Sex for the First Time: 37 Must-Knows & Secrets About Losing Your Virginity

Are you ready to lose your virginity? Sex for the first time can be intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be with these tips and secrets for your first time!

When you’re having sex for the first time the excitement may be overpowering, but at the same time, it’s very easy to let anxiety take over you too. Even the smallest of worries can seem scarier when you’re losing your virginity.

Largely based on culture and personal beliefs, people have different opinions on what is right or when is the perfect time to lose your virginity. These opinions create pressure to “get it right” the first time. Well, we’re here to tell you there isn’t a right or wrong way to have sex for the first time.

So, before you jump into bed and make love for the first time, here are a few tips and answers that can definitely help ease the anxiety and improve the pleasure! [Read: 15 real-life tips to look a lot sexier when you’re naked!]

What is virginity?

If you’re new to sexual lingo, virginity is the state of never having had sex. If you’ve never had sex with someone before, congratulations, you’re a virgin.

Virginity gets tricky to define because sex means different things to different people. For some, losing your virginity happens when a penis penetrates a vagina.

The problem with this definition is that it excludes a lot of other kinds of sexual acts and orientations. Other people define sex to be oral, anal, phone sex, handjobs, or fingering—the list goes on. [Read: Main types of sex and 23 fun ways to make intercourse more fun & hot!]

The circumstances in which you have sex also determine whether someone you’ve lost your virginity. Some people believe virginity can only be lost when sex is had for the first time between two consenting partners.

At the end of the day, the definition of virginity is up to the person themselves. Your virginity may look different than someone else’s. No one can tell you what makes you a virgin or the right way to lose your virginity. After all, it’s only a social construct.

What does it mean to be a virgin?

Being a virgin means something different to everyone. Some people see their virginity as something “sacred and pure,” while it means absolutely nothing to others.

A “virgin” is just a concept created by society. There is no defining trait that makes someone a virgin, it is just a word reclaimed by some people who haven’t had sex before. Many people don’t think this term holds any value nor do they think it means anything to “lose” it.

What matters is not whether or not you’re a virgin, but how you feel about your sexual experiences. As long as you are happy and content with your sexuality, that is all that matters.

What’s the average age people lose their virginity?

There is no magic age where you’re automatically ready to have sex with someone.

That doesn’t exist. You’re ready when you say you are and ONLY when you say you are. Nobody else has the power to tell you that just because you’re a 20-year-old that you’re ready for it.

Can other people tell when you’ve lost your virginity?

The simple answer is no, other people can’t tell whether or not you’ve lost your virginity.

This is because virginity isn’t something that can be seen, touched, or sensed. In fact, the concept of virginity is a social construct. That’s right, virginity itself is technically not a “real” thing. [Read: Why am I so horny? 21 signs, reasons, hypersexuality & when to seek help]

Society has built up such a stigma around losing your virginity that it seems like a big deal to most people. It’s really not.

Honestly, it’s more like a rite of passage. Just like when you learned to crawl, walk, and ride a 2-wheel bike. It’s really not as big a deal as you think it is. And once it’s over with, you’ll realize that.

Absolutely no one needs to know whether or not you’ve had sex for the first time. A lot of people feel like they have to tell someone once the deed is done, like an announcement that they’re no longer a virgin. But this is unnecessary.

If you want to keep it to yourself, kind of like your own little secret, then by all means—do that!

Can you get your virginity back?

Some people put value on who, where, when, and why they lose their virginity, while it means nothing to others.

Virginity is subjective to the person. Regardless of how you feel about virginity as a social construct, it’s true that you can only have sex for the first time just once in your lifetime!

And you can’t take it back. So, if you think you’re ready to have sex, talk about it with your partner. Both of you should feel ready to have sex, and even if one of you isn’t ready just yet, wait a while. [Read: Having sex with someone new for the first time? 17 must-follow rules]

Don’t give in to pressure or do it because a friend of yours says it’s amazing. Having sex for the first time feels perfect only if the two people indulging in it communicate with each other and care about each other.

If you’re being arm-twisted into having sex for the first time, it could leave you feeling emotionally scarred and you may end up remembering it as a bad experience.

At the end of the day, you shouldn’t have to wonder whether you’ll get your virginity back because you should only lose it when you’re confident and comfortable.

