Why Does Sex Hurt: 31 Causes of Painful Sex & 8 Ways to Deal With Them

If you’re experiencing painful sex, it could be caused by a serious illness that might require medical attention. Read on for its most common causes.

Sex is meant to be a pleasurable and intimate thing, but for some, it just doesn’t feel enjoyable at all. While painful sex is often associated with a variety of health conditions, it can also be caused by psychological and emotional issues.

Pain during sex, if very mild, can often be nothing serious to be alarmed about. Some slight pain during sex may sometimes be caused by little issues such as a lack of foreplay, or just a bad angle during penetration.

However, when the pain is intense or frequent, you should seek medical attention as soon as possible. It is much better to be safe than sorry since pain is not a natural feeling to experience while having sex. [Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom & leave you horny 24/7]

Is Sex Supposed to Hurt?

There’s a widespread misconception that sex, especially the first time, is inherently painful. This belief has been perpetuated through various cultural narratives and personal anecdotes, leading many to accept discomfort or even pain as a normal part of the sexual experience. However, it’s crucial to challenge this idea and set the record straight: sex is not supposed to be painful.

While it’s true that initial sexual experiences can involve a degree of discomfort due to nervousness, lack of experience, or uncertainty about what to expect, it’s important to differentiate this from actual pain. [Read: Sex for the first time: 37 must-knows & secrets about losing your virginity]

The belief that losing one’s virginity is always painful, particularly for women, is a myth that overlooks the importance of factors like emotional readiness, sufficient arousal, and lubrication. When these factors are addressed, the experience can be comfortable and enjoyable rather than painful.

Similarly, the notion that sex is sometimes supposed to hurt during regular sexual activities is another misconception. Painful sex is a sign that something is amiss – it could be a matter of technique, such as insufficient foreplay or lubrication, or it might indicate an underlying health issue.

Accepting pain as a normal part of sex can lead to a cycle of discomfort and anxiety around sexual activity, which is neither healthy nor necessary. [Read: Sexual anxiety: 25 secrets to not feel nervous about having sex & enjoy it]

The Most Common Causes of Painful Sex For Women

If you often experience pain during intercourse with your partner, and no remedy seems to be working, the following may be the culprits:

1. Lack of Lubrication

Insufficient lubrication is one of the main causes of painful sex for a female, and in many cases, men also feel discomfort when there’s not enough lube. It can be caused by insufficient arousal, possibly resulting from a lack of foreplay, but it can also be caused by a range of other factors.

Some medications have been linked to decreased levels of arousal, which also affect lubrication levels. Birth control, allergy medications, sedatives, antidepressants, and high blood pressure medications are known to cause lowered levels of arousal in women.

Decreased estrogen levels after having a child, while breastfeeding, and after menopause can also cause insufficient lubrication. [Read: Dry down there all of a sudden? Fastest ways to go from parched to wet]

If lubrication is the problem, ask your doctor if a change of medication is possible, as it results in an inability to enjoy sex. If medication is not the concern, or age may be a factor, store-bought lubricant can make a huge difference in making the sexual experience more pleasurable and comfortable. [Read: How to get turned on: 26 sexy secrets to turn yourself on & get in the mood]

2. Infection or Inflammation

Infections are common causes of irritation and inflammation linked to pain during sex. Rough sex is also a factor that causes inflammation and swelling in the vaginal cavity, making penetration difficult.

Yeast infections, also incredibly common, can lead to itching and burning during sex. Even a urinary tract infection, can give you an unpleasant, tingly, or burning sensation while having sex.

3. Trauma, Injury, or Surgery

Painful sex can also be caused by trauma or injury following an accident or surgery, such as a pelvic surgery or a fracture.

Episiotomy, which is the emergency surgery to increase the size of the birth canal while in labor, is also considered a type of trauma that can result in painful sex. Female circumcision, though less common in the Western world, can also cause excruciating pain during intercourse.

