Older Women Dating Younger Men: 29 Must-Knows & Secrets to Make It Work

The dynamic of an older woman a dating younger man has its advantages and disadvantages. So, before you do it, here are some things to consider.

All throughout recorded history, it has been completely acceptable for an older man to date a younger woman. In evolutionary terms, it makes sense. 

The fact is that a man can father a child until he takes his very last breath on his deathbed, whether he is fifteen or ninety-five. So, it’s always been acceptable for older men to date younger women, who have more limitations on their fertility window.

But now, a new phenomenon is emerging where older women dating younger men seems to be the “in” thing. If you want to join in on this growing trend, you’re first going to want to know everything about older-women-younger-men relationships.

Luckily for you, we have all the tea! [Read: May December relationship: 22 truths, problems & why it works so well]

Things to consider before dating a younger man

If you think it would be awesome to date a younger man, then you should think about it long and hard before you do it. Here are some things to consider before you date a younger man.

1. Younger men often have different priorities

Think about it. When you were young, you were probably more interested in partying, hanging out with your friends, and traveling the world.

But as you get older, those priorities shift to family, kids, and your career. [Read: Never make someone a priority when you’re only an option – the truth]

So, if a younger guy tends to prioritize things that you don’t find valuable, then this could be a problem. After all, you are in two very different stages in your life.

2. Younger men can have less of a past

Having less of a past can be either an advantage or a disadvantage.

On one hand, he probably doesn’t have a crazy ex-wife and 4 children to deal with. That’s awesome because then he is free to see you whenever you want without any other obligation. [Read: Dating an older woman: 45 pros, cons, myths & secrets to impress and date her]

But on the other hand, if you have an ex-husband and kids, he might not be able to understand and relate to the fact that you have other obligations than just having fun. He might have a lot less relationship experience than you do too.

3. You may have a different dynamic

Stereotypically, men like to be the more dominant person in a relationship. Biologically speaking, they are natural leaders. That doesn’t mean that women aren’t good leaders. But in traditional straight relationships, men tend to be the “chaser” and women tend to be the ones being chased.

But when the woman is older, has a better career, and has more money, the relationship dynamic switches. [Read: Power struggles in a relationship – 19 signs and ways to overcome it]

That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s still something to consider.

4. Younger men are generally more up for an adventure

Again, this can be an advantage or disadvantage depending on what kind of person you are. If you are still young at heart and are naturally a thrill-seeker, then this is great. He’ll be more likely to go skydiving and zip-lining with you.

However, if you’re not much of an adventurous person yourself, then this could be a problem. [Read: Sex with a new partner – how to start your adventure with a bang]

He might want to go do wild and crazy things, while you’re just happy having a nice quiet romantic dinner. He may get bored and you might feel guilty or under pressure to step out of your comfort zone.

5. You may get pushback from friends and family

Depending on how large your age gap is, a lot of your friends and family just might not understand—and his too. If the gap is only 5 or so years, it might not be a big deal.

However, if the age gap is 10, 15, 20, or even more years, then you will definitely face pushback. [Read: 65 perks and problems of dating an older man and secrets to attract and date him]

People may understand why you want a younger man, but they probably won’t understand why he would want an older woman. And that could make you feel insecure.

6. Your views on commitment may differ

This one could go either way too. If you’re older and want to have a marriage and kids, he might not be in that state of mind yet. You might want to have a serious commitment, and he might not because he’s still in his party phase.

Or alternatively, maybe you’ve already had experience with marriage, child-raising, and divorce. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship and how to know if you have it]

You might have a “been-there-done-that” attitude and just want to have fun without any serious commitment. And if he wants to settle down and have babies with you, this could be a problem.

The big benefits for an older woman to date a younger man

Younger men like to date older women because they have their shit together. They aren’t bogged down by commitment and biological clocks. They also aren’t into drama or playing games.

