Rushing into a Relationship? Why You Need to Learn to Slow Down

The pressure to be loved up is immense these days. However, rushing into a relationship when you’re not compatible, or ready, leads to heartache.

Is it me, or is the world on fast forward these days? Everyone is so busy rushing around, trying to get from A to B, hit so-called life milestones, rushing into a relationship, and doing better than everyone else. What happened to taking your time? Enjoying the moment? Actually living?

For some reason, being single still has that dreaded stigma attached to it. Blame it on the movies, TV, social media, whatever you like, but there’s a lot to be said for staying single for a while, getting to know yourself a little better, and actually living for yourself. No, it’s not selfish, it’s necessary!

If you’re nodding your head, ask yourself why you’re rushing into a relationship.

[Read: Do you want a partner or are you just feeling more lonely?]

When you meet someone, do you automatically start thinking ahead and wondering what the relationship is going to be like? This is all before a relationship even begins! If so, chill out a little bit, let things evolve naturally, and see what happens. There’s a lot to be said for going with the flow!

The clearest signs you’re rushing into a relationship

To help you understand whether this is a problem you should address, let’s look at a few signs that you might be rushing into a relationship.

#1 You just don’t feel comfortable being yourself. It takes time to get to know someone, and, equally, it takes time to feel comfortable enough to just be yourself around someone. Most people are on their best behavior when they first meet someone and start dating. Think about the last time you met someone. How quickly did you feel comfortable lounging around in your sweat pants and not really caring about your appearance? It probably took months or longer!

[Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship? Your guide to perfect timings]

If you feel pressure to keep up a certain pretense all the time, it’s probably because you’re rushing into a relationship that hasn’t had time to evolve naturally. There should be a period of time when you just get to know one another, when you simply focus on having fun and learning about the other person. When you’re rushing, you side-step all of that. It feels completely overwhelming.

#2 You feel pressured to be part of a couple. This particular sign is usually because everyone around you is coupled up. It’s one of the main reasons that people are rushing into a relationship these days. The thing is, you don’t have to compete when it comes to love. If your friends are all in relationships, that doesn’t mean you have to be. We all move at difference paces. Some people simply might prefer to be single.

If you’re rushing things, it could very well be because you feel like you’re the odd one out or that you’re missing out on something. Remember, there are many perks to being single too! [Read: 12 surprising and uplifting perks to being the third wheel]

#3 The L word is uttered very soon after meeting. While you might think you love someone the moment you set eyes on them, the chances of this being true are very slim. If the L word is uttered within weeks, sit back and think about your motivation here. You don’t know the person well enough to be telling them you love them, and if you hear it from someone you’re dating, you should wonder what’s going on.

Sure, it’s nice, but let’s be honest here, love takes a while to develop and strengthen. If it’s being claimed too soon, it can’t be that true.

If you feel pressured to say the L word quickly or you feel like you want to, it could be because you’re trying to lock the relationship down sooner rather than later. [Read: 10 reasons why saying “I love you” too soon just sucks]

#4 You try and put a label on your relationship too soon. It’s normal to wonder what the relationship actually is. For example, is it exclusive? Is it going anywhere? But, having this type of conversation with someone too soon can either scare them off, or take the fun out of the whole getting to know one another stage.

If you feel like you need a label and you’ve not really been together that long, it’s one of the biggest signs that you’re rushing into a relationship. There is no need to label what’s going on between you, it will become clear enough over time. [Read: 17 modern dating terms to help you master the evolving dating game]

#5 You share everything about yourself. Over-sharing is a sign of rushing too. There’s getting to know each other naturally. Then, there’s feeling the need to off-load everything about your life. By over-sharing, you attempt to fast forward to the point where you know each other well.

Again, you can’t rush this stage because it’s something which evolves naturally over time. You’ll get to know the other person via the experiences you have together and the memories you create. There’s really no need to sit down and give your partner a verbal autobiography. [Read: The 11 signs you’re spending way too much couple time together]

#6 People tell you to slow down, and you don’t listen. It’s likely that your friends or family members are telling you to chill out and slow down a little. When you’re clearly rushing into a relationship, you’re likely to be stressed. It will show to those around you because you’ll be questioning everything and tying yourself up in knots.

The early stages of dating is always confusing and full of questions. But, when you rush things, everything will be ten times harder and more confusing. So, if you’re being advised to slow down and you’re not listening, it’s one of the big signs that you’re rushing into a relationship ahead of time.

#7 You have moments when you realize you hardly know them at all. When you’re together, you might run out of things to talk about or you might wonder whether you really know them that well at all. The reason is because you don’t. It’s not possible to know someone that quickly. As a result, you’ll experience awkward silences and moments when you’re not sure what to say.

This can often lead to misunderstandings and even arguments. That’s because when you don’t know someone that well and you’re trying to force a relationship, the whole thing becomes a big stressful mess. [Read: How to respond to an overreaction without losing your cool]

#8 You’re on a rollercoaster of emotions. Rushing into a relationship means that you’ll not have the time to process the delicate feelings you’re experiencing. As a result, you’ll go from high highs to low lows. It will all be so overwhelming that you’ll risk burnout.

If you’re always jumping from one emotion to another and you’re not spending time just relaxing and enjoying things as they are, question why you’re rushing things. What is it actually doing for you? The chances are, you’re going to end up stressed. Seriously, what’s the point in a relationship that simply stresses you out?

[Read: Is your relationship moving too fast? How to pinpoint your dating speed]

Rushing into a relationship rarely ends well. Take your time, learn about each other, and enjoy each shared moment as it comes. Your future relationship will be stronger for it.