47 Reasons Why People Cheat & Steps to Recover & Heal from the Infidelity

Have you ever wondered why people cheat? Maybe you were cheated on or are the cheater yourself. Here are some reasons why people are unfaithful.

The answer to why people cheat is not an easy one. Typically, no one thing makes someone look for the comfort of someone else’s arms while in a relationship. Also, the definition of cheating is different for everyone.

Some people define cheating in a relationship as having sexual relations outside of the union. To others, having emotional feelings for someone else is just as bad as a sexual affair. [Read: Emotional affair – what it is, 76 signs and steps, 7 infidelity stages, and what to do]

In general, anytime you go outside of a relationship to find intimacy with someone other than your mate, you are cheating.

How common is cheating in relationships?

Brace yourself—30-40% of unmarried relationships and 18-20% of married ones have at least one incident of sexual infidelity. That’s a lot of cheating!

So, in general, cheating impacts around one in three couples. And men and women are almost as likely to cheat, with men being 21% likely and women being 19% likely.

However, these numbers might not account for all types of cheating, just the physical kind. There is also emotional and online/virtual cheating. And other types of “intimate” behavior too.

These numbers also only represent heterosexual relationships. The number can vary quite a bit in LGBTQ+ relationships or other kinds of cultures and religions.

So, it’s fair to say that cheating is pretty common. [Read: Cheating spouse – 18 signs you MUST watch out for if you don’t want to be hurt]

Even people in happy relationships can cheat

This might come as a shock, but people are still likely to cheat even if they’re happy with their partners. Some even go so far as to purposefully search for their own affairs. Is it a secret desire or is it just human nature? That’s what we’re here to find out.

When researchers announced that 80% of divorces were due to cheating, no one was surprised. They assumed that something was wrong with the marriages and that’s why they failed. 

A recent study managed to shock everyone though when it said that 56% of men and 34% of women in happy marriages cheat.

If you read those papers and saw the confirmation with your own eyes, wouldn’t you start to think that there’s even less hope for a happily ever after now that you know that even people in happy relationships still cheat? 

There’s no “yes or “no” answer to that, but we will talk about why it does happen. Before we do that, let’s discuss how these “happy people” described their relationships.

What’s in a happy relationship?

A happy relationship cannot be defined as a bond shared by two people in absolute bliss. [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

A happy relationship is simply a union between two people who have the capacity to prioritize the value of their relationship over trivial things. 

Being in a happy relationship means that everyone involved is content with their career, families, and their sex life. It’s a scenario where you can actually ask yourself, “What more do I want?”

You’re attracted to your partner. You have amazing sex lives. You don’t need more money. The power positions in the house are equal and unintimidating. [Read: How to be in a relationship – 61 rules & tips to get into one and start happy]

It’s the perfect scenario, but the struggle for contentment reaches its peak when one or the other decides to engage in an affair.

An unhappy relationship would be one that still has a few kinks to iron out. There could be an underlying problem that involves money, pride, personal demons, or even an external influence like family members or friends. 

People expect these types of relationships to experience infidelity, but they never think that people who are content in their relationships would do so. [Read: Marriage advice – 20 real-life tips and lessons for a happily ever after]

Regardless of whether or not someone is happy or unhappy with their relationship, you still want to know why people cheat. So, let’s dive in.

So, why do most people cheat?

The reasons people cheat are as numerous and confusing as the definitions of cheating are. There are some major reasons that people cheat, however. 

And, if you are looking for someone in your life to be real and not screw you over, these are the signs you should look for both before you find someone to love and while you are in love. [Read: Cheating husband – 40 sneaky signs your man is unfaithful and trying to cheat]

1. Genetics

Apparently, there’s something called a “cheating gene” out there. There aren’t many studies about it, but one study has confirmed that people with said gene are more likely to cheat or refrain from engaging in serious or monogamous relationships.

2. Better than great sex

People have different tastes when it comes to sex, but those interests are rarely realized in committed relationships. 

