Quoiromantic Confusion: 20 Signs, Pros, Cons, & Relationship Survival Tips

Do you feel like traditional romantic attraction just doesn’t happen to you? If so, you might be a quoiromantic, but you are not unusual.

Have you ever found yourself puzzled by romantic movies or friends gushing about their latest crush, wondering why you can’t quite relate to those feelings? If so, you’re not alone. This sense of disconnection or confusion around romantic attraction points us towards an intriguing term in the vast lexicon of love: quoiromantic.

To be quoiromantic means to exist in a space where traditional labels of romantic attraction don’t quite fit. It’s not about who you’re attracted to, rather, it’s about not fully understanding or relating to the concept of romantic attraction itself.

This might sound perplexing, especially in a world that often views romantic attraction as a given, a universal experience. Whether this term is new to you or something you deeply resonate with, our journey will offer a fresh perspective on the diverse and nuanced nature of human relationships. [Read: Romantic attraction: How to know when you feel the real thing]

The Psychology of Being Quoiromantic

Imagine stepping into a world where the typical romantic cues just don’t resonate with you. This is the reality for those who identify as quoiromantic. [Read: Demiromantic – what it is, the signs, and why you take longer to fall in love]

The term ‘quoiromantic’ comes from the French word ‘quoi,’ meaning ‘what,’ and aptly captures the essence of this orientation – a questioning or uncertainty about romantic attraction.

People who are quoiromantic might find themselves puzzled by the concept of romance or unable to distinguish romantic attraction from other forms of attraction, like platonic or aesthetic.

According to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network *AVEN*, being quoiromantic means you don’t experience romantic attraction in a way that aligns with traditional definitions. [Read: Panromantic asexual – what it is, 23 signs, FAQs and ways to recognize them]

Now, let’s place quoiromantic on the broader romantic spectrum. You’ve probably heard of terms like heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual. These terms describe who a person is attracted to.

Quoiromantic, on the other hand, joins other lesser-known orientations like aromantic and demiromantic, which describe how a person experiences romantic attraction – or in the case of quoiromantics, how they struggle to define or experience it at all.

To add a scholarly touch, let’s bring in some psychology terms. ‘Amatonormativity‘ is a term coined by Elizabeth Brake, a philosophy professor, to describe the societal expectation that everyone should desire and seek out a romantic relationship.

Quoiromantic individuals often find themselves at odds with this norm. Then there’s ‘relationship anarchy,’ a concept that challenges traditional relationship rules and hierarchies.

For a quoiromantic person, this could mean forming connections that don’t necessarily fit into neat categories like ‘just friends’ or ‘more than friends.’

Signs You Might Be Quoiromantic

How can you tell if you’re quoiromantic? It’s a question that might be lingering in your mind, especially if traditional romantic narratives don’t quite click for you. [Read: Pansexual – what it is, 26 truths, myths, signs, and what it feels like to be one]

Being quoiromantic often involves a unique set of experiences and feelings around romance and attraction. Let’s explore some signs that might suggest you identify with this orientation.

Remember, everyone’s experience is unique, so these signs are not one-size-fits-all but rather a starting point for self-exploration.

1. You Feel More Confused Than Excited by Romantic Gestures

When someone shows romantic interest in you, instead of feeling flattered or excited, you feel confused. [Read: Aromantic asexual – what it is, and traits and challenges of this sexual identity]

This isn’t about shyness or lack of interest but more about not understanding why these gestures are supposed to be special or significant.

You find yourself analyzing why people value romantic actions, a sign psychologists suggest could be indicative of a quoiromantic orientation.

2. Romantic Relationships Seem Like a Foreign Concept

You understand the idea of romantic relationships, but they feel like a concept from another world. [Read: Lithromantic – what it is, what makes one, and signs you may be one]

It’s not like you dislike romance. Just that you’re genuinely not grasping what it feels like to be romantically attracted to someone. Experts in relationship psychology note that this disconnect is a key sign of being quoiromantic.

3. Romantic Movies and Stories Don’t Stir Feelings

While your friends might swoon or get emotional over romantic films or books, you watch or read them with a sort of detached interest.

Romantic element doesn’t resonate with you on a personal level, a common experience among quoiromantic individuals. [Read: Romantic orientation – the most common ones all of us must know]

4. Deep Friendships Feel More Fulfilling Than Romance

You find that your most fulfilling relationships are deep, platonic friendships. Many people, especially those who identify as quoiromantic, feel more connected and understood in non-romantic relationships.

If you’re someone who finds the unique bond and genuine connection in friendships more fulfilling, you might be quoiromantic.

