improve it]

2. Do they have a few habits that totally piss you off?

It’s bound to happen. You’re not going to love every single thing about your partner, but are any of the things deal breakers? You can’t look at these things as if you could potentially change them. You have to be willing to accept any flaws that they have.

If there are things about them that you absolutely can’t accept, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

3. Are both of you willing to slide back and compromise to each other’s wants and needs?

You may have a lot of chemistry, but without compromises, all the passion and sexual chemistry in the world won’t make a difference. [Read: Chemistry of love – how hormones make you feel love the way you do]

You both need to be willing to meet in the middle on some things. You have to be ready to sometimes forgo your needs to meet theirs and vice versa. Relationships are all about communication and compromise, so if you can’t do those things, the relationship might be doomed from the start.

4. Can you both trust each other?

You should be able to trust each other completely, even after knowing each other’s secrets and affairs with other people.

Frankly, both of you felt that spark and were attracted to each other. Can you trust your friend not to fall in love with someone else again? Do you still think your friend might pounce on another friend or indulge in text flirting with someone while your back is turned? [Read: How to text flirt with a friend]

5. Do you think moving further from friends to lovers is a good option?

Are there benefits other than just taking each other’s clothes off? It’s alright to want to see how a good-looking friend looks naked, but that’s definitely not the biggest reason to want to go out with them. You may be more interested in being a fuck buddy.

When weighing the options, the sex can’t be the heaviest thing on the positive side.

Speak your heart

Speak your heart out and let them know exactly how you feel.

Never go straight in and tell them you love them. Instead, talk about the real things. Let them know what your feelings are and why you think you have them. Tell them why you’re into them and why you think you’d be a good match. [Read: How to know if a guy likes you]

Do it as cautiously as possible. Take time to express yourself because rushing into it will only make unexpected blows harder to handle.

Falling in love with a friend is risky. You obviously know you’re taking a chance, and as with every other bet, there’s a good chance that you may even lose.

Pros and cons of falling for a friend

Risks and rewards. Pros and cons. Good and bad.

We have these things with every relationship we have, but they definitely seem more extreme when we’re talking about dating a friend. You want to be aware of all of the pros and cons before you decide whether or not you want to explore this territory. [Read: How to be friends with someone you love without losing your mind]

If you’ve been friends for a while, you obviously know this person pretty well! That means that you don’t have to go through the weird getting-to-know-you phase that other new couples have to endure.

On the other hand, will there be enough mystery and surprise to satisfy you? If you know so much, is there anything new for you to learn? Maybe you get to skip the awkwardness, but at what cost?

Another pro is that you likely have the same group of friends. You don’t have to go through opening yourself up to a whole new group of people. Your friends know and love you both, which is a comforting feeling when so much is already changing.

BUT what if it doesn’t work out? What if you and your new love have a bad parting of ways? What happens to the friend group, then? What happens to the friendship that you had before you became lovers? This is a giant con that poses a potentially huge loss.

What really happens next?

What happens next is entirely left to how either of you feels about the other.

When one of you starts looking at the other as more than just a friend, the relationship has changed already. Do understand that falling in love with a friend is natural, but it’s not always romantic love from both sides.

Whether it works out or not, be there for each other. You were friends first, so as long as you can maintain that friendship, it’ll be fine.

If you find yourself falling for a friend, the most important thing is to know the risks and know that your feelings are real before you go any further. Take our advice, and don’t go into the situation blindly!