Extreme fetishes are less likely to surface when two people are completely happy with the way things are going in their relationship. [Read: Spark in a relationship – 20 reasons why it’s gone and how to bring it back]

Happy people will cheat to try new things, but it doesn’t mean that they want to leave their current relationship.

3. Romance

Yes, happy relationships are still brimming with romance. 

But if someone comes along and makes you feel hotter and more passionate than the way you do with your current partner, cheating suddenly seems like a viable option. [Read: 23 fun, romantic summer date ideas to warm your date’s heart and make it melt]

4. The thrill

If you don’t have the means to go sky-diving, you may end up cheating on your partner. A happy relationship can sometimes become monotonous. 

Happy doesn’t equate to boring, but the line starts to get blurry when you stay with someone long enough without anything new happening.

5. No accountability

No matter how happy a person is, when the opportunity presents itself to cheat without any repercussions, it’s possible that they will go for it. [Read: Should you forgive a cheater? How and 21 must-knows to make a choice]

So, why do some people cheat? Well, for some, it’s because they’re absolutely sure that they won’t get caught.

6. Past lovers

You’re right in being apprehensive about a partner spending time with their ex. An inappropriate level of frequency and context of meetings could likely end up in an affair. 

This is because they have a history, are both adults with raging hormones, and can resolve themselves to the fact that it can happen because they’ve done it before. [Read: Still in love with your ex – 19 ways to accept it is normal and let go of the past]

7. The opportunity is there

We may be humans with the power of thought and free will, but biology still has a good percentage of control over our minds and bodies.

If we are easily aroused by normal triggers like the nakedness of a person or tactile stimulation, there’s no saying if we have the ability to stop ourselves from having an affair or not. [Read: Why do men cheat? 43 honest reasons, excuses, and ways to prevent it]

Defending people who have the capacity to take the moral high ground is a moot point because cheating can happen when you least expect it. It’s not inevitable, but it is possible. 

8. They have parents who cheated on one another

We grow up learning from what we live. If you saw one of your parents cheat on another, then it is not uncommon for the trend to continue. [Read: Sure ways to know if you’re dating a cheater]

Learning respect and commitment by modeling what we see is one of the biggest reinforcing elements not only to a mature and happy marriage but to having a heavily committed one as well.

9. They are very insecure

Often when someone is highly insecure, they cheat on their significant other. Needing constant attention, praise, or the euphoria of having someone adore them is a very strong need for people who are insecure.

Once the puppy love part of a relationship dies down, people who aren’t secure in themselves often look for someone outside of the relationship to make them feel relevant and worthwhile. [Read: How to deal with an insecure boyfriend without the frustration]

10. They don’t believe in monogamy

Some people believe monogamy is attainable and some don’t. Not everyone who enters into marriage and says “I do” really means “I do.” Sometimes they get married simply because it is the next step, or they feel compelled to make things official.

If you don’t have a belief in the sanctity of marriage, when times get tough, it is much easier to get fulfillment with someone outside of the marriage than to work hard at trying to fix what is wrong within. 

If you want to ensure you are in a committed relationship, ask your significant other if they think monogamy is possible to begin with. [Read: Monogamous relationship – what it is, 51 signs, and ways to be happy in monogamy]

11. They are bored with the relationship

Once the fun of being newlyweds and “in love” starts to be tainted by mortgage payments, children, and the strains of extended family, being in a committed relationship gets, well, boring.

Wanting just a little attention and exhilaration, some people cheat for no other reason than to stave away the boredom in their current relationship. [Read: Bored with your relationship – 34 honest reasons, signs, and how to fix it]

Not thinking about the consequences, they take a chance for a cheap thrill hoping not to be discovered.

12. They are looking for a way out of the relationship

Some people aren’t secure enough in themselves to leave a bad relationship without jumping ship.

Sometimes they need a little help in the form of finding someone else who thinks they are worthwhile enough to push them to leave a failing relationship. [Read: How to break up when your partner doesn’t want to]

Already disconnected from their current commitment, finding someone to cheat with gives them the confidence and security they need to move on.