5. You Struggle to Define Your Attraction

If you’ve ever asked, “What’s attractive to you,” and found yourself genuinely stumped, you’re not alone. Categorizing your feelings as romantic, platonic, or aesthetic can be challenging because the lines between different types of attraction are often blurry and overlapping.

This genuine difficulty in distinguishing forms of attraction is a hallmark of the quoiromantic experience. For those who are quoiromantic, understanding and labeling these feelings can feel elusive, making the journey of self-discovery even more complex and unique. [Read: How to talk about your feelings in a relationship & grow closer]

6. Discussions About Romance Leave You Perplexed

So your friends are swooning about their latest romantic escapades, and you’re left dumbfounded. It’s not that you’re uninterested in their stories, you just can’t relate to the romantic aspect at all. For those who are quoiromantic, this feeling of missing a piece of the puzzle is all too familiar.

7. Societal Expectations of Romance Are Overwhelming

You feel pressured by the societal norm that everyone should desire romantic relationships. [Read: Heteromantic orientation – what it is, the different types, and must-know facts]

This pressure isn’t about fear of commitment; it’s about not resonating with the idea of romance itself, a concept that’s at the core of understanding quoiromanticism.

8. Romantic Relationships Feel Like Going Through the Motions

The thing about being quoiromantic is that you don’t immediately know you are one. If you’ve been in a relationship and it often feels like you’re just acting out a script, it might be a clue.

It’s not about the partner not being right, it’s about the romantic aspect feeling unnatural. Many quoiromantics share this sentiment, realizing only later that their discomfort stems from their unique way of experiencing attraction.

9. You Frequently Question Your Romantic Orientation

You’ve spent a lot of time pondering whether you experience romantic attraction. [Read: Cupioromantic – 30 signs and secrets to unveil this romantic orientation and thrive]

This ongoing self-questioning isn’t about finding the right person; it’s about trying to understand your own feelings, a journey familiar to those who are quoiromantic.

10. Your Connections Don’t Fit Neat Romantic Boxes

You form deep connections that don’t fit traditional romantic categories. These relationships are meaningful but don’t align with societal definitions of romance, a common experience for those with a quoiromantic orientation.

11. “Is This a Crush or Just a Close Friendship?”

You often find yourself questioning whether your feelings towards someone are romantic or just a deep friendship. Understanding emotions isn’t the issue, it’s about the blurry line between romantic and platonic affection.

For many who are quoiromantic, distinguishing between these types of feelings can be incredibly challenging. The overlap and ambiguity in their attractions lead to a constant state of uncertainty, making it hard to categorize their emotions clearly.

12. You Prefer the Idea of ‘Queerplatonic’ Relationships

The concept of a ‘queerplatonic’ relationship, which is intense and intimate but not romantic, appeals to you more than traditional romantic partnerships.

This preference stems from a desire for deep connections that don’t necessarily involve romance, a sentiment echoed in the quoiromantic community. [Read: Aromantic – what it means, how it works, and 28 must-knows about their love life]

13. Romantic Compliments Make You Uncomfortable

So, someone has given you a compliment. Maybe something like “You’re so beautiful” or “I love you,” and instead of blushing or feeling flattered, it felt awkward or confusing.

The romantic intent behind the words doesn’t resonate with you, which is something many quoiromantics can relate to.

14. Dating Apps Feel Like a Puzzle

The world of dating apps feels like some strange, confusing universe. Maybe you’ve tried looking but everyone seems swipe-leftable, or you cringe at the cheesy pick-up lines in their bios.

Navigating these platforms isn’t about being technologically challenged, it’s about not resonating with the primary goal of finding romantic connections. This could be another sign that you’re quoiromantic. [Read: 28 Truths why dating apps don’t work for you and secrets to turn it around]

15. You Find Yourself Asking, “What Even Is Romance?”

The concept of romance often feels abstract and elusive to you. This isn’t about being cynical; it’s a genuine struggle to grasp what people mean when they talk about romance, a common thought process for quoiromantic individuals.

16. Valentine’s Day Doesn’t Excite You

While others may look forward to Valentine’s Day, you find it to be just another day.

This indifference isn’t about being anti-love; it’s about not connecting with the romantic aspect that the day celebrates, a viewpoint that many who are quoiromantic might share. [Read: Why it’s awesome to be single on Valentine’s Day]

17. “Why Don’t I Get Butterflies?”

Butterflies in my stomach? We don’t know them! You usually get this butterfly feeling when you like someone, but for quoiromantics, romantic attraction doesn’t manifest in the same way. This absence of physical reaction is a common experience among those who identify as quoiromantic.

