Vanilla Sex: What It Is & 26 Hot Ways to Go from Boring to OMFG in Bed

Want to be more adventurous in the bedroom? Here’s how you can turn your vanilla sex into a mind-blowing sexual adventure.

There’s nothing wrong with a little vanilla sex. Vanilla ice cream is delicious, but if you never add other flavors and toppings to it, it gets boring fast. Sex is the same. It should always be good, but you need some variety to keep things interesting.

Too many people are afraid of a little kink. There’s no reason for this. Sex is not dirty, it’s beautiful! Your partner enjoying tying you up once in a while is not the first step towards installing a bondage dungeon in the basement *not that there’s anything wrong with that.* Sex isn’t a sin, and it isn’t dirty, at least not in a bad way.

[Read: 60 flirty, naughty & dirty questions to ask your boyfriend & turn him on]

What is vanilla sex?

Before we start, we must learn the definition of vanilla sex. So, what is it?

Vanilla sex is soft, gentle, and deeply relaxing. One big misconception about vanilla sex is that it’s only a type of sex for beginners and those who are too lazy or nervous to try something more creative.

The truth is, vanilla sex can be creative, mind-blowing, and surprisingly sometimes even better than rough and kinky sex.

Vanilla sex is all about the vibe. You need to be able to look the person you’re having sex with in the eyes, go slow, talk to each other, and hold each other. You’ll feel intense feelings without having to do intense things.

To say that vanilla sex is the opposite of kinky and rough sex isn’t exactly true. This implies that vanilla sex is the normal and default sex, and because of that, it is safe and boring.

But vanilla sex can be meaningful and passionate if done right. So if this whole time you’ve been thinking vanilla sex is bad, you’re in need of some tips.

[Read: How to have rough sex & 15 dirty moves to have the sexiest time ever]

Where did the vanilla sex shame come from?

From dating apps to social media, kinks have become a common topic of conversation. The line between sexual acceptance and vanilla sex shaming has become blurred.

[Read: The 17 best dating apps for men to help you meet the one]

Have you ever had someone call you uptight for not having done certain things in the bedroom? There seems to be a competition surrounding how much sex a couple should have.

Sadly, vanilla sex shaming has become quite normalized in today’s world, and it’s especially detrimental to young women.

Unnecessary sexual standards have targeted women for decades. From unrealistic body images, portrayal in porn, or the overestimation of women’s ability to orgasm. Many young women are forced to comply with their partner’s kinks and fantasies, which is doing so much harm to their self-esteem.

People need to respect others’ privacy and boundaries when it comes to sex. Efforts should be made to ensure that the sex positivity movement is inclusive of all types of sex, and that vanilla sex won’t become a new sexual stigma.

[Read: Sex addict – 30 subtle signs you’re turning into one & what to do about it]

Why people like vanilla sex and why you need to have more of it

Let’s dive deeper into the reasons why people like vanilla sex, and if you don’t, you’re probably doing it wrong! [Read: 28 hot ways to be sexier for your boyfriend & make him lust for you]

1. It’s easy

Vanilla sex is easy. You don’t need to put yourself in a physically painful position to have fun. Sometimes missionary can be the best way to do it. [Read: Who’s on top? Ways to make missionary sex magical]

2. You’re in your comfort zone

Since vanilla sex doesn’t usually explore the edges of someone’s comfort zone, anyone can feel comfortable doing it. You don’t have to be nervous about not knowing what to do or whether it is safe.

You and your partner can fully enjoy the pleasure and experience and have fun while doing it. Vanilla sex is also a great way to get to know your partner’s body a lot better. [Read: 49 naughty & freaky sex questions for couples to keep the spark alive]

3. It can be done right there on your comfy bed

Another great thing about vanilla sex is the fact that you can just do it right there on your comfy bed. There’s no need to find a cool and exciting place to do the deed. It also saves you from the risk of getting arrested for having public sex.

4. It lets you focus on the “big O”

It’s easier to reach orgasm during vanilla sex than kinky sex. With vanilla sex, you don’t have to worry about the props you might be using, how it’s working out for your partner, or whether they’ll enjoy them or not.

