31 Sordid Signs You’re Just a Hookup & Nothing More + Steps to Move Forward

Having FWB is all fun and games… until you realize maybe that’s all you are. Here are all the signs you’re just a hookup.

Many relationships nowadays begin in the hookup phase—even though that’s kind of the opposite of how it’s supposed to work. You’re supposed to meet someone, go on dates with them, develop feelings, and then hit the sack. However, in the current dating landscape, identifying the signs you’re just a hookup becomes crucial since the sequence of events can often be reversed.

People might start with the physical aspect and then wonder if there’s potential for something more, making it important to recognize these signs early on in the relationship.

But what we’re finding more recently is that many people meet, skip the whole dating part—which we don’t understand, because if you’re a girl, it’s free food— and head straight to the bedroom, after only a few drinks at a bar. [Read: When a guy buys you a drink at the bar: What he expects & what you must do]

This makes it increasingly difficult to tell if the other person really likes you after the first few hookups. You may develop feelings for them, but do they now just see you as a hookup and nothing else? That seems to be the biggest problem in the dating world today. [Read: Meaning of dating: How it works, types, 42 signs & ways to date someone right]

The Whole Hookup Culture

Hookup culture is really making waves in the dating scene. It’s all about casual encounters without the expectation of a traditional romantic relationship. It has become pretty common, especially among younger folks, signaling a more open-minded take on intimacy and connections.

Think about how dating has changed with apps and social media. These platforms have made it super easy to meet people for casual hookups.

Remember when dating used to be about dinner dates and long phone calls? Now, it’s more like a quick swipe right and you’re set for a meetup. This whole scene has totally changed the game in how we start and develop relationships.

But here’s the thing: while hookup culture has its cool sides, like celebrating freedom and keeping things light, it can also be kind of confusing. It blurs the traditional dating lines.

That’s where knowing the signs you’re just a hookup comes in handy. These signs can be stuff like not really connecting on an emotional level, getting texts that are all over the place, or just focusing on the physical stuff.

The easy-going nature of hookup culture can sometimes make it hard to figure out what you and the other person are actually looking for. This gray area can leave you guessing and might need some serious thinking and clear communication, especially if you’re not into just being someone’s hookup. [Read: Best hookup apps of 2023: What do you want in a hookup right now?]

So, really getting the hang of this hookup culture is key. It’s not just about being part of it, but also understanding what you’re cool with and what you’re not.

Signs You’re Just a Hookup and Nothing Else

When navigating the dating world, it’s not uncommon to encounter situations where one party is interested only in a hookup, with no intention of pursuing a deeper relationship.

If you come across someone who consistently exhibits certain behaviors, it can be a clear indication that they view you merely as a hookup and nothing more. Recognizing these signs is crucial for understanding where you stand and deciding how you want to proceed with your interactions with them.

1. You Only See Them at Night

One of the biggest signs that you’re nothing more than their go-to sex buddy is that you only see them at night.

Their days are full of everything else but you, and they only make an appearance after dinnertime. If that sounds like your current partner, then chances are you’re just a hookup. [Read: Late night texts: Secrets + examples to decipher if it’s friendly or a booty call]

2. All Your Plans are Last Minute

If they never make plans in advance, and are texting you at 9 PM or later to “watch a movie,” then you’re definitely not their first priority or their first option. This is a tell-tale sign that they’ve placed you in the “just sex” category.

3. You Never Go “Out”

Dates are not a possibility, and the two of you rarely do anything other than hang out in your apartment. If that’s your reality with the person you’re getting naked with on a regular basis, then that’s probably all you are to them.

Someone who only wants sex and is already getting it is not going to go out of their way to take you on a nice romantic dinner— sorry. [Read: Romantic dinner date ideas: Fun dates you both will never forget]

4. They Never Talk About Their Personal Life

If you hardly know anything about them, their childhood, their family, or even what their hobbies are, then that’s a sign they may be trying to distance themselves so you don’t go looking for anything more than a hookup. Which is all that they want.

5. You Have Never Had the “Talk”

If you’ve never talked about the extent of your relationship, or what exactly the two of you are, it might be because they’re avoiding the issue.

And that’s probably because they don’t want to have to tell you that they’re only in it for the sex. [Read: Scenarios when it’s the perfect time for that relationship talk]

6. They Avoid Texting/Calling Until Later in the Day

When you’re waking up to zero texts or calls from them and you still haven’t gotten a response to your “good morning” until after dinner time, you’ve probably come across someone only interested in a hookup.

This way, they don’t have to pretend to be interested in your day and can just skip to the, “long day, can I come over?” text.

