How to Make Him Regret Hurting You: 17 Right Ways & What NOT to Do

If you have been betrayed by him, you’re angry and feeling a lot of pain. So, here is how to make him regret hurting you the right way.

There is satisfaction in knowing that the person who hurt you deeply regrets it. When he hurts you, you want to learn how to make him regret hurting you. You want to know that they are suffering from how they made you suffer.

And it is super tempting to do whatever it takes to get that vengeance. But, is that really smart?

As indulgent as revenge sounds, making him regret hurting you can be pretty gosh darn problematic. Not only does it prevent you from moving on, but it keeps him at the forefront of your mind.

Instead of focusing on you and your future, you are focusing on how he feels. A lot of people know how it feels to want the guy that hurt you to hurt right back, but sometimes it is best just to move on and leave him in the past.

Now, if you can’t seem to let go of this need for him to regret hurting you or you are just petty, there are ways to ensure he regrets hurting you and there are ways not to. [Read: Cold, calculated moves to hit back and get even]

Does he already regret hurting you?

First things first, does he already regret hurting you? Just because you haven’t heard from him and he hasn’t begged for you to come back and forgive him, it doesn’t mean he wishes he hadn’t done whatever he did.

He may be too proud to come crawling back or he just thinks you’ll never give him another chance. But, before taking action, find out the truth.

Ask his friends how he’s doing. Is he fine? Is he dating again? Or is he sad and missing you? Did he return all your stuff or is he clinging to it when he cries himself to sleep listening to your song and posting sad Facebook statuses?

If he already feels like crap for hurting you, you get the reward without any work. Congratulations. He already regrets hurting you. You can just let him continue suffering while you move on knowing this is his mistake.

But, if you can’t find out or know he doesn’t regret what he did, there is more you can do. [Read: How to be classy – 20 traits that command respect and awe]

Should you make him regret hurting you?

Getting revenge is not exactly healthy. Whether you want to get back at him, make him hurt, to make him rue the day he met you, this is a pretty negative headspace to get into. Focusing on destroying his life or just his emotions is not a very nice thing to do.

Just because he treated you badly doesn’t mean you should do the same to him. Two wrongs don’t make a right. And here’s another cliche: treat others as you want to be treated.

Being a good person is about not expecting anything in return. Moving on gracefully is definitely a more healthy path, but there is often the attraction and temptation of knowing he is squirming in the mistakes he made. [Read: How and why to get revenge on your ex – 20 healthy and effed up ways]

Here are some reasons why you should never seek revenge.

1. It won’t make you feel better

Buddha has a saying that says, “holding on to resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

The same is true for revenge. You think it will make you feel better, but it won’t. Even if revenge might seem logical to you – or even inevitable – you won’t feel good afterward.

Sure, you want to get relief from the pain he made you feel or to make him feel the same way. However, people who seek revenge instead of forgiving or letting it go actually feel worse in the long run.

You might look back and feel bad about yourself for acting like such a jerk – no worse than him. Instead, you should channel your energy into moving forward with positivity. [Read: How and why to get revenge on your ex – 20 healthy and effed up ways]

2. You will probably feel worse

If you think you’re a good person, the causing him pain or distress in his life, whether you think he deserves it or not, won’t make you feel good. You will eventually feel guilt, regret, or even sad. These feelings can last a long time and will weigh on your conscience.

Your emotions are running high right now. And people don’t make good decisions when their emotions are running wild.

So, you feel hurt or betrayed right now, but you will eventually put those feelings behind you. And if you do something to get revenge, this makes moving on more difficult. Plus, those actions will just make you look bad. [Read: Dumper’s regret – The stages and timeline of regretting dumping someone]

3. You could get the opposite reaction

If you want to get revenge and have him regret hurting you, then you might think that it will make him want you back. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth. It could definitely backfire on you. [Read: How to get back at your ex – 23 fun, classy ways to get revenge]

So, you should really think about the consequences of your actions. You might get into trouble with the law or someone else. And you might even put yourself in harm’s way. What could really be gained by that? It’s a lot better to just prevent yourself from experiencing even more trauma than you already have.

4. It’s a waste of time

As the saying goes, life is short. And it really is! Why would you want to waste your time on someone who doesn’t even deserve your attention anymore? 

He’s proven he’s not worthy of you, so why would you bother getting revenge? You could be doing a lot more things that are worthwhile with your life rather than spending it hurting him. [Read: He cheated on you? How to get over a guy without seeking revenge]

5. As they say, karma is a b*itch

Karma is the law of the universe that says what you give out, you get back in return. So, if you hurt him, you’re just going to get hurt again. It might not be by him, but someone else. 

You should live by the Golden Rule – treat others as you want to be treated. If you take the high road and treat other people with kindness *including him* then you will get kindness in return.