All those distractions could take you out of the moment and reduce pleasure. Why make so much effort only to not finish in the end? [Read: How to masturbate – 23 self-pleasure & solo orgasm secrets for girls]

5. There is no pressure!

When you’re having vanilla sex, you can take your time, go slow, take care of each other, and let yourself go. Sex can be cuddly, cozy, and pleasurable at the same time. As exciting as crazy hot sex is, you connect better with your partner when there’s no pressure. [Read: Nipple play – 26 ways to focus on a girl’s breasts & make her orgasm]

6. It’s more than just missionary

Most people think that vanilla sex is just missionary. While missionary is one of them, and probably the most common ones, there are many other positions for you to switch up and enjoy.

There’s side-by-side, in which the couple has sex on their sides, facing each other. Another one is sex while spooning, aka lazy doggy style.

If you want to get creative then try the lotus position, one partner sits cross-legged while the other one is on top. [Read: 17 most intimate sex positions & tips to feel romantic while making love]

7. You feel like yourself

For those who are not into rough sex or elaborate role play, you can just be yourself during sex. A lot of people force themselves to try different kinks that their partner enjoys and struggle to get pleasure for themselves.

It’s okay if that’s just not your thing. You deserve to have fun during sex without having to pretend.

8. It helps you increase your confidence

Yes, vanilla sex helps you increase your confidence. It’s a safe space for you to grow and explore your sexual desires. Everyone has to start somewhere! Vanilla sex is the sexual maintenance for you to experience other types of pleasure.

9. It’s totally inexpensive

Unless you’re Christian Grey, spending a fortune on sexual activities may not be the best idea. You’re allowed to have fun, but it’s just not realistic.

With vanilla sex, there’s no need for sex toys, scented candles, or props! You can save so much money. [Read: Homemade sex toys you have to try – solo play or with a lover]

10. It gets your basics clear

As mentioned before, everyone has to start somewhere. Before trying out kinks, you must first get your basics clear with vanilla sex. Once you’ve learned about your likes and dislikes and what your body wants and needs, then you can be free to explore outside your comfort zone.

11. You have time to truly connect with your partner

For some, sex is meaningful and special. Vanilla sex allows you to truly connect with your partner. You don’t have to think of new things to do and instead focus on bonding with each other.

Casual sex can be fun, but to look into your partner’s eyes and hear them tell you how much they love you as you two orgasm at the same time is an incomparable experience.

How to ditch the routine and be sexually adventurous

Lighten up, throw caution to the wind, and try these tips. Your sex life could use a healthy dose of smut. [Read: How to open up about sex & get your partner to share their desires]

1. Oil up

You’ll need an air mattress or something similarly easy to clean up. Oiling yourselves up and letting your bodies slip over each other might be the sexiest thing two people can do together.

Baby oil, grapeseed oil, or coconut oil will all do the trick. Just be careful, as any oil or oil-based lubricant cannot be used safely with latex condoms. [Read: Oils as lube – 22 best oils for sex, must-knows & lube alternatives to avoid]

2. Grab a handful

We often think of having our hair pulled as a painful thing, and while lots of people enjoy a side of pain with their sexual pleasure, most people do not.

But go ahead and grab a handful of your own hair and give it a pull, it doesn’t really hurt unless you yank on it really hard. Hair pulling during sex can be a huge turn-on for both men and women. [Read: 15 ways to have the hottest bout of rough sex]

3. Oral what?

There are almost limitless things your tongue can do in the bedroom, but too many people miss the most obvious one of all. Not only is it okay to talk during sex, but it’s also important.

Tell your partner what you want and what feels good. Communication is the best way to improve sex. And words can be hot. Talking dirty will turn most people on, so tell them what you want to do to them, what you love about them, and how amazing they are. [Read: 23 sexiest dirty talk tips]

4. Mirror mirror

Watching yourselves having sex is a beautifully dirty act. While guys will probably like it more than women, everyone likes catching a glimpse of something they wouldn’t normally see without the mirror.

