Swingers Lifestyle: 61 Secrets & Tips to Enter the Erotic World of Swinging

So, you’re interested in swinging? The swingers lifestyle is certainly not for everyone, so use this to figure out everything you need to make a decision.

Since the latter end of the 20th century, the concept of swinging seems to have massively gained popularity. All over the media, and especially in lifestyle magazines, you can read stories about couples who’ve entered the swingers lifestyle, this most fascinating and erotic of worlds. 

They enjoy regular swinging sessions with other like-minded couples *or groups* while remaining committed to a relationship where other people become a regular part of sexual activity.

However, for every story you read where swinging seems to be a successful and enhancing part of a relationship, another is telling how a relationship was ruined by swinging.

From the consequent jealousy that one half of the couple feels to situations where one of them has left their partner for the other person, it can create problems too. [Read: The cuckold fantasy – The fetish and everything about it]

What is swinging?

Well, swinging is a non-monogamous activity of physical intimacy treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple. While sex within a relationship is usually intimate, romantic, and a unique experience that connects two people, swinging is more recreational. 

Swingers indulge in intimate acts with someone other than their spouse/primary partner, with the full knowledge and consent of that person.

Just because the concept has gained popularity in recent decades doesn’t mean swinging is an entirely new idea. Swingers have been thriving since the beginning of recorded time!

In the era of flower power, swinging was a very “in-thing” and among the most popular “culture.” [Read: Couples kinks list – 52 freaky and weird sexual fetishes many people indulge in]

Swinging is like a sport for people who believe physical attraction is part of human nature and should be openly enjoyed by a committed or married couple.

Typically, swinging activities occur when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in carnal activities with another couple, multiple couples, or a single individual. 

The most common method is an adult male and female couple, meeting other pairs for lovemaking and physical intimacy, and sometimes ongoing intimate relationships. This may occur at a swing party, a couple-to-couple encounter, a liaison, or with a third person in a threesome.  [Read: MMF Threesomes – 30 hot secrets, positions, and tips to devil’s threeway]

What is swinging like?

For couples that are interested in swapping partners or having sex with people who are not their partners, there are different ways you can approach it. [Read: Main types of sex and 23 fun ways to make intercourse more fun and hot!]

1. Swap with another willing couple

Maybe you have a couple that you are close to, and all four of you are interested in swapping partners. Or you can go on a dating app and find a willing couple that way.

But in this instance, it would only be four willing people engaging in swinging.

2. Go to a swinging party

You can also join a swinging community. Many people will host swinging parties that you can attend. The dynamics of it vary from one-on-one sex to group sex and orgies. It just depends on the people involved.

3. Go to a swinging club

In most major cities, there are also swinging clubs that you can go to. Many of them have private rooms and group rooms where you can explore different types of kink.

Usually, they have entrance fees, but they usually say that they are low-pressure. [Read: “Facts” you think you know about BDSM debunked]

Does swinging ruin a relationship?

Well, it can. But not always. As with any non-monogamous sexual relationship, insecurity, jealousy, and negative self-esteem can result from swinging. This is especially true if your first experience doesn’t live up to your expectations.

These negative feelings can eventually put stress on the relationship if they are not dealt with effectively. If the couple doesn’t, then this could end up eroding the trust and love that they have, and eventually, the relationship could end.

Swinging can also involve some legal implications. There are some countries and cultures where extramarital sex is illegal, regardless of whether or not both partners give consent.

So, you might want to check the laws where you live. [Read: How to be kinky – 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of the normal]

How can swinging help your relationship?

Swingers lay claim that lovemaking is more intimate because they are with a partner who encourages their fantasies. Both partners are so confident in themselves and in the relationship that jealousy is not an issue. 

Swingers also vouch that swinging makes infidelity less likely, as they know they can have physical contact with others with their partner’s consent.

After all, the couple defines cheating. As long as the couple has a definition and stays within their boundaries, no cheating would occur.

Many couples don’t even agree on what they define as cheating in a monogamous relationship, so this clear communication of expectations and boundaries is very healthy.

Is swinging wrong?

