First Time Sex & the Male Virgin: 21 Secrets to Feel Like a Pro in Bed

When you’re a male virgin, anticipating your first sexual experience can be exciting but nerve-wracking too. So, here is everything you need to know.

Men don’t have many taboos, certainly nowhere near as many as women have. However, there does seem to be something of a no-talk zone surrounding the conversation of being a male virgin.

Indeed, even admitting to being a virgin, for most men, is way beyond the realms of acceptability, which is something of a problem, really.

Women, for whom virginity is a socially acceptable state of being, have access to a whole range of sources of advice, from their friends to thousands of lifestyle magazines to an endless supply of internet resources.

For men, however, the exact opposite is true, with any decent advice hidden deep beneath swathes of macho bullshit and mythology.

[Read: Losing your virginity and your first experience – 22 things you must know first]

The male virgin and the things to know about first time sex

If you’re a male virgin, you are probably wondering how to even approach having sex. Sure, you might have a girlfriend, or maybe you don’t. So, we first need to talk about some very important things you need to have figured out before you jump into doing the deed for the first time.

First, how old are you? If you’re under the age of 18, you might want to think about whether you and your partner are mature enough to handle the situation. Sure, you think you are. But sex comes with a lot of responsibility. [Read: First time sex and the virgin’s guide to nailing it]

Even if you’re over 18, you still need to think about things like whether or not you are prepared to be a parent if your birth control fails. And if it does, how will you handle it?

This might not sound sexy or romantic, but they are some very real questions you should think about before you jump into having sex.

Next, who are you going to have sex with? Let’s assume that you have a girlfriend. Ask yourself if you’re in love with her. Or are you just going out with her just to have a girlfriend?

When you have sex for the first time, you want to do it with someone you really care about. And no, that’s not weird for guys to think that way.

If you do have a girlfriend but you’re not really that into her, but you just want to have sex, ask yourself if that’s the right thing to do to her. Sure, you’re a male virgin, but she could be a virgin too, and she wants to have her first time be special with someone who cares about her. You have to take her feelings into consideration. [Read: Deflowering a girl – 18 tips to pop a girl’s cherry without hurting her]

Okay, and if you don’t have a girlfriend, then it’s even more important to ask yourself these questions. If you’re planning on having sex for the first time with a girl you hardly know *or at least isn’t your girlfriend*, then you have to be really careful.

This is a moment that all virgins think about for the rest of their lives. So these are important decisions.

Now that you know who you are going to have sex with, make sure the moment is right. Try to make it as special as you can. It’s not a great memory to have if you’re just doing it in the back seat of your car or at a party. It should be special. Ideally, it should happen in a bed where you won’t be interrupted by anyone or anything.

You also might want to try to make it special for the girl. Buy her flowers, take her to dinner, pour some champagne, or anything else that you think will make the moment memorable. [Read: The dirty truth about losing your virginity no one told you]

All of these suggestions might sound pretty idealistic and fairytale-ish, but remember, you only get your first time once. You can’t go back and do it over again. So you want to make it as great as you possibly can – not only for you but for her too.

Sexual intercourse for the male virgin

It is natural, though, to be a little scared when delving into your first true sexual experience, and it’s okay to want to seek third-party advice. And that, dear readers, is where we step in. You’re probably wondering about everything from how long can a male virgin last in bed to what positions to try. 

So, don’t run away from the inevitable any longer. With our advice, learn to love one of life’s greatest pleasures.

1. It’s not everything

That sounds like a bit of a contradictory point, but it’s absolutely true. Sex is a great part of a relationship, but it certainly doesn’t constitute its whole part.

The woman you’re about to have sex with likes you for who you are. She isn’t going to drop you like a ton of bricks if things don’t go according to plan. And if she does, then you’re better off without her. [Read: 24 sex tips for guys and secrets that make girls want and want more]

2. Beware of myths

Guys love to make fun of virgins by telling them all kinds of ridiculous myths about sex. Simply be careful about who you take advice from, and make sure that your bullshit filter is on its highest possible setting. [Read: 25 hilarious myths about sex that most of us still believe]

3. Don’t do the math

Numbers don’t make a great lover. There will be men telling you how they’re the greatest lovers since Casanova, all because they’ve slept with more women than a politician’s told lies.

However, you learn about good sex by staying with and exploring the same woman. Serial sharks, in effect, start again from square one each time they move on to another victim.

You will learn more about what makes a woman happy after only three or four times than he would after 20.

4. It’s not about how big it is

Penis size is a common concern for male virgins, but it really isn’t that important to most women. Even if you are under average, there are plenty of other ways you can compensate *see point 10*. [Read: Does size matter to women, or is there more to it?]

