When Your Boyfriend Is Mad At You: 19 Must-Do’s For the Sake of Love

Relationships can be difficult – everyone knows that. So, when your boyfriend is mad at you, what can you do? Here are the steps you need to take.

Every relationship goes through rough times, and your boyfriend might be mad at you. There will be instances when either one of you has done something wrong and made the other mad.

While you, as a woman, may prefer that your guy makes amends so that you can feel better immediately, the same is not the case for most men.

Maybe you can’t stand to go to bed angry, but for your guy, sleeping it off is just what he needs to clear his head. Whatever the case is, if it’s you who’s made a boo-boo and made your guy mad, you have to have a different approach.

[Read: How to apologize to your boyfriend and 16 sweet ways to make him smile]

When your boyfriend is mad at you: 19 things you can do

If your boyfriend’s annoyed with you, the first thing you need to do is ask him why he is mad at you. You may already know, but sometimes you don’t.

Guys can be quiet and passive-aggressive sometimes. So, they might not just come right out and tell you what is bothering them.

Before you do anything, you have to get clear on what he is mad about. This is crucial. It might be something you did, or it could just be a misunderstanding. That is why you need to lay it all out and be on the same page about what is going on.

On the other hand, if you two have just had a big fight over something you may have caused, here are a few things you need to keep in mind to smooth things out in no time. [Read: Relationship arguments and 27 do’s and don’ts you should never forget]

1. Don’t fight fire with fire

If you’ve just had a huge fight, both of your nerves may be shot. He may be angry because of what you did, but this doesn’t mean that you have to be angry, too.

Even if you have a valid point, it won’t help your case if you add more fire to the argument. [Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship and 16 steps to really talk]

Pick your battles and let him have the last say, even just this time. When you have two people who are angry at the same time, nothing good comes of it. You should both calm down, get rational, and then come back and work out the problem.

2. Give him space

While you may want to patch things up immediately after a fight, the same can’t be said for your guy. Guys want their space to think things through, so you may want to back off for a while, even if you feel like going to him and making things better. 

When your boyfriend is mad at you, he most likely just wants some much-needed time to himself. And that’s okay. Give him the space he needs because he will always come back when he is ready. [Read: 10 obvious hints guys give when they want more space]

3. Don’t push the issue

If he’s ignoring you or is trying to avoid the issue, let him. This is part of his wanting some space. If you have fought over something, you can’t just force him to reconcile and talk about it immediately. 

Most guys are non-confrontational, so you should wait until both of you are in a better mood before you start to talk. In fact, you should always do this. When he’s not in the right mindset to work through the problem, then you might as well just put it off for now.

4. Give it time

Give it a couple of hours or days depending on his behavior when your boyfriend is mad at you. If you’ve done something really awful or if you’ve gotten into a big fight, chances are that both of you are still on edge. He may want to just separate himself from the situation a little bit and take things into perspective. 

After you see that he may have had enough time to think things through, that’s when you start bringing up the issue for some form of closure or reconciliation. [Read: Relationship break – 41 rules to taking a break and how to plan for it]

5. Let him know you still care

While you’re giving him time and distance, continue to let him know that you’re there for him. Let him see that you’re giving him space, but are not detaching yourself so much that he can’t go to you if he has problems of his own or wants to talk about your recent riff.

Ask him how he wants you to proceed. Does he still want to hear from you? Should you send him texts or call him? Or does he want you to completely leave him alone? And if so, for how long? Don’t forget to tell him you love him, too.

6. It’s not personal

If your guy doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, ignores you, or won’t even answer your call, don’t take it personally.

It’s easy to think it’s you, but sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s just something he is going through on his own. [Read: How to stop being so sensitive about everything all the time]

As we said earlier, guys need time and space to process what’s been happening. It’s not your fault that he doesn’t want to talk to you yet *although it probably is your fault that he’s angry as hell*.

7. Respect his privacy

When your boyfriend is mad at you, he might ask for some space. He’s not talking to you, he won’t meet up, not even just for your usual afternoon coffee. 

This doesn’t mean that you should hack into his Facebook and Twitter accounts just to see if he’s looking for other girls or talking about you to his friends. It won’t help if you’ve been snooping around. Just let it go and let him come to you.

Sure, this is difficult to do, but you have to. If you keep bugging him and don’t give him his space, then he will want to stay “gone” for longer. And you don’t want that, do you? [Read: Does he need space? The subtle hints guys give when they want to get away for a bit]

8. Don’t gossip about your fight

Okay, you may feel bad about the fight and think that you’re right, but don’t go around talking to your girlfriends about it. 