6. Two wrongs don’t make a right

Ah, another great saying that has 100% truth to it. Seeking revenge on him isn’t going to undo what he did to you. The past is the past. It happened. He hurt you. So, if you hurt him back, how is that going to make it better? [Read: An ex’s revenge – “My ex’s rumors ruined me”]

When you’re angry and depressed, you can’t see through the cloud of your negative emotions. And when you’re in that mental state, you probably will forget that two wrongs don’t make a right. But it’s true.

7. What if he retaliates?

If you get revenge on him for hurting you, what is there to stop him from getting back at you for getting revenge on him? Do you see the point? This could get you caught in an endless revenge loop. And do you think anything about that is healthy? Of course not.

These are all the reasons why it’s best to not get revenge – even if you want him to regret hurting you. You are the better person, so take the high road. [Read: How to make your ex jealous and leave them begging for forgiveness]

Now that we have convinced you to not go the revenge route, here are some do’s and don’ts of some better ways you can make him regret hurting you.

How NOT to make him regret hurting you

If you have settled on making him regret hurting you, there are some things you should know before getting started.

If this guy totally ruined your life or hurt you physically, by all means, take him down like Cameron Diaz, Kate Upton, and Leslie Mann did in The Other Woman, but otherwise try to be mature about it. Here are some guidelines for those of you with uncontrollable rage.

1. Do NOT do anything reckless

It is easy to let anger and pain blind you in these situations. You can become so enveloped in your need for him to regret what he did to you that you lose all sight of rationality.

You can make him regret hurting you without doing anything risky or reckless. And, you do not need to put your friendships or job in jeopardy just to stick it to him. Trust me, it is not worth it. [Read: Dealing with heartbreak – 18 easy steps to do it the right way]

2. Do NOT destroy his livelihood

It can be tempting to lie to his human resources department and get him fired. It can be tempting to splash an exposing picture of him online. But, even though he hurt you emotionally, it does not correspond to his life in this way.

You left this hurt with your independence. Don’t ruin his life because he broke your heart. [Read: How to find closure within yourself after a relationship ends]

3. Do NOT impact the rest of his life

Similarly to his job, try not to affect the rest of his life. Sure if he is dating someone that didn’t know he was cheating, go ahead and tell her. But if he is married, especially with children, try to let it go. You got out and the rest is his business.

Even if you just feel like the messenger delivering his true form to his friends and family, it is not worth it to mess up all their lives. He is the one that hurt you, not everyone else in his life.

4. Do NOT do what he did

Whether he cheated, lied, or forgot your birthday, do not react by doing what he did. All that does is lower you to his level. What you have right now is your dignity.

By giving him a taste of his own medicine, it will affect you more than it will him. [Read: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything I learned from it]

5. Do NOT make him a priority

This may be the most important thing NOT to do when you want him to regret hurting you. Focusing on him once he’s hurt you gives him all the power over you.

The best way to make him regret hurting you is to take control of your own life and let go of him. [Read: How to move on from a relationship in a happy and healthy way]

How to make him regret hurting you

Now you know what to avoid when learning how to make him regret hurting you. But there are some things you can and should do during this process.

Not only will this make him realize he made a huge mistake when he hurt you, but it will make you feel so much better.

1. Make yourself priority number one

Focus on you. The best way to make someone regret losing you or hurting you is to put all your effort into yourself. You no longer have to worry about him or your relationship.

Focus on your career. Put all your energy into your favorite hobby. Spend more time with the people in your life that empower you. When you focus on yourself, he loses all the power he has over you when he hurt you.

2. Make the most of single life

Instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re single or that you wasted time on him, enjoy your life now. Go on dates or just enjoy your time alone.

Thrive on being single. Work on yourself. Go to therapy or start exercising. Learn a new skill. When you can show him that you are happier alone than you were with him, he will know what a mistake he made. [Read: How to make yourself happy – 20 habits of incredibly happy people]

3. Do what you couldn’t do with him

Go out with all the friends you rarely saw when you were with him. Did he hate sushi? Order all the sushi you want. All the time he consumed in your life is free now.

Do all the things he didn’t like. Did he hate when you wore your hair up or didn’t shave? Go all out and enjoy your freedom.

4. Forget him

For a while he will creep into your mind and memories will spring up. But whenever that happens, focus on something else. Eventually, there will be days and even weeks where you don’t think about him.

This is the best revenge if you’re wondering how to make him regret hurting you. Losing all affection and thoughts for him is what will make him nuts. Knowing you are over him and better than ever is the best way to make him regret hurting you. [Read: 14 ways to unlove someone and conquer the impossible]

5. Live your best life

Go out and live your absolute best life. Do not let him or him hurting you control your life, your actions, or your thoughts. It really is not worth it.

Go out and do what makes you genuinely happy.

[Read: How to behave during a breakup and leave with your head held high]

The best way to learn how to make him regret hurting you is to learn how to control your own life without any of him, his words or his actions influencing you.