Spark in a Relationship: 20 Reasons Why It’s Gone & How to Bring It Back

It’s not uncommon for couples to lose the spark in their relationship. Here are why this happens and the steps you can take to get it back again.

When you lose the spark in a relationship, it’s not always because both of you don’t have time for each other. Almost always, it’s because both of you just aren’t having enough fun together!

All relationships start with a bang. But then a few months or years may pass by, and one fine day, both of you realize that there’s still love and togetherness in the relationship. But it’s just not fun anymore!

The relationship’s boring, both of you just live together and yet share nothing exciting with each other. And both of you convince yourselves that a romantic relationship exists only for togetherness, and only the first few stages of romance feel like fun.

[Read: The 9 stages of love all couples go through in their lifetime]

But that’s just wrong because a relationship is meant to be fun, no matter which stage of love you’re in!

Both of you need to start feeling like little frisky, horny kids again. And most importantly, both of you need to stop giving up on each other and make the effort to bring the wild passion and excitement back into the relationship!

[Read: 20 honest reasons why you may be bored with your relationship]

Why do couples lose the spark in their relationship?

You are probably wondering why couples even lose that spark in their relationship, to begin with. It shouldn’t be so difficult to maintain, right? Well, for many couples it is. So, let’s look at some reasons that this happens.

1. You take each other for granted

The easiest *and yet the harshest* way to reason this loss of spark in your romance is because both of you have started taking each other for granted and given up on trying to impress each other. [Read: Am I being taken for granted? 25 signs, how it starts and how to fix it]

2. You stop pleasing each other

One partner may have stopped pleasing the other. And the other partner too may have eventually followed suit. And life just goes on normally because both partners now don’t need to try and impress each other anymore. *because the other partner isn’t doing it!* [Read: How to make your man happy – 30 ways to leave him smitten and hooked]

3. Routine sets in

When we first start dating someone, it’s like taking a hit of your favorite drug. We are literally “high on love” with all the love hormones coming from our brains.

But then, the spark in the relationship wears off. And you return to reality and come down from your love high. Then you get into a routine, and usually, it’s a boring one.

4. Children

If you have children with your partner, then that is a major change in your life. Babies, toddlers, children, and teenagers are all difficult in their own way.

But regardless, they all take attention away from your time with each other. And that can certainly dim the spark in your relationship.

5. Work

Everyone has to work to put food on the table and a roof over their head. But sometimes, people have to work long and difficult hours.

This is something else that takes time away from having fun in a relationship. Even if someone is choosing to work long hours, being a workaholic can definitely dim the spark too. [Read: Love or career? How to make the right choice]

6. You fight too much

When you first start dating, there is very little conflict because you both are just too happy. But as time goes on, a lot of couples start to fight.

If you don’t know how to handle your disagreements effectively, it can take its toll on the spark in the relationship. Too much fighting can really drag the two of you down.

7. Mismatched sex drives

When one partner wants to have a lot of sex and the other one doesn’t, this puts a lot of stress on the relationship – and it certainly can ruin the spark.

The one who wants to have sex feels rejected, and the other one feels annoyed and pressured to do it more than they want. This definitely is a big cause of the spark going out. [Read: 20 sexual problems in a relationship you can easily avoid]

8. Loss of physical attraction

If you have been together with your partner for a while, maybe one or both of you have let yourself go. Maybe you have gained a lot of weight or just stopped caring about how you look overall.

If that’s true, then there might just be some loss of attraction for your partner. When there’s no attraction, there can be no spark. [Read: 12 real signs you’re feeling a loss of attraction for your partner]

9. No shared activities

In order to have a happy, healthy relationship, you have to share similar interests and want to do things together.

So, if one of you is playing video games 24/7 and ignoring their partner, then there can be no spark in the relationship. You have to do things as a couple and explore the world and have some fun.

10. Resentment

If you don’t fight fairly, or if one partner is excessively selfish or narcissistic, then there can be a lot of resentment that builds up over time.

When someone resents another person, it’s almost impossible to feel the passion and have a spark with them. So, you need to keep an eye on building resentment so you can work through it before it causes a problem. [Read: 19 signs of resentment in a relationship that hurts both of you and how to spot it ASAP]

The most important steps to bring the spark into your relationship

The spark in your love life may be missing, but it’s definitely not gone for good. All of us have a choice, and we can bring that magical spark back into love if we choose to.

But you need to remember that something that’s been missing for a while would take a considerable amount of time to come back again.

Bringing the spark back into the relationship can be a lot of fun, and it can make both of you feel like little kids again, but it does take some time and patience. But we can assure you, with every step along the way, you’ll feel closer and more alive than ever before!

Follow these steps, one step at a time, starting from the first all the way to the tenth.

And by the time you get to the last step, you won’t just rekindle the spark in your romance, both of you would feel completely infatuated by each other, all over again! [Read: A step-by-step guide to staying in love forever with your lover]

1. Make time for each other

Every big change starts in small ways, and this is one such start. The first thing you need to do is learn to make time for each other. It’s not about living together or sleeping together, but about bonding together or sharing something that’s fun. 

Schedule a few hours every week, maybe a Sunday evening, to do something that both of you enjoy, like watching a movie or working on a pet project together.

