I Miss My Ex: Why You Miss Them & 20 Ways to Forget Them for Good

Are you regularly thinking “I miss my ex”? It’s a common thought, but don’t look back through rose-tinted glasses. Learn how to move on instead.

Missing someone can be an extremely painful experience. Are you thinking about what they’re doing right now? Staring at their photo while a tear rolls down your cheek? Casually *also read – obsessively* creeping their Facebook? Wailing, the “I miss my ex” cry? Don’t worry, you aren’t the first and you won’t be the last. 

You can’t help it. It’s your emotions, it’s the memories, it’s everything rolled up together. But somehow you need to find a way to move on.

[Read: How does it really feel when you miss someone?]

Why it’s so important to make and effort to move on

There are times when two people come back together after a major fall out or a split. It happens sometimes and for them, that’s great.

However, for this to happen, you both have to overcome the problem that caused you to split up in the first place. Don’t look back on your relationship and ignore all the bad – there must have been some, otherwise you would still be together! [Read: How to move on from a breakup without compromising your dignity]

The point we’re trying to make is that you shouldn’t sit around moping, waiting for them to come back to you and start over. We’re not going to lie – the possibility is there for some ex-couples. But for most, the end really does mean the end.

By hanging on and crying “I miss my ex” all the time, you’re just blinding yourself to new opportunities out there. You’re wasting your life, hanging around crying over something that’s over and not likely to resurrect itself. [Read: 15 real signs your relationship is over or on the verge of ending]

To move on, you need to make an effort.

It will be hard at first, for sure, but you have to keep pushing through. Lean on your friends and family if you’re struggling, but keep your eye on the goal – a time in the near future when you’ll feel much better and be open to all manner of wonderful opportunities. The future might even be better than the past!

[Read: When does an ex start to miss you? The bittersweet truth revealed]

“I miss my ex!” How to stop missing your ex for good

If you’ve been in love, you’ve been in this situation before. If you’re trying to figure out what to do to stop missing your ex, then we have you covered.

1. Get rid of the negativity

If you miss your ex, push past the negative feelings. Are you good enough? Did they even love you?

You need to stop it! These are all common questions to ask yourself at times like these, but the feelings tagging along with them can really do damage to how you feel. You cannot control all situations, and whatever happens, happens. [Read: Feeling unlovable? 12 life-changing truths you need to know]

2. Realize your feelings

You need to realize why you’re missing them. Is it because you really love your ex or is it simply because your ego is bruised? I used to call my exes and try to get their attention, not because I actually missed them, but because I wanted them to pay attention to me.

Okay, sure, maybe I sound like a jerk, but honestly, who likes it when no one is paying attention to them? It’s all about the ego in this case and that isn’t good for them or you. [Read: 15 reasons why your ex still calls you and stays in touch]

3. Get back together

This is only if, and I mean if, you really want to be with them. Don’t get back together with them and realize you were actually wrong.

If you’re missing them after months, or even years, of not being with them, maybe you should think about reconsidering your relationship. [Read: 11 rules for getting back together with an ex & protect your heart]

If you’re missing them that much, maybe you actually did make a mistake. You can win them back. It’s possible. To get them back, though, you need to work on yourself and see the flaws you had within your relationship.

Try working on yourself and through that, show them you’re ready to try out the relationship again.

However, do not place all your eggs in one basket. Sometimes, things just run their course and trying to bring them back just prolongs the agony even further. [Read: 16 signs your ex wants you back and can’t stop thinking about you]

4. Write them letters

But don’t send them! We repeat, don’t send them! Okay, send them one. If they reply, send them another. However, don’t become a stalker sending their ex weekly letters, with teardrops stained on perfumed letterhead.

This applies to emails as well. And texts. And any other method of communication.

This is more of a tool for you to express your feelings in a healthy way.

Write down every emotion, every thought you have so you don’t bottle everything up. Because eventually, you’ll snap, and nobody needs to feel that way.

5. Keep yourself busy

If “I miss my ex” is on repeat in your head, you need to keep yourself busy. What happens when you have time? You think. About what? Them. Yeah, exactly. Not the healthiest thing to do all day. [Read: How to stop thinking about your ex before it ruins your future]

Now, keeping yourself busy doesn’t mean staring at their Instagram or checking when they were last on WhatsApp.

Speaking from experience, it’s a bad way to spend the day. Stay focused on yourself. Go to the gym, join a club, go out with friends. You won’t be able to not think about them, but by keeping your days busy, you’ll reduce the opportunity to stroll down memory lane.

6. Think about you

Stop the sulking. If you’re missing your ex, either way, you need to establish yourself at number one. Why? Because if you’re not your number one, you’ll struggle to maintain a relationship and you’ll suffer in getting over your ex.

Do you want to get your ex back? If you don’t focus on yourself and make necessary changes in your behavior, your relationship will be the same as before.

Do you want to get over them? Then make a conscious effort to drive in the thought that it’s okay to miss them, and you will get over them. But what matters from now on is you, not someone you left behind for good.