Older women know who they are and what they want. [Read: Love or career – how to choose and make sure you’re not left feeling bitter]

But there are plenty of reasons why an older woman would want to date a younger man. Here are just some of them:

1. They aren’t so serious

As you get older, your weekends consist of business parties and networking. The only conversation that people have is about what their kids are doing in school or what their retirement funds are averaging.

But younger men aren’t as caught up in the day-to-day as older men. Younger men are more engaging, more exciting, and more spontaneous. [Read: 18 ways to become more spontaneous in life]

They don’t worry about whether they contributed enough to their savings plan or if their high school daughter is sleeping with her boyfriend. They worry about… well, nothing, and it is refreshing!

2. Younger men are more untamed

There is something fresh and exhilarating about a younger man. Not yet jaded by life experiences or devastating loss and heartbreak, they have a fresh and sweet appeal that allows you to forget your problems.

They are quick to convince you that something isn’t a big deal and to distract you by telling you something funny. [Read: When does age difference in a relationship matter?]

Perhaps because life hasn’t choked the life out of them yet, they meet each new experience with an enthusiasm that older guys just don’t have.

3. They usually don’t have an ex to contend with

As you get older, the pool of guys that you have to choose from begins to narrow, and what you are left with are men who are either on the rebound from a broken marriage or never learned how to be datable.

Younger men don’t come with the same emotional baggage, and they almost never come with teenagers who will hate you right off the bat or an ex-wife who will be hell-bent on making your life miserable. [Read: Dating age rule – what’s an acceptable age gap for a couple?]

A younger guy comes with just the stuff he has in his apartment and maybe the heartbreak of his first love. That is totally doable.

4. They haven’t built up a wall yet

When you go through life and come out the other end, you develop a very hard shell. As guys get older, they have a tendency to harden. 

Sick of “the man,” their ex-girlfriends or wives, or even their boss walking all over them, they guard their emotions, take things slowly, and keep things to themselves. [Read: Age gaps – the new trend in relationships]

Harder to get to know, women usually get tired of peeling through all the layers to get underneath. The worst part is that usually when they get underneath, they find out that it wasn’t worth the time they wasted getting there.

Younger men don’t have that defensive wall yet, so it’s much easier to get close to them.

5. They smell good

Yes, this is so very vain and shallow, but a younger guy just smells good. If you get close to one, it is like testosterone wrapped in sex. 

Horrible sounding, but true. Being around a young man is like walking through an Abercrombie and Fitch store, for real. [Read: What is a MILF? The surprising truths and thoughts behind its meaning]

6. They aren’t looking for a commitment

Older guys don’t have that much time to mess around. If they are going to spend time with you, they expect that something is going to become of it. Because of that, you could say that older men court and younger guys hang out.

So, older women dating younger men know that a younger man doesn’t want a commitment any more than you do. 

If you want to take it to the next level at some point, you both are usually on the same page… crazy in love. [Read: Relationship rules: 30 must-know tips to live your best love life!]

7. They have a sweetness that warms your heart

Younger men are more open about how they feel, and they show more gratitude and happiness for the things that you do.

Not many girls their age understand how to treat guys. They’re more self-involved, and all about the “me.” They are into what they want and how to find someone to treat them right. 

An older woman understands that a relationship is about pleasing one another. [Read: Healthy relationship – 27 signs, qualities, and what it looks like in real life]

Older guys are used to getting their needs met by other women in their lives; a younger guy isn’t used to the kind of attention that an older woman provides and is very grateful for it.

8. They have more energy

Men have a tendency to not age as well as women. Go to any class reunion, and what you will find is that overall women take better care of themselves and are more active than men their age.

Women who aren’t ready to give up on life enjoy a younger guy. [Read: 26 different types of relationships to predict your romantic life and future]

That’s because they want adventure and someone who will go all night. Or maybe to take them on a vacation that has them parasailing and jet skiing all weekend long.

9. They aren’t impressed by money

Most younger guys don’t come with a list of assets. For some reason, older guys seem to think that women are impressed more by their pocketbooks than what they like to do with their weekends *well…some are*.

