26 Side Chick Rules to Be a Mistress Minus the Drama & Consequences

If you are having an affair with a guy – or thinking about it – you need to know the side chick rules. And you also need to know the consequences, too.

Being the woman that a guy is having an affair with isn’t easy, and it comes with side chick rules. It isn’t all gifts and sex and exciting escapades, though those are often part of the deal.

However, there’s more to being a side chick than sitting back and receiving gifts. And this is when all the drama, heartache, and scandal come in. If you’re a great side chick, none of these should concern you. You just enjoy your man as much as he enjoys you.

What is a side chick?

Okay, we’re not going to judge you if you’re one. But let’s define this for you.

A side chick is a woman who is dating a guy with the full knowledge that the guy is already dating or married to another woman. So very simply, she’s the girl that’s one half of an affair.

On the other hand, a side dude or a side fella is the same thing, but instead of a woman, it’s a man who’s hooking up with a woman who’s taken.

So why would someone choose to be a side chick? Well, there are many reasons for this. But the biggest ones are:

1. She hopes the guy will eventually leave his girlfriend or wife and get exclusive with her. [Read: Sleeping with a married man – The harsh truths most women don’t want to think about]

2. She doesn’t know she’s a side chick. [Read: The subtle signs you’re the side chick when you think you’re his main girl]

3. She wants all the fun and pleasure of having someone to hook up with, without having to commit to him. But why pick a guy who’s taken? Well, that’s a question for another day. [Read: 24 sneaky signs of a 24K gold digger]

So now that we’ve defined the side chick, let’s take a look at the rules you need to follow if you want to have a happy affair with a guy, and maintain a harmonious balance between him, his girl, and you – the secret third wheel.

The most important side chick rules you must know and follow

So how do you play by the side chick rules without getting your hair pulled out by the main chick? Check out these golden rules to live by.

1. Don’t fall

Most side chicks stay side chicks. Falling in love with your man will only ruin the very foundation of the relationship, which is basically built on no-strings-attached, casual sex. Or, at most, a friends with benefits kind of setup.

Catching feelings will just bring in more expectations and more complications that your man just doesn’t want. [Read: 23 easy ways to avoid falling in love with someone who will end up hurting you]

2. Know where you stand

Being a side chick means keeping your expectations in check. Your man will not be there if you have PMS and just watched Titanic for the 1000th time and need a shoulder to cry on.

He will not be there for Valentine’s dates, Christmas dinner, or Thanksgiving. You won’t have him dressed as your Prince Charming on Halloween, either. He’ll be there for you only when he’s not needed elsewhere.

3. Be undercover

If you like spy thrillers, then this is your chance to be a real-life spy. Being a side chick means that you have to keep things on the down-low. You have to be a ninja, be under the radar, and communicate and meet up with your man without anyone else knowing.

4. Cut to the chase

Part of the side chick rules includes understanding that you’re not going to be courted. You’re not your man’s girlfriend or even wife, so cut to the chase.

Being a side chick means one thing: getting in bed and having a good time. There’s no time to play hard-to-get, so this means either you give your man some lovin’ or you’re out. [Read: 20 signs a man wants to cheat with you – What should you do about this?]

5. Know the risks

This isn’t just about you or about you and him. It’s about you, him, and his main chick. Being a side chick, you should know what’s in store and what’s at risk.

You could potentially ruin a relationship or even a family—that is, if you get caught. With this in mind, you should always be careful and think about your every move.

6. Never stalk

Technology can give you plenty of means to stalk your man or even his main chick. While this is fairly easy, never do it. First of all, it’s pointless. Secondly, you might end up with a restraining order.

If your man doesn’t want you to know where he is, it’s probably for the best. And if he wants you to know what he’s up to, he will definitely let you know. [Read: 12 things you do that’ll make him think you’re a stalker]

7. And never talk

Never, ever admit to anything. Let your man handle the heat if things ever get messy. As a rule, side chicks shouldn’t talk about being a side chick to just anyone.

