What Make Up the Qualities of a Good Wife Beyond the Traditions?

Marriages are not just about one person, but you can do your part by knowing what makes the qualities of a good wife in the present age vs. the 1950s.

The qualities of a good wife in the 2020s are not the same as a good wife in the 1950s. Back then a good wife was said to have dinner on the table when you arrived home from work. She always ensured the children were clean and quiet. She would put her husband’s needs before her own.

Well, a good wife in the 2020s is quite a bit different. She is independent. She is able and willing and more than capable of working. Plus, she is her own person partnered with a husband, not owned by him.

A woman can do a lot of things to be a good wife today, but none of those things should make her feel uncomfortable or less than her husband.

[Read: Healthy relationship boundaries and what the best love life really looks like]

What is a good wife?

A good wife respects her husband and herself.

Yet, many still believe a wife should abide by her husband’s rules. She should know her husband’s needs and meet them and keep any issues in the marriage private. She should always look her best for her husband.

When you initially Google qualities of a good wife, you will see things like: shares your beliefs, selfless, attractive, and loves you unconditionally. This is an actual list of the qualities of a good wife. In fact, it is the first list that comes up at the time of writing this article.

Not one of these things is necessary to be a good wife. These things do not make a good wife, they make a bad husband in many cases.

[Read: The signs of a disrespectful husband that must not be overlooked]

There are plenty of successful and happy marriages where a couple has differing religious beliefs. No one is selfless. And unconditional love is wildly dangerous. These things hold women up to an unattainable standard when there are no requirements of a good wife.

A good wife is one who does her best and expects the best from her husband.

A good wife will demand respect from her husband and return that respect. She will have bad days where she needs more attention or space and will be there for her husband on his bad days too. She will be herself and be honest with her husband.

A good wife is what works for that particular marriage. There is no firm definition of a good wife. Sure, she is respectful, loyal, and kind, but beyond that, wives and husbands will differ based on their relationship and what it needs.

[Read: The secrets of a happy marriage that can make or break your romance]

Qualities of a good wife

The qualities of a good wife could be listed on a sheet of never-ending paper. There are so many qualities of a good wife. There are also things some husbands will love while others won’t.

Although most of these qualities of a good wife are universal to marriage and relationships, it is always good to keep in mind that being a good wife is what works for you and your husband, not anyone else.

#1 Communicate the good and the bad. We all know communication is key when it comes to relationships. One quality of being a good wife is to communicate when it’s easy and when it’s hard. Talk about the good stuff but don’t avoid the hard stuff like finances, disagreements, and other things that come up. Communicating through the hard times is what strengthens the relationship. [Read: Here’s where to start if you want to improve your marriage]

#2 Be supportive. Support his career, his goals, and even his hobbies, but realistically. You don’t need to be a cheerleader. You do not live solely for him. Let him know if his new love of motorcycles worries you or if his commitment to the office is taking too much time away from the family.

You can be supportive and caring at the same time. Support isn’t divided from worry.

#3 Challenge him. We should help our partners be better. We want them to challenge us when we are being lazy or inconsiderate, so we should do the same. Call him out. If he ignores you for the game or says something inappropriate, call him out and let him know why you’re doing it.

You can help each other be better people in and out of the relationship. [Read: 15 real relationship goals most couples have no idea about]

#4 Have your own time. Make sure to take time for yourself. A good wife knows when she needs a break. A good marriage doesn’t mean you’re always together. If you don’t put the energy into your own self-care, you won’t have the energy to focus on nourishing your marriage.

#5 Listen. Something we often forget is to listen. We may remember to communicate our feelings but forego hearing the other person out. Even if you strongly believe you’re right in a situation, hear him out. Listen to what he’s saying and ask questions.

Some fights can simply be sorted by understanding where the other person is coming from. [Read: Here are 10 tips for learning to be a better listener in your relationship]

#6 Appreciation. Tensions run high in marriages. When you live with someone, it is no surprise something will get on your nerves, but don’t let little pet peeves make you forget all the things he does right.

Take time each day, even if just a few minutes, to appreciate the little things he does. Whether it is bringing you coffee in bed, surprising you with your favorite dessert after work, or helping you build that IKEA dresser, those things mean something.

#7 Be honest. White lies like, “honey, I love your new tie,” are not going to get you into hot water, but beyond that, honesty is really the best policy. A good wife will tell her husband the truth even if it is hard to hear. She will be polite and kind with the harder truths, but will be there for it all.

#8 Keep the romance alive. This is something both you and your husband need to focus on, but if one of you is stressed or busy, the other should step up. If he is overwhelmed with work, take the time to plan a sexy night in. Recreate the early dates you went on.

A good wife wants to keep the spark alive throughout the everyday routine. [Read: How to leave your man smitten and hooked]

#9 Laugh. Try not to take everything so seriously. Sure, it is important to get to business and take care of bills and things, but relaxing and laughing together brings you together like nothing else. A good wife knows when to turn off the seriousness and just let go. [Read: How to have playful banter with your partner and keep the flirting alive forever]

#10 Compliment him. If you think your hubby looks sexy in his new suit, tell him. Or if he smells good, tell him. If he did a good job cutting the hedges or even remembered to record your favorite show, compliment him. And if you think of something nice, say it.

It may seem silly, but those small compliments will make his day just as they would for you. [Read: 25 easy ways to make your man feel appreciated and cared for]

#11 Make small gestures. Small gestures make up most of married life. Most couples aren’t flying each other to Paris or going for carriage rides. Take small moments to think about your husband and make him feel special.

Anything from making his favorite meal to rubbing his shoulders or just kissing him longer than you normally would before leaving for work will do it. [Read: How to be the power couple that all your friends are jealous of]

#12 Tell him what you need. So many couples struggle because they assume the other person should know them well enough to know what they want or need, but people, especially men, are not mind readers.

If you need more support, attention, or time with your spouse, tell him. It is important that you give him the chance to make things right and make you happy. [Read: How resentment can grow in a relationship and how to weed it out]

#13 Let go of the little things. You may have asked your husband to pick up his dirty clothes a hundred times. Perhaps he started to but one night he got home late and dropped his dirty socks on the floor. Instead of making a federal case out of it, choose your battles.

Is this one tired night worth a fight?

[Read: Why you keep having the same fight and how to break out of the unhealthy cycle]

The qualities of a good wife are never-ending which gives you a lot of chances to get it right. But more that any of the traditional ones, these are the qualities you should pay attention to.