When the Love is Gone: What Causes It & 29 Secrets to Bring Back the Love

When the love is gone in your relationship, it’s hard to deal with. But learning how to bring back the love could change everything for the better. 

Every relationship goes through difficult periods. Some relationships experience this more than others, but everyone is familiar with the feeling that the love is gone and there’s no way to bring it back.

But there is good news for those of you who feel this way. Love can always be found in a relationship if people are willing to look for it again.

Love only ever disappears when you let it go, but if you want it to persist, then it will. The first thing to remember is that if you want it back, it can be yours.

You just need to learn how to bring back the love. [Read: 49 ways to rekindle a relationship or marriage and spark romance with love]

Is it normal to lose feelings in a relationship?

To a certain degree, yes. When a couple first gets together, they’re in that magical honeymoon period when they can’t get enough of one another and everything is picture-perfect. But this can’t last.

Over time, the lust and the new-relationship excitement fade. But what remains is usually something altogether better.

The feelings of love and security trump passion every time, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be any lust left whatsoever. [Read: What is lust? 25 typical signs to look for and ways to turn it into love]

Then, life can sometimes get on top of you. Perhaps you’re going through a stressful time and it’s causing you to focus entirely on work or family. Your partner may feel neglected, and if this carries on, it can cause feelings to wane.

The key is to know when a problem arises so you can quickly correct it. While it’s normal to go through periods when you’re not as connected as you once were, there should always be that bond and desire to make things work.

If there’s not? Well, perhaps your relationship isn’t meant to go the distance. [Read: Am I in love? 47 fuzzy signs of being in love that’s beyond lust and crushes]

Keeping the love to begin with

Some of us get too caught up in our own lives to notice that we’ve let the best thing in it slip through the cracks. Instead of working so hard to get the love back once you think it has been lost, you should try to avoid losing it in the first place.

Communication and appreciation are two of the best ways to do this.

If you regularly communicate with someone you love and show how much you appreciate them, your love will not be gone, and you won’t have to go through so much trouble to get it back. [Read: 44 warm ways to say “I appreciate you” and show appreciation without words]

What causes people to lose feelings in relationships?

Every relationship is different and life can often throw us curveballs that we’d never have expected. But there are some common situations that cause couples to start to lose feelings for one another.

1. Poor communication

We’ve just mentioned that communication is key if you want to avoid problems, so it stands to reason that this is one of the key causes of feeling like the love has gone from your relationship.

Poor communication or a lack of it can erode the connection you have, and over time, it will disappear to almost nothing. [Read: A lack of affection and intimacy in a relationship – is it time to walk away?]

2. Fading feelings of lust

Look, you’re not supposed to be ripping each other’s clothes off for the rest of your lives. This stage is supposed to cool a little. But in some cases, subsiding feelings of lust can make a couple feel like the love is no longer as intense either.

It’s important to remember that the honeymoon phase is going to end at some point, but that doesn’t mean your relationship will. [Read: Relationship timeline – 16 most common dating phases of a relationship]

3. People change over time

This is a normal part of your life. People change over time and in some cases, that can mean that you no longer have as much in common. Over time, you might grow apart. [Read: 20 revealing signs that show you may be growing apart]

4. Shifting priorities

Life can often change to the point where our priorities also shift. If this happens, it might mean you set goals that no longer align with your relationship. These goals might be incompatible with your partner’s and as such, you drift apart. [Read: The right priority in your relationship – how to find and focus on it]

Signs of losing feelings in a relationship

Catching a problem before it begins is important. Then, you won’t need to learn how to bring back the love because it will never be far away.

These are all common signs that you’re losing feelings in your relationship, so you can correct the course before it’s too late.

1. You stop having conversations

When you don’t have anything left to talk about and you’re no longer simply checking in with each other and how your day went, there’s a problem.

Communication is a key part of a healthy, functioning relationship. [Read: Communication techniques to finally get them to open up to you]

2. Your attitude has changed

This can be due to shifting priorities or simply growing apart as you change and evolve but if your attitude toward life and toward your partner is different, that’s going to cause a major problem between you.

3. You don’t trust each other

If you don’t trust one another, you might as well give up now. Trust is one of the cornerstones of a healthy and happy relationship. Without it, you’ll be stuck in toxicity for the rest of your days.

If you don’t trust your partner, or they don’t trust you, it’s time to work on it before it’s too late. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and be loyal and loving]

4. You make yourself less available

When you don’t make spending time with your partner a priority, it means they’re no longer a priority in your life.

Deliberately choosing other things or other people to occupy your time means that love is dwindling.

5. You ignore your partner

When the love is gone, you no longer show the same care and attention to your partner. If you start to ignore them or ignore their needs, that’s a pretty strong sign that things are no longer what they once were. [Read: 36 signs of disrespect in a relationship that reveal a lack of love and respect]

6. You don’t argue anymore

You might mistake this for a good sign, but it’s actually not. If you no longer argue, you’re keeping everything inside, or it no longer matters to you. In that case, you no longer care.

While constant arguments aren’t a good thing, no arguments at all aren’t good either.

How to bring back the love

When the love has gone, it can feel like it’s never going to come back. But if you focus on building your relationship back again, you can return to your happy place once more.

Learning how to bring back the love takes effort and it won’t happen overnight, but by implementing these practices into your daily life, you’ll start to feel the embers of love burning again. [Read: 48 heartfelt to prove you love someone and show them you really care]

1. Apologize

The very first step to getting back the love if you’ve lost it is to apologize for that. Go to your partner and tell them how sorry you are for the way things have ended up. You’ll see them start to open up after this.