Cancer treatments, including chemo and radiation therapy, can affect the sensations in the vagina, causing painful penetration. A hysterectomy or other pelvic surgeries can also cause unwelcome changes down there. [Read: Man down! Why he’s losing an erection & 22 ways to help him get back up]

4. Illness or a Health Condition

A range of illnesses and serious health conditions can make sex a less than pleasant experience. Pelvic inflammatory disease, an ectopic pregnancy, uterine prolapse, retroverted uterus, cystitis, uterine fibroids, irritable bowel syndrome, ovarian cysts, endometriosis, and hemorrhoids are all culprits that cause severe pain during sex.

These conditions range from moderate to severe and often require antibiotics and prescription medication in order to heal properly.

Vaginismus is another prevalent condition that causes muscle spasms within the walls of the vagina, and it causes incredible pain. Without seeking medical examination, you may ignore the warning signs, and thus make the problem worse.

5. Sexually Transmitted Diseases

STDs are a common cause of painful sex, and the symptoms of the disease can also be intensified by engaging in penetration without treatment. These symptoms can also be passed to your sexual partner, making it just as uncomfortable to have sex for them as well.

Herpes, genital warts, and HPV can all lead to pain, though symptoms are not always recognized in the early stages. [Read: Common problems “down there” that you shouldn’t ignore]

6. Childbirth

An ectopic pregnancy can make for a very rough recovery and uncomfortable sex. In addition, having sex too soon after giving birth *less than 6 weeks* can be just as dreadful if the vaginal canal hasn’t healed properly yet.

Sometimes, a woman’s vaginal opening may be cut to allow a larger opening for the baby to come through, and this requires sufficient healing time to prevent complications or infection.EndometriosisSometimes, a woman’s vaginal opening may be cut to allow a larger opening for the baby to come through, and this requires sufficient healing time to prevent complications or infection.

It is important to wait 6 weeks, or as long as is recommended by your doctor, before having sex if you have recently given birth. You should also steer clear of any rough play until everything down there is back to normal. [Read: Tips for reviving your sex life after having a baby]

7. Menopause-Related Changes

As estrogen levels drop during menopause, women may experience thinning and inflammation of the vaginal walls, known as atrophic vaginitis.

This can make sex feel like a friction burn, really raw and sensitive. [Read: How to increase the female libido: 21 libido boosting methods]

8. Anxiety and Stress

Whether it’s due to sky-high paperwork due tomorrow, personal issues, or just the everyday hustle and bustle, these mental states can lead to a tenseness throughout the body, including the pelvic floor muscles.

This tension can make penetration during sex painful. It’s as if your body is in a constant state of high alert, and this added tension can make everything feel more sensitive and tight. The heightened sensitivity isn’t just a mental state, it translates into physical reactions that can significantly impact your sexual experience.

9. Past Trauma or Abuse

Sexual trauma can leave both physical and emotional scars, leading to a pain that’s deeply rooted in past experiences. This pain can be a complex mix of physical discomfort and emotional distress, often requiring professional therapy to heal. [Read: Trauma bonding in relationships: 35 signs & secrets to unmask & escape]

10. Relationship Issues

You know how when there’s unresolved stuff in a relationship, like some lingering resentment or just feeling out of sync with each other, it can actually start to mess with your physical connection?

During sex, you might start feeling this sort of dull ache, which can get worse if you guys don’t sort out those emotional issues. It’s pretty wild how our bodies can pick up on emotional tension and turn it into actual physical discomfort.

If you’ve been having a lot of unsolved arguments or just not feeling connected lately, your body might be reacting to that during intimate moments. It’s like a nudge from your body saying, “Hey, let’s deal with these feelings.”

11. Hormonal Fluctuations

It’s not just during the big life changes like menopause or pregnancy that our hormones go on a bit of a rollercoaster. Even regular stuff like your monthly period can play a huge role in how comfortable you feel during sex.