13. Their emotional or sexual needs aren’t being met within the relationship

When it comes to why people cheat, sometimes it is very difficult to have all your needs met in a relationship. Instead of working on the current commitment made, people go outside of their relationship to get their needs met. That can come in the form of sexual and emotional fulfillment.

If someone isn’t getting what they need in their current relationship, and there is someone outside of the marriage willing to give them what they crave, the pull is sometimes enough to make them stray. [Read: Emotional cheating vs friendship – the point when a line is crossed]

Instead of staying to work on what is missing or being honest with their current partner, they take the easier route.

14. They get caught up in a moment

We don’t always make the best decisions in the heat of the moment. Sometimes people cheat because they are drunk, upset, or just making a poor choice.

Not considering the consequences or fallout, people in committed relationships “slip up.” Albeit, a huge slip-up! [Read: How to make him regret hurting you – 17 right ways and what NOT to do]

But, sometimes passion and outside influences can be enough for someone to make a bad decision that they end up regretting.

15. They feel unappreciated and unloved

It is not uncommon for one or both partners to feel unappreciated or unloved in a relationship. There are times when you feel like if you just disappeared no one would even notice.

Being lonely when you are alone is a horrible feeling. Being lonely when with someone is sometimes even worse. [Read: 28 truths about feeling alone in a relationship and how to fix it ASAP]

People sometimes cheat because they get to the point where they don’t feel any connection or that they mean anything to the person they are with and ask “why not?”

16. They didn’t understand that you were exclusive, to begin with

There are times in relationships when one person assumes they are exclusive, but the other one is completely unaware. It can’t be cheating if you don’t even know you are in a committed relationship with someone.

If you want to be exclusive with someone, sometimes you have to come to an agreement verbally that that is where the relationship is at. [Read: Spot-on tips on raising the idea of being exclusive]

If you don’t make clear boundaries and define what you are as a couple, then the other person may not be on board and may not consider that they are cheating at all.

17. They are narcissistic

A narcissist is someone who cares only for their own needs. If you don’t satisfy them or you don’t adore them the way that they believe you should, a narcissistic will have no problem going outside of the marriage to get their needs met.

Having no ability to empathize, aka the cornerstone of a narcissist, they are incapable of seeing or caring about how it makes the other partner feel. [Read: 73 red flag narcissism signs and traits of a narcissist to read them like a book]

If it makes them feel good, that is all that they need to know or care about.

18. Unresolved childhood issues

Not everyone has a happy childhood. Sure, it would be great if we all had loving, supportive, and caring parents. But a lot of people grow up in abusive homes. And even if it’s not abusive they still are negatively affected by their childhood.

It could be anything from sexual abuse to being bullied at school. Whatever it is, the issues are probably negative and affected their self-esteem in a bad way. [Read: Abandonment issues – what it is, types, causes, 34 signs and how it hurts you]

So, if they haven’t worked through these problems and come to terms with them, it could lead to them doing things that aren’t productive or even ethical—like cheating.

19. They’re struggling with their mental health

Some mental health conditions come with risk-taking and impulsivity. This can lead to a person not thinking about the consequences of their actions. Their need for instant gratification is the only thing that drives them.

For example, if someone has bipolar disorder, the manic phase of this condition can cause them to behave this way. And this could easily lead to them cheating on their partner. [Read: Narcissistic sociopath – how they think, 31 signs, and how to deal with them]

If someone does have a severe or untreated mental health disorder, it also includes general and overall dysfunction in relationships. In other words, it isn’t just limited to their ability to remain faithful. They also might have a lack of empathy and other ego-driven behaviors.

20. Sex addiction

People who suffer from sex addiction are compulsive. They might even go against their own values and risk the people and things that are important to the to get their sexual fix.

Like an addict who is addicted to a substance, they have a pathological relationship with their “drug” of choice—sex. [Read: Sex addict – 30 subtle signs you’re turning into one and what to do about it]

Sex alters people’s moods, and if someone is naturally compulsive, they aren’t good at tolerating feelings or regulating their emotions. 

