Not Attracted to Your Husband? 30 Signs & Ways to Fix a Loss of Interest

It’s sad when you realize that you’re not attracted to your husband anymore. If you’re still not sure, here are 30 signs to know and what to do about it.

Everyone knows that attraction plays a big part in any relationship and is usually the initial reason we end up starting a new one with someone. But what happens when you are not attracted to your husband anymore? 

Attraction doesn’t have to be purely physical. In fact, for many people, emotional attraction is just as – if not more – important. There are a huge number of factors that can make a person attractive.

For example, someone making you laugh, being clever, sharing hobbies and interests, and being kind and compassionate are all things that might make you feel attracted to someone. And these things will be more or less important for different people.

The things that make us not attracted to someone are also interesting to think about. Being stubborn, hot-headed, unkind, selfish, lazy, unambitious – the list of things we don’t look for in a potential mate is just as long. [Read: 25 subtle relationship turn-offs that can push a couple apart]

Everyone has their flaws, their strengths, and weaknesses, and finding someone who ticks all your boxes is a big challenge.

It’s also important to remember that our tastes and desires change over time, so while you might be attracted to wild bad boys in your early twenties, you may well find that who you are attracted to a decade later is someone kind, stable, and loyal.

The subtle signs you’re not attracted to your husband or losing interest slowly

Realizing that you are not attracted to your husband now can feel like a massive problem and something that you are unable to fix.

However, before you throw in the towel, it is first important to recognize the signs that you’re not attracted to your husband, and then figure out what you can do about it.

Let’s take a look.

1. You think he has let himself go

If you find yourself less physically attracted to your partner because he has put on weight or doesn’t take time or care with his appearance anymore, you could find yourself feeling a little resentful.

It can feel insulting if your partner stops making an effort, so this can be a sign that you are not attracted to your husband. [Read: 14 clear signs the two of you are too comfortable with each other]

2. You get irritated more easily by the things he says and does

Find your blood boiling at the smallest things? He tries to make a joke, and you can’t help but think ‘what an idiot’? If you are starting to find him much more irritating than usual, you are distancing yourself from him, and focusing more on the negatives.

3. You care less about making an effort around him

If you no longer care whether he finds you attractive anymore, this is a sure-fire sign you’re not attracted to your husband, and that your relationship could be in a bit of hot water.

Trying to look your best and caring about your appearance is a way of showing your partner that you care about them. If neither of you bothers anymore, it may be that you don’t feel as close as you used to.

4. You’ve stopped nagging him

If you’ve given up on nagging him and instead just quietly seethe about how lazy/messy/bad with money he is, it shows you are no longer putting your all into the relationship – you are giving up on it because the attraction is no longer there. [Read: 19 unfortunate signs your husband doesn’t love you anymore]

5. The romance is gone

Would you go on dates, do cute things together, and have a cuddle on the sofa every night before? Now, do you watch TV separated at either end in silence? If the romance is dead, it shows you aren’t making time for one another anymore.

6. You don’t have sex anymore

Everyone’s sex life dwindles from time to time, but if sex with your husband is the last thing on your mind, that spark just simply isn’t there anymore and it’s a clear sign you’re not physically attracted to your husband like you once were.

7. Things that you used to find cute now annoy you

That little snort when he laughs and his gentle snoring? The things you used to find adorable now totally rub you the wrong way!

8. You don’t make time for one another

Do you feel like ships passing in the night? If you feel as though you are living separate lives, it could be that something has gone amiss – no matter how busy you are. [Read: The indirect subtle signs of a loveless, unhappy marriage and how it all begins]

9. You think about divorce

Does divorce cross your mind regularly? If so, your feelings about your husband and relationship have changed, and it’s “make or break” time. And it’s a huge sign you’re not attracted to your husband.

10. You look elsewhere

Do you find yourself regularly fantasizing, flirting, or eyeing up other men? You are clearly looking for something you aren’t getting at home.

11. You find excuses to not have sex with him

At the beginning of your relationship, you probably couldn’t keep your hands off each other. But as the years go by, that usually fades. But even so, most couples still want to have sex with each other.

So, if you find that you are trying every excuse in the book to not have to see him naked or have his hands touch you, that is a bad sign. [Read: 22 signs you’re losing interest in a relationship and slowing letting go]

12. You don’t feel like taking care of yourself

Even though you usually do take care of yourself and put effort into how you look, lately you are been thinking, “What’s the use?”

In other words, you’re thinking, “If he won’t take care of himself and look good for me, why should I care how I look for him? It’s not fair that I am the only one putting in the effort to stay attractive.” 

13. You try to inspire him to take care of himself

You have tried having good, healthy habits yourself in the hopes that he will notice and decide to do it himself.

You buy healthy food, you tell him you’re going to go to the gym, and you parade around him hoping that he will feel guilty and join you. But it never works. He seems blind to your attempts to get him to see that he should be taking care of himself too.

14. Looking at him makes you cringe

When you look at your husband, you should be turned on or at least admire him for the man he is. You should have a bit of lust in your heart for him just like you did when you first met him.

But if just looking at him makes you cringe because he looks so different, then that is a very bad and obvious sign that you are not attracted to your husband anymore. [Read: Psychology of attraction – the 6 types you didn’t know but should]

15. Watching him eat grosses you out

You probably wish that he would lose weight and start exercising. But instead, you are probably noticing all the food he eats at all times of the day, and it disgusts you.

