Sex & Marriage Truths: How Often Do Married People Have Sex?

Some people think that marriage is your golden ticket to having sex every day with the person you love. But how often do married people have sex actually?

When I was young, I thought once you’re married, you’d have sex all the time. With that crazy spark lasting until you’re both old and grey. Now, it does for some couples, but that doesn’t come easily. What I’m trying to say is, marriage is a lot of work. So, how often do married people have sex?

How often do married people have sex really? The statistical truth

Like myself, I wanted to know how often married couples actually have sex. Well, there are many factors to consider, such as age and how long you’ve been married. However, one study found that 13% of married couples have sex a few times per year, 45% have sex a few times a month, 34% reported two to three times per week, and 7% reported four or more times per week.

So, if you’re married, you probably fit yourself in one of those categories. But is the category you’re in not where you want to be? You can change that.

How to have sex more often after marriage

Now that you know to answer to, how often do married people have sex, don’t lose hope. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean it’ll all go downhill or that you can’t have fun in the bedroom anymore. Let’s work through the low sex count and try to ramp those numbers up with these steps.

#1 Why aren’t you having sex? Find the root of the problem. Is it just because you both are so busy with kids, work, and the house? Or is it something deeper? Take some time to really look at why your sex life is in a slump. Once you see the problems, work towards a solution. [Read: Love and affection: The magic spark in long-term relationships]

#2 Decide to put sex first. I know we’re taught to put kids first, but in all honesty, you should be putting yourself and your marriage first. If not, how will you be able to raise your children in a happy and supportive home? Exactly. So, you need to put your relationship in priority right now. Which means, you’ll need to focus on sexy time.

#3 Don’t be scared to go to the doctor. Depending on your age and health, it could be that your low sex drive is a hormonal issue. That can easily be fixed. So, don’t feel ashamed to get a check-up at your doctors. They could be the one to kick-start your sex drive and you can then work towards a happier home. [Read: How to get in the mood for sex, get horny and beat the dry spell]

#4 Ain’t nothing wrong with some therapy. Why not go to sex therapy? I mean, you guys have obviously been together for some time so, naturally, the sex can become routine and somewhat dull. Sex therapists help you connect in different ways, and also show you various techniques that you two can incorporate in the bedroom. [Read: 9 big signs you need sex therapy]

#5 Act on the small feelings. I get it, sometimes you don’t feel like having sex. But there are those times when I don’t want to and my partner tries to warm me up and then, bam! I’m in the mood. It’s like going to the gym. You may not feel like it now, but once you get your running shoes and workout clothes on, you start feeling the vibe. So, don’t be so quick to swat the hand away.

#6 Show appreciation to your partner. When you’ve been with someone for a long period, you forget to show your love and appreciation to them. Of course, you love them and they know it, but you have to show it. Tell your partner that they look sexy today or surprise them with breakfast in bed. Sure, they’re small acts, but they hold a lot of weight. [Read: How to sound sexy in bed and arouse your partner]

#7 Have date night. With work, kids, and everything else, sometimes you just don’t have enough time. You may be thinking that date nights are kinda lame, but they’re not! They’re a great way to take a step out of your daily grind and do something fun with your partner. You get to communicate, laugh, unwind, and have sex. What more do you want?

#8 Bring back communication. It doesn’t even have to be sexual, I mean, basic communication. You know, now we have all forms of social media; however, I feel that we’re more disconnected than ever. So, put down your phone and spend some time really talking to your partner. [Read: Contempt in relationships: 12 steps to set your animosity free]

#9 Talk about your fantasies. Is there something that you want to try? I mean, fantasies change through time, so express your sexual needs to your partner. Maybe you want to have sex in a car or have a blowjob in a movie theater. [Read: How to talk about your fantasies without sounding like a pervert]

#10 Work on yourself. Maybe the lack of sex in your relationship is also due to you. Maybe you feel insecure about your body or going through mild depression. Whatever it is, it’s affecting your relationship. Which means, you need to spend some time focusing on yourself, that way, you can be present in your relationship. [Read: 25 inspirational tips to get motivated to work out]

#11 Throw in a quickie. You don’t have to have a scheduled date and time to have sex. Sometimes to bring back the excitement, you must be spontaneous. So, wake up a little earlier before work and surprise them with a quickie. You’ll see the after-effect. You’re welcome.

#12 Have fun with it. Okay, so maybe you are both aware that you need more sex in your relationship, however, don’t try to go about it all serious. Sex is supposed to be fun. This shouldn’t feel like a chore or a stressful experience. You should be spending more time giggling, talking, and having fun. [Read: 15 sexy ways to have the best quickie every time]

#13 Stay positive. Remember, passion needs work. It’s just a fact. Don’t get bummed out if the sex wasn’t amazing. It takes work and communication. So, keep yourself positive and try to work with your partner on your sex lives. Leave your negativity out of the bedroom.

[Read: How to have better sex: 13 ways to change the way you make love]

Now that you have the answers to the confusing question, how often do married people have sex, it’s time that you take these tips and put them into practice. It’ll take some work, but, come on, it sounds pretty fun.