Much like anything that goes against monogamy, many people disagree with the idea of swinging. However, many swingers feel their activities in their own homes or private clubs are not for others’ justification. [Read: Strap in and kink out – your guide to having submissive sex]

One particular argument against swinging is religious; doesn’t swinging ruin the sanctity of marriage? Well, no. Many swingers disagree with that idea and believe that as long as they consider their relationships sacred, playing does not contradict the sanctity of the marriage and is consistent with spiritual values.

Another common response to moral and philosophical objections is that there is a difference between physical intimacy and love. [Read: Vanilla sex – what it is, and 26 hot ways to go from boring to OMFG in bed]

Contradictorily, this is one of the objections that religious groups have. They insist that this distinction should not exist, meaning both physical intimacy and love should be the same physical agenda.

It’s up to you what you believe, but swingers hold strong to the idea that physical intimacy and love are two widely different concepts.

Swinging misconceptions

You might think you know what swinging is and why people do it, but you might also buy into some of the misconceptions about it. Let’s quickly fact-check the common swinging misconceptions so that you really know the truth about the subject.

1. People swing because they’re unhappy with their partners

Many swingers are actually perfectly happy with their relationships. And the main reason they swing is for the fun and excitement of it all.

Sometimes, one of the partners is bicurious or bisexual and wants to explore that side. It doesn’t mean they want to leave the relationship, just explore that side of themselves. [Read: Couple swap – first timer’s guide to having sex with another couple]

2. Swinging is male-dominated

You might think that most men want to swing because of the stereotype that they have higher sex drives and want more variety.

And yes, men may be more open to trying new sexual things and aren’t judged as much when they tell people they are a swinger. But women are just as sex-curious, and many proud swingers are women.

3. If you’re a parent, you can’t be a swinger

Being a parent has nothing to do with whether or not someone can be a swinger. Many parents have “date nights” *swinging nights* when they’re on vacation or when the kids are at school. Swingers can work around the kids’ schedules.

4. STDs are common in the swinging community

This is not true. In fact, swingers are very conscientious when it comes to using protection. Everyone has the same mindset when it comes to using condoms.

After all, it’s always “better safe than sorry” and it gives them peace of mind. [Read: How to avoid getting STDs]

5. Swingers will have sex with anyone

Just like anyone else, swingers have to have some sort of initial attraction and chemistry with the people they sleep with.

Just because you like to do kinky stuff such as threesomes, foursomes, orgies, and other things doesn’t mean you’ll do it with just anyone.

6. Swinging is a way that couples “cheat” on each other

Being non-monogamous isn’t the same as cheating. That’s because it’s consensual for both people in the relationship. The key is open and honest communication between the couple so that both people know what’s going on.

Difference between swinging vs. open relationship vs. polyamory 

No doubt, you’ve heard all three of these terms. And you know that none of them are monogamous arrangements. But what are the differences? Here they are. [Read: 27 most common relationship deal breakers that push many couples apart]

1. Swinging

Swinging can be referred to as “social sex.” Singles and couples engage in different kinds of sexual sharing and swapping with each other. 

The degree of intimacy and sexual involvement differs with all encounters. Clear boundaries and rules are agreed upon by everyone.

2. Open relationship

An open relationship is when two people who are in a relationship with each other openly agree to date/sleep with other people. [Read: Open relationship – 38 rules, questions, and advice to talk about it as a couple]

They might do this together, separately, or both. The connections may not be romantic, sexual, or emotional. But rules also need to be agreed to.

3. Polyamory

Polyamory is the practice of being in romantic relationships with more than one partner at the same time, with the informed consent of all partners involved. 

People are drawn to these kinds of relationships that are emotionally involved. The partners in poly relationships view their relationships equally rather than assigning labels like “primary” or “secondary.” [Read: What is polyamory? How it works and is it something worth trying?]

Why do people swing? 

Do couples actually swing in real life? Why do couples swing in the first place?

As complex as our anatomical setup and mind, our nature, characteristics, lifestyle, and social behaviors are unique phenomena too.