Think about it – right before and during your period, your body is going through a whole hormone dance, which can totally change how things feel down there. It might be more sensitive, a bit sore, or just not as into it as usual. All these fluctuations can make sex feel different from one day to the next. [Read: Why oxytocin can be toxic to flawed relationships]

It’s pretty fascinating *and sometimes annoying* how our bodies work, but being in tune with these changes can help you understand why sex might feel different at various times of the month or during different life stages.

12. Allergic Reactions

Imagine having an allergic reaction – you know, that annoying itching, the unbearable burning – but it’s happening in a really sensitive area, like during sex.

This can actually happen if you’re allergic to stuff like latex in condoms or certain spermicides. The area gets all irritated and super sensitive, making sex go from fun to uh-oh real quick.

It’s important to keep an eye out for these reactions, especially if you notice discomfort right after using a new product.

13. Surgical Scars

Scarring from surgeries like hysterectomies can cause discomfort or pain during sex. The pain often feels sharp and localized, related to the area of the scar tissue.

14. Medications

Certain medications, especially those affecting hormones, can lead to decreased lubrication and libido, making sex uncomfortable. It’s a kind of dry, dragging discomfort that can make sexual activity less enjoyable.

15. Psychological and Emotional Causes

There are quite a few emotional and psychological causes that make sex largely uncomfortable. Stress is a factor that tightens the muscles in your pelvic region as a result, and this can cause discomfort and difficulty during sex. [Read: How to reduce stress: 17 fastest hacks to a calmer & happier life]

Deep-seated insecurity, depression, anxiety, low self-worth, body image issues, relationship conflicts, or being afraid of intimacy are also possible causes.

Sexual abuse at any point in your life could also affect your views on sex as an intimate and safe act between consenting individuals. The emotional trauma as a result of sexual abuse could cause physical symptoms to manifest while having sex. Having fear associated with sex can also cause you to tighten your pelvic muscles, which often causes discomfort during penetration.

If you feel that sex is painful for you because of an emotional or psychological issue, a therapist may be able to help you deal with the problem, so that you may later enjoy the pleasures of sex.

Painful Sex For Males

Here are the signs to watch out for when you’re getting an uncomfortable or painful feeling under your belt—not only when you are having intercourse, but during urination as well:

1. Swollen Balls

When you feel pain when you urinate, your balls seem to be swollen, and you have unusual penile discharge, you may have chlamydia, one of the most common STIs, caused by a bacterial infection. [Read: Blue balls: Why guys get epididymal hypertension & how to cure it ASAP]

2. Yellow or Green?

When you have swollen balls, pain when urinating, AND there is a green or yellow discharge from your penis, you may have contracted gonorrhea, a sexually transmitted infection also caused by a bacteria.

3. Blisters

Blisters on your genitals accompanied by tingling, itching, and burning sensations on the blisters are caused by the herpes simplex virus. Women are susceptible to this virus and these symptoms as well. [Read: Healthy testicles: Tests to keep your balls in check]

4. A Little Sore

If you see and feel a very small, firm, and painless sore on your penis, anus, or lips, you may have syphilis. Although you will feel no pain during intercourse, you have to watch out for sores like this because this gives you an increased risk of developing HIV. [Read: Painful sex: 11 health reasons why sex is painful for men]

Experiencing painful symptoms in the genital area while having sex may make you afraid to tell your partner or even your doctors. You may be scared and embarrassed to know the real cause of your pain and discomfort.

5. Prostatitis

Picture this – you’re at that crucial moment, about to finish, and instead of the usual good feelings, you’re hit with this deep, dull aching pain right in your pelvis. That’s often what prostatitis feels like.

It’s an inflammation of the prostate gland and can really make things uncomfortable. This kind of pain can sneak up during ejaculation, turning what should be a moment of pleasure into a pretty unpleasant experience.

The pain isn’t just a minor annoyance either, it can be quite intense and linger, making sexual activity something you might be wary of.

6. Epididymitis

An inflammation of the epididymis, often caused by an infection. The pain can range from a mild ache to severe discomfort, often radiating to the lower abdomen or back.