18. You Relate More to Friendship Stories

In movies, books, or real life, you find yourself relating more to stories of friendship than romance. [Read: True friendship – 37 real friend traits and what it takes to be a good, loyal one]

This preference isn’t about disliking love stories but more about finding more personal meaning in platonic relationships, a sentiment often expressed by those who are quoiromantic.

19. Advances Leave You Perplexed

When someone expresses romantic interest in you, it often leaves you feeling more puzzled than flattered, and no, you’re not playing hard to get. It’s just that you can’t quite understand or relate to the romantic intentions. Again, a typical experience for quoiromantics.

20. You Enjoy Deep Emotional Connections Without Labels

You cherish deep, emotional connections with people but don’t feel the need to label these as romantic. You’re the kind of person who’s more focused on enjoying the definitely platonic connection rather than worrying about labels and what-are-wes.

Upsides of Being a Quoiromantic

If you’re quoiromantic, there’s a whole world of unique advantages that come with your orientation.

While it might sometimes feel challenging to navigate a world so focused on traditional romantic relationships, being quoiromantic comes with its own set of perks. [Read: Biromantic – what it means and how to read between biromantic vs. bisexual]

Here’s a look at some of the positives that quoiromantic individuals often experience.

1. Freedom from Conventional Relationship Scripts

As a quoiromantic, you’re not bound by societal expectations of what a relationship should look like. This freedom allows you to create relationships that are genuinely fulfilling, based on mutual understanding and respect, rather than societal norms.

2. Deeper Understanding of Different Types of Love

Quoiromantics often develop a deep appreciation for various forms of love beyond the romantic kind. This includes platonic, aesthetic, and familial love, enriching their emotional experiences and relationships. [Read: Types of love you’ll experience in your life]

3. Stronger Platonic Bonds

Without the distraction of romantic attraction, you might find that your platonic relationships are stronger and more meaningful. These bonds are built on shared interests, values, and genuine affection, providing a solid foundation for lasting friendships.

4. Enhanced Self-Understanding

Navigating the world as a quoiromantic often requires introspection and self-exploration. This journey can lead to a better understanding of yourself and what you truly value in relationships and life.

5. Less Pressure in Social Situations

Being quoiromantic means you’re less likely to feel pressure to engage in romantic or dating activities that don’t interest you. [Read: 33 easy ways to meet new people and widen your social circle effortlessly]

This can lead to a more relaxed and authentic social life, where you engage in activities that truly resonate with you.

6. Embracing Authentic Connections

As a quoiromantic, your relationships are based on a true connection rather than societal expectations of romance. This authenticity means your relationships are deeply rooted in honesty and mutual respect, creating a space for genuine interactions.

7. Reduced Relationship Anxiety

Without the typical anxieties surrounding romantic relationships, such as fear of rejection or the pressure to find ‘the one,’ you might experience a more peaceful emotional life. [Read: Relationship anxiety – what it is, 44 signs, feelings, and ways to get over it]

This can lead to a sense of contentment and reduced stress in your day-to-day interactions.

8. Opportunity for Creative Relationship Structures

Being quoiromantic opens the door to exploring non-traditional relationship structures.

Whether it’s queerplatonic partnerships or other unique forms of connection, you have the freedom to design relationships that truly work for you, unconfined by conventional templates. [Read: Queerplatonic relationship – what it is and 25 signs you’re in one]

9. Greater Focus on Personal Growth and Passions

With less emphasis on pursuing romantic relationships, you often have more time and energy to invest in personal development and passions. This can lead to a fulfilling and enriched life, where personal achievements and hobbies take center stage.

10. Contribution to a More Inclusive Society

By embracing your quoiromantic identity, you’re helping to broaden societal understanding of the spectrum of human experience.

Your existence and openness about your orientation contribute to a more accepting and diverse world, where all forms of love and connection are valued. [Read: 29 Signs you’re asexual – what it means, and must-knows to be in a relationship]

Challenges of Being a Quoiromantic

While being quoiromantic has its unique advantages, it also comes with its own set of challenges.

These aspects can sometimes make navigating relationships and societal expectations a bit tricky. Here are some of the cons that quoiromantic individuals might face, presented in a way that’s both informative and sensitive to their experiences.

1. Misunderstanding from Others

One of the biggest challenges is the lack of awareness or understanding about quoiromanticism. [Read: Lessons to deal with judgmental people]

You might face misconceptions or confusion from others, including friends and family, who may not grasp your experience or question its validity.

2. Difficulty in Finding Like-Minded Individuals

Since quoiromanticism isn’t widely known or understood, finding others who share your orientation or are empathetic to it can be challenging. This can lead to feelings of isolation or being misunderstood in your social and dating life.