We have an insatiable appetite for at least one thing in life, be it food or intimacy, as examples. [Read: Tinder threesome – 18 tips to write a couples bio and meet the perfect third]

Leaving food on the table, we stray into familiar territory to take a dig at an act of physical intimacy. Intimacy is a term stretched to every direction and now it’s slanting toward swingers and couples that want to start swinging.

In other words, some people just like to push the boundaries of their sexuality and also societal rules.

Who can be a swinger?

Now that you know why people swing, who actually can do it? Here are some common types of swingers. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and ways to fix it]

1. Married couples

Just because someone is legally married doesn’t necessarily prevent them from engaging in sexual activity with other people. But unlike cheating, swinging happens with the eager consent of both spouses.

2. In a committed relationship

You don’t have to be married to swing either. Anyone who is in a committed relationship can do it as well. But just like with married partners, both of them have to agree to do it and not be forced into it.

3. Open to engaging in sexual activity with other people

This is an important one. Not everyone wants to have sexual activity with people outside of their marriage or relationship. [Read: Polyamorous relationships – could you be happy in one?]

So, people who like to be monogamous should never try swinging because it will always cause problems.

4. Aiming to have a shared experience with their partner

Swinging is not the same as cheating because of mutual consent. So, if both partners are excited to share a new sexual experience with their partner and think the idea of swinging is hot, then they would be good candidates.

Are you sure about this?

Swinging isn’t for everyone. People need to discuss between themselves the different factors including jealousy, self-esteem, or any relationship problems prior to entering into the swinging lifestyle. [Read: 48 sexy secrets to have better sex and explore new things to try in bed]

If any of these areas are of major concern to either person, then chances are, you aren’t ready to enjoy the swinging lifestyle and enjoy all of its benefits.

Why are you swinging, really?

It should be noted that swinging can enhance your relationship, not repair or rebuild it. A couple who is receptive to new and different sexual experiences can begin to explore different avenues of shared sexual fulfillment to continue to grow together.

Couples who want to find a way to reconnect physically and emotionally are more likely to make it through a swingers’ party together. [Read: Naughty sex – 17 wild and playful moves to excite anyone and go crazy in bed]

It provides sexual variety, adventure, and the opportunity to live out fantasies as a couple without secrecy and deceit. But never ever join a swinging community and use that as an excuse to cheat on your partner.

How to know if swinging is right for you

Swinging might sound exciting, but the reality of it might be different than you expect once you try it. So, how do you know if swinging is right for you? If you answer “yes” to these questions, then it might be a good fit for you:

1. Are you able to separate sex and love?

2. Do you like to watch porn featuring group sex, partner swapping, or voyeurism?

3. Do you and your partner trust each other completely?

4. Do you and your partner talk dirty about group sex or partner swapping?

5. Have you had group sex before and thought it was hot?

6. Are you open-minded and sexually adventurous?

7. Do you fantasize about engaging in sex outside of your relationship?

8. Do you get turned on by the idea of seeing your partner have sex with other people?

9. Do you love novelty and adventure?

Are you and your partner good at communication and capable of working through any problems that might occur as a result of swinging? 

These are some very serious questions that you need to ask yourself and your partner to decide whether or not swinging is for you. [Read: Master-slave relationship – 23 rules, how it works, and ideas to play your part]

How to bring up swinging with your partner

Once you have decided that you have the desire to explore swinging with your partner, how do you bring it up to them? Here are a few tips you can follow:

1. Make it about “us” not you

You need to frame your conversation in terms of exploring swinging together, as a united couple.

Emphasize that you are equal partners and that their happiness is just as important as yours. You’re not trying to “cheat,” you’re trying to have a couple’s experience.

2. De-personalize it

Don’t start out the conversation saying, “I want to start swinging.”

Instead, say something like, “Don’t you love our hot sex life? I’ve been reading about how couples who swing can really explore their sex life even more. What do you think?” [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 signs you’re being a user]

3. Watch for your partner’s reaction

If they reject the idea immediately, then you need to respect their wishes and don’t push it.

But if they are willing to think about it, then maybe suggest some reading or listening to a podcast about it. If they’re all in, then it’s your lucky day!

4. Listen more than you talk

Let your partner ask you questions, express their concerns or fears, and tell you what they do and don’t like about the idea. Avoid trying to talk them into or out of their feelings.