2. Take responsibility

When you’re apologizing, take responsibility for what has happened. Explain that you don’t know how you let it get this out of hand, but you’re ready to make things right again.

Even if you think it’s all their fault, the truth is that it takes two people for love to be lost, and you’re just recognizing that you know you were at least partially responsible.

Do this and then you can start to get the love back again. [Read: Spark in a relationship – 20 reasons why it’s gone and how to bring it back]

3. Work on solving any outstanding issues

If there are any issues that may have been the cause of the love going away, you have to fix it. If there’s anything you did or they did, you have to get to the bottom of it and repair the damage before you can hope to get it back.

4. Communicate more

Remember, communication is key to keeping a relationship happy and healthy. You have to talk to them about your day, your problems, and most importantly, you have to listen to what they tell you, too. If you do this daily, the love will start to return to the relationship.

But of course, they have to do the same with you too. This is a two-way street. [Read: 18 secrets to get a man to open up, communicate, and understand you]

5. Show your appreciation daily

If your significant other doesn’t feel appreciated, then the love is gone. You can’t feel love for someone who doesn’t appreciate you at all.

Show them in little ways that you appreciate how much they do for you. Simply saying thank you after they make a big dinner, and offering to do the dishes as your part, is enough. [Read: 30 relationship rules, secrets, and tips to make your love life way, way better!]

6. Surprise them

Surprise them with little gifts and fun dates! Don’t let them think that you no longer value their happiness. Even slipping a cute love note in their lunch for work and surprising them in this way can do wonders to get the love back in your life.

7. Find something thrilling to do together

When the love is gone in your relationship, it can be hard to get excited enough to do anything together. In order to get it back, you’ll have to find something new, exciting, and thrilling to do with them.

Take them on a skydiving date, to an amusement park, or do anything that gets your adrenaline pumping. It’ll help them realize that you’re the exciting person they fell in love with in the first place.

8. Take them on regular date nights

You need to make time for them and JUST them. This requires regularly scheduled date nights that will help you to reconnect with them in ways that we’re assuming you no longer do. [Read: Sexual chemistry – what it is, how it feels, and 52 ways to increase it]

9. Remember why you fell in love to begin with

Think back to when you were just crushing on them without them even knowing about it. How did you feel? Why did you feel that way?

Remembering these emotions can help put them in perspective for you, and you’ll be able to bring that love back easily.

10. Relive that first date

Plan a date that is exactly like your first date. Take them to the same place, have the same movie play with the same snacks you ate *if you can remember*, and show them that you want to start your love anew.

11. Get your sex life back on track

Sex is a huge part of a healthy and happy relationship. If you don’t have a healthy sex life, you lose that connection with them and then, poof, the love is gone.

To get it back, start initiating intimate moments, and put their pleasure above your own. Doing this is a great way to bring that spark and liveliness back to your relationship. [Read: How to keep love alive in a relationship and stay in love forever with your one]

12. Admit when you’re wrong

Maybe not all of the time, but you ARE wrong sometimes. Admitting when you’re wrong and apologizing for it will make them see that you’re really trying to recognize your faults and notice their strengths.

If you have an argument, don’t just let it fester. Make sure you apologize for your part. When you do something they don’t like and they have a point, make sure you apologize.

13. Let them be right even when you’re NOT wrong

Occasionally, there may be an argument when you know you’re right about something, but they just won’t give up. If this is the case, you just have to give in and accept that they won’t admit to being wrong—even if they are.

Sometimes, getting the love back is a lot about sacrificing your own pride. [Read: How to make a relationship last: 25 rules of love you can’t ignore]

14. Give them three honest compliments a day

Surprisingly, this can be the hardest thing for people to do. When you’re losing feelings, you’re so focused on seeing their flaws and faults that you can’t see their values.

Tell them three honest compliments throughout the day. It can be as simple as the dinner they made tasting delicious, or as big as telling them you’re proud of their accomplishments at work.

15. Love them and show it

This seems like an obvious thing to do, but when couples notice that the love is gone, they don’t realize that one of the causes could be that they forgot to give their love.

Love them every waking moment—and even sleeping moment—of every day and show them that you do. [Read: What is true love? 58 signs and ways to tell if what you’re feeling is real]

16. Consider what has changed

Is your relationship simply evolving and you’re mistaking the situation as something dire, or is there a real shift happening?

Work out exactly what has changed and pinpoint your efforts on fixing it. Also, remember to talk about it with your partner too!

17. Take an interest in your partner

Life can get so busy that we often forget to check in with those we love. So, show some real interest in your partner. What is going on with them? How was their day? Is work going well?

Knowing how to bring back the love means showing genuine interest in your lover. This will help them see that you really do care, and they can do the same for you. [Read: How to communicate with your spouse without resentment or fighting]

18. Appreciate and respect one another

Showing your partner that you appreciate the things they do is one thing but you also need to show them that you respect them. Make them a priority and show that you’re grateful they’re in your life.

Respect is key if you want to learn how to bring back the love.

19. Show empathy

It’s not all about you. It’s possible that your partner is going through a tough time too, or that they’re struggling with something that you’re not paying a lot of attention to.

So, show empathy and put yourself in their shoes. It will help you understand them much better. [Read: How to develop empathy and master the art of growing a real heart]

All is not lost

Every relationship goes through trials and tribulations. The key is not to give up just because something feels a little more difficult than before.

Recognize that something isn’t right and then work to fix it. Learning how to bring back the love won’t be a quick process, but it’s something that will certainly put you back on the right track.

[Read: Long-term relationship – what it means and 30 secrets to have a love that lasts]

When you realize that the love is gone in your relationship, it may seem like things are hopeless. Luckily for you, we know it’s not. And these are the ways to get it back.