My Ex Hates Me: Why Your Ex Hates You & 19 Ways to Get Past the Rage

You’ve gone through a breakup, but it didn’t go very well. In fact, you’re always thinking “my ex hates me.” Here’s why they might and how to move past it.

Dealing with an ex no matter how they feel about you can be awkward and uncomfortable. Let alone having to put up with them if they absolutely hate you. The problem with an ex hating you is it’s so easy for them to have such a strong negative reaction toward you simply because they once had strong positive feelings for you. It is hard to accept the idea that your ex hates you.

Many people have dealt with their fair share of exes hating them. It’s not that they even did anything wrong or so terrible that it warrants such a passionate dislike. Rather because they broke up with them, and they weren’t ready for the relationship to end.

[Read: When does an ex start to miss you? The bittersweet truth revealed]

Why is hate such a terrible emotion?

There is a huge difference between someone who has a dislike for someone or something and when someone voices how much they HATE it. They’re not the same emotion. There’s actually a difference when it comes to your brain chemistry between the emotions as well.

As it turns out, scientists have been intrigued by the emotion of hate for a very long time, and they’ve discovered this emotion is so powerful because it resembles love.

When subjects were hooked up to an MRI and shown pictures of those they hate, their brain lit up in the same areas it did when they saw photos of those they loved! [Read: Why do people hate me? 20 reasons why you’re so unpopular?]

Why does your ex hate you?

It’s so easy to play the victim role when your ex hates you. After all, as we discussed above, hate is a horrible emotion. So, when it is spewed in your direction, you can’t help but feel like it is unfair. And it might be. But then again, maybe not.

Many times, we have a hard time looking at the mistakes we make in life. It’s easier to blame other people than to take a good, long, hard look in the mirror and own up to the things we did that hurt other people.

So, now is the time. You have to look back on the relationship and be honest with yourself. Ask, “Have I done any of these things?” and “Is this why my ex hates me?” [Read: Why it’s normal to feel strange when your ex dates someone new]

1. Cheating

You would think that you would be aware of whether or not you cheated on your ex. However, cheating is not a black-and-white thing anymore. Before the technological age, cheating was pretty much just having a sexual or physical relationship with someone other than your partner.

But now, cheating can be anything from texting another person to commenting too much on their social media. Plus, emotional cheating is a big problem as well. So, even if you didn’t physically cheat, maybe your ex feels betrayed by you for one reason or another. [Read: Microcheating – What it is and the subtle signs you’re unintentionally doing it]

2. Lying

Everyone lies to some extent. However, there is a big difference between the “Those jeans look great on you” *when they don’t* and out-and-out big, huge lies. And if you have been guilty of lying to your ex, take a look at what you lied about. [Read: How to make your ex miss you – 17 subtle ways to make them want you]

Cheating and lying could have gone together. Or, you could have lied about finances, friends, your whereabouts, or anything at all. But if you made a habit of lying and getting caught, that would explain why your ex hates you.

3. Neglect

Neglect comes in many forms. There is emotional, mental, and sexual neglect. Did you ignore your ex at all? Were you spending 24/7 on your phone, watching TV, or playing video games? Were you out with your friends all the time and didn’t spend time with them?

When someone is neglected, they can become very bitter and resentful. Neglecting someone is like saying “I don’t care about you and your needs. You are not important to me. I only care about myself.” [Read: 18 bad relationship habits that’ll make any partner want to leave you]

4. Abuse

Just like neglect, abuse comes in many forms too. There is emotional, mental, and physical abuse. Even if you just yelled at them a lot when you were angry, they could have perceived that as mental or emotional abuse. Maybe you don’t see it that way, but they do.

Most people think of abuse just in terms of physical abuse. But that’s not true. Sometimes emotional and mental abuse is just as bad because those scars almost never heal. [Read: How to get your ex back and convince them it’s the right thing to do]

5. Selfishness

Everyone is selfish to some extent, but some people take it to a whole new level. If you were selfish and didn’t care about your ex’s needs and desires, then they probably resent you for it.

A good relationship requires both partners to put the other person’s needs at least equal to – if not before – their own. So, if you were putting yourself first – ahead of your ex – then it’s not surprising that your ex hates you. [Read: Are you selfish in the relationship? 19 signs you’re a complete user]

6. Bad-mouthing

Maybe you went around to family and friends bad-mouthing your ex. You might have said things that were true, or maybe they weren’t. Either way, no one likes to have other people hate them.

Saying bad things or revealing secrets about anyone is unacceptable. If you have something to say about them, say it to them – not to others. So, if you fueled any hate behind their back, then that could be a reason your ex hates you. [Read: How to start a conversation with your ex and not make it weird]

7. Sexual rejection

A healthy romantic relationship has a good sex life. Without sex, you might as well just be friends, because that’s what separates romance and friendship. So, think back to your sex life.

Did you reject your partner at all? If they initiated sex, did you reject them a lot?

Did you ever initiate sex yourself, or did you let months or years go by without even trying to touch your ex? If they felt sexually rejected by you, that could lead to hateful feelings directed your way.

Getting past your ex’s hate-fueled rage

If there’s one thing worse than actually hating someone, it’s dealing with someone who hates you—especially an ex.