5. Clean up your act

It’s worth noting, even though obvious, that you really do need to be scrupulously clean before getting naked for the act of intercourse, especially in those areas that aren’t normally exposed. [Read: Manscaping – What girls want to see on a guy’s body]

6. Eat well

Diet can actually be an important part of your preparation for sexual intercourse. To begin with, heavy foods such as greasy meat, dairy, and potatoes should be avoided.

However, there are also a number of foods that actually enhance performance, known as aphrodisiacs, that can help to really put you in the right mood. [Read: 10 dishes to get your sex drive to skyrocket]

7. Wear your heart on your sleeve 

Tell her you’re a virgin. Most women will actually find that very sweet, as well as commendable, and will be happy to help you through your first time.

8. Performance issues

Don’t be surprised if you have them. Whether due to overexcitement or nervousness, issues such as impotence and premature ejaculation are normal the first time.

But don’t worry, these issues will normally resolve themselves after a few more experiences. [Read: How to keep an erection up for longer in 20 ways]

9. Take it steady

Slow and steady is the key to a fulfilling experience. You aren’t getting any prizes for being the first to hit the finishing line, and you’d only be cheating yourself out of a more fulfilling experience.

10. More “fore” the better

Women can’t usually just jump straight into the act without a little warming up first, and that is where foreplay comes in. Hands, tongues, and lips have a definite part to play in sexual intercourse and, as a rule of thumb, should actually take up more time than the act itself. [Read: Foreplay done right: The art of really turning her on]

11. Be prepared

Just because you’re a male virgin doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be prepared. You’re almost certainly going to need condoms with you your first time, and you may need some lube as well if she’s a little dry down there.

Just make sure you’re prepared so that everything doesn’t come to a crashing and inconvenient halt.

12. Signs

The best way to tell how well things are going is to check her response. If she’s just lying there staring at the ceiling, then it’s time to try something else. If she’s panting and groaning with pleasure, however, you’re onto a winner.

13 Role models

Whoever your role models might be, make sure they aren’t the guys in porn films. Despite what a lot of guys will tell you, most women would be horrified if you tried any of those moves on them in real life.

So hold back on the money shots, and just listen to what her body is telling you instead. [Read: 10 popular porn moves guys try that women absolutely hate]

14. Just ask

Seriously, if you’re not sure what to do, or if you’re not sure if what you’re doing is right or not, then just ask.

Women are really responsive to that kind of thing and will be happy to guide you around their bodies. That’s a very important thing to keep in mind when you are a male virgin.

15. Don’t force it

If you go for penetration and it doesn’t seem to be going in with any ease, then don’t force it. Either keep at it slowly and carefully or try a little more foreplay first. [Read: Slow sex – 13 reasons why it’s the best sex ever!]

16. It’s so much more than a chore

It’s worth pointing out that sex is supposed to be enjoyable… so enjoy it! Lose yourself in the moment and each other, and experience the pleasure that can only be found in sex.

17. Which position? 

Try a couple of different sexual positions to see which suits you best, but by all means, don’t overdo it or stress about it. You’re not an entry in a Kama Sutra book. If you’re enjoying it, then just go with the flow and let your bodies take care of themselves. [Read: The 10 best sex positions for beginners that’ll make you look and feel like a pro]

18. The big O

It will happen at some point, and it’s going to be mind-blowing. Just make sure you try and hold off for as long as possible so that she benefits as well.

But if you do happen to finish before her, don’t sweat it. Just make sure you still help her across the finish line afterward. [Read: How to eat pussy – 18 moves between her legs that’ll blow her mind]

19. Bonding

Take a little time afterward to cuddle up together and have a little talk. You’ll be able to reflect on your first experience together and put some of your doubts and worries behind you. You might also learn a little about how to improve next time. [Read: Cuddling positions to be a loving cuddler]

20. It might not be great

No matter what you do or how you prepare, sometimes the first time just isn’t that great. Don’t worry about it, though, because it’s perfectly normal for this to be the case.

21. It will get a lot better

Enough said!

What you need to know as a male virgin

When you’re a male virgin, sex is probably the only thing you can think about. You think it will be the most magical experience on the face of the earth. And it can be, but you should still think about all the things we have discussed in this feature.

Unfortunately, in today’s modern age, sex has become something that people do without much thought to the consequences.

Most people don’t take having sex seriously enough. People are very casual about it, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.

When it’s your first time, you should never think of sex casually. It’s a special moment in your life that you will remember forever.

[Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST do to enjoy it way more]

Sexual intercourse is a wonderful experience, especially with a loving partner. And as a male virgin, if you’re worried about things going wrong, just take note of the above advice and learn to enjoy one of nature’s most beautiful acts.