When a Guy Doesn’t Want to Sleep with You: 13 Reasons Why

We think men are sex machines that will hump anything that walks, but it’s not true. There are valid reasons for when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.

Most women develop their self-esteem based on how desirable they are to men and other women. It’s really sad, but true. So, if you’re wondering if you’re unattractive when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, stop the mind games. Then, read on.

The early twenties are a rough time for everyone. At one point, I was even basing my self-worth on whether or not other people found me attractive. And this concept is really dangerous because when someone doesn’t show interest, we automatically point the finger to ourselves. Am I not pretty enough? Do I need to lose weight? What did I say wrong?

But here’s the thing, you’re perfect the way you are. Not everyone is going to like you or find you attractive—this is the truth.

13 reasons why: when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you

But this doesn’t mean you look like a bridge troll. Everyone has different tastes when it comes to who they’re attracted to. For example, I think John Mayer is a babe, while my friend thinks he isn’t cute. Does this mean he’s ugly? No, we just have different opinions on what we find to be attractive.

[Read: These quick clues will answer – Is he attracted to me or not?]

If you want to know why a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, I will give you the reasons. But know that his reasons shouldn’t reflect on you. And if you feel they do, it’s best you talk to him and see what’s really going on in his head.

Not all men only want one thing.

#1 He simply doesn’t want to have sex with you. Maybe he’s not in the mood; maybe he doesn’t find you attractive, the point is he doesn’t want to have sex with you. For some men, they prefer sex with someone when there’s an intense connection rather than a fling. Not every guy is like how pop culture projects them. [Read: Is he just shy or not interested? 15 ways to decode his behavior]

 #2 He hasn’t moved on from his ex. For some people, they can quickly jump from one person to the next, but for others, sex with someone new isn’t easy. If he’s recently broken up with an ex, he may be unable to move on and have sex with someone new. 

#3 He’s bored of the sex. Maybe you are in a long-term relationship, and if that’s the case, sometimes the sex gets a little dull. Most of us get comfortable with a couple of positions and don’t explore outside of what works. But this can get a little boring. Coming up with new positions or sex games can spice things up in the bedroom. [Read: The easiest ways to spice up the 7 most common sex positions]

#4 He’s interested in someone else. Ah, yes, this one. It could very well be that though he was initially interested in you, he met someone else. Now his attention has moved to them. Would he sleep with you? Probably. But now he has someone else in his view.

#5 You are on different pages. He may really want to have sex with you, but he’s stopping himself. Why? Maybe you like him much more than he likes you, and he doesn’t want to hurt you. Or maybe he knows you aren’t looking for anything serious while he wants something more long-term. So, sometimes when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you, he’s looking out for your *and his* emotional well-being by not sleeping with you.

#6 He’s stressed out. When men and women are stressed out, it can be difficult to get focused on sex. Your mind isn’t where it needs to be. Instead, it’s thinking about the meeting you have with your boss tomorrow or if you’ll finish your project on time. And this distracts you from the moment. 

#7 He’s self-sufficient. Though most men prefer having sex with an actual person, there are some guys who like to take a time-out and meet their own sexual needs through masturbation. They usually turn to porn because it’s easy and can be tailored to exactly what they want. For him, though sex with a person feels great, masturbation can be a quick and efficient solution. [Read: Porn for couples? How watching it together could save your relationship]

#8 He’s cheating on you. Now I don’t want to rain on your parade and put this in your head. Before you jump to conclusions, look at these other reasons first. But if you notice he’s withdrawing from you sexually and emotionally, something may be up. When a man is cheating on their partner, they withdraw and can even refrain from getting intimate. [Read: 21 unintentional behaviors a guy can’t hide when he’s cheating]

#9 He’s no longer attracted to you. There was a time when he was very attracted to you and wanted to sleep with you, but that’s fading now. This doesn’t mean it’s your fault; it just means he’s no longer interested. 

#10 He has hormonal issues. Many men suffer from low testosterone, which is the hormone that supplies men with the urge to have sex. This isn’t something unusual, as women can also suffer from hormonal imbalances. If he feels something isn’t right in his body, it’s time he went to the doctor. Maybe this is the problem. [Read: 15 natural aphrodisiacs from your kitchen table that work wonders]

#11 He has anxiety in the bedroom. How many women have anxiety when we’re naked in front of a man? It’s not uncommon for us to pick certain positions so our partners don’t see certain parts of our body. Many men can also suffer from performance anxiety, as there’s a lot of pressure on men to impress and satisfy their partner. This can affect his ability to get and maintain an erection.

#12 He has a medical condition. There are tons of men who suffer from medical conditions that affect their performance.

If they’re taking medication, the side effects could be an inability to get an erection. This is hard for men as their penis is a really important part of their body. So, instead of going for it, they pull back. [Read: Why does losing an erection bother men so much]

#13 He just doesn’t want to. Haven’t you ever been in a situation where your partner wanted to have sex, but you didn’t feel like it? There was just nothing going on inside of you. You would rather just watch Netflix and pass out in front of the TV? This happens. You may have struck a specific mood where he’s just not interested in sex right now.

[Read: How to make him want you and not even think about other women]

It’s time we dropped this stereotype and understood that men are human just like women. Now you know the reasons why for when a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you.