Master-Slave Relationship: 23 Rules, How It Works & Ideas to Play Your Part

If you’re curious about how a master-slave relationship actually works, here are some facts for you to consider. But it’s not for everyone.

If you’re thinking about going into a master-slave relationship, you first need to know what it is exactly. Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t a bad start. However, it’s a little more complicated than portrayed.

What is the master-slave relationship?

So, before we tell you the must-knows of the master-slave relationship, let’s just freshen up on what it is. Basically, master-slave relationships are when one person in the relationship serves another. The slave obeys the instructions of the master *though, just to let you know, the master’s values have been consented to by the slave*.

To make it sound easier, it’s two people where one person, the master, “owns” the other, the slave. Many people are shocked by master-slave relationships, but they’re completely consented to and designed by both people in the relationship.

How to start a master-slave relationship

First of all, choose someone you trust. Don’t just pick up someone off the street. Master-slave relationships aren’t any different from any other relationship. At the end of the day, the structure of it may be different, but you still need to be with someone you trust.

For master-slave relationships, if you’re the slave, you need to find someone who respects your agreement and boundaries. So, take your time getting to know your partner before engaging in something more intense.

If you’re already in a relationship and want to introduce this concept to your partner, how do you do that? Well, it depends on your partner’s desires. Are they more vanilla? Or are they open and eager to start a master-slave relationship?

If you’re unsure how to introduce this to your partner, there are plenty of videos to watch online that will help. So, check them out and do some research. Once you do, you can assure your partner that there is nothing to be afraid of when trying a master-slave relationship. [Read: “Facts” you think you know about BDSM debunked!]

Some people fear this relationship because they think it equals pain and humiliation. But in reality, it covers anything from playful role-playing and spanking to tying up your partner and teasing them with a feather. You can go as “painful” or “not painful” as you want. The key is that it needs to be consensual. So, it’s best to just start slowly and experiment at first.

General ideas and guidelines for a master-slave relationship

If you’re wondering about some general ideas, rules, and guidelines for a master-slave relationship, here are some that you should keep in mind.

1. Understand what you want

Before you just agree to be in a master-slave relationship, know what you want from it. Think about what type of fantasy you want to be fulfilled. Even better, write it down.

That way, when you try to find a partner, you’ll be able to show them what you want and see if they can fulfill it. However, don’t expect your fantasy on paper to turn out 100% in real life. You should use your fantasy as a tool because nothing on paper ever turns out exactly The same. That’s life. [Read: Sexual wish list: 16 naughty deeds to help build your list]

2. Create a safe word 

Because a master-slave relationship should always be consensual, you should create a safe word together. In other words, when the slave says that word, they don’t like what’s going on, and the master has to immediately stop. No questions asked.

It’s important to discuss this beforehand. Talk about your limits and boundaries. When you’re just starting out, discuss certain scenarios in advance to lay out what could happen and how comfortable you both are with it.

3. Develop a vision together

So, your partner knows your vision, which is great. Now they have an idea of what you want. But this is a partnership, meaning you’ll have to take their needs into consideration.

So, sit down and put both your fantasies together, seeing what you both will and won’t do. Whether you’re the master or slave, it’s your responsibility to communicate what you want from the relationship. [Read: The top taboo sex topics we love but don’t talk about]

4. Communication is a must

If you want this to work out for both of you, you must communicate effectively. If your master tells you to clean the bedroom, what does clean mean for them? What do they expect?

You need to understand their expectations from you. Is there a position your master wants you to be in before sex? If so, what is it? Are you dressed or naked? So, as a master, sit down with your partner and explain why you want things a certain way. By explaining it to them, they’ll not only understand it, but they’ll remember why.

5. Slaves have no power

This relationship is based on a dominant and a submissive. Therefore, for a slave, there are a couple of absolute rules. These are some of the core rules you must follow.

Firstly, you worship your master in every way. Secondly, you must always be ready to please your master. Thirdly, your head must be bowed down in the presence of your master. Lastly, you can never look in the eyes of your master without permission. [Read: Domestic discipline – A newbie’s guide to a sexy, spanky start]

6. Create regular meetings

If you two want to have a pleasurable and flowing relationship, you’ll need to create regular meeting times outside of your master-slave domain. That way, you’ll both be able to share your feelings and concerns about your relationship.