How to have sex for the first time and enjoy it

There’s always a first time for everything in life. And it always helps to know a few rules and a few tips to make sure you enjoy any of your first experiences. When it comes to having sex, it works just the same way.

Use these suggestions when you’re prepared to have sex and you’ll know the basics about how to have sex for the first time and the little details to make it more pleasurable. [Read: 27 naughty, sexy & fun games to play with your boyfriend in & out of the bed!]

1. Do it with someone you love

Total cliché? Maybe. Does it have merit? Absolutely. Losing your virginity is far from how it’s depicted on the big screen or in sexy novels.

You likely won’t be experiencing earth-shattering orgasms, but you can be building a bond of trust and intimacy if you make it happen with someone you love.

Better to look back and say you did it with someone who cared about you and your needs than be forced to admit you lost your virginity to a drunken one-night stand! [Read: 196 fun & deep relationship questions to test your couple compatibility]

2. Plan it beforehand

Do you want to plan out your night with candles and music to really set the mood? Where are you going to do the deed? Who is providing the protection?

This might seem like it’ll take the magic out of the situation, but you’ll find that the more open you are with your partner about your expectations and what turns you on, the more fantastic your sex life will be!

3. Don’t be drunk

You may assume having a couple of drinks would ease the nerves and make you more confident about having sex for the first time. But, it rarely works in your favor.

You’ll want to be fully present for this experience, so skip the drinking. And especially for the guy, having one drink too many may leave him with a limp member in bed. [Read: How to last longer in bed – 34 secrets for men to go long & hard]

4. Take safety measures before having sex

If both of you are ready to have sex with each other, then there shouldn’t be any awkwardness talking about each other’s sexual history. After all, it’s always better to know where it’s been before you put it inside you!

And no matter what the circumstances are, always use protection. Being on the pill may protect you from an unexpected pregnancy, but that’s not enough.

Make sure the guy uses a condom every time there’s penetration so both of you can feel protected from sexually transmitted diseases.

5. Don’t use porn as a teaching tool

As someone who is just starting out their sexual career, you may be tempted to use porn as a teaching tool. If this is your idea of education, you may need to go another route. Porn is more likely to make you either a selfish lover or a very misguided one.

Porn teaches many false lessons, from depicting that women enjoy violent sex *they don’t*, to the claim that women are magical orgasming machines, and that all you have to do is thrust in and out. Where’s the clit action or the foreplay? [Read: Alternatives to porn – 16 ways to get hot and wet without porn]

While there is porn out there for girls, the world of adult film is still largely male-dominated, meaning you won’t be finding much in the way of females enjoying themselves on film.

In fact, you’ll be hard-pressed to find porn where a guy is going down on a girl for more than a minute or two. Porn is about angles, not real tips for satisfaction.

6. Make the mood count

Let’s get to the baseline: the sex will probably be bad, but the atmosphere doesn’t have to be! Whether you want to play music, light candles, or have a major massage session before the deed, make sure your surroundings will fully immerse you in the moment.

This is the first time, so try to avoid all kinds of distractions. Switch off your cell phones. Take it easy, stay focused on each other, and learn each other’s likes and dislikes with each to-and-fro motion. [Read: Ways to make your bedroom more romantic]

7. Make sure you’re alone

Living with your parents may make getting it on a little more difficult, but if at all possible, make sure your first time is spent in an empty house or in a hotel.

This will make both of you much more comfortable, and this allows you to take as much time as you’d like during your session. Bonus perk? Being alone allows you both to be as loud as you want!

8. Communicate

You should be communicating with each other far before any penetration happens. Always check in on your partner to ensure they’re feeling comfortable, and the same goes for you.

Talk about what feels good and what you like. Communicating about pain or pleasure is always a good way to understand each other’s likes and dislikes in bed.

This goes for body language and facial expressions as well. Keep an eye on each other’s facial expressions to make sure no one is in pain or upset.

Not only that, but it also helps the two of you get in the mood when you’re whispering compliments and dirty talk to each other. [Read: How to dirty talk – 36 sexy tips & 55 examples to turn anyone on with words]

9. Foreplay is a must

If you’re ready to do the big deed with your partner, odds are you guys have already worked up the sexual chain of command: kissing, heavy petting, dry humping, touching one another’s genitals, oral sex, and now you’re ready for the big one.