Just acknowledge them and share your concerns and hopes for what good it might do for the two of you. [Read: 19 ways to be a much better listener in a relationship and read their mind]

5. Explore and learn about the lifestyle together

If your partner is either open-minded or all-in, then do some research on the swinging lifestyle together before you jump into anything.

You could treat it like a mutual project you do together rather than getting your partner to do something that you want them to do.

Are you ready to swap partners?

If you’re ready to swap partners, then don’t forget to do all of the following tips. [Read: Subtle, sexual signs your friend wants to be your unicorn sex buddy]

1. Talk to your partner about swinging 

Be truthful and honest when you talk to your partner about your feelings about swinging.

If you feel jealous of your partner, or have any other uncomfortable feelings about the whole sexual step, tell your partner. If you don’t, your feelings will only come out later and be much more awkward and damaging.

Know your needs, interests, and desires, and let everyone know about them. If you decide to go for it, practice safe sex and don’t go beyond limits, even if you intend to try new things. [Read: How to communicate with your spouse without resentment or fighting]

2. Don’t be pushy

Invite someone you’re interested in in a clean manner, and leave the decision-making to them. Don’t ask them for reasons or explanations, even if it’s your partner.

Don’t carry on your sweet talking to convince someone if they’ve declined. Don’t overindulge in alcohol. And don’t take someone who isn’t interested and not informed about the actual course of the night.

You’d only drive a nail through your relationship.

3. Don’t take a ticket

Remember, don’t take a ‘ticket’ to a swingers’ party *a ticket is someone who goes just to get you in and not to take part*. Don’t disturb the swinging pleasures of others. [Read: Vital things a beginner should expect at a sex party]

Also, don’t be rude and try to cheat or lie. Don’t give personal details to anyone at the party if you aren’t comfortable. And don’t be vague about your desires. Don’t cross other people’s limits.

Different types of swinging couples

During these events, swingers acknowledge lovemaking as a game and participants as team-mates. There are few ground rules, but none are etched in stone. 

The prominent carnal activities are, but definitely not limited to, several to mention, but a few of the most popular ones include:

1. Exhibitionism

It is a form of pleasure which involves making out with a partner while being watched by at least one other person. [Read: Freaky porn – the top porn searches and the crazy things we watch]

2. Voyeurism

Watching others doing or performing the big bang. It is acceptable in a group event, but not in private areas.

3. Soft Swap

This involves kissing and stroking and the basics of blowing a guy or tickling a girl down south, with multiple partners. This can be indulged in during the threesome, group romp, or while swapping partners. [Read: Soft swap – how to warm your partner up to give swapping partners a try]

4. Peak Swap

This is to have penetrative physical sex with someone other than one’s partner. The idea is almost the definition of swinging, but not necessarily the same.

5. Group Game

This term signifies the activities involving multiple players in the same layout.

It usually defines a group of four or more people interacting physically. The most common are two couples, although it can be any gender of four or more people. [Read: Crazy, wild sex parties for couples or friends you can host at home]

6. Ménage a Trios

Also known as threesomes, this is one of the most common methods of entering the swinging lifestyle for beginners. 

A lot of couples will carry on with threesomes long after they become an integral part of swinging. In this, all three involved people interact with each other in bed.

7. Extreme Measures

These include things such as spanking, bondage, and water sports. [Read: BDSM tips and tricks for curious first-timers]

The majority of these are very uncommon at most swingers’ parties unless the hosts have chosen a theme for the night, in which case you will be notified well before the night of the party.

8. Bi-Factor

People of the same gender interact with each other sexually. This is much more common among women than men, but it doesn’t mean every woman will indulge in it. 

Bisexuality between men is extremely rare in the swinging community, is usually frowned upon if not organized prior, and is generally preferred in a separate area. [Read: Pansexual vs. bisexual – all the ways to tell the real difference]

Rules of swinging to follow

Swinging can be tricky and can make people sensitive. So, you want to make sure you follow these rules.

1. One goes, both go

Come as a couple and leave as one. It is not preferable if one goes while the other lags behind. Always go hand in hand without leaving your partner behind. 