If you’re not finding something pleasurable, then that’s the time you’ll be able to share it. Both of your needs should be met throughout the relationship. [Read: Would you write a love contract: 30 things we’d put in ours]

How to be a master in a relationship

7. Show off your slave

As a master, if you’re truly proud of your slave, you shouldn’t hesitate to show your slave off. This is possibly the highest form of praise for your slave. Praise your slave because they need to be rewarded. They’re human.

8. Lead by example

If you want your slave to do something a certain way, the best way to show them is through teaching them and redirecting them when they’re wrong. If you want something done a specific way, you may show them how you’d like it done. You must give clear instructions when you’re showing them so that they’ll know how to best fulfill your needs in the future. [Read: BDSM 101 – How to be a dominatrix in the bedroom]

9. Reward your slave

Whether you’re a slave or master, you’re in it because it gives you pleasure, or else you wouldn’t be doing it. To show your slave that they’re doing a good job, you need to reward and praise them. Let them know that they’re appreciated. You can give them compliments or physical gestures—whatever you feel is appropriate.

10. Punish them when needed

Sometimes your slave needs to be punished. Punishment isn’t done for pleasure but rather as a deterrent from bad behavior. When you punish, be fair and make sure it weighs the crime.

You can do warnings if you’d like, and when you’re punishing them, make sure you’re explaining why. Then, after you’ve punished them, be done with it and move forward. [Read: 50 shades of dangerous sex: The right way to get risque]

11. Do not make your slave fear you

You don’t want your slave to fear you. This is a relationship; you want your slave to be able to reply to you without hesitation.

12. Keep your slave happy

There should be times when your slave can suggest or choose something for both of you to do that they would really enjoy. You always want your slave to be a happy one, for your benefit and theirs.

13. Keep your expectations realistic

To keep your slave happy, you must be realistic with your demands and requests. If you aren’t, then the slave will not want to follow them. [Read: Tease and denial games – what it is, types, and how to play with your lover]

14. Respect your slave

Remember, just because this person is your slave doesn’t mean that they aren’t human too. So you MUST respect your slave. If you don’t, then your slave probably won’t respect you or follow your orders.

15. Control your slave and make plans

You can do things that control your slave so that they do what you want. For example, you can require them to submit requests in writing for what they need and want. Or, you could require them to plan ahead to remind them that you fully control them. 

16. Make a “slave list”

You can create rules that your slave has to obey every single task on a “daily task schedule” as best as they can. For example, can do as require the slave to send naked pictures while doing their tasks.

Or you could require that your slave meet you at the door when you get home in a certain position while naked. If they don’t do these tasks, then they will be punished. You get to choose how. [Read: How to be a dominant – Steps to take control and lead in bed]

How to be a slave in a relationship

17. Make your master proud

You always need to keep your master proud of you. There are many ways you can do this, such as your posture, what you wear, or anything else your master requires. It shows that you are proud to be your master’s slave.

18. Obey without hesitation

The whole point of a master-slave relationship is that the slave obeys the master. So, even if it’s something that you might not want to do, it’s important for the slave not to question their master. Complete blind obedience is part of your role.

19. Master has the last word

Just like a parent has the last word while raising their children, a master always has the last word in the master-slave relationship. That is because the slave is the submissive one. [Read: Strap in and kink out – your guide to having submissive sex]

20. Be prepared to do things in public

Depending on the rules of your relationship, your master might expect you to serve them in public as well as in private. This depends on what it is because, of course, it has to be socially acceptable. The master might want to see how far the slave will go to serve them outside the home.

21. Offer yourself to your master

Your master will want to have you at their beck and call. So, sometimes, you should offer yourself to your master instead of waiting for them to make the first move. This shows obedience and devotion to them.

22. Think of yourself as “property”

The master will want to think of you as their property – they own you. So, you must take care of them physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally at all times. Always be ready to serve them. [Read: How to be kinky – 42 steamy tips to explore sex outside of normal]

23. Thank your master

Whenever your master does something like spank you, you should thank them and ask if you can have another one. Since they are a masochist and enjoy causing you some sort of pain, when you thank them, it reminds them that you know your place in the relationship.

Final thoughts

Before entering a master-slave relationship, you need to think carefully about it. It’s not for the faint of heart, and it’s definitely not for everyone. Also, you should be able to get out of it at any time if you decide that you no longer enjoy the power dynamic of the relationship.

[Read: BDSM tips and tricks for curious first-timers]

Now that you know the ins and outs of the master-slave relationship, you’ll have no problem creating a relationship that works for both of you.