While a little chat is fine so you can let off steam and have a shoulder to cry on, please don’t go backstabbing and gossiping about your guy. Now that he’s mad, the last thing he wants is to hear from other people how you and he got in an argument.

9. Wait for the right timing

Once you think he’s ready to talk, choose the right time and place to have the conversation. Avoid public places, and always think about the worst-case scenario *like you might end up crying and begging on your knees, or he may end up bawling his eyes out in anger*.

These things are better done in private and in a place where there are no distractions.

10. Apologize… and mean it

There’s no point in prolonging your fight and keeping your ego satisfied, especially if it’s your fault in the first place that your boyfriend is mad at you.

If your relationship means a lot to you, then admit that you really messed up and you’re sorry for hurting his feelings and making him mad. 

Once you start talking, apologize genuinely and stop that urge to minimize, rationalize, or divert the blame to your boyfriend. Taking personal responsibility for your actions is a mature thing to do. It’s not a sign of weakness, so be prepared to admit you were wrong. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to apologize and say sorry to someone you love]

11. Genuinely listen

When you start talking to each other, avoid turning it into a one-way conversation. If you want to really apologize to your man so he won’t be mad anymore, let him talk. 

Let him talk to you about what he felt or how what you did made him feel. Genuinely listen to what he has to say and avoid interrupting him. [Read: 19 little details that’ll make you a much better listener in your relationship]

12. You don’t have to have the last word

Relationships are all about compromise. While there are, of course, inevitable misunderstandings, you should be able to pick your battles. 

You don’t have to always be right all the time, in the same way, that he shouldn’t feel the need to always be right. When your boyfriend is mad at you about something you’ve done, be humble enough to accept responsibility for it and don’t make excuses.

13. Show him affection

Continue to show him that you love him, even if he’s mad at you. In fact, when you do start to talk about your fight, this is the perfect time for you to be sweet to him. 

Kiss the anger away, so to speak. You can even use your hugs and kisses to win him over so he’s not angry anymore—end of discussion.

14. Make up for it all

Once you’ve owned up to your mistakes and talked about what went wrong, it’s not up to you to make up for what happened. If he got mad at you for texting your ex, then don’t do it again. Better yet, erase him from your contact list and social media accounts. 

This time, don’t give your man any more reason to get jealous and give him all of your attention and affection from now on. [Read: How to fight fair in a relationship and grow closer]

15. Don’t do it again *or at least try your hardest*

When your boyfriend is mad at you, it’s not enough to just say “I’m sorry.” You have to not only mean it but also prevent it from happening again in the future.

If you say you’re sorry, but you don’t change your actions, it’s like you’re not really sorry. When we’re really sorry, we change our behavior.

Apologizing for something one day and then turning around and committing the same fault the next will only make him wary of accepting your apologies in the future.

16. Don’t avoid the problem

Most people don’t like having conflicts. But it’s not the conflict that is bad, it’s how the people handle the conflict that is the problem. And because people hate fighting so much, sometimes it’s instinct to avoid talking about it.

But if you avoid talking about why your boyfriend is mad at you, then you won’t solve anything. Instead, it will just fester and get worse. So, both of you really need to open up and start talking about what is wrong and how to fix it. [Read: 28 relationship problems that push a couple apart or bring them closer]

17. Give in – if appropriate

Sometimes people get angry at silly things. For example, maybe you and your boyfriend have been trying to figure out what to do on a Saturday night. He wants to stay at home, chill, and watch Netflix. But you want to go out.

If that’s why he’s mad at you, then sometimes you could just give in and stay home. It’s just one night, so what’s the big deal?

Depending on the topic, and if it’s a small one, you can just give in to him and let him have his way.

18. Compromise

If there is a way to compromise on the topic at hand, then you should do it. Going back to the example we just discussed – going out on a Saturday night – you could say that you will stay in tonight, but next week, will he agree to go out with you? He should.

Relationships are all about give and take. Both people need to compromise. If they don’t and one person always gets their way, then the other one will grow resentful. And that does not lead to a happy life. [Read: Compromise in a relationship – 17 ways to give in love without feeling like you lost]

19. See yourself as a team

When people are angry at each other, it’s easy to see themselves as enemies. Both of you are “fighting” to get your way and to win the argument. You see yourselves as being on opposing teams.

But when you are in a partnership, you need to be on the same team. You can’t compete with each other. That is as ridiculous as a sports team competing against itself. It doesn’t make any sense.

So, you need to come together and find a solution to the problem as a unit instead of two individuals.

[Read: 28 desirable ways to make your boyfriend want you and love you more]

By following the tips above, you’ll have a great shot at reconciling and making up when your boyfriend is mad at you. Who knows, you may even end up having some steamy make-up sex!