There are some women who aren’t all that interested in how many homes you own or the cars you drive. [Read: What to do if your partner makes less money than you]

And it is refreshing that the guy who comes to pick us up does so in either an Uber-driven car or in their late 90s model Camry, simply because they don’t care.

10. They are still at the phase where they get excited about something

The older you get, the harder it is to find a guy who is excited about anything. 

When you go to the movies, they bitch about the prices of the popcorn or that the plot of the movie has been overdone. [Read: How to build trust in a relationship & learn how to be loyal and loving]

But when you date a younger guy, they are more light-hearted, and they still have dreams to follow that make them happy and leave that spark in their eye. There is nothing better than the spark, or pie-in-the-sky look in a guy’s eye.

11. Younger men normally have fewer responsibilities

Older men often have responsibilities such as kids or a stressful job to worry about, but the younger you go, the less likely these aspects of life will be a factor. [Read: The 41 best qualities of a good man that sets him apart from lesser men]

If you date a younger man who hasn’t got around to having kids yet, you won’t have to worry about any potentially awkward introductions, especially if you have your own children. 

And if your man has less responsibility at work, he may be more likely to respond to a spontaneous request for a date. Or he might be able to take off early for a weekend getaway without being concerned about what he’s left behind at the office. [Read: 9 things you can’t overlook when you date a single parent]

He also may not have purchased a home yet, something that tends to take up time and energy. And if you’re still renting too, you two may become first-time homebuyers together someday. 

12. Younger men are less likely to be cynical

If the man you’re dating is a few years younger than you, then chances are that he hasn’t dated as many people in a serious manner.

Older men who have been through one or two marriages and divorces, or even the breakup of several long-term romances, sometimes become cynical about relationships in general. [Read: Relationship stages: 10 phases couples go through by months & years]

Some may be quite suspicious of you, expecting that you’ll do something that an ex did, or they may not put as much effort into a relationship as they would have in the past, making it seem like they don’t care very much. 

After dating a few guys with these attitudes, the almost naïve enthusiasm for love that a younger man is likely to have may be refreshing. [Read: 22 big early warning signs of a bad boyfriend you need to leave ASAP]

13. Younger men may worship the ground that you walk on

While outsiders sometimes sneer at older women dating younger men, the man himself often gets a surge of self-confidence due to the fact that he was able to “snag” an older woman, especially if his friends are giving him kudos for it.

Therefore, to make sure you continue to be satisfied with the relationship, your man may offer to do you special favors inside the bedroom and out, frequently buy you gifts, and sing your praises to everyone he meets.

However, make sure you don’t stay with a younger guy you aren’t really into just for these perks, as that’s pretty shallow. Furthermore, if you don’t enjoy this special attention, or you feel like he’s dating you just for the ego boost, it’s time to have a talk with him. [Read: Is he interested in me? 36 signs he’s smitten and really attracted too!]

14. Increased sexual compatibility

In case you didn’t already know, most young men have a very high sex drive. So high in fact that younger women sometimes can’t keep up with them.

But older women’s sex drives are a lot higher than younger women’s. That means that you both get the pleasure of having a partner who matches your libido. [Read: Sexual compatibility – 47 signs to tell if you’re incompatible and ways to fix it]

It’s kind of cruel that nature mismatched men’s and women’s sex drives like that. But that’s why it’s great to date younger guys. You can have all the sex you want and have a very enjoyable sex life! 

15. A change in relationship dynamics

When you are younger, most women are just looking to settle down, get married, and start a family. And while those are all wonderful goals, they certainly put pressure on both the woman and the man.

But if you are an older woman who isn’t worried about settling down, getting married, and having kids, a younger man is a great option for you. [Read: 22 marriage myths people blindly believe that ruin love forever]

You see, the relationship dynamics of an older woman dating a younger man are just more fun and light-hearted. Neither of you is worrying about the future too much. You’re just going with the flow.

