Chivalry is Dead: What It Means, the Types of Men & Why Chivalry Matters

If chivalry is a dying trend, what’s killing it? Or rather, who’s killing it? Maybe men have grown accustomed to being lazy.

For most men, this is glorious news. And for most women, this is just another headline that proves that fairytales don’t exist. So is chivalry dead? Really?

Chivalry is a funny thing. It’s complicated and confusing, and yet to the ones that understand it, it can make life and romance so much better.

Most men will go out of their way to try their hand at being unchivalrous. And at the same time, some men will hold open a door, suddenly realize how chivalrous they’re being, and then close the door on someone’s face while mumbling a low apology for being chivalrous in the first place! [Read: Biggest dating turn-offs for women]

Long gone are the days of chivalry and gentlemanly code.

Nowadays, a guy is made fun of for being a “simp” if he’s so much as decent to a woman, so who is really surprised that chivalry is being forced into a slow death? [Read: Are insecure men ever worth dating?]

What is modern chivalry?

Before we jump into how chivalry is slowly on the decline, we should first talk about what chivalry even is. Today’s definition of chivalry looks a lot different than its original meaning back in the medieval ages.

In today’s society, chivalry is the practice of being courteous, thoughtful, and gentlemanly to people, specifically women and elders. Ways men demonstrate chivalry are by:

1. Opening doors for others

2. Offering your seat on a bus

3. Letting others off of the elevator first

4. Helping put on your partner’s coat/offering your coat

5. Waiting for your date to sit before you do/scooting her chair in for her

6. Matching the pace you eat at to keep up with your date

7. Expecting to pay the bill

8. Walk her to the door

9. Calling when you say you will

10. Sending a thank-you card as opposed to a text

11. Giving unexpected and thoughtful gifts

12. Checking that someone got home safe

13. Going through with activities that may not interest you but do interest your partner

14. Walking on the outside of the sidewalk, closest to the road

15. Retrieving items that were dropped on the floor

Modern chivalry is all about going the extra mile for someone, even when it inconveniences you. It is a way to show anyone, from your date to a stranger, that you respect them and are empathetic toward them. [Read: 60 perfect traits to be a good boyfriend that’ll make you better than the best!]

Men want everything the easy way

In today’s society, it’s true. Men *and just about everyone else* want everything in the easiest way possible. They don’t like trying hard, yet they don’t respect anything they get easily.

Fewer and fewer men will go out of their way to suffer through a chick flick or compromise on things they like. It’s too much effort for some men to show their gratitude because it “interferes” with their masculinity. But this is actually far from the case.

If a woman expects a guy to be chivalrous, the guy thinks she expects too much. But what most men don’t realize is that chivalry can be a great way to impress a girl while showing off your good side at the same time. [Read: 30 traits & things women look for in a man that make a guy totally irresistible]

How is chivalry good for both sexes?

Women like feeling protected. Men like protecting. It sounds stereotypical, but it’s natural instinct.

A girl feels better on a date when the guy she’s with takes care of her and makes her feel protected. And a guy feels good about himself when the girl he’s with depends on him for her safety and happiness. [Read: Why are men attracted to damsels in distress?]

While most men hate the whole act of chivalry, what they don’t understand is that they’re making the whole experience of dating a lot less romantic and fun by underplaying chivalry or killing it off completely.

Women who lower their standards

As women jump from one bad guy to another, they start to wonder if all those fairytale romances they hear about are all just lies. They start lowering their standards and go along with any guy that shows them any attention. [Read: Falling out of love and why it happens to you]

These guys then expect all women to be that easy to get and proceed to become annoyed when any woman expects him to treat her with respect. And thus, the life and death of chivalry start a whole new cycle of confusion between the sexes.

But women who give in easily and put up with a guy and his shortcomings are never really happy anyway. They just learn to subdue their real expectations until another knight in shining armor walks past them or until they see another couple who seem to be blissfully happy in each other’s arms. [Read: Why do women cheat on men so easily?]

Chivalry and playing hard to get

Chivalry is also deeply engraved in the rules of playing hard to get. Women play hard to get, men show off their chivalrous sides. And when both sexes feel they’ve played their parts and found someone deserving, love gets into the picture.

But recently, men have become hostile when a woman expects a man to woo her.

In a comment made by a LovePanky reader, Natasha, on playing hard to get, she made a valid point, albeit it’s strongly worded. [Read her comment here]

“If a guy has all the money in the world and wants to buy a car, he would test a few cars and pick the one he feels is worth most. So if an attractive woman plays hard to get, tests a few guys for their chivalry by playing hard to get and picks the best one out, is that really such a bad thing?”

Several guys commented back in that post calling Natasha names and branding her as a bad girl. But really, men, why is it so bad for a woman to be spoilt with choice if she’s worthy of attention?

If a girl is attractive, interesting and good enough to get any guy she wants, and she gets the attention of several men, is it bad for her to pick the best man out of the lot, depending on how much he pursues and woos her? [Read: How to woo a girl – 23 secrets to sweep a girl off her feet and awe her]

It seems like men can do what they feel like, but women just shouldn’t be allowed to have choices. Doesn’t something feel wrong there? This mentality is why it seems like society has separated from chivalry.

When a man behaves chivalrously with a woman, it shows the woman that he respects her and cares enough for her to treat her like a lady. And in return, the woman falls in love with the man. That’s the real beauty of chivalry and playing hard to get. [Read: Why do great guys like a good chase in love?]

The two kinds of men

There are two kinds of men in the world: men who pursue chivalrously and get the best women and men who are determined to kill chivalry.

The best men who always find the nicest and prettiest women to date aren’t just “lucky.” They just know how to treat a lady and work hard for her even after they start a relationship together. If a woman expects to be pursued, these men pursue her with chivalrous grace and win over her heart.

On the other hand, the men who do everything possible to avoid being chivalrous end up bitter and angry. They assume women play games and trick men.

These men will go out of their way to be disrespectful to women and, at some point in time, date a woman who’s given up on her romantic standards and treat her like crap until her self-esteem and their relationship crumbles. [Read: Why dating tips and advice never work for some people]

So, is chivalry dead?

The simple answer is no, there are men out there being chivalrous to their partners and people they meet on the street. However, know that chivalry is dead only if you let it die.

Chivalry may be a dying trend, but it’s dying only for unhappy lovers. Evolution has taught us enough to understand that chivalry and playing hard to get work like a well-oiled machine.

As long as the men up their game and behave like gentlemen, women will start to behave like ladies around them. And with so much chivalry, respect, and love in the air, love will be a much better experience for all of us. [Read: 37 secrets to romance a girl and woo her in a way she’ll love]

Women, hold on to your standards and believe in your fairytale romance. Don’t compromise on fundamental kindness, empathy, and gentlemanliness from your guy.

And men, learn to be chivalrous and care for the woman you’re dating. No amount of effort should be “too much” for you to reassure your woman that you care for her.

[Read: 18 steps to fall in love like you’re in a fairytale]

If you believe that chivalry is dead, you’ve probably given up on ever experiencing happy love. Keep chivalry alive, and don’t give up on it. You’ll see how pretty the world of love looks through the rose-tinted glasses of chivalrous love.