7. Peyronie’s Disease

Peyronie’s is often described as this sharp, localized pain that hits you during an erection. What happens here is that a fibrous scar tissue starts developing in the penis, and this is what causes your erections to curve and become painful.

We’re talking about a pain that really grabs your attention, making what should be a pleasurable experience anything but. This curve can be pretty noticeable, and for some guys, it’s a serious source of stress and anxiety, not to mention how it can throw a wrench in your sex life.

8. Foreskin Problems

Conditions like phimosis *tight foreskin* or balanitis *inflammation of the foreskin* can make sex painful. This often feels like a tight, constricting pain, or a raw, irritated sensation in the foreskin area. [Read: Circumcised vs. uncircumcised penis: The honest truth about which is better]

9. Urinary Tract Infection *UTI*

While less common in men, UTIs can cause a burning pain during urination, which can also affect sexual activity. It feels like a sharp, burning sensation in the urethra, both during and outside of sexual activity.

10. Testicular Torsion

This one’s a real emergency situation where the testicle twists and cuts off its own blood supply. The pain that comes with it is sudden, severe, and sharp – it’s definitely something you can’t miss and absolutely wouldn’t want to experience. It’s the kind of intense pain that screams for immediate medical attention.

Trust us, this isn’t something you can just brush off or wait out, it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. If you ever find yourself in this kind of pain, it’s straight to the ER, no delays.

11. Penile Fracture

Another one of those things you want to avoid at all costs. Although it’s rare, a forceful bend of the erect penis can cause a fracture and it’s as painful as it sounds. This kind of injury is often a result of rough sex or an awkward accident, and the pain is both acute and severe. [Read: Broken penis: How it feels, 41 signs, causes, fixes & sex positions to avoid]

It’s not just the pain, either – you might see swelling and bruising as well. If you ever find yourself in this situation, it’s crucial to get medical help right away.

A penile fracture is a serious injury that requires immediate attention to prevent permanent damage. So, while getting adventurous can be fun, it’s also important to be mindful of the risks involved.

12. Sexually Transmitted Infections *STIs*

You know how we always hear about playing it safe? Well, here’s a big reason why. STIs can really mess with your sex life, causing pain that ranges from a burning sensation to a deep, internal ache.

And it’s not just about the pain – STIs often come with other fun stuff like sores, itching, or weird discharge. The kicker here is that these infections are communicable, meaning you can pass them on to your partner.

13. Allergic Reactions

Allergies to stuff like latex or certain lubricants aren’t just a concern for women. Guys, you’re in this boat too. If you’re using a latex condom or a particular lubricant and start feeling an itchy, burning sensation on your skin, it could very well be an allergic reaction. It’s like your skin is throwing a fit, getting all irritated and uncomfortable.

The good news is there are plenty of alternatives out there, like non-latex condoms and hypoallergenic lubricants.

14. Overuse or Injury

It sure is fun to be sexually active, but just like with anything else, too much of a good thing can sometimes lead to problems. If you find yourself engaging in sex multiple times a day, every day, you might start to notice some uncomfortable symptoms. [Read: Sex flush: The real reasons your body and face turn red during sex]

Repetitive activity or even an accidental injury during sex can lead to pain that feels like a strain or soreness in the pelvic area or genitals.

Just as athletes need rest days to perform their best, your body needs time to recuperate from frequent sexual activity to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life.

15. Hypersensitivity of the Penis

Hypersensitivity of the penis can lead to painful sensations during sexual activity, where even mild stimulation might feel overwhelming.

Nerve damage or issues such as neuralgia can increase sensitivity, often due to injury or a surgical procedure. Inflammatory conditions or infections, including balanitis or sexually transmitted infections, can also make the penis overly sensitive.

Additionally, skin conditions like eczema or psoriasis affecting the genital area can contribute to this increased sensitivity.

16. Psychological Factors

As mentioned above, anxiety and stress aren’t just issues for women. They can significantly affect men’s sexual experiences too. When you’re dealing with things like performance pressure or general life stressors, it can actually manifest as physical pain during sex.

