26 Pros, Cons & Ways to Pick and Ask a Guy to Be Friends with Benefits

You want to know how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits, but you don’t know how. Here is what to think about before you do it and how to do it right.

The actual act of knowing how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits is not the part you should be worried about. Nowadays texting is usually the way to go, and most guys will be on board.

But what you do have to do is make sure that right off the bat you make the right choices and are open about the situation. Friends with benefits can go south quickly if both parties aren’t on the same page!

So let’s talk about how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits the right way, and also the most important details to make sure you pick a guy who’s right for a hookup. But before we get there, let’s spend a minute to know the real pros and cons of being friends with benefits with a guy, and if you’re honestly ready for it.

The most important pros and cons of having a friend with benefits

Having non-committal sex with someone can sound like a great idea, regardless of your gender. But before you go trying to ask a guy to be friends with benefits, it’s important that you know the pros and the cons. That way, you can be fully informed and prepared for any outcome – good or bad.

Let’s start with the pros.

Pros

1. You get to have sex

Well, this is the obvious one now, isn’t it? That’s basically the whole point of having a friend with benefits. You get to have sex! And that’s always a good thing, right?

You don’t have to wait to find “The One” and be in a relationship to get intimate again. [Read: How does being friends being best friends with benefits really work out?]

2. You don’t have to put any romantic effort into the “relationship”

Let’s face it – sometimes being in a romantic relationship comes with a lot of expectations. Presents, schedules, holidays… all of that. But you don’t have to worry about that with your friends with benefits.

3. You can focus your energy on other things

When you have a normal committed relationship, you always have the obligation of seeing your partner on a regular basis.

But with a friend with benefits situation, you are much more independent and your time can be spent on other things.

4. You don’t have to wonder when you’ll have sex again

When you’re single for a long time, it might feel like you will never have sex again because you’re not in a relationship.

But you don’t have to wait to find a committed partner in order to have sex if you have a friend with benefits. [Read: Having sex with friends – The good and bad of being sex buddies]

5. He will keep you company

Depending on how close you are, he will give you some male company. Instead of sitting alone and watching Netflix, he might stick around and could even cuddle with you on the couch after your sexual encounters.

6. It could lead to a relationship

This is a tricky one, but it could happen. A lot of girls think they can “sex a guy into a relationship.” In other words, if she gives him sex, he will automatically want a relationship with her.

It could happen, but don’t get your hopes up too much. [Read: 26 ways to make your hookup miss you and hook them into falling for you]

Cons

7. You might fall for him

You might already have feelings for him and you think that if he has sex with you that he will fall for you too.

But as we just said, that may not happen. And even if you don’t think you’ll fall for him, you might end up doing just that. [Read: Requited love – 17 ways to turn unrequited love into reciprocation]

8. He might fall for you

On the flip side, maybe you don’t even like his personality that much but you think he’s hot. You won’t end up falling for him, but he might end up falling for you. That isn’t a good scenario either because then you will break his heart.

9. There is a lot of uncertainty

With a committed relationship, there are a lot of routine and predictable patterns to your relationship which a lot of people like.

But when you have a friend with benefits, everything is more up in the air and there is a lot more uncertainty.

10. He won’t be there for you emotionally

One of the benefits of a real relationship is that your boyfriend loves you and will be there for you when you are emotional. But a friend with benefits isn’t going to do that for you most likely. [Read: How to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love]

11. You might get jealous

If you are just friends with benefits with a guy, he might be dating other girls. This could make you jealous. He might even find someone he wants to be in a committed relationship with, and that would definitely bring out the green-eyed monster in you.

12. It could lead to heartbreak

If you fall for him and he doesn’t feel the same way, you might end up heartbroken. And as we just said, what if he finds someone he wants to have a real relationship with?

This could definitely hurt your self-esteem because you’ll wonder, “why didn’t he want me?” [Read: What does friends with benefits mean to a guy? Do guys get hooked?]

Don’t expect a certain answer

Although plenty of guys would be over the moon for this type of offer, it is not for everyone. Before getting into the nitty-gritty remember that he can say no or he may want to think about it.

Just because friends with benefits equals no strings attached, that doesn’t mean it is an easy situation to enter into. There is a lot to consider. [Read: 25 friends with benefits rules you should never ever ignore]

Think about why you want a friend with benefits

Before getting too far into this situation, think about why you prefer a friend with benefits situation over a relationship.

Of course, you want sex, but is there a reason you won’t want a relationship? And are you sure of it? Don’t be one of those girls who jump into a hookup hoping it’ll turn into something more. Or don’t sleep with a guy hoping that he’ll cure your boredom and loneliness, and make you happy again. If you’re not happy on your own, this situation won’t fix anything.

In fact, hooking up with a guy just to feel “whole” again may make you feel worse and more alone than ever. [Read: 28 truths about feeling alone in a relationship and how to fix it ASAP]

Before you ask a guy to be your friend with benefits, it is important to remain self-aware. If you are too busy with work to commit to a relationship or just want something casual because you’re fresh out of a relationship, great.