Swinging is safer and easier if both partners are comfortable indulging in it. After all, it is a team game, not a solo affair. [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries – how to talk about them and set them]

2. Punctuality 

Arriving at the correct time applies here as well. Turning up late at a party is a turn-off. By the time you’re in, the night would be in full swing. 

You’d only end up making people who are already in the act feel awkward. You won’t know where to fit in too. Inform the host beforehand if you are going to be late, or you may not be invited again.

3. Courtesy

The lifestyle of the swingers isn’t a piece of cake. Sometimes it is complex and complicated with lots of insecurities and uncertainties. [Read: Freaky sex – what it means, myths, and 15 racy ways to get wild in bed]

Courtesy is the key to easing up. Behave with people just like you would like them to behave towards you. Be sensible, thoughtful, and understanding.

4. RSVP to invitations

Even if you don’t wish to attend, answer all invitations. It is very annoying for a host if they don’t know how many people are going to turn up. Reply by phone or mail and express your gratitude for the invitation whether you go or don’t.

5. Gift for the host

Don’t go to a party empty-handed. Ask the host about what you could get for them. Get something racy or simple for the hosts every time you attend a swingers’ party. See, it’s just like a normal party, isn’t it? [Read: Passion party – what it is, what happens in it, and how to host one]

6. The right attire

Wear clothes that are practical and will be comfortable for you as the night progresses. Carrying a robe or a negligee is a good idea. 

Take only as much cash as you require. Keep your bling, jewelry, and other valuables to the bare minimum. Losing them will be a headache to you and an embarrassment to the hosts.

7. Health and hygiene

Oral hygiene is a basic necessity for everyone. Bad breath or body odor is a big turn-off for your potential partners. Shower and groom well before you leave for the party. [Read: 31 hot secrets to be beautiful and look and feel way more attractive in no time!]

Good cologne, perfumes, or body sprays will give you an edge in the environment. The best way to enjoy the party is by freshening up as you reach there.

8. Enjoy yourself 

The whole idea is to have fun and enjoy your time there, so participate in activities that make you feel comfortable. Don’t let anyone pressurize you to do something you don’t like. 

This may be the most important one. Approach every activity with an open mind and a positive attitude. Act out your fantasies and enjoy yourself! [Read: Kinky sex positions for a wild night every day of the week]

9. The right to say ‘NO’

This is the fundamental etiquette in swinging, the right to say ‘no’. It is simple and straightforward, and polite to say ‘no, thank you’. Explanations and alibis aren’t required as these may cause embarrassment and hurt you. 

You shouldn’t be afraid to decline an invitation. It is the only way to avoid doing something you might regret afterward. And that might just create more ill feelings and embarrassment.

10. Friendliness

Be a friend to all, even if you don’t want to extend the night or don’t have any interest in getting physical with someone. [Read: 26 social mind tricks to be more friendly, outgoing, and talkative instantly]

You may catch a vibe by being nice to the others in the community. In return, they may put you across to people who you may be interested in.

Swinging can be every bit as invigorating, exciting, and fulfilling as you can ever imagine. It opens a window to explore your favorite fantasies in safe mode. 

You and your partner can work out in private, and yet you can enjoy another couple or get a group swing in just one evening. [Read: 71 friendly, funny questions to get to know someone in a happy way]

Meeting new interesting people and making bold friends are potential side-effects of swinging. 

Swinging also has the common positive effect of enhancing your relationship and personal life to a great extent. The positive feeling about yourself, your mate, and your relationship is the most important factor while swinging.

What’s the difference between success and failure?

The difference between making a success of swinging and making a mess of it all comes down to the amount of discussion, consensus, and planning on the subject. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]

Let’s face it: a great deal of trust in each other has to be involved for a couple to take this revolutionary step down the sexual path.

The chances that you both wake up one day, think you want to get into swinging, find the ideal partners the first time, and enjoy the initial occasion of swinging as much as you thought you would are slim, indeed.

There will be differences of opinion, not only between you and your partner but also between you as a couple and those you invite into your bedroom. [Read: Arousing sex fantasies to try in real life]

There may also be more significant disagreements about how you want to go about things. 

