Spanking Women: 23 Sexy Spanking Secrets to Spank a Girl and Arouse Her

If you’ve always wanted to try spanking, it’s important to know the full story. Sexy spanking is pleasurable, but go too far and it’s certainly not fun. 

Do you feel bored in the bedroom? Have you had sex with your partner in every nook and cranny of your house? If you feel like your sex life needs some excitement, why not try some sexy spanking?

For some, a little playful spanking is enough to take the sexual tension and excitement up a few notches. What makes sexual spanking so appealing is the taboo and naughty air it brings to the table, which is a major turn-on in itself.

There is also a slight domination/submission dynamic coming into play, where one is in control of the spankings, and the other is at the mercy of the whims of the other.

On a more physical level, that smack on the bottom causes your blood flow to increase to your butt and your nearby genitals, making it more sensitive and thereby increasing arousal. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

What exactly is sexy spanking?

In a sexual sense, spanking means that you slap your partner on the buttocks. This can be done jokingly but with a sexy hint when you walk past her in the house, or you can make it a more sexualized experience. 

In this case, the woman would lay over your lap and you would expose the bare skin of her buttock, slapping it repeatedly. 

Many people who enjoy the actual giving of spanks find pleasure in the slapping noise and the slight redness of the skin after the hand makes contact. For those who receive spanking, it’s the fine line between pleasure and pain and the slightly taboo vibe going on that gets them going.

By learning how to spank the right way, you’ll both get the best experience. [Read: Tips to help you open up about your kinky side]

Why do we need to be careful with sexy spanking?

As long as both of you consent to spanking, then there’s nothing wrong with it at all. What you do within the confines of your relationship is your business. Learning how to spank does require knowing your partner’s limitations, however. 

You don’t want to actually hurt them. Instead, you want to turn them on to the point where they’re desperate for things to go further and for the two of you to end up in bed, or elsewhere if you can’t make it there! 

Spanking women, or of course, being spanked by a woman, can be done with the flat of the hand, or with a paddle.

Beginners should probably opt for the flat of a hand because a paddle can be a little harsh for the first time spankee! [Read: How to be a dominant – 12 steps to take control and lead in bed]

Why does sexy spanking feel so good?

Some of you may be wondering why spanking feels good. You’re probably thinking, “but wouldn’t it just hurt?” Clearly, you’ve never been spanked during sex before. So it’s easy to understand your reservations.

But there’s actually a reason spanking feels so amazing. Not only is there that primal feel about it. But, spanking actually causes just the right amount of pain that releases endorphins and dopamine into your system as a means to subdue the pain of it. [Read: 32 wild and kinky things to do with your boyfriend in and out of the bedroom]

The results, however, are more than just getting rid of the pain. With dopamine and endorphins being the ‘feel good’ hormones, you actually get a slight happy high from being spanked. 

These chemicals that are normally present when we feel happy are also released whenever we feel pain. That means that yes, spanking is painful, but it also makes us feel GREAT! 

When done right, spanking should never actually be painful per se. It should be a little uncomfortable which then gives way to pleasure.

If you’re actually hurting your partner, you need to pull back and they need to be able to tell you to calm things down. [Read: Naughty is nice – The couples step-by-step guide to erotic spanking]

Myths about spanking

Many people want to try some sexy spanking but they’re put off by the myths that fly around. They’re myths for a reason – they’re not true.

1. Spanking leaves bruises

No, it doesn’t, not if you’re doing it correctly. If you’re leaving bruises, you’re spanking too hard.

2. Spanking is always a punishment

Not at all. While there is that “spank me, I’ve been bad” element to it, it can simply be for a fun time and because it feels good. [Read: 8 “facts” you think you know about BDSM debunked]

3. You can’t hurt someone with sexy spanking

Yes, you can. If you spank too hard and in the wrong place, you can certainly hurt someone.

4. Submissives are usually women

Nope! Men can be submissive too, and many enjoy being spanked.

How do you tell your partner you want to try sexy spanking?

If you think you might like to try sexy spanking, you need to pluck up the courage to tell your partner. It’s very likely that they’ll be thrilled you want to spice things up and try something new, but it’s always a little nerve-wracking having the conversation! [Read: How to open up about sex and get your partner to share their desires]

Simply initiate a conversation where you both talk about your fantasies. Then, bring up spanking as one of yours. You can either say that you’re into spanking and want to try, or that you want to be spanked.

Who knows, maybe the conversation will entice them enough to try straightaway!

Where should you spank?

Spanking in the right way is important because otherwise, you’re more likely to hurt them. [Read: How to be kinky – 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]

The following parts are where you should be aiming:

1. The very top of the buttocks, near the lower back

2. The sides of the buttocks, by the hips

3. The underside of the buttock cheeks

4. The middle, squishy part

How to add spanking to your sex life

Whether you just like sudden, white-hot jolts of pleasurable pain to your derriere or you want to explore your dominant/submissive sides, spanking is a fun and exciting way to intensify the fire in your sex life.