3. Navigating Romantic Expectation

Living in a society that heavily values romantic relationships can be tough. You might feel pressured to conform to romantic norms or struggle to explain your lack of interest in traditional romantic relationships. [Read: Unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

4. Internal Conflicts and Self-Doubt

The process of understanding and accepting your quoiromantic identity can be filled with self-doubt and internal questioning. It might take time to fully embrace your orientation, especially in the face of societal norms that prioritize romantic attraction.

Limited Resources and Support: There’s a scarcity of resources, support groups, or communities specifically for quoiromantic individuals. This can make it harder to find support and advice tailored to your experiences and challenges.

5. Challenges in Romantic Relationships

If a quoiromantic person chooses to engage in romantic relationships, they may face unique difficulties. [Read: How to face relationship challenges and overcome them as a couple]

Balancing their own feelings with their partner’s expectations can be complex, leading to confusion and strain in the relationship.

6. Feeling Out of Sync with Mainstream Media

Mainstream media predominantly showcases romantic love, often leaving quoiromantic individuals feeling out of sync or excluded. This constant portrayal of romance as a universal goal can be alienating and frustrating.

7. Social Pressure and Judgment

Social events and conversations often revolve around romantic relationships, leading to uncomfortable situations. [Read: 34 Secrets to calmly deal with haters, rid their negativity, and keep your Zen!]

Quoiromantics might face judgment or pressure from peers who don’t understand their orientation, leading to awkward interactions and a sense of not fitting in.

8. Limited Representation

There’s a significant lack of representation of quoiromantic individuals in media, literature, and public discourse. This lack of visibility can make it harder for quoiromantics to find relatable role models or stories that reflect their experiences.

9. Navigating Identity in a Romance-Centric World

Living in a world that often equates happiness and fulfillment with romantic love can be challenging. [Read: 25 Honest, self-reflection questions to recognize the real YOU inside]

Quoiromantics may struggle to find their place and voice in a society that doesn’t always acknowledge or validate their experiences.

Tips for Quoiromantics and Their Partners

Whether you’re working on a relationship as a quoiromantic or you’re romantically involved with one, it’s like embarking on an uncharted journey. It’s all about discovering new ways to connect and understand each other.

Here’s how to make this adventure fulfilling and fun.

1. For Quoiromantics: Embrace Your Unique Relationship Style

Celebrate the uniqueness of how you experience relationships. [Read: 40 Very deep questions to ask someone before you get close to them]

Whether you love deep conversations more than candlelit dinners or prefer movie nights over romantic getaways, embrace these preferences. Your style adds a fresh dimension to the relationship dynamic.

2. For Partners: Find Joy in the Little Things

If your partner is quoiromantic, learn to find joy in the nuances of your relationship that aren’t conventionally romantic.

Cherish the moments of shared laughter, mutual interests, and the comfort of just being together. These small joys often create the most lasting memories. [Read: 41 Rules of life to never be unhappy and be the one who screams, “I love my life!”]

3. For Quoiromantics: Be Open to New Experiences

While staying true to your feelings, be open to trying new things with your partner.

It could be engaging in activities they enjoy or finding middle ground in shared experiences. This openness can lead to unexpected joys and a deeper bond.

4. For Partners: Communication is Key, But So Is Listening

Effective communication goes beyond just talking; it’s also about listening. Listen to understand, not just to respond. [Read: 31 Communication exercises and games for couples and secrets to feel closer]

When your quoiromantic partner shares their thoughts and feelings, pay attention to the subtleties. This deep level of understanding is what makes the relationship stronger.

5. Create Your Own Relationship ‘Rules’

Forget the rulebook of traditional relationships. Work together to create a set of ‘rules’ that suits both of you.

Whether it’s how you spend time together, express affection, or support each other, these personalized guidelines can make your relationship more fulfilling and less stressful for both parties. [Read: 30 Relationship rules, secrets, and tips to make your love life way, WAY, better!]

Every Form of Love and Connection Holds Value

In the end, being quoiromantic, like any romantic orientation, comes with its own unique experiences and challenges. It’s a journey of self-discovery, understanding, and embracing the myriad ways we connect with others.

Remember, every form of love and connection holds value, and being quoiromantic is a beautiful expression of the diverse spectrum of human emotions and relationships.

Your quoiromantic journey is valid and important. It contributes to a richer, more inclusive understanding of love and connection in our world. [Read: Homoromantic – the basic facts on what it means and how to understand it]

So, cherish your experiences and embrace your identity. Sure, not everybody can relate to what quoiromantics feel, but that doesn’t make your feelings any less valid. Your way of experiencing relationships is just as important and meaningful as any other.