This change in normal relationship dynamics can be very refreshing. Plus, you might even find yourself in the more dominant position as far as your power dynamics go too, which can also be fun.

16. They don’t hold back on speaking their mind

Conflict management skills are important in any relationship. But not everyone is really good at working through problems because they just don’t have the skills. [Read: How to resolve conflict – the 15 best ways to cut out the drama]

One bad way people sometimes deal with conflict is by withdrawing. They don’t want to fight, so they just choose not to talk about it. But that doesn’t solve any problems at all.

So, as people age, they might just not want to deal with the drama of a fight. However, that doesn’t help anything and it might just make things worse.

Older men might not have the energy to talk through problems. But younger men are usually a lot better at not holding back. They will tell you what’s on their mind and so you don’t have to be a mind reader. [Read: Why fighting in a relationship is important and how to do it right]

17. They make sure they stay in shape physically

Sadly, a lot of people let themselves go when they age—especially men.

Some of the things they can’t control, such as whether or not they lose their hair. But other things they can, such as how much weight they gain and how saggy they get. Luckily, younger men don’t really have to worry about the aging process quite yet.

So, whether he just is naturally young and in shape because he has a great metabolism or he actually works out and is buff with a six-pack, the end result is the same. [Read: 26 secrets to get motivated to work out and exercise your way to a better life]

Young men who are in shape are just more attractive than older men with a big beer belly and a receding hairline. Sure, it sounds shallow to say that, but most women would agree that it’s true.

The annoying drawbacks of dating a younger man

As good as it sounds to date a younger man, there are also some disadvantages to it too. So, here are some things to consider:

1. Younger men may act childish

One drawback to dating a younger man is that he may be less mature than you.

For instance, if you’re 30 and you’re dating a 24-year-old, he may enjoy playing video games for hours with his buddies. He might also be drinking until he’s sick at a local pub, while you left that stuff behind in college *which he likely recently emerged from*. [Read: Immature men – 27 manchild signs and why you should stay away from him]

This difference in preferred activities doesn’t have to be a deal breaker though. As long as he doesn’t carpet your living room with beer cans, pizza boxes, and game consoles, or embarrass you in public, a relationship may still work out. 

After all, you can use his gaming time to do something you enjoy solo. [Read: What age does a man emotionally mature? 19 signs of maturity in a guy]

2. Younger men can be clueless when it comes to relationships

Although they tend to be less cynical, there’s commonly a negative side to men who lack relationship experience too.

A guy with little relationship experience may not know how to deal properly with conflicts. He may blow up during a fight, or give you the cold shoulder after a disagreement instead of trying to work things out calmly and maturely. 

He may also make minor social gaffes, such as flirting with other girls while you’re in the room or texting too much while you two are having dinner with your family. [Read: 196 fun & deep relationship questions to test your couple compatability]

Depending on how much mileage he’s racked up outside of relationships, he may be fumbling in bed and require you to teach him things. Of course, if you enjoy that, more power to you!

3. Younger men sometimes lack full-time employment

If you’re dating a younger guy who’s still in school or has recently graduated, he may not have a job, or at least not one that allows him to fully support himself. 

The lack of time he spends at work will make him more available to spend time with you. But you may spend the majority of your nights together snuggling in front of the television because he won’t have the money to pay for expensive dates *even if you offer to split the bill*. [Read: Does he really love you? – 20 clear signs to know the real truth]

If this is the case, you should look for cheap or free things to do in your city that both of you can afford. Someday he’ll have a better job, and you’ll be able to enjoy the finer things in life again. 

If your man doesn’t seem to be taking any steps toward establishing a solid career, though, consider moving on. He may just want a sugar mama. [Read: Lazy boyfriend – 20 signs, why guys get lazy in love and how to help him change]

4. Younger man/older woman couples may be judged by their elders

Even though this particular combination is becoming much more common, especially amongst the younger generation in general, there are some traditionalists who still believe that a man should be at least the same age as his significant other.