2. Communicate

Don’t give up on each other. It’s the biggest mistake you can make. Making time for each other is a start, but communication is what brings both of you closer together. Talk to each other frankly *sugarcoating the truth won’t hurt though!* and if there are a few things you don’t like about your partner, talk about it with them.

And likewise, listen to your partner’s opinions and take them into consideration too. Try to change for each other and learn from each other.

The second step is the hardest step, because it may annoy and frustrate both of you. But remember, this is an important part of the healing process and it will fix you! [Read: How to communicate in a relationship -16 steps to a much better love life]

3. Pillow talk

Don’t bring your worries into bed. Don’t bring your gadgets or reading material into bed. This is the biggest mistake lovers do.

When you enter step three, make a habit of getting into bed with no distractions and just lie down together, even if it seems awkward or boring in bed because there are tons of things you could rather do.

You may not have too many things to talk about initially, but as a few nights pass, both of you may start talking to each other and communicating in a much better way. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and 14 cozy conversations in bed]

4. Get fit

Well, yes, this sucks, but you need to do this. Most couples let go after getting married or when they get into a long-term relationship. They pile up several pounds, they stop dressing up and they just don’t care anymore. If you’re that partner, change yourself.

How would you care for your appearance if you were single, and if you had to go on a first date with someone you like, just how much of an effort would you put into dressing up for them?

Do you make the same effort for your partner who loves you and cares for you? Most probably, you don’t. And why is that? Do you think your partner deserves less of you than a stranger on a first date? 

You may not want to admit it, but the fact is, you’re taking your lover for granted and just don’t care about their opinions. And it’s time you stop that.

Try to impress your lover and win their appreciation. Look good, dress well, use perfume, flirt and attract their attention! [Read: 30 easy ways to motivate yourself to work out and look a lot sexier]

5. Surprise each other

The romantic gestures may have been forgotten, but it has to be brought back into your relationship. And if you care enough to bring the spark back into your relationship, you need to start somewhere. 

Do you remember how often you used to do nice things for each other at the start of the relationship? Why stop now? Is it because it’s easier to just laze on the couch instead of walking down a street and buying flowers or a little sweet treat for your lover?

Make the effort to woo each other and surprise each other, at least in little ways. You can start small, and your partner will start reciprocating your effort too. [Read: 25 simple and sweet romantic gestures you can use every single day!]

6. Go clubbing

Remember, the loss of spark in love isn’t because of too much distance in love, it’s because both of you have forgotten to have fun together. So do just that! Go out, paint the town red and have fun together.

Get drunk, party hard, dance and grind against each other, kiss on the dance floor, and laugh out loud. Even if you feel too old to dance all night long, try to make the effort to go out to places where you and your partner can have a wild and fun time. [Read: 10 dirty drinking games for naughty boys and girls]

7. Go on a vacation or a short getaway

The first few steps would bring both of you closer together and bond better. And now, it’s time to make a bigger change. Take off on a vacation or a weekend getaway.

But don’t plan something romantic just yet. Remember, there’s always the awkward feeling at the back of your mind because you’re doing all this not because you feel like it, but because you want to reignite the romance and bring back the spark in the relationship. So don’t put too much pressure on trying to focus on romance.

Plan a fun vacation to a beach where the two of you can party all night long, meet new and exciting people together, and have a fun time.

When you have fun together, romance will find a way back into your lives, so stop worrying about romance just yet!

8. Get intimate

Asking each other fun questions is a great way to open new conversations and get to know each other better. On a lazy weekend together, lie down in bed or on the couch, and ask each other a series of intimate and yet revealing questions.

You should make them as interesting and sexy as you possibly can. Using these questions will help both of you feel a lot closer, and most importantly, it’ll rekindle the sexual excitement in the relationship! [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to bring the spark back into love]

9. Get naughty

A happy romantic relationship needs a good dose of love and sex. So try to bring the sizzle back into your bedroom if you want to bring the spark back in the relationship!

Experiment in bed, and try a few naughty things in bed that both of you haven’t tried before. [Read: 50 kinky sex ideas that are worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

But if both of you don’t feel very horny in each other’s company just yet, don’t force sex into the relationship. It never works. It may just lead to painful sex or a limp member.

Instead, create scenarios where you can turn your lover on instead, or talk about naughty things that turn your partner on. Sex will happen naturally! [Read: 10 sexy things to do to make married sex feel like a one night stand]

10. Bring romance back into your lives

Now that you’ve followed the first nine steps, both of you would already feel a lot more passionate and happy in your love life. And now that happy love and passionate sex have found their way back into your love life, you need to learn to keep it that way.

Don’t take your partner for granted again. Woo them, serenade them, plan romantic ideas every now and then, and impress and awe them all the time. 

Each time you feel lazy or too bored to bring the magic back into love, just ask yourself sincerely if you’re taking your lover for granted. And ask yourself if you’re truly trying your best to make your lover smile. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches you can use to feel more loved]

The best part about a happy relationship is that the effort you take always pays you back a hundredfold. So stop worrying about what you’re going to get back in return, and just open your heart out to your lover.

And you won’t just bring the spark back into your relationship, you’ll bring happiness back into your lives too!

[Read: 25 really romantic ideas to make your lover melt every single time!]

It may seem like a bit of an effort, but just try these steps to reignite the lost spark in your relationship. It’ll surely change your life for the better, and bring both of you closer in no time.