If you miss your ex and sit at home pouting all day, they’ll see this as a dependency issue and that’s a red flag. Me, myself, and I. Say that out loud again. Me, myself, and I. [Read: How to stop loving someone else… and love yourself more]

7. Give them space

No one wants to get back with someone who’s constantly checking on them. It’s like slowly being suffocated with a plastic bag. People like space.

You like your space when you’re on the bus or sitting on the toilet—so let your ex have theirs. However, we’ve said this before – don’t focus your entire healing journey on the possibility of getting them back. Go about your business, focus on yourself, and you know the line – what will be, will be.

8. Give yourself time

If you’re missing your ex, you need to give yourself time to heal. The quote, “time heals all wounds”, is really cliché, but it’s true. It may feel like forever, but you WILL get over this person sooner than you realize.

The truth is, clichés are clichés for a reason. [Read: All the best quotes you need while going through a breakup]

9. Keep goals in mind

If you find yourself missing your ex, use long-term goals to keep your mind off of them and to move forward with your life. These goals could be educational goals or simply a goal to see your family more often. Find a goal that gives you purpose or joy. [Read: When you miss him – 20 mind tricks to stop missing the wrong guy]

10. Remove reminders

If you find yourself really missing your ex, taking down the photo of you two from your fridge is a great start. And that teddy bear they gave you? And the necklace… oh, yeah, and handmade birthday card… just… yeah… How about we tuck those away for now?

Move anything visual around your house that reminds you of them. You don’t have to do some chanting and burn those things in a fire, just put them in a box and store them away. Or do the fire and chant. Whichever makes you feel better. [Read: Why you ex still crosses your mind from time to time]

11. Meet new people

You don’t have to join Tinder or have some sort of horrible string of one-night stands. If you do that, chances are, the grieving process will take even longer—except the swiping may be fun!

Hang out with friends and meet people when you go out, it doesn’t have to be a romantic connection, maybe someone you could catch a movie or grab an ice cream with. You know – a friend. [Read: Self-discovery after a breakup: How to happily move on]

12. Go to therapy

There isn’t nothing wrong with talking to someone. Actually, if you have talked about missing your ex to your friends, they’re probably exhausted with this topic. I’m sorry, but I’ve been that friend and you’ve been that friend — it’s not fun.

Speaking to a third party is a great way to receive unbiased advice and an outside opinion on the situation. Friends are fine and good, but they’re not therapists. Sometimes, the advice a friend gives you can be really far off the realistic mark!

13. Ask your friends not to talk about them

If you have mutual friends with your ex, them bringing up their name in conversation will not make the grieving process any easier.

Let your friends know you don’t want to talk about your ex. If they’re your real friends, they’ll respect your request and wait for you to get over this hurdle. [Read: What are the signs your ex has moved on? 15 clues to know for sure]

14. Sweat it out

Everyone says physical activity is a great way to get over someone, because it’s true. If you’re feeling stressed and anxious, the best thing you can do is to sweat.

This not only slowly puts you into tip-top shape, but it helps release your hormones and reduce your stress and anxiety levels. So, get that playlist ready and get that butt outside. [Read: How to get over a broken heart – The real guide you need]

15. Go somewhere – anywhere!

If your ex lives down the street from you, go on a holiday to get away from the constant reminder. Or move. But a holiday sounds nicer. It will also give you a break from reality and show you just how big the world really is. You might return from your trip with a whole new outlook on life and love.

16. Get a new haircut

You know what they say, when you change your hair, you really mean business! This doesn’t mean you should go too drastic and shave your head just because that’s what the celebrities are doing.

Change your style to something you’ve always wanted to try but never really had the guts to go for. It will be a real confidence booster and you’ll turn heads for the right reasons! [Read: 12 steps to change your life and find your happiness]

17. Flirt a little

You might not feel like doing this at all. When you’re constantly thinking “I miss my ex”, the last thing you want to do is talk to someone else.

However, a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone and it can really build up your self-esteem after it’s taken a knock. Don’t mislead anyone or tell lies, just simply engage in a little friendly, harmless flirting and see how it makes you feel. [Read: 15 lessons you can learn from your own breakups]

18. Learn something new

Distracting your mind can be done in so many different ways, but learning a new skill is a great way to go about it. You’ll expand your skill set, keep your mind busy, and you might even meet lots of new friends at your evening class.

19. Focus on a mantra

You know that you miss your ex but you also know it’s over. The only way through this is with a steel focus to your mind.

A mantra can help you stay on the positive side, when all you want to do is cry. “I am strong and fine on my own”. “I miss my ex but those feelings are valid. It’s in the past”.

These are just a couple of examples, but choose something that suits you and get repeating it whenever you feel your resolve wobbling. [Read: Mantras to live by: 14 easy mantras that will transform your life]

20. Spend time with people who build you up

It’s fine to spend time with people outside of your regular circle. At times like this, you need to be around people who build you up and make you feel strong. Think about who you regularly spend your time with, and ask yourself whether they make you feel good or drag you down.

[Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex and look really cool]

You will move past these emotions, you just need a little help in doing so. Soon you won’t be crying “I miss my ex”. Put yourself first and follow some of these steps. It may take some time, but eventually, you’ll have a clear mind and a heart that won’t ache.