Love is a Trap: Why, the Types, 30 Signs You’re Trapped & Ways to Free Yourself

If you feel like love is a trap, you might have a problem. Learn how to tell if you’re in a love trap, how to handle one, and how to avoid them.

Do you know what a love trap is? If you constantly end up in relationships that are born from the same patterns or conveniences, you might be a victim of one of these traps. It can be hard to identify when you’re in a love trap, but we can help! [Read: Relationships of convenience – 30 signs, pros, & cons]

What is a love trap?

A love trap may sound dramatic, but it’s a real and prevalent problem among impressionable singles. Love traps are relationships that seem like a good idea, but they always end up harming your emotional well-being.

Love traps can hide in the form of a career-compatible relationship, an amazing first date, or even an exciting and mysterious stranger. A lot of people fall for love traps because they seem too good to be true. The worst part is that you won’t know that you’re in one until it’s too late.

It’s easy to be so involved in a relationship that you don’t even recognize why you’re really in it. Maybe you’re still there for comfort, or convenience, or just to be “in a relationship.” You’re so focused on those things that it’s difficult for you to see that it’s an unhealthy situation. [Read: 24 sad signs of an unhealthy relationship that ruin love forever]

The different kinds of love traps

If you want to avoid getting sucked into a love trap, you need to know the most common types, how to identify them, and how to steer clear of them.

1. The meant-to-be love trap

The usual suspects of the meant-to-be love trap are pairs like the prom king and queen. The fact that everyone expects you to end up together doesn’t mean that you should.

This one typically occurs when two people realize that they share similar attributes like physical attractiveness, intelligence, creativity, etc.

You might seem perfect for each other on the surface, but relationships can’t rely on simple similarities alone. [Read: Why are you still dating the wrong person?]

2. The perfect date love trap

This love trap is tricky because it lulls you into thinking that the relationship will be as awesome as your first date.

Most people fall into this love trap because they had so much fun on the date that they forgot to consider whether or not they actually like the person in front of them!

That is why you should always focus more on the person than on the experience.

3. The forbidden fruit effect love trap

A person caught in this love trap will vehemently deny their situation. The more you perceive someone to be unattainable or off-limits, the more you’ll create justifications for it. [Read: Married, but in love with someone else?]

4. The perceived scarcity love trap

Have you ever wondered why you suddenly started liking someone – that you never thought twice about – after you saw them with someone else?

This effect is called perceived scarcity. Because someone is in demand, you start to think that maybe they’re the last of their kind, or that there are very few of them left. Rarer is better, right? Wrong.

When you finally get them, you’ll realize that they weren’t what you wanted in the first place.

5. The falling-in-like love trap

A lot of people don’t know the difference between being in love and being in “like.” Love is a very powerful emotion that cannot be quantified.

When you start considering acts of generosity and politeness as admissions of love, you might be deluding yourself into thinking that you’re way more attracted to a person than you really are. [Read: The true meaning of love & what it should feel like

6. The debt-of-gratitude love trap

Do you feel like you owe them something? Some people perceive love as a form of payment when they don’t have anything else to give.

Your debt of gratitude isn’t limited to material or financial items, either. A partner may have sacrificed a lot of themselves for you, and that gesture of generosity could end up holding you back from telling them that this is not the relationship that you want.

7. The emotional investment love trap

This is the complete opposite of the debt-of-gratitude love trap. When it’s you who has put too much work, effort, and resources into a relationship, you might be reluctant to let go of it because of the sunk cost. You’re not sure if you can handle investing more of yourself into someone new.

It’s similar to building your dream house in the middle of an arid desert, and living there until you die of thirst! [Read: How to fix or get out of a complicated relationship]

8. The now-or-never love trap

When opportunity knocks, it’s understandable that you’d want to answer. However, there is a difference between trying something new and committing to it before you know what you’re getting into.

When a person thinks that they will never experience being in a relationship like the one they’re in ever again, they will hold on to what they have, even though it’s not what they truly desire.

9. The rebound love trap

You can get sucked into this love trap when you want to stand by your decision to start a new post-breakup relationship, but you aren’t ready yet.

Some rebound relationships succeed, but they usually fail because of unresolved issues, and a lack of closure from the past. [Read: 15 signs you’re in a rebound relationship]

10. The really good sex love trap

This is a very dangerous love trap because really good sex is a highly sought-after commodity! It’s hard to find someone you can be compatible with sexually, but are you emotionally compatible too?

