Awkward After Having Sex with a Friend? 19 Mature Steps to Stay Friends

You’ve either had sex with a friend or have been thinking about it. Here are the common consequences of sleeping with your friend and what you can do to maintain your friendship after you do the deed.

Nothing else in the world complicates things between two people like sex. Sex is so fraught with our most powerful emotions – love, lust, and jealousy – that it can make people totally irrational. That’s why having sex with a friend is risky, and can just lead to awkwardness.

Because of this, it’s no surprise that sex often makes friendships seem impossible after the deed is done. It doesn’t have to be this way. If two people can avoid the common pitfalls, they can maintain and even strengthen their post-sex friendship.

There are often two people who were once good friends, but after having sex, they begin to regret that they got intimate.

For whatever reason, it just didn’t feel right. It’s a shame that this should ruin the good thing they had going before. There are consequences to having sex with a friend that you need to know if you’re considering crossing this line.

Consequences of having sex with a friend

Having sex with a friend might sound like a good idea, but there are some things to consider before you do it – or even after. Here are some of the consequences of having sex with a friend. [Read: How to have sex with a friend]

1. It might not feel natural

Because you are close to your friend, you might think that having sex with them will feel natural. But that’s not always the case.

In fact, when you are having sex, you might realize that it feels a lot stranger than you expected because you haven’t been envisioning that person as a sex partner until very recently. It’s not easy to transition from friends to lovers within minutes.

2. It can change the dynamic of your relationship

You might not think that anything will change as a result of having sex, and that could be true. However, it could also completely change the dynamic of your friendship.

For example, you go from not knowing what your friend looks like naked to knowing all the intimate details of how they orgasm. You will never be able to erase any of that from your memory.

3. Boundaries are blurred

When you are just friends, the boundaries are clear-cut. You never have to wonder how to act. But when you have sex with a friend, some confusion comes into play. You think about texting them late at night when you get home from having some drinks, but then you think twice because you don’t know if it will look like a booty call. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules to make sure you have a happy ending]

4. Jealousy can creep in

As most people know, having sex with someone can lead to unexpected feelings. So, if your friend starts dating someone else, you might be happy because you don’t want to date them yourself.

However, you can’t help but wonder why they don’t want to date you. Thus, jealousy can become a factor after you have sex with a friend.

5. It can lead to other issues

Having sex with a friend can also open a can of worms. Sometimes, one friend already has feelings for the other, and they think that having sex will cause the other person to fall for them too. But that might not be the case. And then, since the romantic feelings are lopsided, this can cause a lot of tension between the friends.

6. Feelings can get complicated

Even if neither of you has romantic feelings for each other and aren’t in love, after you have sex, your feelings can be confusing.

Should you feel more for your friend, and is it strange if you don’t? Do you want to hang out with them because you want to see that movie or because you’re secretly hoping to have sex again? It can all be quite a slippery slope if you’re not careful. [Read: How to tell when a FWB is catching feelings – 20 signs they like you]

7. It could put a strain on your friendship

If feelings of jealousy and confusion start to creep in after you have sex with a friend, then your relationship could suffer.

Having such a situation can make you wonder if your friendship is strong enough to get through it. One or both of you could start to think that sleeping with each other was a mistake.

8. You might not meet other people

If having sex with a friend is an ongoing thing and it turns into a FWB situation, then you might miss out on other opportunities to date other people.

You could spend too much time analyzing what it all means and get too engrossed in the situation. Unless both of you feel the exact same way, you could be holding yourself back from meeting “The One.” [Read: Friends with benefits – 16 annoyances of long-term FWBs]

9. It’s not easy to go back to being just friends

You can try your hardest to go back to being just friends and forget about having sex, but there’s no guarantee that it will happen. Things are different. You can’t undo sleeping together. That’s not to say that you can’t go back to being just friends. It’s possible, which we will discuss in just a bit.

Can it really be done?

Sometimes, people have no choice but to remain cordial with an ex-flame. They may be colleagues or have some other professional relationship. They may belong to the same social circle. They may even have children together. If they will inevitably have to see each other, it will be much easier in the long run if they avoid the drama and just get along. [Read: Steps you can take to be friends with your ex-flame]

Yes! It absolutely can be. Ex-lovers can be friends. By avoiding certain situations, keeping a mature attitude, and planning out and managing their meetings and interactions, two people can find friendship even after sex. They’ve simply got to follow these steps …

The best ways to stay friends after having sex

Whether you have already had sex with a friend, or if you are still thinking about it, here are some ways you can stay friends even after you do the deed.

1. Take your time

You may have both decided that you want to remain friends after your fling or relationship, but that doesn’t mean you have to dive in headfirst. Take it slowly.