You shouldn’t talk about your man, your man’s main chick, or anything that will implicate you in the end. After all, what you’re doing isn’t the thing you want to be broadcasted, anyway.

8. Stay away

Stay away from the main chick. If you see her frequenting a coffee shop with her girlfriends, don’t invite trouble by showing up there, too. In fact, keep your distance. Absolutely do nothing that will let the main chick link you to your man.

If you see them together in public, don’t even look their way. If your man follows you on Instagram or Twitter, don’t let him. Block him. Do yourself a favor and keep your distance.

9. Never leave evidence

No matter where the two of you might have been, be sure not to leave anything that the main chick will trace back to you.

Just one cryptic or even harmless-looking text is enough for a hunger call to your man. Furthermore, don’t leave anything in his car, no lipstick marks, no perfumes, not even a strand of hair.

If the main chick finds even a speck of chipped nail polish that isn’t her shade, then it’s over. [Read: Having an affair with a married man – A true experience]

10. Know your social media etiquette

In today’s day and age, many of these side chick rules will involve social media. Remember, no selfies with the guy, not even with his hand or his tie.

Don’t tag him on Facebook, and better yet, don’t follow him on any platform. Know just what to do when you’re online, and please, no fake accounts just to stalk him, either.

11. Learn to go with the flow

Being a side chick, you should be prepared for lots of changes in your plans. If he said that he wanted to take you out to dinner tonight and you even bought a new dress just for the occasion, but then he suddenly cancels, don’t take it personally. Don’t make a big fuss out of it.

Often, it’s the spur-of-the-moment escapes that your man may be able to do to get to you, so understand this instead of bickering about the promises that he can’t keep *duh!*.

12. The main chick is never your concern

Don’t expect your man to come to you and talk about his troubles with his wife or girlfriend. You are not his shrink, and you are not his friend. Most of all, one of the important side chick rules is to remember that it is none of your business.

In the same vein, don’t ask about his main chick, or even mention her name in a conversation. The reason for this is because if you get too involved, your conscience might get the best of you.

13. Never get caught

Any side chick can be great in bed, but only a great side chick will not get caught. Know your escape plans if ever things get rough. This means that you shouldn’t let your guard down, whether or not you’re with your man.

And if on the off-chance that you ever do get caught *which, again, should never be in the equation in the first place*, at least don’t get caught on your knees or with your pants down, if you know what we mean. [Read: 18 ingenious ways to catch a cheating partner]

14. Be clean and filthy

This is oxymoronic, but let’s explain. You have to look clean but act dirty. And by that, we mean in bed. He doesn’t need another wife or girlfriend to go to—he wants a vixen in bed. [Read: What men like in bed – 32 things they want and absolutely lust after]

The brutal truths of being a side chick

Now that you know all the side chick rules, we have to have a serious talk. Some girls accidentally fall into being a side chick, and then they are surprised by how complicated it can be.

Sure, it can be very exciting and fun, but nothing in life is risk-free. There are a lot of disadvantages to being a side chick too.

So, whether you are thinking about being a side chick soon, or even if you already are, think about these consequences of being in a love triangle.

1. If you’re single, you don’t leave room to meet someone else

If you don’t have a significant other of your own, then all the free time you spend with your “boyfriend” won’t leave you time for you to meet a real man who wants to be committed to you.

All your time and energy are going into being a side chick, and not finding The One for you. [Read: How to get a boyfriend – A no-nonsense guide to find a great guy]

2. If you’re taken, what about your partner’s – and his partner’s – feelings?

If you’re already in a relationship and you’re another guy’s side chick, then you have to consider how this would make your partner feel if he found out.

Also, think about his significant other’s feelings too. This would not make either of them feel good to know that you are having an affair. Is it worth the risk to deeply hurt one or two people?

3. You will never be his top priority

This should be kind of obvious if you’re the side chick *and we’ve talked about this in the side chick rules as well*, but sometimes it’s not. If you’re single, then you won’t ever have top priority to the guy who you’re seeing. He has his primary girlfriend *or wife*, and she will always be the one he puts first.