But remember, just because you’re going to have intercourse doesn’t mean all of that yummy foreplay should be ignored! So spend a while playing with each other in bed.

This is especially important for the girl, as she is going to need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm and to become lubricated enough to have sex. Penetrating too quickly before she’s wet may hurt her. And if the guy penetrates too soon, the overexcitement may cause him to lose his erection.

10. Use your fingers

Before penetrating for the first time, the guy should use a finger or two to play with the girl down there. It helps with lubrication and makes it easier to penetrate.

The guy can also go down on the girl for a while to make sure she’s wet and prepared for penetration. [Read: How to finger a girl – 21 delicate moves to make her squirm & orgasm]

11. Lube it up

Lubrication is an absolute must for first-timers. Women who are overly nervous may have a hard time getting naturally lubricated. The addition of a little KY will ease any discomfort during the insertion of the penis, as well as allow for a pleasurable slip-and-slide sensation!

12. The best position for first-time sex

If you want to enjoy losing your virginity, stick to the basics and do the missionary. The missionary position is the one where one partner lies on their back, and the other partner lies down on top of them.

Not only is the missionary position easy, but it’s also the best position for first-time sex because both of you can control the movements of each other. Other positions may make one of you lose control and push harder or more forcefully than necessary.

And more importantly, the missionary position ensures that both your faces are close to each other, which builds intimacy too. [Read: 110 MUST-KNOW interesting sex facts, myths & strange secrets about sex!]

13. Be gentle

If it hurts, try to be gentler. After penetrating for the first time, the guy should avoid moving too aggressively.

When the guy enters the girl, just let the penetration sink in until both of you feel comfortable. There is no race to put it all the way in!

In addition, moving too vigorously may cause his member to slip out often. Slow down your movements and try to move your bodies in sync with each other.

If it’s painful or uncomfortable, stop moving your pelvis and distract each other by kissing or using your hands.

14. Keep it simple

Don’t bother with fancy lingerie, seductive songs, or candles. Don’t overcomplicate something that’s meant to be simple, instinctive, and natural.

Remove as much pressure from yourself as you can so you’re able to fully enjoy yourself without lingering worries. Just enjoy the pleasure without adding confusion to it.

15. Enjoy each other

It’s alright to feel anxious or excited about the first time. Take it slow, and let your passion and instincts guide the way.

Don’t rush to the finish line. The more comfortable both of you are with each other, the more relaxing and long-lasting it’ll be.

Make time to enjoy each other, kiss, and get in the moment together. Relax—you will shag, so why rush it? [Read: 18 secrets to relax during sex, free your mind & enjoy a blissful orgasm]

Losing your virginity and things to keep in mind

Having sex for the first time isn’t always a perfect scenario. Sometimes, there may be confusion and distractions, and at other times, there may be a few awkward moments.

Just enjoy the intimacy, and don’t let these awkward moments get in your way.

1. If sex hurts or is uncomfortable

If sex hurts for one or both of you, then the safest thing to do is slow down and take things slow. And instead of moving in and out, the guy can penetrate the girl just a little bit and move his pelvis in a circular motion instead. It’ll still arouse the girl, and feel just as sexy and sensual.

2. He might lose his erection

When a guy’s heart starts to race with excitement, the blood flow to his little member could reduce and he may lose his erection.

At times like these, calm down and just indulge in foreplay for a while. If both of you are having sex for the first time, his little guy will stand right up as soon as he feels more relaxed. [Read: Why does losing an erection bother men so much?]

3. She may be unable to stay wet

The prospect of having sex for the first time could be exciting, but it may not always be arousing. Even if the girl is turned on initially, she may dry up down there after penetration and the sex may start to hurt her.

It’s important to remember that although she may not be wet, she still may be turned on. With that being said, focus on areas other than penetration and she may have an easier time getting wet again. Continue to kiss, fondle, and make love to each other. [Read: Dry down there all of a sudden? Fastest ways to go from parched to wet]

And if it still doesn’t work, use a lubricant. But be careful of using too much. Sometimes, overusing it could make things too slippery to stay in place, and it could decrease the sensation too. If you’ve used excess lube, just wipe a bit away and it’s all good.

4. She may bleed

While having sex for the first time, she may be spotting or bleeding because of the tear in her hymen. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially closes the opening to the vagina. For some, this can tear from penetration, causing light spotting.