Good sex can be learned and taught, but emotional compatibility is either there or it isn’t.

How to avoid falling into a love trap

The tips below are designed to help you avoid any of the ten love traps mentioned above. They can also help you find someone who will never put you in a love trap.

1. List at least twenty things that you want in a partner

They have to be reasonable, concise, and non-negotiable. You need to be consistent with what you want, or else you’ll end up settling for something that won’t make you happy. [Read: How to stand up for yourself and get what you want and deserve]

If you recognize what your needs are from the beginning, it could save you a lot of time and trouble sifting through anyone unable to meet those needs.

2. Don’t date anyone if they don’t meet at least seventy-five percent of your criteria

If they have less than seventy-five percent of what you’re looking for, let them go. When you agree to date someone who’s less than what you’re looking for, you’ll just end up being unhappy with the choice that you made.

3. Take the time to get to know the person you’re seeing

If you don’t want to fall into someone’s love trap, make sure that you’re not setting yourself up for it. Taking the time to determine if you’ll be faced with a possible love trap can save you from a damaging relationship in the long run.

If you truly spend time getting to know your partner, the likelihood of success is greater. [Read: 60 get-to-know-you questions for a new romance]

4. Follow your gut

Some studies attest to the fact that following your initial instinct is always your best bet. If you follow your gut and end up losing a possible love interest, you can always find a new one.

If you ignore the warning signs and find yourself in a love trap, you won’t be able to reconcile yourself to the fact that you made the wrong choice.

5. Re-evaluate your motives for starting or staying in a relationship

Whatever your reasons for initiating a relationship with a person you like, make sure that you’re doing it for the right reasons. Don’t stay because of money, guilt, or a sense of duty.

Be there for your partner because you want to, rather than because you feel like you have to. [Read: Are you with your partner for the wrong reasons?]

6. Let go as soon as you can

When you realize how blatantly wrong you are for each other, give it a rest. Stop trying to make things work when it’s obvious that you can’t change the situation. It will be difficult, but it’s possible. Letting go can sometimes show you that what you had wasn’t what you needed.

7. Remember that you don’t have to settle for anything less than you deserve

Everyone deserves to be happy and loved. If you fail to achieve either of those in a relationship, there’s no point in staying.

People and relationships can change and evolve, but there comes a time when you realize that the relationship you’re in failed to grow and doesn’t meet your needs. That’s time to cut your losses. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling for an unhappy relationship]

Reasons why someone might fall into a love trap

Nobody does it on purpose. Most of us begin relationships with the best intentions, but we somehow let those intentions slip to the side. Before we know it, we’re in a love trap!

1. You think you can make a person fall in love with you

Maybe you think that if you can make this person love you, everything will be perfect. You cater to every want and need that they have.

You exhaust yourself trying to make sure that they feel loved so that they’ll love you, and you fail to realize that love is either there or it isn’t. You can improve things if there was already a strong foundation of love, but you can’t build it up from nothing.

Running yourself ragged to provide your partner with the love that you think they need does nothing but wear you out – and devastates you when you realize that none of your own needs are being met in return.

2. Scarcity thinking

You genuinely believe that this is your one shot at a long-lasting relationship. Maybe it’ll be long-lasting, but will it be fulfilling? [Read: 27 signs and qualities of a healthy and fulfilling relationship]

Scarcity thinking will have you forcing a relationship to work, even when you know it can’t, simply because you think that you have no other options for love.

Maybe you jumped in before you really got the chance to get to know them, and now you’ve discovered that you really can’t have an optimal partnership with this person.

3. Trying to please the person you’re involved with

Love is inevitably a trap when you spend an exorbitant amount of time trying to please your partner. Just like when you’re trying to make someone fall in love with you, you won’t recognize or cater to your own personal needs.

You don’t advocate for what you need in a relationship because you’re far too busy making sure that they have what they need. [Read: 21 signs you’re a people pleaser and how to stop]

4. Misinterpreting the other person’s words or behaviors

You can easily trap yourself by misinterpreting what your partner says or does. If you spend too much time trying to analyze every word they say or thing they do, you can reframe those things to tell whatever story you want.

Sadly, the tale that you create might be based on actual events, but it’s far from the truth. You can fall into a love trap this way if you don’t have clear communication. Don’t try too hard to figure out what your partner means. Just ask.

Signs that you’re in a love trap

Being caught in a love trap can be an exhausting and destructive experience. It’s called a love trap because the feeling of love or something like it exists, and those feelings are the ones that are keeping you stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Here are some ways to determine whether or not you’re involved in a love trap.