Read the following tips to make the most out of sexy spanking and be the master in bed. [Read: 78 sexy, dirty, wild things to say in bed and make them horny during sex]

1. First introductions

One of the biggest mistakes people make in the spanking stakes is not giving some kind of indication of what is about to occur. No one wants to be flipped over mid-passionate kiss to be spanked across the backside without prior warning.

To play it on the safe side, it’s best to introduce sexy spanking in conversation way before there’s any chance of its happening so you can test the waters somewhat. And if the response is lukewarm, then you’re better off not doing it. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship and make it last]

2. Set a safe word

First of all, you and your partner should both agree on the spanking and on how strong or rough you want it. Establish who will be dominant *the spanker* and who will be submissive *the receiver*.

If you’re going to really rough it up, you should also set a safe word you will say when you want it to end. This tells the dominant partner that you’ve had enough or that you want a certain action to stop.

This can be any word that you both understand, and this rule should always be followed. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex – the right way to get risqué]

3. Warm up

Just because it’s spanking and you both agree that you want it to be hard, doesn’t mean you should go at it with all your might then and there.

If it is your first time, slapping the butt too hard from the get-go can cause stinging pain that may put a halt to the fun before it really starts.

Instead, take it slow at first to let the butt cheeks get used to the sensation. Then increase the force gradually to heighten pleasure. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]

4. Heighten anticipation

Slapping the ass too fast will definitely feel like you’re being too personal and punishing your partner—and not in a naughty way. This can cause discomfort and pain. Plus, it’s not sexy.

What you can do is take your time between each spank, so your partner savors the contrasts of pain and pleasure as you build anticipation.

For example, you can give two to three slow spanks in a row, then you can kiss and let your hands roam to your partner’s privates. After a while, you can slap the ass again, and do something else afterward. [Read: Sexiest foreplay tips you can use in bed]

5. Use various hand techniques

No matter how crude you may think it is, sexy spanking can actually be an art form, even a craft. The way you position your hand and the way you hold it against your partner’s ass can produce different results.

So, when you are slapping your partner’s booty, change it up a little bit.

You can alternate between slapping with cupped hands and slapping with flat palms and fingers. If you get turned on by the sound of sexy spanking, but you don’t want a lot of pain, cupped hands are the way to go.

Meanwhile, slapping with palms and fingers flat on the ass can make a slapping noise and can be more painful. You can start with cupped hands and then progress to flat hands while increasing the force to build anticipation. [Read: How to be a dominant – 12 steps to take control and lead in bed]

6. Make it exciting

Another way to assert your domination if you are the spanker is to make the activity exciting and unexpected. Although you have both set your boundaries beforehand, you can still give your partner a pleasurable surprise by giving mixed stimulations.

During spanking, the ass and genitals become very sensitive, as they fill with blood, so you can apply different techniques to tease, squeeze, swat, and tickle.

You can do lighter swats and more forceful slaps. You can also caress the ass and give it some lovin’ after punishing it. Furthermore, you can also rub your partner’s ass and let your fingers trail to their genitals as a way to give your partner a break, as well as to bring the pleasure back to more familiar territory.

[Read: How to be a dominant – 20 calm and firm ways to be the real alpha]

7. Don’t forget to talk

As with any relationship, communication is important. Beyond watching out for your partner’s body language, it is also important to—ahem—talk dirty. Besides, if you are going down the naughty road, you should be able to talk the talk.

Give encouraging words to your partner if you’re on the receiving end. This will allow your partner to know when you’re enjoying yourself and will encourage them to continue. Talking dirty and vocally expressing your pleasure *or pain* are great for turning up the heat on your session. [Read: 15 dirty ways to have the sexiest rough sex ever]

8. Take out the props

The hand is one of the most common tools for spanking. It’s all-natural and free, too! However, there are plenty of spanking tools available to cater to all your spanking needs. This gives you and your partner plenty of options when it comes to what you want to use in bed.

You can use whips, floggers, paddles, canes, or even feather ticklers. These instruments provide a wide variety of sensations, from tickles to sexual torture, that will leave nerve endings quivering in bliss.

9. Choose your positions

There are many ways to go about spanking your partner or being spanked. Aside from bending over with your feet spread apart on the floor and your hands straight out on the bed, you can also explore other positions.

You can have you or your partner tied up bondage-style, lying face down on the bed, bent over a couch or chair, hands and knees on the floor, handcuffed to the bed, or laid across and over the knee. [Read: Ways to make doggy style your favorite sex position]

10. Roleplay

Sexy spanking is a way for you and your partner to unleash facets of your sexuality. It can be exhilarating and liberating. To further amp up that other side of your sexual persona, you can role-play.