It’s not uncommon to feel a kind of tightness or general discomfort, and the thing is, it’s not linked to any specific physical issue. It’s more about how your mental state is playing out in your body. [Read: How to deal with a depressed person: Ways that honor them]

This kind of pain is a signal from your body saying that the stress or anxiety is getting too much, and it’s affecting more than just your mood.

What to Do When Sex is Painful

When it comes to addressing painful sex, there are several strategies you can employ to make your experiences more comfortable and enjoyable.

1. Tell Your Partner

Open and honest communication with your partner is crucial. Explain what you’re feeling without placing blame. It’s about finding solutions together.

Remember, your partner can’t read your mind, so sharing your experiences is key to improving your sex life. This could lead to a deeper understanding and connection, making sex more enjoyable for both of you.

2. Take Time on Foreplay

Adequate foreplay is essential for comfortable sex, too. It helps with natural lubrication and relaxation, making penetration easier.

Don’t hesitate to spend plenty of time on foreplay – it’s not just a prelude to sex but an integral part of the entire experience. Think of it as setting the stage for a more comfortable and enjoyable experience. [Read: Sexual foreplay: 26 lusty secrets to do it well & make them hot & horny]

3. Try Different Positions

Experimenting with various sexual positions can help reduce discomfort. Some positions allow for more control over the depth and speed of penetration, which can make a big difference in comfort.

It’s a process of trial and error – what works for one couple might not work for another. Be open to exploring and finding what feels best for you.

4. Relaxation Techniques

If stress and tension are causing the pain during sex, practices like deep breathing, meditation, or even a warm bath before sex can help relax your body. A relaxed body is more likely to respond positively to sexual stimulation, reducing the chances of painful sex.

5. Over-the-Counter Remedies

For issues like vaginal dryness, over-the-counter lubricants and moisturizers can be helpful. If you’re experiencing mild irritation or discomfort, these products can offer immediate relief.

However, it’s important to understand when to seek professional medical advice – if the pain is persistent or severe, it’s time to consult a healthcare provider.

6. Pelvic Floor Exercises

Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles through exercises like Kegels can improve sexual function and reduce pain.

These exercises help in improving control over these muscles, which can be beneficial, especially for conditions like vaginismus. [Read: Real pussy power: How to strengthen your vaginal muscles]

7. Educate Yourself

Understanding the anatomy and how sexual response works can empower you to make better decisions about your sexual health. Sometimes, knowing what’s normal and what’s not can alleviate a lot of anxiety and stress related to painful sex.

8. Seek Professional Help

If painful sex is a recurring issue, don’t hesitate to reach out to a healthcare professional. It’s super important to get a proper diagnosis and explore treatment options.

More than just alleviating the pain and discomfort, it’s about ensuring you can enjoy a healthy, satisfying sex life. This becomes especially crucial in emergency situations like a penile fracture, where delaying medical care could lead to serious complications.

Similarly, if there’s even a slight possibility that your pain could be due to an STI, getting checked out is critical. STIs can have long-term health consequences if left untreated, and they can also be passed on to your partner.

Sex is Not Meant to be a Painful or Traumatic Experience

Painful sex is not an uncommon experience. A variety of women can experience this at some point in their lives. Some causes of painful sex can be temporary, whereas others can be serious, or even fatal if left untreated. It is important to know exactly what’s going on in your body, and seek medical assistance if there is any kind of pain.

Waiting too long to get treatment can lead to potentially devastating consequences, and it is essential that you also book regular appointments with your gynecologist. A full physical examination is also necessary to make sure an infection hasn’t been left unchecked so long that it’s travelled through your blood stream.

Most importantly, realize that you are not alone, and that you can overcome the issues causing you to be unable to enjoy sex as you should. There is no shame in seeking help for problems that arise in your sex life. Sexual intimacy is a natural and beautiful thing, so be sure to get assessed if you often experience discomfort.

[Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]

Sex is not meant to be a painful or traumatic experience. However, if you are experiencing painful sex, it may be caused by any of these factors.