Sex addicts’ ability to tolerate emotional closeness, the ups and downs of a normal relationship, or emotional intimacy are challenged. It’s almost guaranteed that a sex addict will cheat at some point.

21. Addiction

People who are caught up in addiction aren’t emotionally available for a relationship of any kind. And they definitely don’t keep relationship agreements, that’s for sure. [Read: Addicted to porn? 43 signs and VERY effective ways to stop watching porn]

Also, their judgment is impaired by their substance abuse. Obviously, this doesn’t excuse their cheating behavior, but if they have an addiction problem and they’re not getting help for it, the odds of them being unfaithful is very high.

After all, most addicts lie. They are deceitful, dishonest, and in denial. So, if one or both partners in the relationship has a substance addiction, then they will likely cheat on their significant other.

22. They’re seeking validation

Why do people cheat? Sometimes, it’s because they need validation. [Read: How to stop being needy – why people get clingy and 32 ways to fix it]

In unhealthy relationships, a person might feel rejected, ignored, or judged by their partner. And no one likes to feel these emotions. 

As a result, a person might either go seeking emotional validation from another person or they just might accidentally stumble upon them either in person or virtually. This other person makes them feel better about themselves.

But emotional validation isn’t the only type of validation people seek. They can also seek sexual and physical validation too. This is actually quite a common reason people cheat. [Read: Feeling unloved – 51 ways we feel less loved and how to feel love again]

23. They’re emotionally immature 

Emotional immaturity is a person’s inability to express or cope with serious emotions. They might also overreact to situations or have trouble controlling their emotions.

An emotionally immature person can also have problems with commitment in relationships. It could be because they have less empathy toward others, which can contribute to having a big ego. 

They also might not value their partner’s point of view and struggles. As a result, they don’t think about the negative consequences of their cheating—either for their partner or for themselves. [Read: Immature men – 27 manchild signs and why you should stay away from him]

What to do if your partner cheated on you

As far as relationships go, being cheated on is probably one of the worst things a person can experience. So, if it has happened to you, then you are probably feeling a lot of negative emotions. Here’s what you can do to help yourself.

1. Take a breath & allow yourself to cry or scream

If you just found out about your partner’s cheating—or even if you’ve known for a while—allow yourself to cry and scream. Get it all out and feel your anger and grief. [Read: 22 secrets to stop being so angry, calm your mind, and stop hurting yourself]

But don’t let that go on forever. Eventually, you need to collect your thoughts and emotions. The best way to do this is to calm yourself down and take deep breaths and stay in the flow of life.

2. Reach out to trusted friends

The only thing worse than being cheated on is being cheated on and having no one to talk to about it. After all, you probably thought that your partner was your go-to person to talk to about all your problems. And of course, that’s not going to work in this situation.

So, reach out to trusted friends or family members. Pour your heart out to them. They will help you see things clearly and put things into perspective through your emotional haze. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits and what it takes to be a good one]

3. Try to understand why or how the infidelity happened

This can be tricky for some people because they want to keep their blinders on. But if most people are honest with themselves, and know the reasons why people cheat, many times they can figure out why and how the cheating happened.

Usually, there are signs ahead of time. Most cheaters don’t hide their actions very well. But even beyond that, what was going on in your relationship at the time that could have led to the cheating? Do some self-reflection and try to figure it out.

4. Make sure to assess the status of your situation

You need to talk to your partner about their cheating. Ask them as many questions as you possibly can in order to try to understand the situation. You want to figure out why they did what they did. [Read: How to communicate with your spouse without resentment or fighting]

Of course, they won’t want to talk about it, but you need to try to force them to for your sake. What were their motives? Are they remorseful? Do they want to break up or stay together? This is the kind of information you need to know before you move forward.

5. Get tested

If your partner didn’t have the self-control to stop themselves from cheating, then what makes you think that they had safe sex? It’s likely that they didn’t. Even if they said they did, they could be lying.

So, for your own sake, get tested for STDs. Your health is too important to take for granted, so you need to know if your partner contracted a disease that they might have passed on to you. [Read: Surviving an STD scare in a relationship – things to know]

After all, as the saying goes, “better safe than sorry.” 