But this is not a cure-all for relationship woes and certainly is not a relationship replacement. You need to be in the right frame of mind and emotional stability to separate sexual pleasure from love, and enjoy this hookup for what it is – a good orgasm when you’re bored and have nothing better to do.

[Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re actually ready for it]

How to pick a guy to be friends with benefits

Although it seems casual and fun to have a friend with benefits, you have to know the right kind of guy to choose.

If you choose the wrong one, things can turn out badly. So, here are some things you need to keep in mind during the process of finding the right one.

1. Pick someone you trust

The whole idea of friends with benefits is that you pick someone who is a friend. It does not have to be a close friend or a best friend, but someone that you know you don’t have actual feelings for and vice versa. 

This way you are aware that you are comfortable with this person and trust them enough that when you sign on for this arrangement you know they’ll keep their word. [Read: The signs to know if meaningless sex is for you or not]

2. Choose someone you get along with 

Being friends with benefits with someone you don’t get along with is not the best idea. Yes, angry sex can be passionate, but friends with benefits was created to remove the drama and chaos of a relationship, not add to it.

Choose someone you know you don’t lock heads with. Just headboards!

3. Avoid anyone you have a past with

Friends with benefits should not be entered into by exes or someone you used to have feelings for. You should also make sure this person never had feelings for you.

Of course, being attracted to one another is important, but if actual feelings were on the table before, they are bound to return. 

How to ask a guy to be friends with benefits

Now that you know the pros and cons, why you want this, and how to pick a guy for friends with benefits, let’s talk about how you can do it right.

Asking a guy to be friends with benefits is not as nerve-racking as asking a guy out. Rejection will burn less and hopefully, your feelings won’t be hurt, maybe just your ego. 

So go in with confidence, and openness, and make sure you have a game plan.

1. Be straightforward

From the moment you ask this guy if he’s interested in casual sex, you should be straightforward. If you’re wondering how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits, don’t beat around the bush or butter him up with compliments because that might feel like a date.

For reference, watch Friends With Benefits or No Strings Attached for some examples of how to go about this part. [Read: How to start a friends with benefits relationship with someone]

2. Keep things drama free

It is a common movie quote. Sex makes things complicated, but it doesn’t have to. You can keep things drama-free as long as you tell each other what’s up.

If you are seeing someone else, tell your friends with benefits because drama would be running into your FWB with their date and being caught off guard. 

3. Give a reason

As a part of staying on the same page, you should be able to offer him a reason as to why you want to enter into this and why you picked him.

Tell him that you like him and are attracted to him but just aren’t in the right headspace for a relationship. This seems like the perfect arrangement. This way you both know where the other is coming from. 

4. Set ground rules

This may be the most important part that you need to keep in mind when you’re trying to figure out how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits. Without rules, things tend to get messy. 

Are you both seeing other people? Are you informing one another if you have sex with someone else? Are you going to share meals or sleep over at each other’s places? What method of birth control are you relying on? These are all things you need to decide on before starting things out.

This may be what makes relationships scary or even less romantic, but thankfully this is not a relationship. [Read: 14 things you have to teach your new FWB partner]

5. Maintain the friendship

Your friendship should stay how it was before this. If you hung out once a month in a group, then keep doing that. If you only saw each other a few times a year, stick to those social gatherings.

If too many changes outside of the benefits part of the situation it can be difficult to navigate.

6. Agree things will end eventually

Friends with benefits is not a marriage, which means it will end eventually. So before starting things make sure you are both verbally aware that this will not be forever.

Agree on the terms. Will you pick things up next time you’re both single? Is this a six-month thing? How will you end it when the time comes? [Read: How to remain friends after you end a FWB relationship]

7. Talk about what happens afterward

Ending things will be weird no matter how much you prepare so try to sort things out beforehand. Ask him if after things end you will maintain the friendship as normal or if you will take some time apart. 

If you end because one of you got into a new relationship, will you tell that person? Will that make things weird for your friendship? These are all things you should discuss.

8. Will you tell people? 

This is another big thing in any friends with benefits agreement. If you share a friend group, will they be able to tell something is going on? Are you keeping things on the down-low?

Do you have roommates? Are you going to sneak around or just tell a couple of people that need to know?

9. What if someone catches feelings? 

This is always a possibility, no matter how much you or he refuses to believe it. So talk about the possibility.

Are you both open to potential dating down the line? Or should one of you end it if feelings pop up? [Read: How to properly break up with a friend with benefits]

10. Set a routine? 

This may sound boring, but setting a routine can make this even more smooth. Are you going to stick to his place or yours?

Are you avoiding the weekends and just getting together during the week? This will help with making plans and dealing with details later.

11. What do you like? 

You are friends with benefits so most likely sex is on the table. And because you probably aren’t as scared to hurt his feelings as someone you would potentially be dating, you can share what you like and what you don’t right from the start.

Let him know what is on and off the table from the start so there are no surprises.

[Read: Sleeping with a friend – The no-regrets guide to doing it right]

Are you still wondering how to ask a guy to be friends with benefits? Hopefully not. With these suggestions, you should be good to go with your no strings attached sex friends agreement.