Relationship Is Making You Depressed: Is It Time to Move On?

You love your partner, but you’re not feeling yourself. If your relationship is making you depressed, you should make steps to care for your mental health.

Know the signs your relationship is making you depressed and get out as soon as possible. Take it from me! When I was eighteen, I had my first serious relationship. I really fell head-over-heels for the guy I was seeing. While I was all goo-goo eyed over him, I didn’t notice my mental health was in jeopardy.

I was incredibly sad, feeling lonely, and insecure about myself and my relationship. And while trying to make him happy, I didn’t realize I was losing myself. He wasn’t truly making me happy; instead, he broke me down through verbal and emotional abuse. Of course, I may have noticed it, but I chose to ignore the red flags.

This relationship was spilling into other areas of my life and ruining my relationships with my other friends and family. I would literally cry after my university classes. I felt overwhelmed and lost.

[Read: 13 warning signs in a relationship that spell nothing but trouble]

Deep down, I knew my relationship was destroying my life, but I didn’t want to give him up. In my own twisted way, I wanted things to work out and for him to change. As we all know, he didn’t change, and eventually, I broke up with him. But it took years for me to gain the courage to do so. You shouldn’t wait years to make that move.

12 ways to know your relationship is making you depressed

Not all relationships are healthy ones. If you’re wondering if your relationship is making you depressed, these are the signs.

#1 Your depression started when the relationship started. Maybe you had a couple of months at the beginning where the relationship was all rainbows and butterflies, but it faded pretty quick. If you’re in a low-quality relationship, the odds are you’ll feel depressed. If these feelings started during this relationship, you need to put two and two together. [Read: These 11 things are what really holds healthy relationships together]

#2 You’re happy when your partner leaves. When your partner goes to work or leaves to hang out with a friend, you feel this relief, as if the pressure lifted off your shoulders. If you have more mental energy when they’re gone than when they’re around you, it’s a strong sign.

#3 Your physical health has declined. When you’re depressed, your mental state isn’t the only thing to decline. The body is a giant machine and all parts work together. If your mental state isn’t well, then your physical state will slowly go downhill. Whether it’s headaches, anxiety, depression, or insomnia. These are all signs your body is telling you something isn’t right. [Read: These traits of toxic people can hurt you and emotionally damage you]

#4 You feel stuck. You’ve thought about leaving, but at the same time, you feel that you can’t. This happened to me. I knew I was in a bad place, but my self-esteem was so low, I didn’t think I could leave the relationship. I didn’t think anyone else would love me or want to be with me, and that he was the best I could do.

#5 Your self-esteem has crumbled. Since you started dating, you’ve watched your self-esteem slowly crumble. You used to be confident in yourself, but your partner has broken you down. With low self-esteem comes feelings of depression and self-hate.

#6 You’ve been trying to not think about your relationship. You’ve spent most of your time in your relationship, trying not to think about your relationship. You’ll spend hours binge-watching TV and other distracting activities that don’t bring anything positive to your life. You just want to forget the situation you’re in. [Read: 10 big problems in a relationship: Can you fix them?]

#7 When you start to look at your issues, it all points to them. I don’t want to point the finger at your partner and say they’re to blame for everything. You’re in this relationship, and you are the only one who can leave or stay. So, take some responsibility for yourself as well. But when you look at the issues you’ve developed throughout the relationship, most of them started because of your relationship.

#8 You feel out of control. You don’t need to control every aspect of your relationship, but you feel you don’t even have control over your own voice and choices. Your partner does everything for you. If you don’t feel in control of your own thoughts and actions, then who are you?

#9 You put more into the relationship than they do. A relationship is a lot of work, one that needs both people to put in the effort. But you’re the only one who’s putting effort into the relationship. This imbalance can cause you to feel unappreciated and disrespected. These feelings, over time, can make you feel depressed. [Read: Putting too much effort into the relationship – Where to draw the line]

#10 You’re looking outside the relationship. You’re unable to talk to your partner about how you feel, so you turn to others outside the relationship. Some people may see it as emotional cheating, depending on who you turn to. However, this is a strong sign you’re looking for a connection and someone to communicate with.

#11 You stopped doing the things you love. You used to love going bowling with your friends or having a movie night with your family once a week. But those activities slowly stopped. This lack of social support from your family and friends can make you feel depressed in your own relationship. [Read: 7 secrets signs of a bad relationship]

#12 You fear your partner. You want to talk to your partner about what’s going on in the relationship and how you’ve been feeling, but you’re scared to do it. You worry about your partner’s reaction and the possible consequences of breaking up like their anger and becoming abusive.

[Read: The 15 early warning signs of abuse in a relationship]

If you feel your relationship is making you depressed, take action. Yes, you may love your partner, but you should put your mental health before them.