Platonic Marriage: What It Is & Why It’s Okay to Marry and Live as Just Friends

Not all marriages are the crazy, passionate, madly in love types. There are many different degrees in between – but what about platonic marriages?

Marriage is an interesting deal. You’re vowing to spend your entire life with someone and are bound together by law. Usually, this is when two people love each other and want to spend forever together. What about platonic marriage? Do people really get married as just friends?

Yes, this type of marriage exists. The thing about getting married is that it’s a choice made by two people. The law doesn’t care if you are truly in love or not. If you say you want to get married, you can get married. It’s also nobody else’s business what the state of your relationship is or what it is built upon. [Read: How to be more romantic – 15 mushy gestures to make any girl melt]

What is a platonic marriage?

Basically, a platonic marriage is when there is no romantic love there. You care about and love each other, but not in that romantic, head-over-heels kind of way. It’s a different kind of love – almost a family or friend type.

It goes without saying that a platonic marriage is usually sexless. Not always, because there’s always that one time… but, generally speaking, people who enter into platonic marriages do it for companionship or because they just don’t want to be alone. [Read: Love your best friend? Why it’s best to back away right now]

Shouldn’t you marry your best friend, anyway?

You’ve probably heard this time and time again. “Make sure you marry your best friend.” So what’s the difference with a platonic marriage? In truth, this advice is solid. The person you marry should be your best friend. That’s usually said when assuming you’re in love with someone, too.

The difference is that platonic marriage is between people who are ONLY friends. There’s no romance in the equation. This can be confusing because why would someone choose to get married to a person they’re not in love with? [Read: 20 signs you should definitely marry your best friend]

Why do people decide to be in a platonic marriage?

If this concept is confusing *or even intriguing*, you’ll want to know why people want to live like this. Here are a few reasons that people go ahead and get married even though they’re not completely in love with each other.

1. They want a family and don’t want to wait

Unfortunately, there is an expiration date on having children. People who end up in a platonic marriage might very well just want to start a family but haven’t fallen in love with anyone else yet.

What they do to solve this problem is marry a friend who also wants a family. You don’t have to be in love with someone in order to start a family together. These types of marriages confirm just as much. [Read: 17 things to do before getting married and settling down]

2. They made a deal

You know when you hear about two people vowing to marry each other if they’re both still single by the time they’re 40 or something? Those deals really exist. They’re not just confined to a couple of romantic comedies.

This is usually in relation to both people wanting a family. They decide to get married if they don’t find people they’re in love with by a certain age. As long as they’re still friends, it’s a platonic marriage.

3. It’s time to settle down

There are a lot of people who feel pressured to get married. They think that by the time they hit 40, they should settle down and find a partner. If two people feel this way, they might agree to get married to each other and start the process of slowing down and settling into their lives as a married couple. [Read: Signs your partner is ready to settle down, but you’re not]

4. They’re both aromantic

If you’re not sure what aromanticism is – it’s when someone doesn’t feel romance. They have no desire for a romantic relationship, so they end up marrying their friend instead.

This often happens between two aromantic people simply because it’s better understood, and there isn’t one person wanting romance when the other doesn’t. You’ll also find this with two asexual people. Sex isn’t in the equation, so it’s a platonic marriage. [Read: 16 myths and truths about what it’s like as an aromantic]

5. A platonic marriage covers being homosexual

This isn’t really as common today as it was many years ago. Back in the day, when gay marriage or being gay wasn’t really tolerated, people would get married so they didn’t draw attention to themselves.

There are even cases when a lesbian woman and a gay man would end up getting married for the sake of appearing to be a heterosexual couple. However, these people are only friends – even if they do end up having children together. Thankfully, these days, most people simply choose to be themselves and be proud of their sexuality rather than trying to hide it. It’s not always the case, but with a more open-minded world around us, there’s no need to hide.

6. They just want to marry their best friend

Some people get married platonically but have relationships outside of their marriage. They want children and would rather raise those kids with their best friend, someone they care about and admire, than with someone else.

This is usually the case when two people want kids and a family but haven’t found that special person. To them, their best friend is better than anyone else, and they’d rather have them be their children’s parents. Or maybe they just want to spend forever with their best friend instead of some fleeting lover. [Read: What to do when you’re in love with your best friend]

7. It fades into a platonic marriage

Sometimes your marriage can start out being full of love. You were truly in love with your spouse, and then that love faded over time. Not all loving marriages end up staying that way.

Some people who have been with their spouse for decades end up in a platonic relationship instead of a romantic one. They stay together because they still love each other, just not in the same way they did when they first got married. [Read: Bringing romance and passion back into a relationship]

8. They still love each other

Some people want to bind themselves for life to someone they truly love, even if they’re not IN love with them. They feel like the difference is immense. Being in love with someone can change over time, but loving someone platonically isn’t likely to.

Those people would rather be in a platonic marriage and keep that level of love than be in a romantic marriage and risk losing it over the years. [Read: Platonic love and its revealing secrets]

9. Making it work for the family

The thing about divorce is that everyone assumes you hate your ex, but those who end their marriage can often stay friends the same that those who decide to stay married can also just be friends.

Their romantic relationship has come to a close, but they still like each other and want to remain a family. The only difference is that they don’t have a romantic aspect. They’re just working together to raise a family. [Read: Dating a man with kids – things you need to be prepared for]

10. For tax and insurance purposes

This is just the truth sometimes. It’s not always true that people get married for love. Sometimes, the tax and insurance benefits are just too alluring.

This could also happen if someone is in need of much better insurance than they have. If you’re struggling with a chronic condition and your insurance decides to drop you, marrying a friend with great insurance can be worth it.

This type of marriage would be platonic and only serve a couple of specific purposes. Is it the best reason to get married? Probably not, but it happens.

11. They just don’t want to be alone

It could also be that two people just don’t want to be alone in love anymore, so they choose to be together instead.

Platonic marriages can sometimes just be about companionship. This often happens later in life, like when two people have become disillusioned by love with their partners in the past and don’t want to try the dating game again. [Read: Relationship of convenience – what it is and why people get into one]

In that case, being married to someone you get along well with and enjoy spending time with can be a comfortable and reassuring option.

Does a platonic marriage mean you’re missing out?

Not all marriages are the crazy, passionate, madly-in-love types. There are many different degrees in-between, but what about platonic marriages?

The thing about platonic marriage is that there is no romance. We all grow up watching Disney films and being told through the screen that romance is what it’s all about.

Being swept off your feet and loving someone no matter what is the thing to do, but life isn’t always like that. It’s certainly not like a Disney film much of the time. [Read: How to tell if you’re in a low-key relationship or a secret affair]

You have to question whether or not being in a platonic marriage means you’re missing out on the excitement of romance – that butterflies in the stomach feeling. You could argue either way because we all know that butterflies tend to leave the building after several years of marriage anyway!

It really comes down to the people involved and what they want to do with their lives. If they’re happy in a platonic marriage, nobody can tell them any differently. It’s a personal choice.

Some people simply aren’t bothered with romance and just want to be comfortable and happy. If that’s what a platonic marriage does for them, so be it!

[Read: How to know when your marriage is over and if it’s too late]

Platonic marriage isn’t always about just marrying someone who’s your friend. Some people do it for very specific reasons. Regardless, this type of marriage definitely exists.