It’s not only difficult to endure, but it actually causes you pain because you never wanted someone you once cared for to hate you. [Read: How to be friends with an ex without any complications]

If you’re struggling with dealing with your ex’s hatred, you’ve come to the right place. Follow these different ways to get past their rage.

1. Be empathetic

There’s nothing worse than hating someone who just doesn’t care at all, it really just makes you hate them more. In order to get past your ex’s rage, be empathetic.

Put yourself in their shoes. Would you feel the same? Would you have as much hatred for them as they have for you? If you think about it this way, it helps you understand what they’re going through, so you can get through it. [Read: How to be more empathetic and 16 ways to make anyone feel understood]

2. Give them closure

If there was a breakup spawning their newly found hatred of you, and they’re so mad because they just don’t know what happened. You need to provide them with some closure ASAP.

They don’t just hate you, they’re in pain. They’re hurting because they feel rejected and don’t know why you left them. Give them closure about whatever it is they’re asking about. It’ll reduce their hatred of you and make it easier for you to get past. [Read: 20 answers your ex desperate needs to hear from you to get closure and heal]

3. Ask yourself if you did something REALLY wrong

Be honest with yourself. Go over the list above and try to figure out if any of those reasons apply to you. Did you do something that warrants a just hatred from someone? Because if you did, realize what you did wrong.

Did you cheat on them? Hurt them in such a way that you can’t undo it? Ask yourself if them hating you is fair. Sometimes, hatred can be justified by an act so outrageously bad that hate may even be a minor reaction.

4. Don’t fuel their fire

For crying out loud, don’t egg them on. They already have the most negative emotion running through their veins at just the mere thought of you. They don’t need anything else to fuel their fire.

So don’t poke fun at them or do anything to make them even angrier than they already are. [Read: How to distance yourself from someone close without any drama]

5. Avoid them whenever possible

The last thing the two of you need is to be in face-to-face contact with each other. So just avoid being wherever they are when possible.

Not only will seeing you remind them of their hatred, but it also puts you at risk of having to deal with them blowing up on you in public. If you know they frequent certain spots, just avoid those areas until their hate wears off.

6. Acknowledge when you’ve made mistakes

Their hate doesn’t come from nowhere. There is a reason they’re so angry with you, and you need to own up to your mistakes if you made some that upset them. We even discussed a lot of them earlier in the feature. [Read: 15 signs your ex is only pretending to be over you and what to do next]

Not only will they be appreciative that you admit when you’ve messed up, but it helps calm them down and get some much-needed closure.

7. Be the bigger person

This simply means ignoring them whenever they have an outburst or freak out on you for any reason. You can’t let their hatred affect how you act.

Just don’t respond to them when they act mean or mad or even insult you. You have to let it go and realize they’re not in a good place mentally and push through it. [Read: 11 determined ways to get over a breakup you caused]

8. Don’t bring up sensitive subjects

If the two of you do end up having a face-to-face confrontation, don’t bring up anything that might upset them. Leave all of those topics off the table and don’t even dabble in them—at all.

This helps you get past their rage by avoiding anything that sets them off and makes them blow up on you. If you know they won’t like your new significant other, don’t talk about it. Keeping them on an even keel is your job. [Read: Bumped into an ex? 14 super cool ways to show that YDGAF]

9. Don’t get mad yourself

It’s really, really easy to let someone else’s hatred rub off on you and get mad because they’re so mad. Usually, when a person hates you, they try to bring you down however they can because they want to see you suffer just as they are.

The best thing to do in this situation is to keep your cool. Just remember they’re mad, hating you, and not thinking straight. Most of the time they don’t truly mean the things they say.

10. NO name-calling

Just like you can’t get mad at them, you cannot call them mean and hateful names. You might be mad and they might feel good to say, but the truth is that it only gives them another reason to hate you. You’ll probably regret being so mean after you’ve calmed down. [Read: The most common post-breakup mistakes you should never do]

11. Don’t talk about them behind their back

It almost ALWAYS gets back to them one way or another. No matter how unreasonable they are and how annoyed you are with their behavior, don’t tell other people.

You can certainly confide in a close friend or family member, but just be assured they won’t be running around telling everyone how you feel about your ex hating you.

12. Do your best to make peace

So, you two may not ever get along or like each other again, but you should try to work out your differences so you can have peace between the two of you.

No matter how you feel about them, knowing they hate you can have adverse effects on your life, too. So, apologize, make peace, do whatever you can to make things civil between the two of you, and you’ll be able to deal with their hateful attitude. [Read: How to make your ex miss you – 17 subtle ways to make them want you back]

What to do if you still love your ex but they hate you?

In circumstances like these, it’s best if you just let go of the past and move on. Sometimes, the pain you caused your ex by your actions may be too intense. And unless you intend to hurt your ex all over again, it’s best to walk away for good so both of you can have a chance at a happier life with other people.

Of course, there’s a possibility that they still love you a lot. And it’s this love they have for you that has transformed into hate and rage.

If you believe that’s the case, and you want to give your relationship another chance, you need to let things calm down for a while. Keep a low profile, and bide your time. Let them know you’re always there for them, and follow these steps in this guide on how to get your ex back and convince them it’s the right thing to do.

Hate is such a powerful emotion and it can be hard to ignore. In order to deal with how much your ex hates you and put up with the rage that accompanies it, remember these tips and stick to them.