To ensure that these don’t encroach too much upon the lifestyle you both desire, follow the 10 steps below. If you do, things should be relatively plain sailing.

1. Swinging makes a poor counselor

The first thing to remember about swinging is that it is no cure for relationship issues. [Read: Relationship therapy – 25 clues to know if it’ll help your romance]

Many people go into this lifestyle because they feel there is something amiss in their relationship and that a bit of spicing it up will help get it back on track.

Well, NEWSFLASH: that just isn’t the case. Not only is swinging unlikely to help, but in the case of an extant issue, it’s more probable that it will hasten you toward a relationship exit. 

Swinging should only be undertaken by a couple in a loving relationship, or it just tends to further open the cracks. If there are issues with your relationship, see a counselor, instead. [Read: Big signs you need sex therapy and how to face it]

2. Singing from the same hymn sheet

Before you enter into a swinging relationship, make sure you’re both equally interested in the prospect. You really have to be sure about this. 

Some couples tend to do anything to please their partner—even if they aren’t 100% sold on the idea. If you’re unsure, you must tell your partner and talk it through, or it could cause serious problems in your relationship.

3. Thinking it through

You might both be sold on the idea of swinging, and have gotten really excited about it, but can you really do it? [Read: Open relationship questions to ask if you’re ready to start swinging]

Put the idealized image out of your head for a moment.

Think about the fact that you’ll be exposing yourself to complete strangers, and that you will be experiencing different smells *not bad, necessarily, but different*.

And that there may be a great deal of fumbling and awkwardness until you all get a little more used to each other. [Read: Awkward signs you’re having bad sex with your lover]

Maybe now it doesn’t sound as great as you first thought. If so, maybe a further sit-down and discussion with your partner is needed.

4. Take it easy

This is a major lifestyle change and not something to be rushed into. 

The discussion stage should go on for a period of weeks, not just one night. Likewise, the approach to the act itself should be approached cautiously. Get your confidence up BEFORE you take the plunge. [Try: The do’s and don’ts of swinging]

5. Take your pick

There are different types of swinging, which you and your partner have to decide on. Full swap, soft swap, same room, different room, watching only… the variations are myriad. 

So, get Googling, do your research, and decide which suits you best.

6. The perfect choice

Next, decide what kind of partners you want. [Read: 21 must-know ways to ask someone for a threesome and join you in bed]

Some people like the anonymity of free-for-all swinging clubs, whereas some prefer to build a more intimate relationship with one or two couples. Just make sure your choice of partners suits both of you.

7. Keeping it social

The best way to ruin a swinging session is to have someone turn up who really doesn’t fit the bill. 

Always try to meet a potential swinging couple first to see if the match is a good one before progressing any further. [Dig in: The kinks adventurous couples have to try at least once in their lives]

8. The ground rules

Between yourselves and also with the other couple you are inviting into the bedroom, you need to decide the ground rules first.

Although you are entering a pretty open and no-holds-barred lifestyle, there may still be some things that you’d prefer to keep for each other, and these should be decided upon first so that no one gets hurt. 

It is quite common in swinging, for instance, for there to be a no-kissing rule, as kissing is generally seen as something intimate and loving rather than sexual. [Read: Threesome rules – 20 things you need to be clear about before bringing someone else to bed]

9. The “nays” have it

Throughout all stages of your progression down the swinging lifestyle path, it is important that you agree to and maintain a veto option. 

Essentially, should one of you have any second thoughts at any stage, you should be able to express that in a way that your partner will listen and respond to, maturely and without question. [Read: 78 sexy, dirty, wild things to say in bed and make them horny during sex]

10. Secret code

It’s really helpful in a swinging situation to have a secret code that only you and your partner understand. Hand signals or keywords could do the job equally well, and might range from a “let’s get out of here!” to a “let’s stay!” 

The details, dear swingers, are up to you.

[Read next: The complete couple’s guide to swapping partners with another couple]

Swinging is a great lifestyle to get involved in, as long as both you and your partner are equally interested and as long as you both understand the rules. Just remember: swinging is a joint pursuit, not a replacement for something you already have.