5. Tied up

Tying someone up submits them to your every whim. Being tied up puts you at your partner’s mercy. In a trusting relationship, it can be totally hot.

Before you go out and buy ropes and handcuffs, try this with a scarf or necktie. You don’t need to tie inescapable knots either, just loosely bind their wrists.

6. Good vibrations

Bringing a sex toy into bed is something all couples should do. A lot of guys aren’t comfortable with it, so ladies, start with a small vibrating toy like a pocket rocket.

Start by giving him a blowjob and lightly placing it on the underside of his balls. He’ll warm up to the idea very quickly, and then you can explore all the other amazing things toys can bring to sex.

7. Dutch courage

Everyone knows too much alcohol can ruin sex, especially for men. But having a few drinks and getting a nice buzz can really improve things. Your sensations are heightened, and your inhibitions are lowered. Something you want to do, but normally don’t feel comfortable trying will come much easier a few drinks in.

8. Spectator sport

If you’re feeling extra freaky, invite someone to watch. A lot of people aren’t comfortable with threesomes, and they do carry some risk of ruining a relationship. Just having someone watch, however, is totally hot.

It can be a man, a woman, or another couple. Just go with what you’re both comfortable with. [Read: 20 things you need to know before getting into a threesome]

9. Aim to please

One of the best things you can do to spice up your sex life is to give great head.

Too many people neglect oral sex, either skipping it altogether or treating it as a quick foreplay formality. Men and women both should know how to get in there and really work it. And don’t skimp on the time. Five, ten, or even 15 minutes is not too long.

[Read: Sexual foreplay – 26 lusty secrets to do it well & make them hot & horny]

10. Write it down

It can be hard to talk about what you want sexually, even with a trusted partner. A great way to overcome this is to write down what you want. You don’t need to be Shakespeare, but write it like a story to make it really hot.

Don’t say, “I want you to suck my clit” write in the present tense and say, “You suck hard on my clit and I moan and pull your hair.” Send what you write to your partner during the day at work, and you’re guaranteed a night of smut. [Read: Tips to get your partner to open up about sex]

11. Mutual play

Masturbating together isn’t just totally hot, it can be very educational as well. Seeing what your partner does to get their self off can show you exactly what you should be doing. Talk dirty while you do it, or kiss each other’s lips and bodies.

12. Where you eat

There’s something so wonderfully dirty about sex on the kitchen table. Unless a guy is way taller or shorter than average height, it should be a great position with the woman sitting at the edge of the table, legs wrapped around the man’s waist. You’ll definitely have something hot to think about at breakfast the next day.

13. Dress up

To most people, dressing up means girls in hot nurse or French maid outfits. Sure, that’s hot for guys, but there can be so much more.

Think about what turns your partner on about you out of the bedroom. Maybe a guy loves his partner in her career-woman business suit. Or a woman loves her man in his leather motorcycle jacket. If your partner thinks you look hot in something, wear it in the bedroom.

14. Domination and submission

During most kinky sex, one partner usually dominates, while the other submits. Some people are only turned on by one role or the other, but most people can switch it up. [Read: Ways you can open up about your kinky side]

In most porn flicks, the man dominates, so most people are familiar with spanking, cum facials, and faces being pushed down into pillows.

But women can dominate as well. Face sitting, which is exactly what it sounds like, is extremely pleasurable for women giving them a lot of control. Other methods are pulling his hair, tying him up, dirty talk, and role-playing where the woman is an authority figure.

15. Open mind

The final, and most important way to turn up the temperature on your sex life is to have an open mind. You should be willing to try things even if they are outside of your comfort zone.

Of course, you can have things that are off-limits, but never shame your partner for what turns them on. If you shoot them down in a humiliating way when they want to try something kinky, you’re guaranteeing your sex life stays stuck on level vanilla for good.

[Read: Sexy and easy ways to get what you want in bed]

Trying new things can feel uncomfortable at first. Once you get started and see how amazing your sex life can get when you color outside the lines, you may wonder what took you so long in the first place.