6. Understand it’s not your fault

It might be too easy for you to blame yourself for their cheating. You might be thinking things like, “If only I was skinnier or prettier!” or “I work too much and ignored them!” Try to get those thoughts out of your head.

Remember that no one controls your partner’s behavior except them—and them alone. [Read: Why am I so insecure? 41 signs and 51 ways to deal with insecurity and fix it]

Even if they weren’t happy with you, that doesn’t excuse their behavior. They should have been more mature and talked to you before cheating.

7. Evaluate your options

Being cheated on is different for everyone because each person’s relationship and situation are different. For example, if you’re not married have no kids, and can financially support yourself, then it could be best to break up.

But if you are a stay-at-home mom with 4 or 5 kids, then that changes the situation and makes it harder to leave. [Read: Should we break up? 35 signs it’s over and past the point of no return]

So, you should evaluate your options from here on out. What can you do? And what do you want to do? What does your partner want to do?

8. Give yourself at least 24 hours before making any big decisions

Finding out that you have been cheated on is like being blindsided. Even if you suspected it, having your suspicions confirmed is like having a bomb dropped on you. Your emotions are going to be running very high.

So, don’t make any decisions in the moment. Allow yourself to cool down and gain some perspective. [Read: How to calm down – 15 instant hacks to put the crazy away]

Once you calm down, then you can talk to your partner more logically and rationally. From there, you can decide what to do.

9. Reevaluate the relationship

You might have thought that you were in a happy relationship, but clearly, it wasn’t as happy as you thought it was. This can be a devastating blow to your life and your ego. Suddenly everything changed.

So, you should step back and reevaluate your relationship with your partner. [Read: 60 must-knows to end a relationship on good terms and not leave it messy]

What is it really like? Do you want to save it or not? Does your partner? There is a lot of thought and discussions that need to be had.

10. Accept what happened

It never helps to be in denial about anything. It’s easier to move forward when you accept the truth about any situation. So, you just need to force yourself to accept that your partner cheated.

There is no going back and erasing the past. What’s done is done and can’t be changed. So, don’t lie to yourself about the cheating. [Read: Letting go of people – why it’s so hard, 29 signs you must, and steps to do it]

It happened. Admit it. Then find a way to find your happiness again.

11. Don’t forget to take care of yourself

Finding out that your partner cheated is usually devastating. Some people lose their appetite, can’t sleep, or turn to alcohol or drugs to cope. And of course, all of these are unhealthy.

So, you really should prioritize taking care of yourself. [Read: How to take care of yourself emotionally and avoid falling apart]

Make sure you are eating right and staying away from substances. Get a massage, talk to friends, and do anything that will make you feel better.

What to do if you’ve cheated on your partner

If you are the one who cheated, you might feel quite guilty and not know what to do from here. Luckily, we have some advice for you.

1. Recognize your feelings and actions

You might not have been actively looking to have an affair. [Read: How to forgive yourself for cheating and not telling – the must-know steps]

And you might not have thought that you would have ever been open to the possibility. But when the opportunity presented itself, it happened without any premeditation. 

Just because you didn’t intend to do it ahead of time doesn’t mean that there aren’t negative consequences to your actions. Cheating violated your partner’s trust and is probably a betrayal of your own values too. 

But you still have to take responsibility for your actions and acknowledge your feelings about the cheating. [Read: How to forgive yourself and free yourself of the weight of guilt]

2. Know that you aren’t a bad person

It’s normal to feel like a horrible person if you cheated on your partner. But that doesn’t mean that you are. You know all the reasons why people cheat, so you know that even good people make mistakes sometimes too. So, don’t beat yourself up about it too much.

Yes, cheating is serious. But take the time to think through all of your feelings and reactions you’re having. You have to realize that you’re not a bad person, you’re just a good person who did a bad thing. There is a big difference.

3. Learn from the experience

Everyone has heard the phrase, “once a cheater, always a cheater.” But that’s not necessarily true.