If you want to hang out on a Friday night, he won’t be able to if he has plans with his wife. You might feel like second best after a while.

4. You might get sick of being a “dirty little secret”

For some people, dirty little secrets are exciting and fun. Sure, they can be at first. But after some time, that exhilaration wears off, and real-life sets in.

If he always has to hide the fact that he knows you and can’t ever be seen out in public with you, that will definitely get old pretty quickly. [Read: The love triangle – Why it’s sexy, fun, complicated and very painful all at the same time]

5. Think about the morals and ethics

Don’t get offended here, you may be able to follow the side chick rules to the tee, but having an affair is kind of selfish on both of your parts. All you are doing is thinking about your feelings and excitement.

You’re not thinking about his partner or anyone else who might be involved. So, it’s wise to take a good look at where your ethics and morals stand.

6. It could lower your self-esteem

Since you will never really be in a “real” relationship when you are a side chick, this can eventually lower your self-esteem.

You might wonder why you aren’t good enough to be his “real” girlfriend. You might dream of the day that you two are really together, but then it might not happen. And you won’t feel good about yourself. [Read: How to walk away from being someone’s side chick and learn to be someone else’s main girl instead]

7. He may never leave her

He might say he loves you and can’t wait to be with you in a real relationship. But maybe his actions say otherwise.

So, if you’re waiting around for him to leave her, don’t hold your breath. Actions speak louder than words. Even if he does leave her for you, do you really want a partner who is already a cheater? [Read: 13 common types of affairs and 20 signs and reasons people get into one]

8. He’s not your real boyfriend

We all have events in life when we like to have our significant other present. It could be to have a date to your cousin’s wedding or for someone to be with during the holidays.

Well, one of the side chick rules is to kiss that goodbye. He’s not your real boyfriend so he won’t be there for you when you want or need him to be.

9. You can’t go public with him

Normal couples post photos of each other on social media. This shows that they are proud to be together and are happy.

But you can’t do that – and neither can he. In fact, you probably can’t even go to a restaurant together unless it is in a faraway town where his partner will never find out.

10. He probably doesn’t love you

Typically when you are a side chick, the guy will tell you he loves you. And you probably believe him. But does he really? He could just be telling you what you want to hear.

Love bombing you is a good way to string you along and get you to stick around for the long haul – for his benefit. [Read: Emotional affair – what it is, the stages, and 24 secret signs most don’t see]

11. If you get found out, it could get ugly

Eventually, his partner could wise up and figure out what’s going on between the two of you.

And you don’t know how she will handle this. She could freak out and hunt you down! Then, how are you going to deal with the aftermath of that? 

12. You deserve so much more

Yes, we’ve already said that being a side chick can be a lot of fun. It gives you a rush and makes you feel alive.

But at the end of the day, you really deserve so much more than being someone’s dirty little secret. You deserve a real love of your own. And if you are his side chick, you will never have that. [Read: How to end an affair and get over it even if you still love them]

Side chick, rules and final thoughts

He wants someone who will keep him company, yet keep things light, not ask too much from him, not tire him up or tie him down. That’s his main chick’s job.

Your job is to please him and make him keep coming back for you. So, if that’s what you decide to do, then so be it. But if you have reconsidered, then you should do something about it.

Being a side chick brings with it more complications than if you were just his main chick. However, there are some women who really just prefer to be a side chick. So you just really need to figure out what works for you. [Read: How to snag a rich boyfriend or a sugar daddy effortlessly]

Being a side chick and following these side chick rules free you from the expectations and disappointments, not to mention the intricacies, of being in a serious monogamous relationship.

On top of that, there’s the no-commitment, full-secrecy excitement that the whole setup brings. Does that sound good to you? Is that what you want?

[Read: 20 sly signs a married man is in love with you and can’t wait to seduce you]

By following these side chick rules, you can be an excellent side chick, minus all the drama. You get to have fun with your man, not worry about responsibilities and expectations, and get all the perks of being the girl he comes to for fun and great sex. Just think about everything before you jump into this situation to be 100% sure of your decision.