What Makes a Girl Good in Bed: The Subtle Things Men Desire in Bed

It’s not just about blowjobs. Sex is more than that. Now the question is: what makes a girl good in bed? You’re about to find out what men want in bed.

Before anything else, what makes a girl good in bed is subjective. Men are human beings. They’re all unique in their own ways. Not everyone likes blowjobs or large breasts, for example. And that’s the beautiful part about attraction and sex: everyone has their own preferences.

So before I go on, it’s important to understand that, at the end of the day, what makes a girl good in bed isn’t so cut and dry. But I will tell you the general preferences of what makes a girl a bomb in the bed.

What makes a girl good in bed? The little things to know

This seems to be a question many people want the answer to: woman or a man! Now from what the movies and popular culture tell us, men are looking for some blonde bombshell with giant boobs that only exist in porn films. But in reality, that’s not what men want, which is great news for everyone. Those are unrealistic beauty standards that frankly are non-existent.

[Read: 10 really simple things you can do to keep your lover madly in love with you]

When I was younger, I didn’t know much about sex, and what I did know was wrong. I thought men were looking for extremes, for girls who would deep throat like they haven’t eaten for days. Even though I didn’t know what any of it meant or even how to do it, I had that expectation in my mind.

But the reality is much different. Let’s find out what makes a girl good in bed in the real world.

#1 Enthusiasm. No one wants to have sex with someone who isn’t into it. A girl who’s good in bed is someone who’s enjoying the experience. She’s into giving you a blowjob, comfortable talking about her sexual desires, or simply showing excitement to have sex with you. [Read: 16 sex moves to surprise your boyfriend with]

#2 Communication. Sex is all about communication; without it, it’s going to be bad sex. You don’t need to have a three-hour long conversation about sex, but you need to be on the same page. What feels good for you, what feels good for her. If you both don’t know what pleasures each other, there’s going to be a big problem.

#3 There’s genuine chemistry. Sex is all about chemistry. The best sex you’ll have is with someone you’re vibing with. She’s really into you; you’re really into her, and bam! That’s where the magic happens. If there’s not genuine chemistry, and you’re both doing it just because, expect to have bad sex. It’s as simple as that. [Read: 15 intense signs of chemistry that reveal an instant connection]

#4 She’s got self-confidence. A woman who’s good in bed is a woman who is confident about herself. Listen, we all have our insecurities, but when she’s in the moment, she lets go and enjoys it. Self-confidence is sexy, considering how much pressure women are put under. It hinders the experience, making them feel less present. A little bit of confidence can go a long way.

#5 Openness. This doesn’t mean she needs to tell you every single sexual experience she’s had, that’s not what being open is about. What I’m talking about is being open about her sexual desires, what feels good for her. You need to know or else how can you satisfy her? If she tells you what she wants in bed, then you can properly deliver and hit the jackpot.

#6 She likes taking charge. Many women want to take charge, but they’re scared. And this is a common complaint from men; they want a woman who takes charge. Listen, though a girl who can take charge is good in bed, this doesn’t mean a girl who doesn’t is bad. You can also help her initiate sex when she wants it. 

#7 Cuddle sessions. Though many men say they don’t like cuddling, the truth is they’re lying. Okay, not all of them, but many men don’t want to look weak, so, they’ll say they don’t enjoy cuddling. But they’re human! People love physical contact. If she cuddles after sex, it’s a way to bond and unwind from the experience. Aftercare is important. [Read: All the cuddling positions you need to be a loving cuddler] 

#8 Knows how to have fun. Sex isn’t supposed to be a serious event. There can be times where sex is intense and aggressive, for example. But if you’re not having fun and laughing during sex, then what’s the point? A girl who’s good in bed is someone who’s enjoying the experience and having fun.

#9 No judging. No one wants to be open with someone else about their sexual fantasies and then be judged for it. It doesn’t mean she will want to engage in the activities you want to do, but she’s not going to make you feel bad for your sexual desires. And that makes a great partner.

#10 She’s vocal. Silence can really be a buzz kill. It doesn’t mean she needs to be yelling and screaming off the top of her lungs. But someone who feels comfortable to express themselves during sex will enjoy the experience more, and that’ll make you feel good as well. [Read: How to moan during sex without sounding like an unattractive dying walrus]

#11 She’s flirtatious. When someone is sexually attracted to another, they flirt. Flirting is designed to build up sexual tension between two people. Women aren’t the only ones who want to feel desired; men, want to feel desired too. If a woman is flirtatious, she’s sending off signs that she’s into the guy. If this is done before sex, well, it’ll create even more tension.

[Read: 11 quick moves to instantly drive your guy wild]

And here you thought what makes a girl good in bed is one who does all these crazy things. But in reality, it’s about being genuine and enjoying the sexual experience.