Just seeing him make one more sandwich or eat frozen pizza, or seeing him eat half a bag of cookies makes you nauseous. Not to mention just the sound of him chewing makes your head spin too.

If one, some, or all of these signs sound like you, then don’t despair! If you are willing to fight for your marriage, and your partner is too, there may be some things you can do to stop losing the attraction towards your husband.

How to rekindle the romance and save your relationship

If you really do want to make your relationship work and start feeling attracted to your husband again, it’s time you take the reins and reignite the spark and inspire him to take better care of himself.

It may take a while and effort, but it’ll all pay off over time.

16. Tell him

Often, men just need a good kick up the backside to start actually making changes! It’s quite possible your husband won’t know you are feeling this way or how serious it is.

You owe it to him to sit him down and explain how you feel, but try to do it calmly, fairly and without insulting or hurting him.

Say that you want to try and work it out so he doesn’t immediately feel he is being bulldozed or told he is the reason the marriage is falling apart. [Read: How to make a guy realize he’s losing you – 13 hints that really work]

17. Learn to let things go

It can be hard, but sometimes you just have to try and not sweat the small stuff. Think about some of the little things that bug you, and how much nicer your life would be if you didn’t get so wound up about them. Do it for yourself as well as your marriage!

18. Do some soul searching

It may be that your dissatisfaction with your husband is a projection of the way you feel about your own life.

Make sure you aren’t simply putting all the blame onto him, when actually it’s you who needs to make a change – it usually takes two to tango, after all. [Read: How to find happiness within yourself and manifest a better tomorrow]

19. Go on dates

Try to bring some romance back into your relationship by setting and sticking to a weekly date night.

Making time for one another and learning how to communicate, flirt, and have fun could reignite the spark you thought you lost and make you feel attracted to your husband again. [Read: How to rekindle a marriage – 19 ways to make love exciting again]

20. Make promises to one another

Always communicate with your partner and try to be better for each other. Make promises to one another – real, tangible, clear promises on what actions you will take to improve your relationship and make sure you stick to them.

21. Take up a new hobby together

Finding a new passion that you can both do together, talk about, and enjoy can make you feel reconnected once more.

22. Book a dirty weekend

Sometimes just getting away from it all and indulging in some no-holds-barred passionate bedroom fun can be all a couple needs to get them back on track!

Of course, you may not feel attracted to your husband right now, but make the effort and you’ll see the sexual attraction grow. [Read: 19 foreplay sex games for couples to feel naughty and horny in minutes]

23. Do something reckless together

Do something you wouldn’t normally do and throw caution to the wind. Whether that’s booking a skydive or pulling a sicky and getting drunk on a Monday afternoon, feeling that adrenaline can remind you how much fun you can have together.

24. Stop expecting him to be perfect

No one is perfect, and neither are you! Try to forgive the little things and don’t set impossible standards all the time – he’ll never be able to meet them and you’ll always end up feeling as though he is letting you down. [Read: Spark guaranteed! 30 naughty relationship questions that’ll change your marriage forever]

25. Start working out together

If you tried to inspire him to work out by doing it yourself, that alone might not have worked. You tried taking the indirect route hoping he would pick up on the hint that maybe he should go to the gym too.

But he’s completely missing your cues. So, you might need to be direct and just tell him that you need him to start working out with you. 

26. Cook healthy low-calorie food

If you are the one who usually cooks in your relationship, then you have control of most of the food that comes into your house.

Stop buying cookies, ice cream, or any other temptation that he might have. Instead, buy more fruits, vegetables, and healthy food to have for dinner and snacks. If the bad food isn’t in the house, then he might be too lazy to get up and go to the store himself to get it!

27. Give him compliments when he loses weight

If you have managed to be successful in getting him to lose weight and work out, then don’t forget to compliment him on his progress. All humans need some encouragement to keep going.

If he knows that you notice his transformation, then he will want to keep doing it. Tell him how proud you are that he’s on this new journey to health. [Read: 30 Special compliments for guys to make them blush and make their day]

28. Show appreciation

When you aren’t attracted to your husband, it’s easy to get into a negative mindset. You focus on everything you don’t like about him instead of what you do like about him.

So, try to remind yourself what you love about him. Once you do, tell him how much you appreciate him and everything he does for you. Appreciation goes a really long way for most people.

29. Reminisce together

Sit down with your husband and go through pictures of the two of you when you first started dating. Talk about the memories you have and re-live them together.

Along the way, point out how cute he was back then, and how attracted you were to him. Call him a hottie. Hopefully, he’ll get the hint that he doesn’t look like that anymore and then have a desire to change. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and 14 cozy conversations in bed]

30. Give it time

Mending things in a relationship takes time. Don’t expect just because you’ve taken initial steps to start feeling attracted to your husband, or to improve the relationship, that things will go back to being amazing right away.

There will be slip-ups, so sometimes you’ll feel like you are taking two steps forward and one back. But if you both put the effort in and give each other some leeway, then that’s the best you can do!

[Read: 22 very practical ways to save your relationship when it’s slowly falling apart]

If you’re not attracted to your husband anymore, it doesn’t need to spell the end of the relationship. So, if you just follow these tips and suggestions, you can get back on track in no time!