It’s important to remember that every girl is built differently, so some experience mild bleeding while others experience none at all.

In addition to this, many girls don’t feel any pain at all the first time they have sexual intercourse. Very few girls actually experience pain that’s unbearable.

If there is any pain, it may be similar to a pinprick. The psychological trauma of imagining how much it would hurt is almost always a lot worse than the actual pain you’ll feel!

5. Premature ejaculation

This is something that’s very common when two lovers have sex for the first time. Of course, passions are high and it’s not easy to hold on. [Read: Premature ejaculation – Don’t cry over spilt milk]

If the guy ends up ejaculating too quickly, just focus on the foreplay and forget about having sex for a short while. And if both of you are still young, the guy should be up and high in under an hour, and ready for round two!

6. She may not reach an orgasm

For girls, orgasms are mostly mental, rather than just being turned on. Her mind has to be one hundred percent in it. So, if her nerves are high because you’re having sex for the first time, there’s a good chance that she may not be able to orgasm.

Neither of you should feel bad about it. Instead, celebrate the fact that the sex was intimate and perfect, orgasms or not. [Read: 60 secrets to make a woman orgasm & master the art of making a girl cum hard]

7. Soreness afterward

After you’ve had sex, you could experience some soreness for a day or two. You’ve worked your internal muscles that may have been dormant, so it’s natural to feel a bit sore just like you would after a good workout.

If you experience concerning soreness or bleeding, speak to someone you trust in the family or get in touch with your doctor.

What does an orgasm feel like?

It’s never easy to explain your first orgasm. It’s a sensation that comes in waves of pleasure, like a pleasant muscle spasm. [Read: How to have spiritual sex & experience sexual pleasure beyond orgasms]

To understand the experience, try to recollect how you feel when you use a cotton swab to clean your ear. Does it make you want to close your eyes? Does it leave you feeling pleasantly weak? Do you lose focus on the world around you? Well, now imagine that happening down there, with a much bigger bang!

What no one tells you about losing your virginity

The first time is a big deal. It really is. You spend several months or years wondering how the first time will feel, and when the inevitable moment arrives, you’re obviously going to feel the immense pressure of your first sexual performance weighing on your shoulders.

In reality, having sex for the first time is just like the first kiss. It’s instinctive and personal. These are fifteen truths about losing your virginity that aren’t often said but need to be acknowledged. [Read: 29 sensual, romantic secrets to kiss someone passionately and deeply]

1. It’ll probably be really, really awkward

We won’t sugarcoat this—sex for the first time is just awkward. You’ve never done it, it’s physically uncomfortable and you’re suspended in a very vulnerable state for some time. It’ll be a little awkward at first. Luckily, it does pass. [Read: Floppies and awkward things that happen during sex]

2. You can change your mind at any point

Sex should never feel like an obligation. Just because you were in the mood for sex earlier doesn’t mean you’re obligated to carry it through after you’re no longer in the mood.

Always remember that, even if you’ve planned your special night out to a T, if the moment doesn’t feel right when you’re in it, don’t do it! Your genitals will still be there for shagging when the moment is right!

3. Your virginity is not a gift

Society puts so much emphasis on how sacred virginity is. When in truth, it doesn’t have to be anything you don’t want it to be. It doesn’t have to be sacred or a gift. Hell, it doesn’t even have to exist at all if you don’t want it to!

Who you have sex with for the first time isn’t receiving a gift from you unless you want them to. You are the only one who gets a say on matters about your body.

4. It won’t be like in the movies

Nope. When people lose their virginity in movies, it seems sweet, simple, and easy. Don’t let those movies fool you.

Just like romantic comedies paint an unrealistic picture of what relationships are like, movies also don’t show the real side of losing your v-card. [Read: First-time sex – myths girls should quit believing]

5. It won’t be good

This sounds alarming, but it’s normal for first-time sex to not be good. If it is, then you’re extremely lucky or just don’t know what “good” sex feels like yet. And you shouldn’t because it’s your first time.

Because it’s physically uncomfortable, it usually doesn’t feel all that great. But what does feel good is that you’re spending time with someone you care about intimately.

6. Losing your virginity doesn’t mean exactly what you think it does

You will feel completely different after you’ve had sex for the first time. This isn’t because you’ve partaken in penetration though. Losing your virginity doesn’t exactly mean just that.

