In a Relationship but Like Someone Else? What You Need to Know

You’re in a relationship, but you’re crushing hard on your colleague from work. What do you do when you’re in a relationship but like someone else?

It’s assumed that because you’re in a relationship, you automatically are completely blind to other people around you. Of course, that’s not true. You’re going to notice other people, and you’ll probably find some attractive. If you’re in a relationship but like someone else, this isn’t something to cry about! You’re only human at the end of the day.

If you have a crush on someone, it’s completely normal. That’s not going to stop once you enter a relationship. So, having a crush when you’re in a relationship doesn’t make you a bad person or a cheater. It just means you’re attracted to other people.

In a relationship but like someone else?

If you’ve been freaking out about having a crush while in a relationship, simmer down. You can be committed and in love with your partner, while still noticing the occasional attractive person. I mean, come on!

[Read: The common reasons why you might be getting bored in your relationship]

Now, there’s one thing to watch for. How you react to a crush is completely different. That’s where things can become blurry. But still, there’s no need to worry. This is the time when you should think about what you want in your life.

So, let’s get down to business and talk about the things to do when in a relationship but like someone else. After reading the article, take some time to chill and think about what you’re going to do.

#1 Having a crush isn’t bad. I need to emphasize this point. Having a crush isn’t a bad thing. This doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or want to cheat. This just means you’re human and are attracted to other people. You can still be in a committed relationship and think someone else is cute or attractive. So, in other words, a crush is okay. [Read: What should you do when you like someone else?]

#2 Let it be a fantasy. People assume that if you have a crush on someone else, you’re not in a happy and loving relationship. But you can be in a loving and happy relationship, while still having a crush. Let it be what crushes are: fantasies. These are people we dream and fantasize about, and that’s completely fine. This doesn’t mean you’re going to act on it.

#3 *You can* joke about it with your partner. You may not feel comfortable talking about your crush with your partner. But, if you feel comfortable enough, you can talk about it with your partner. Letting them know you have a crush, and you have no intention acting on it is perfectly fine. You don’t need to hide these things. [Read: What does a healthy relationship look like?]

#4 Decide what you want to do. Maybe you can’t handle keeping it as a fantasy, and if that’s the case, you need to make a decision. Do you actually want to act on your feelings and make a move? Because if you do, and you’re in a relationship, you need to make a hard decision. Do not cheat on your partner with your crush. [Read: The ideal way to handle a crush when you’re in a relationship]

#5 End your relationship if you want your crush. The beauty of crushes is that nothing ever happens with them; they just remain a fantasy. But sometimes, you get the opportunity to fulfill your fantasy. That’s completely okay, but end your relationship if you want to be with your crush. This is when the lines get blurry for having a crush.

#6 Use your crush to examine your relationship. If you have a new crush, use these feelings to look at your current relationship. How do you feel about your partner? What has your relationship been like these past months?

Maybe you’re not interested in your relationship, and if that’s the case, decide what you want to do. Sometimes a crush shows us we need, to ignite the spark in our current relationship. [Read: What it really means when you think of someone other than your partner]

#7 Don’t make any quick decisions. You have a crush on someone, which is totally fine. And yes, you should examine your current relationship and how you really feel, but that doesn’t mean you should make any quick decisions. Take your time to really reflect on yourself and your relationship. You don’t want to make a move that you’re going to regret.

#8 Spend less time with your crush. Sometimes it can be hard to do if your crush is someone you work or go to school with. But, while you’re sorting through your emotions,  give yourself some space from your crush. You know, breathing room. When they’re always around you, it’s hard to take a step back and analyze your feelings. [Read: How to handle the pain of loving someone you can’t have]

#9 Your feelings may disappear. Some crushes can last for years, while others are a couple of weeks, and then you’re over them. Emotions are funny; your feelings may last for a long time or will one day simply vanish. So, don’t freak out. Give yourself time to see what direction your feelings are going in. 

#10 Talk to someone. Sometimes, the reasons we feel a certain way for someone isn’t so obvious. And if you’re not sure what to do, there’s nothing wrong with talking to a therapist about it. They’ll be able to help you sort through your thoughts and guide you to finding the answers you’re looking for. [Read: How to show respect and better love in your relationship]

#11 Your partner probably has a crush too. I know you don’t want to hear this, but your partner probably has a crush of their own. The thought of my partner having a crush makes me cringe, so I know how you feel. Maybe they admit it; maybe they don’t. But this also shows you that a crush doesn’t mean you can’t be in a happy and loving relationship.

[Read: 25 things couples in happy relationships always talk about]

Listen, if you’re in a relationship but like someone else, it isn’t the end of the world. But if you want to act on your feelings, make a decision.