1. You feel disconnected or lonely

Even when you’re with your partner, do you feel alone? Do you feel like you’re worlds apart despite being in the same room? [Read: Why you’re feeling lonely in a relationship & what to do about it]

If you’re honestly more comfortable and at peace when you’re by yourself than with him, your love is a trap. Emotional connection and communication are the most important things in love, and you don’t have either of those.

2. You’re increasingly irritable

If you’re feeling so disconnected from and resentful of your partner, the smallest things might start to drive you crazy. It’s like you’re looking for things to be annoyed about.

Maybe you never cared about the fact that they have a grave inability to put their cup in the sink instead of next to it, but now it makes you feel like your skin is on fire.

Minor annoyances are absolutely normal, but having raging annoyances is a clear sign that your love is a trap. [Read: How to calm down when you’re angry or irritated]

3. You’re searching for reasons to stay

You can no longer remember what put you together in the first place. You can’t pinpoint the reasons why you thought you were in love. You just don’t remember, so you’re trying to create them.

You stay because of the kids. You stay because the mortgage just got paid off. You stay because even though there’s an obvious lack of love, it’s just easy. It’s harder to leave.

4. You feel obligated

Your partner isn’t a bad person. In fact, they’re perfectly fine. Because you can’t come up with what you consider to be a valid reason to go, you feel obligated to stay.

Maybe they took care of you and provided for you while you were working toward your degree, and you feel that you owe them. Maybe they’ve never cheated on you or belittled you, so why go?

5. You feel controlled

Control doesn’t have to be led by giant examples of massive destruction. You can feel controlled in an insurmountable number of ways. [Read: Controlling relationships – 42 signs & ways to love without bullying]

If you worry about taking a nap instead of cleaning on your day off because you don’t want your partner to think ill of you, you might be a little controlled. Allowing your partner to subconsciously dictate your decisions is a form of control, even though they might never say aloud, “You can’t take a nap when the house needs to be cleaned.”

6. You feel irrelevant

You feel like you just don’t matter. You’ve lost yourself, and everything has become about your partner. Every discussion is about their day, not yours. Their problems, not yours. Their ambitions, wants, needs, ideas, successes, and plans for the kitchen renovation, not yours.

Your love is a trap if you feel that you only exist to listen to, support, and do for your partner. [Read: How to know if you’re being taken advantage of]

If your love is a trap, free yourself

It’s difficult to detach yourself from your relationship. Especially if you’ve been together for a substantial amount of time, it’s uncomfortable to think about losing the predictability and creature comforts that you’ve developed. Change is hard.

However, change is a good thing if it removes you from an unhealthy or unsatisfying relationship. They say that nothing changes if nothing changes, so if you’re feeling trapped, change it.

1. Get honest

First and foremost, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to be able to admit that you’re feeling unhappy and trapped to yourself before you can bring it to the attention of your partner.

When you’re able to definitively say what’s making you unhappy and why, in a clear and concise way, you can get honest with them.

Communication is just as important as honesty, and if you’re feeling trapped without your partner even knowing about it, your relationship lacks both. [Read: How to communicate with your spouse without resentment or fighting]

2. Try counseling

When you and your partner are able to discuss whatever issues are at hand, you might try couple’s therapy to see if any of those things can be resolved. Therapists have an arsenal of tools that can help to put your relationship on a better path so that you won’t feel like your love is a trap.

If you can’t work up the courage to talk to your partner yet, or you feel like you need help identifying why you feel trapped, try going to counseling on your own.

Your therapist can help you figure out the root cause of your feelings. They’ll help you deal with those feelings and coach you on how to make effective decisions so that you can decide what to do about your relationship.

3. Take care of yourself

If you’re feeling trapped, the chances are that you’ve stopped taking care of yourself in one way or another.

It’s easy to focus on the negative when you feel like you’re consumed by it, and it’s even easier to neglect yourself because of it. [Read: How to take care of yourself as a woman]

Devote some time to meditation, walking, reading, or whatever activities make you feel more connected to yourself. Your biggest priority might be taking care of your partner, but you can’t even do that effectively if you’re unable to take care of yourself.

If you’re not yet stuck in a love trap, avoid involving yourself in one! Always remember that your choices define the life that you live and the relationships you develop. Knowing what’s best for you can help you realize that a love trap isn’t ever what you deserve.