7. You’ve Never Been to Their Place *If They Have Roommates*

If you know your current friend with benefits has a roommate or two and you’ve never been invited over—at all, ever—then you might want to take a step back and realize why this might be.

Most likely, it’s because they don’t want to introduce you to their friends because they don’t foresee you being around for the long haul.

8. They Never Stay the Whole Night

No sleepovers! That’s a surefire sign that they just want the sex. By skipping the sleepover, they also skip the bedtime cuddles, pillow talk, and cutesy breakfast in the morning—which is all relationship stuff that they don’t want with you. [Read: Reasons why guys run away after sleeping with you]

9. No Post-sex Cuddling Ensues

That’s right. If they’re hittin’ it and quittin’ it right away *AKA: running out the door after without so much as a warm embrace for you* then you’re just a hookup and nothing more.

It obviously shows that they have very little interest in being close to you… unless they’re going to pound town.

10. They Won’t add You on Social Media

This is a huge one. Even in a casual hookup, it’s pretty common to connect on social media. But if they consistently dodge or reject your friend requests, it’s a sign they’re keeping you away from their personal life.

This behavior clearly indicates that their interest in you is strictly physical. And no, it’s not because they ‘don’t really use social media’ as they might tell you. If their profiles are active and they’re engaging with others, but not with you, it’s a deliberate choice to exclude you from that part of their life.

11. If They See You in Public, You’re Avoided

If you end up running into them while at the mall, or out with some friends, and they’re deliberately pretending they didn’t see you—or even ignoring you calling their name, it’s because they don’t want to be seen with you.

It may be because they don’t want people to think you’re together because they don’t want to be with you in that way— and want both you and their friends to know it. [Read: Dating material vs. a hookup – qualities that differentiate them]

12. Your Get-togethers Never Last More Than a Couple of Hours

If you’re only seeing them for a few hours, and most of that time is spent in your pants, then it’s safe to say that they’re not into spending time with you doing anything else. You’re just a hookup!

13. There Are No Pet Names

Unless you’re actually having sex, you don’t call each other pet names. No “baby,” “honey,” “cutie,” or any of those couple names are ever used when the two of you are communicating. That’s because those names are meant for people in a relationship or who want to be— which they don’t. [Read: 60 cute, sweet & sexy nicknames for your girlfriend to make her blush]

14. They Don’t Focus on Pleasing You During Sex

If your sex leaves you wanting more, and you feel like they don’t care how satisfied you are, then you’re probably just a hookup.

As long as they get what they want out of it, they’re just fine with it. That’s exactly how someone who only wants you for a hookup thinks.

15. You’re Always the One to Initiate Conversation— Unless It’s Plans to Hookup

Unless they’re contacting you in order to make plans to come over later that evening, you’re the one who always has to try to start a conversation.

And oftentimes, the conversation never takes place because they don’t care for it. This is definitely a sign that you’re nothing more than a hookup to them. [Read: How to make a guy want a relationship after being just his FWB]

16. Absence in Your Social Circles

If you’ve never met any of their friends or family, it could be a sign that they’re keeping the relationship confined to a hookup status. In most relationships, integrating a partner into one’s social circle is a step towards seriousness.

If they seem to deliberately avoid any such integration or show no interest in meeting your friends or family, it’s indicative of a desire to maintain a casual arrangement.

This separation of their personal life from their interactions with you reinforces the notion that the relationship is not progressing towards something more committed.

17. Avoidance of Deep Emotional Support

In a relationship that’s more than a hookup, partners often provide emotional support during tough times. If you find that the person you’re seeing is unavailable or uninterested when you need emotional support, it’s a surefire sign they might view the relationship as purely physical.

Being in a committed relationship typically involves being there for each other beyond just the good times. If they seem indifferent or distant when you’re going through a rough patch, it’s likely that they’re not invested in the relationship beyond the hookup.

18. No Interest in Your Day-to-Day Life

If they don’t ask about your day or seem uninterested in your daily experiences, it might be another sign you’re just a hookup. When someone has feelings for you, you know, they typically want to know about your life and your day-to-day activities. [Read: Is he interested in me? 36 signs he’s sqmitten & really attracted too!]

This includes asking about your work, your interests, and your well-being. A lack of interest in these aspects of your life can be a clear indication that they do not see the relationship as anything more than physical.

19. You Feel Replaceable

A telling sign you’re just a hookup is if you often feel like you could easily be replaced by someone else. This feeling can stem from their behavior, such as if they speak to you in a generic manner or don’t make an effort to understand your unique personality and preferences.

In a more committed relationship, partners usually make each other feel special and irreplaceable through personalized interactions and showing genuine interest in each other’s unique qualities.