If you go a few weeks without seeing each other, that’s okay. It’s probably even better to try and keep your distance for a little while. [Read: Does the “no contact rule” really work?]

Think of it like any new friendship. You wouldn’t call or text a new friend every day. It’s okay to send an occasional message, but never do it out of loneliness or when you’re drunk. Limit communication initially to once or twice per week.

2. Go in groups

When you do start seeing each other again socially, try to make sure it happens in a group setting. Go out with mutual friends and try to treat each other like you would any other friend. Avoid going with another couple as it can seem like a double-date this way.

3. Avoid alone time

If you can’t find other friends to go with, make sure you hang out somewhere where you won’t feel like it’s just the two of you.

If you’re meeting for food, choose an informal lunch place or coffee shop and not an intimate restaurant setting. A public park during the day is another good option. The cinema is probably the worst possible idea. [Read: Opposite sex friendships – 24 rules, boundaries, and where we go wrong]

4. Stay dry

Do not drink alcohol. Drinking will most likely lead to one of two outcomes: getting into a heated argument or drunkenly stumbling into bed again. Since these are the last two things you want to happen when you’re trying to establish your friendship, drinking should be avoided at all costs. 

Further down the road, when some time has passed since you were lovers and your friendship has strengthened, then it can be okay. But in the early days, it’s not worth taking the risk.

5. No sex talk! 

Whatever you do, don’t talk about sex. Don’t talk about any sex you’re having with your new partner and don’t talk about the sex the two of you used to have. There is just no reason to start talking about your past because it will only compromise the friendship you’re trying to cultivate. 

This isn’t always easy, especially if you used to have great sex together. It can seem like fun to reminisce about it, but in the long run, it’s just adding some needless temptation and it will get in the way of being friends. [Read: Platonic friendship – how to be platonic friends without sexual drama]

6. Be honest about new partners

While you definitely shouldn’t talk about the new sex you’re having, there’s nothing wrong with telling your ex-lover and new friend when you start seeing someone new. 

Of course, if barely any time has passed, then it might be better to wait, but it’s always better if this information comes straight from you rather than through the rumor mill. It’s not a bad thing either to ask them if they’re seeing anyone, but if you don’t feel like you can handle hearing a yes, then it’s better to avoid the topic.

7. Avoid old routines

At least in the early stages of your friendship, it’s best to avoid your old stomping grounds. Stay out of the restaurants where you went on dates or the hangout spots where the romance blossomed. 

You probably shared some cute little inside jokes before or had nicknames for each other, but it’s better to leave those behind. Remember, you’re starting over from scratch and you need to keep a clean slate. [Read: 16 clear signs your ex secretly wants you back]

8. Avoid being possessive

The most important thing for both of you to do is to be mature. And the best way to show your maturity is to not be possessive over your ex-lover.

Remember, you’re friends now, and you need to treat each other that way. Demanding to know where someone is, what they did last night, or who they’re having lunch with tomorrow is unacceptable between friends.

It will be normal to have some feelings of jealousy at first, but you must do your best to get over those feelings. Your friend is his or her own person and has the right to make independent decisions without consulting you. Being too possessive of them will only make them resent you, and no friendship can flourish with resentment in the mix.

9. Don’t try to provoke jealousy

While it’s important for both partners to overcome their feelings of jealousy, it is also important to not stir them up either. It can be a short-term ego boost knowing that your ex is jealous of your new flame now, but it’s immature to try to make them feel that way. 

You’re both trying to overcome your feelings for each other, so trying to make someone jealous is petty, immature, and a terrible way to transition from lovers to friends. [Read: Are you jealous of your ex?]

10. Fight the temptation

For many people, this is the single hardest step of all. Even if both people want to stop having sex, and 99% of the time you don’t even want to, there’s still the temptation that can potentially ruin your judgment and lead you to do something you’ll later regret.

Sometimes, an ex-lover can be like an addiction, one that you know is bad for you but you can’t say refuse. It usually strikes late at night, or after a few drinks when you make that phone call or lean in for a goodnight kiss. Self-control is your ally here!

Final thoughts on having sex with a friend

As you can see, there are consequences to having sex with a friend.

For some, it can turn out great and maybe even lead to a real relationship. However, for others, it doesn’t turn out that way. So, they need to figure out a way to go back to being just friends. As you can see, it can be done, but it requires effort on both people’s part.

You will both have to be very mature about the situation. Being mature will make life easier in the long run. It takes more energy to hate someone than it does to just get along. There’s really no reason that you can’t be friends with an ex, or that you need to let one drunken hookup spoil an old friendship.

[Read: What your relationship says about your odds of becoming friends after breaking up]

You can make it happen. Staying friends after having sex will take some work, but then again, all types of friendships take some work. Don’t allow your history to ruin the beautiful friendship you can still have!