You can start the role play early in the day through some naughty sexts. Build it up until later in the day when you two are together, and both of you will be throbbing with naughty thoughts that you are eager to consummate.

11. Cleanliness is next to godliness

If you’re going to be the passive partner in the couple *the one getting spanked*, then make sure you’re clean beforehand.

Do remember that you’re going to have your butt wiggling in your partner’s face and even the slightest hint of a less than perfectly deep-cleaned posterior is likely to spoil the atmosphere. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex: The right way to get risqué]

12. Clothes or no clothes

Another decision to make with spanking is whether to do it dressed or undressed, or even both. Undressed is more sensual, for instance, whereas dressed spanking can allow for a little more forcefulness without too much added pain.

It all depends on what kind of effect you’re after. [Read: 22 honest secrets to look good naked and feel great without any clothes]

13. Men and women respond to sexy spanking differently

There will be many reading this who have automatically envisaged a man in the dominant role, but the opposite is just as often the case. Lots of men enjoy being relieved of their normal societal position of dominance once in the bedroom.

However, men and women are not the same. To begin with, although this doesn’t matter if the pain is part of the pleasure, women have a higher pain threshold than men. They also typically have more fat in the buttocks area to soften the blow.

Thus, equivalent slaps across a woman’s and a man’s buttocks are likely to hurt the latter more, so keep this in mind if you’re trying out a little role reversal. [Read: Tips to get your partner to open up about sex]

14. Keep an eye on their reactions 

After starting lightly, you can proceed to a few harder smacks. But in order to be spanking the right way, you should always gauge their reaction. Then you can decipher what’s too much and when they want more.

Pay attention to how much they tense up and even their facial expression. Any excessive amount of tension and a pained look on their face is telling you to tone it down and not spank them so hard. 

Also, listen to their words and sounds – they should not sound uncomfortable or like they’re not enjoying themselves. They should be moaning in a good way! [Read: BDSM tips and tricks for curious first-timers]

15. Spontaneous spanking is fine, as long you know they’re into it 

Your partner should be surprised by your spanking, but not so taken aback that it actually scares them. When spanking your partner, always make sure consent is given first.

This can also have a lot to do with timing and how forcefully you’re spanking them too. So choose an opportune moment and keep the pressure at a medium level. [Read: Often-overlooked sex moves every woman will love in bed]

16. Rub the area before and after sexy spanking 

Not only is this a nice little warning, but it also soothes the area post-spanking and makes it all the more pleasurable. This is also a sexy way you can transition into other positions or give yourself a break between positions.

Of course, you’ll enjoy the feel of their warm, bare skin under your hand and you’ll get a real kick out of it too. [Read: Massaging your partner to orgasm – 20 pivotal do’s and don’ts]

17. Show your confidence 

Spanking shouldn’t be done by a shy and hesitant hand. You have to be confident in your spanking and demanding. You should be taking on a whole new persona when you start introducing spanking into your sex life.

Confidence will also take all the tension and anticipation to the next level. The receiver will also feel safer in the hands of someone who acts like they know what they’re doing.

The whole point of spanking is that you need to show your partner that you’re in control, they’re safe in your hands, and that you’re going to show them a good time. [Read: 21 secrets to be more sexual and fall in love with the sexy side of you]

18. Be prepared for the possibility that they might not be into sexy spanking

Maybe you’ve decided to try sexy spanking together but once you do, your partner doesn’t like it. If that’s the case, don’t worry. You both tried and that’s it.

Spicing up your sex life won’t always work the way you think it’s going to, but you can work through these things together and find something else you both really enjoy.

Also, maybe you suggest spanking to your partner and they’re horrified at the idea. Again, don’t worry. Just find something else to do! [Read: Healthy relationship boundaries – How to talk about them and set them]

19. Do some aftercare

Post-spanking, you need to look after your partner’s red behind! A little ice might be nice, but if that’s too harsh for them, some moisturizing lotion gently rubbed into their sore skin will help them to sit more comfortably.

Also, remember that spanking is a light version of BDSM, so cuddling and sweet nothings in their ear will be a nice transition back to normal life.

Are you ready to try sexy spanking?

Now that you have a guide to spanking, you can try out the different tips and tricks on your partner to intensify your sex life. Just be sure to establish your roles, set a safe word, and add variety to your moves.

Whether you’re into spanking women, men, or you want to be spanked, it’s a fun and enjoyable experience to have with your partner.

[Read: From the red room to the real world – BDSM in your boudoir]

It is important to keep in mind that trust is crucial if you’re going to start sexy spanking. Make sure you trust your partner, and that neither of you will do anything you haven’t agreed on.