Afterward, you will feel like a different person. Even though this is a typical and cliché point, it’s true. Being vulnerable and giving yourself to someone in a way that you’ve never done before is going to take a toll on your psyche—and not necessarily in a bad way.

7. They don’t care what your body looks like

We’re often super self-conscious about whether our bodies look good naked. Being naked is being vulnerable.

But the truth is, if you’re naked in front of someone for the first time, they’re only paying attention to those special little bits you’ve got—not the extra couple of pounds you’ve put on. [Read: Steps to get back your body confidence in the bedroom]

8. It’s okay to communicate that it’s your first time

There is nothing to be ashamed of when it comes to your sexual experiences. You’re allowed to tell as little or as much as you want to your partner.

You may feel embarrassed about telling someone it’s your first time, but you should feel comfortable with this person if you’re sharing this experience together. If they have a sexual history, they will accommodate you. It’s actually a very healthy and normal thing to communicate!

9. You are going to feel like the newb-iest of newbs

This shouldn’t come as a surprise. You are new to this, so it’ll translate through sex. But don’t let this discourage you from having fun and enjoying yourself!

The first time you rode a bicycle or drove a car, you weren’t your best at it, were you? You needed time and a bit of practice to perfect it. And just like that, having sex too takes time and experience to master it.

10. It’s special for the other person, too

If you’re both losing your virginity, or even if you are and they’re not, it’s special for the other person, too. If they’re losing their virginity, it’s just as important to them as it is to you because they haven’t done anything like it, either. [Read: Soul connection – what it means, types, and 16 signs to find & recognize it]

If they’ve done it before and you haven’t, it might be even more special for them. They get to experience something so special with you even if it’s not their first time. This makes them want to make sure it’s done right and well for you.

11. A girl’s cherry doesn’t “pop”

Forget everything you’ve heard about a girl’s cherry popping. Not only is it untrue, but it is a little objectifying. What this term originally referred to is the ripping of the hymen, as we mentioned earlier.

The hymen may tear from penetration, making a girl bleed. But this isn’t true for all women nor is it anything to be embarrassed about. The hymen tearing isn’t something sacred, either. In fact, a hymen could tear for several reasons like horseback riding, vigorous exercises, or gymnastics.

12. You probably won’t finish

This is mainly for you girls out there. Guys who lose their virginity usually finish—quickly. Girls, on the other hand, not so much. But it’s different for everyone! [Read: Top 20 sexual taboos & sex topics most Of us love but never talk about!]

Due to the length of time that it takes for women to finish and the length of time that it’ll take for your partner to finish, it’s likely that you won’t. Not to mention the fact that your nerves will make it damn near impossible!

Don’t let this get you down—sex isn’t about having an orgasm. It’s about feeling good with someone you enjoy.

13. Your relationship will get better

If you lose your virginity to someone who actually cares for you and you are in a relationship, things might get a lot better.

There’s a closeness that you have with someone you’ve slept with that doesn’t come in a sex-free relationship. There’s a level of comfort that comes into play.

14. Or, your relationship could get weird-ish

On the other hand, it could cause things to get a bit rocky. Awkwardness, tension, and even uncertainty can put a damper on any relationship.

Sometimes, people feel guilty if it’s too soon and it can leave your relationship a little broken. The key here is communication. [Read: Sex in a new relationship – how to make the first time less awkward]

15. Virgins can still have STDs

A virgin having an STD might not make much sense at first—how can they have a sexually transmitted disease when they haven’t had sex before? What many people don’t know is STDs can be spread through non-sexual ways such as someone using a shared needle or razor.

This is why it’s so important to always use protection against STDs. Just because someone is a virgin doesn’t mean they are free of STDs. [Read: STDs 101 – the most common types and their symptoms]

And well, that’s everything you need to know about having sex for the first time and losing your virginity! But now that you’re aware of the things that matter, just make sure both of you are emotionally ready to take this next big step in your relationship so that your first time can feel just as awesome as everyone says it does!

[Read: 46 sizzling sex life secrets to spice up your bedroom & leave you horny 24/7]

There is no right or wrong way to have sex as long as you’re enjoying yourself. Follow these tips and secrets to make sure your first time is special and satisfying for both you and your partner during your first time!