If your parents or grandparents are part of that group, they may be surprised or even dismayed to find out that your boyfriend is younger than you. 

Of course, you don’t have to announce his exact age when you introduce him to your family, but it may be discovered eventually, especially if he looks visibly younger. [Read: 5 lessons to remember while dealing with judgmental people]

If you’ve got a strong bond with your man though, this shouldn’t be a huge problem. And a relationship that can’t withstand a little outside opposition may not be one worth keeping.

5. Some younger guys might feel intimidated by where you are in life

There are many different scenarios for an older woman dating a younger man. In other words, what this dynamic actually means is very subjective and individualistic.

Some people might consider a 30-year-old woman dating a 26-year-old man as qualifying for this dynamic. But other people might say that they’re essentially the same age. [Read: Dominant girlfriend – the pros and cons of dating a woman in control]

Some might say that a 40 plus aged woman dating a twenty or thirty-something younger guy better suits the older woman/younger man label.

Women still look good in their 40s, and they usually have established careers. However, younger guys might not have really made much of their careers yet. [Read: Lazy people – 50 wily ways they manipulate others to work for them]

So, he might be intimidated by where you are and how much money you have compared to him. It could make him feel like less of a man.

6. The “kids conversation” is complicated

Depending on how old the woman is, she is likely to have kids. Sure, maybe you’re in your early 30s and haven’t gotten to that point yet. But many women past 35 *or even younger* not only have kids but probably don’t want any more.

So, telling a younger guy that you have kids—regardless of their ages—can be awkward. He might not even be thinking along those lines and so he might be shocked. [Read: 9 naughty ways to keep the romance alive when you have kids]

And then, how do you introduce him to the kids? Or should you? If it’s just a fun and light-hearted relationship, then it might be better to leave the kids out of it. 

But if it’s getting serious, then a real conversation about how he feels being a “stepdad” to your kids or perhaps not having any of his own needs to be had.

Will this kind of relationship work? 

There are plenty of May-December relationships that work out. Whether or not the man or the woman is older doesn’t matter. They can work. [Read: 16 secrets to a perfectly happy relationship]

However, that doesn’t mean it will last forever. Of course, happily ever after isn’t guaranteed for anyone.

But in order for a relationship like this to be successful and last, you both really need to have a deep talk about your priorities, expectations, and thoughts about commitment and the future.

As long as you both are on the same page about everything, then an older woman dating a younger man can be a great relationship. [Read: 15 fun relationship games for couples to feel more loved, connected, and happy]

Just think about the consequences of it ahead of time so there won’t be any surprises.

Would you date a younger guy?

Based on this information, do you think you’d be able to date a younger guy? Perhaps you already are, and it’s going swimmingly. 

It’s really not as big of a deal as society’s made it out to be in the past—all it may require are a few minor adjustments on your part, and likely a few on his, too. [Read: 35 fun ways to keep a guy hooked and happy in a relationship with you]

If you don’t end up experiencing any of the common issues described above with your younger man, you’re incredibly lucky! You’ve landed yourself a diamond in the rough.

On the other hand, if you have to deal with all these and then some, without any of the perks, maybe you’ve got yourself a bad egg who would behave in the same way regardless of age.

Final thoughts

There are so many articles touting the advantages of dating an older woman and how awesome cougars are for experience. [Read: 20 signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you and just wants to have fun]

But it is important to tell the other side of the story. The older women dating younger men do so because they bring out a spark in a woman that she hasn’t felt in a long time.

Most people think that May-December relationships when they involve older women dating younger men are all about sexual exploration. 

But what it is really about is finding the little girl inside and enjoying the unpretentious nature of a man who hasn’t been jaded by experiences, exes, and 401(k) plans.

[Read: When does age difference actually start to matter in a relationship?]

So, older women dating younger men is about being with someone who wants nothing from you but to have a good time, be spontaneous, and live life to the fullest. Maybe like a do-over; younger guys allow women to remember what it was like to feel alive again.