20. No Special Occasions Together

If you’re never spending holidays, birthdays, or other special occasions together, it could be a sign that the relationship is casual. In most romantic relationships, such occasions are opportunities to celebrate together and create shared memories.

Their absence in planning anything special during these times, or an apparent disinterest in being a part of your important days, underscores a non-committal stance.

21. They’re Open About the Fact That They’re Seeing Other People

If you know they’re seeing other people, then they absolutely don’t want anything more than a hookup from you. And if they’re making it a point to make sure you know, they’re probably hoping you don’t want more or won’t ask for more. [Read: A reason to panic? What does seeing other people actually mean?]

22. They Tell You So

If they refer to you as their “friend with benefits” or any other terms that can be used to describe someone that they only hookup with and have no feelings for, then that’s the clearest sign there can be. They obviously don’t want anything more than what your involvement is: a hookup. [Read: Signs to know if you’ll be a hookup date and nothing more, within the first hour]

How to Move Forward

So, you’ve checked off quite a few signs that you’re just a hookup. It’s a pivotal moment to pause and reflect on what this means for you and how you want to proceed.

Whether you’re feeling okay with this arrangement or seeking something more, it’s important to navigate these waters carefully and thoughtfully.

1. Be Honest With Yourself About How You Feel

Are you content with a no-strings-attached scenario, or do you desire a deeper connection? Your feelings are valid regardless of what they are, and acknowledging them is the first step in deciding how to move forward.

Self-awareness is important here as it will guide your next steps and help you communicate more effectively with your partner.

2. Communicate Your Feelings

If your feelings have evolved or you want something different, it’s crucial to communicate this. Approach the conversation with clarity and honesty.

It’s not about demanding a change or an immediate answer, but rather expressing your feelings and seeing if they are on the same page. Remember, effective communication is key in any relationship, even if it’s just been a casual one so far.

3. Set Boundaries

Define what you are comfortable with in this arrangement. If certain aspects of your hookup relationship make you uneasy or dissatisfied, it’s important to establish boundaries.

Be it rules about communication, frequency of meetings, or emotional investment. Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and ensures that your needs and comfort are prioritized. [Read: 23 Secrets to set personal boundaries & guide others to respect them]

4. Assess the Situation

Take a step back and look at the relationship objectively. Is it fulfilling your needs, or is it leaving you wanting more?

Assess whether this relationship aligns with your personal values and long-term desires. Sometimes, the best course of action might be to walk away, especially if your needs aren’t being met.

5. Self-Care and Support

Regardless of the nature of your relationship, your emotional well-being is paramount. Engage in activities that promote self-care and seek support from friends or a therapist if needed.

Remember, it’s also important to look after yourself emotionally, especially if you’re feeling uncertain or conflicted about your relationship status.

6. Reflect on Personal Growth

Use this experience to reflect on what you’ve learned about yourself. What do your feelings and reactions in this situation tell you about your needs and preferences in relationships?

Reflection can be a valuable tool for personal growth and for making better-informed decisions in the future. [Read: 25 honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

7. Explore Other Options

If you decide that being just a hookup isn’t for you, be open to exploring other types of relationships. Whether it’s traditional dating, online platforms, or social events, there are many ways to meet people who might better align with your relationship goals.

8. Avoid Blaming Yourself

It’s common to self-blame when a relationship doesn’t evolve as hoped, but it’s important to avoid this. Relationships are a two-way street, and the nature of a hookup often means both parties have different expectations. Understanding this can help in processing your feelings more constructively.

9. Create a Plan Moving Forward

Once you have a clear understanding of your feelings and what you want, it’s time to create a plan. This might involve continuing the hookup with established boundaries, transitioning the relationship into something more serious, or ending it altogether.

Doing this gives you a sense of control and direction in navigating your relationship dynamics. It’s important not to be just a passive participant in your own love life, like a log being carried away by the current.

Taking an active role helps prevent you from getting hurt by unspoken expectations or misunderstandings. [Read: Lower your expectations: Best way to find love or complete BS?]

Be True to Yourself

Understanding where you stand in a relationship is crucial. It’s the foundation on which you can build your expectations, your actions, and ultimately, your emotional health.

Whether you’re content with a casual arrangement or yearning for something more substantial, the key is to be true to yourself.

Every relationship, be it casual or committed, should align with your personal values and satisfy your emotional needs. If a hookup scenario isn’t fulfilling these needs, it’s entirely okay to reassess and make changes. [Read: Hook-up culture: What it means, how to get through it & not lose yourself]

Some people are absolutely fine with just being a hookup, but there are others out there who maybe want a little more and are unsure what the other is feeling. And these are surefire signs you’re just a hookup and nothing more to your partner.