Is Your Relationship Moving Too Fast? How to Pinpoint Your Speed

So, it hasn’t been that long but things are getting serious. Is your relationship moving too fast? What’s your speed? Use this guide to know for sure.

Relationships are not races, sprints, or marathons. A relationship is not a competition. There is no right or wrong speed for a relationship to move. I’m sorry that probably isn’t the answer you were looking for while wondering, is your relationship moving too fast, but it is the truth. But there’s more to it that can help you understand it better.

Just like there is no perfect time to say “I love you,” move in together, get married, or have kids. These things are personal to you and your partner.

Some relationships take years to get off the ground while others are whirlwind and speedy. Neither of these is wrong. The question you should answer… Is your relationship moving too fast for you?

[Read: The early stages of dating and how to navigate the dos and don’ts]

Is your relationship moving too fast?

There are some signs you may come upon online or from friends that say your relationship is moving too fast. These things include constantly talking, putting your partner’s needs above your own, and you’re ditching friends and family to see them.

Some people say that too much too soon is no good. If there is too much romance at first, you could be sucked into that and not the person you’re dating.

Or maybe you’re on the rebound, so you are rushing into things to fulfill an emptiness or pain. Perhaps you jumped right into things and have no boundaries now. Maybe you are relying on them for everything. You could even be chasing love in general instead of love with them.

[Read: Do you want a partner or are you just feeling more lonely?]

There are a lot of signs that your relationship is moving too fast. Again, these are not one size fits all.

Sure, some of these things can be red flags. Maybe couples that move in together within six months of dating are less likely to work out than those who have been together over two years. It isn’t a rule, just a statistic.

Everyone of your friends could have taken three months to meet their partner’s family. They could have all said ‘I love you’ after five months and gotten engaged after two years. And that is great, for them. It doesn’t mean it will work like that for you.

My parents met when my mom was 23, and my dad was 33. He was divorced and moving out of his married home and moved into my mom’s place within weeks. That seems too fast from an outside view, but they have been happily married now for over 30 years.

My sister is moving in with her boyfriend after four years together and you might wait until you’re married to do so.

All of these timelines are right because each couple decided it was what was right for them.

[Read: 16 signs you’re clearly not ready for a serious relationship just yet]

Comparing yourself or your relationship to anyone or anyone else’s will do you no good.

Sure, when I wanted to tell my boyfriend I loved him for the first time, I asked my best friend when she first said it to her fiancé. I did want to see what the norm was because I didn’t want to rush things. Then I realized that I was in my own relationship. If I was ready to say it, I should.

So, asking if your relationship is moving too fast for society, for the norm, or in comparison to people you know won’t do you much good.

Is your relationship moving too fast for you?

Let’s get into the real question. Is your relationship moving too fast for you?

Do you feel comfortable where your relationship is? Do you feel like it is moving too fast? Sure, you can ask friends and family their opinions, but ultimately it is your relationship.

Your relationship can only be moving too fast if you feel that it is. For some, saying “I love you” and meeting their family after a month feels great while it could be terrifying for you.

[Read: 50 relationship questions to test the compatibility of a new relationship instantly!]

Maybe everyone you know got engaged after two years together, but your partner wants to get engaged after six months. Instead of comparing, separate yourself from what you know of other couples, successful or otherwise.

How do you feel?

My boyfriend asked me to officially be his girlfriend after about three months of dating. At the time I was happy to move slowly and keep things casual, but when he asked, it felt so right I never questioned if things were moving too fast even though my best friend didn’t become official with her boyfriend until after six months.

It can be hard to make these decisions on your own because you have to face your own true feelings. You can blame the success or failure of a relationship on what others did, not what you want. [Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship? A guide to timing things right]

Making this decision yourself gives you the responsibility. You must question whether or not you feel safe and comfortable at your current pace.

And you can. But, if you’re struggling to figure out exactly how it is you do feel, these questions can help you figure it out.

#1 Are you happy? This one is hard to answer but can help. Are you happy where things are in your relationship? Do you look at what you’re doing and the stage you’re at and feel right about it?

Clear your mind of societal norms and outside influences. Just you and your partner, are you happy?

#2 Are feeling rushed or anxious? If you are feeling like you are steps behind your partner in how they feel or what they’re doing, things may be moving too fast for you. Relationships come with a certain level of fear, but you should have exciting anxiety about meeting your partner’s family, not nausea.

If you feel uncomfortable or like you want to appease your partner, things could be moving too fast. [Read: What is commitment in a relationship? Are you ready for it?]

#3 Do feel comfortable in your own skin? Often when things in a relationship are moving along, but you aren’t, it is because you are holding back. You aren’t fully being yourself. I’ve been there. I was in a relationship for four years where I never felt like myself. Now after one year with my current boyfriend, I feel more comfortable in a relationship than I’ve ever been.

It is less about the time and more about how you feel with that person. Maybe you are taking all the traditional steps, but if you don’t feel confident in them you may be behind what is happening. [Read: How to slow down a relationship – Take your time and enjoy your romance]

#4 Do you know your partner? Sometimes things move so fast you focus on all the good things, the laughs, or romance and not actually knowing your partner. There is nothing wrong with living in the moment, but you don’t want to move so fast and then regret it.

Do you know your partner? What makes them laugh? What makes them tick? What are their goals or dreams? Do they want kids? Do they know you?

#5 Why do you like them? This seems like a silly question, but you can get so swept off your feet by a relationship that you don’t realize your own feelings. You may even be happier with the relationship than the person.

For instance, I dated a guy who did all the things my ex never did, yet whenever we were alone together, we fell flat. We didn’t really click, have anything in common, or want the same things.

I stayed in that relationship to the point where I was vacationing with his family because of the relationship, not him. [Read: Are you in love or the idea of being in love?]

#6 Were you happier before? Were you happier when you were more casual? Maybe you feel too much pressure now that you’re official? Is moving in together causing issues for you?

If you felt happier with how things were before you took more steps forward, maybe you are moving too fast. [Read: How to keep from moving to fast in a new relationship]

#7 Are you making decisions together? This is a very important question to ask yourself. Your relationship may be moving fast, but are you taking part in those decisions?

Is your partner planning vacations and dinners with their family? Are you going along with things because you don’t want to say no, or are you participating? Do you want them to meet your friends and family? Are you eager to move forward?

If these decisions that are pushing your relationship forward are not being made mutually, things could very well be moving too fast.

[Read: Starting a new relationship? Your checklist to a new romance]

Is your relationship moving too fast for the world, or is your relationship moving too fast for you? Hopefully, this guide has helped you understand your speedy relationship a lot better now.