Cheating is actually an opportunity for you to learn an important lesson about yourself and figure out why you did it and resolve not to do it again.

So, reflect on your actions and how they impacted your partner—and maybe even other people. Work on yourself and change how you approach relationships in the future. And always remember, the best apology is changed behavior.

Can I recover from infidelity in a relationship?

Whether you are the one who cheated or you were cheated on, you can recover in the relationship if you want to. [Read: Serial cheater – 43 signs & traits, why they cheat, so often, and what to do next]

Here are some things you need to do if you were the one who cheated on your partner.

1. End it

In order to move on from cheating, you absolutely have to end the affair. Cut all ties with the person you cheated on your partner with. If you continue the affair, then you can’t repair your relationship.

2. Be transparent

You need to get past the shame and defensiveness you feel so that you can be fully transparent with your partner about what happened. [Read: Cheaters gonna cheat and lie? Things cheaters say when confronted]

You will also need to answer your partner’s questions over and over. So, you will need honesty, patience, and be humble about your mistakes.

3. Offer access to records

You also need to give your partner full access to your phone, text, emails, and cell phone records. This will help rebuild their trust in you. If you continue to hide your behaviors, it is unlikely that you can recover.

4. Don’t share excessive details of the affair

If you give your partner too much information about your cheating, it can further traumatize them. [Read: 59 signs it’s time to break up and give up instead of trying to fix a relationship]

It’s okay to discuss it on a surface level, but you don’t want to go into the nitty-gritty details of your sexual encounters.

5. Uncover your motivations

You should also do a lot of self-reflection on what motivated you to cheat. What did you intend to accomplish? Did cheating help you feel better about yourself? Did you get the emotional or sexual validation you needed? 

Now here are some tips for you if you were the one who was cheated on.

1. Process your emotions

Of course, you are overwhelmed by the news of the cheating in the beginning. [Read: Why am I so emotional? Emotional stability and 27 secrets to balance life]

So, you need to calm down and sort out your emotions the best way you possibly can. Try to get some perspective on it and don’t take their cheating personally, although that’s difficult.

2. Talk to your partner

Avoiding the topic of cheating won’t help. You have to talk to your partner about their affair. Ask as many questions as you need to, but try not to ask for too much detail because that will just upset you more.

3. Figure out what you want to do

After you process your emotions and talk to your partner, you need to figure out what you want to do from here. [Read: How to break up with someone you love – 18 steps and the things to say]

Do you want to stay together and try to work it out? How does your partner feel? You need to come to a firm decision that is right for both of you.

4. If you want to work it out, then make a plan

After you have talked about your partner’s cheating and discussed how both of you feel about the relationship, you need to decide whether you both want to work it out and stay together. Then, make a viable plan to make it work.

5. If you want to break up, then make a plan

Maybe after you have talked, one or both of you want to break up. [Read: 42 red flags and signs it’s time to end your relationship and move on for good]

So, then make a plan for that. If you’re living together, make arrangements for one of you to move out. Make an emotional and logistical plan to move forward with your life.

Is there no hope for your relationship if there is cheating?

Of course, there’s hope. We’re just spouting off statistics, but the point of this feature is to open your mind to that certain possibility. If it does happen, don’t blame yourself. You did your best. You did not do anything wrong.

The reason why it happens more often than we realize is that the people who cheat in happy relationships have weaknesses in their integrity. [Read: 46 must-dos to rebuild and regain trust after cheating or lying in a relationship]

An event in their past might trigger a change in attitude when they experience something similarly traumatic. They might be having a bad day and were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The point is that a person who cheats has no one to blame but themselves. If they decide to have an affair, it’s because they weren’t able to consider what they were sacrificing in the process. 

They will make excuses once they are caught, or else they will do everything in their power to hide what they did. If you don’t want that to happen, find someone who has proven themselves to be worthy of your loyalty and trust.

[Read: Who cheats more? Men, women, and their specific needs to cheat]

Now you know why people cheat. Cheating doesn’t necessarily make someone a bad person, but it can cause a lot of negativity for both people. That’s why it’s best to stay faithful.