How & Why to Get Revenge On Your Ex: 20 Healthy & Effed Up Ways!

You are angry because of something your ex did to you. So, you want to know how to get revenge on your ex. Here’s what to think about and what to do.

Breaking up usually brings about a whole barrage of emotions, especially if the breakup was particularly ugly – and you probably want to get revenge on your ex. That includes breaking up with someone whom you caught cheating or someone who has abused you. 

You may want to cry, get drunk, scream, throw stuff out the window, and so forth. But one of the first things you’d probably be itching to do is dish out some coldhearted revenge!

Now, most people will tell you that the best revenge that you can possibly serve your ex is transforming into a better person while moving on from the toxic relationship.

This includes working out, learning new things, being a financial savant, and all those other awesome things your ex would wish you were.

[Read: How to survive the first 168 hours after a breakup]

But for those who are more impulsive or have no knack for self-improvement, there are still some revenge tactics you can turn to to get back at your ex.

Now, of course, we’ll cover all of the stupid ways and the best ways to get revenge on your ex. But first, let’s spend a minute on the deeper question – WHY do you want to get revenge on your ex in the first place?

Why do you want to get revenge on your ex?

Before we talk about how you can get revenge, it’s important to have you think about why you want to do this. Sure, we know that you are angry about something they did. That’s obvious.

But here are some things you need to think about before you go off the deep end and get crazy on them.

1. What did they do?

First, you need to think about what they did. Did they really do something wrong? Or are you just angry that they broke up with you?

If they did something wrong, then they probably cheated, lied, or betrayed you in some other way. And if that’s the case, then it’s understandable why you feel like you want to get revenge. The feelings of anger can be very intense when someone did you wrong.

But maybe they didn’t really do anything wrong – or even that bad. Maybe they simply thought the relationship had run its course, so they broke up with you.

You might be sad and angry, but they have every right to break up with you. Is it really worth getting revenge on your ex if they didn’t really do anything wrong? [Read: My ex hates me – why your ex hates you and 19 ways to get past the rage]

2. Were your expectations too high?

We all have expectations of how our partners should behave. However, rarely do they act the way we want them to. So, when our partners don’t do what we want them to do, then we get angry and upset. But are your emotions justified?

Maybe they are, but maybe they aren’t. Do you think you were being unreasonable with your expectations? For example, do you want to get revenge on your ex because they have friends of the opposite sex and you were jealous? 

In an instance like that, it’s not necessarily fair of you to expect your partner to drop their friends just because you want them to. You see, you have to dig deep into your anger and figure out whether or not it is justified before you decide to get revenge. [Read: 19 unrealistic expectations in love we want to believe but shouldn’t]

3. Was it intentional?

So, maybe they did something really bad. Perhaps they contacted an ex on social media and you found out about it. What were they talking about with their ex? It might have just been a friendly catch-up with someone they once knew. [Read: Intentionally hurting someone we love – Why we do it and how to stop]

Maybe they didn’t intend to hurt you because they didn’t think they were doing anything wrong. And once they found out you were angry, maybe they apologized but you wouldn’t forgive them. 

If they did something wrong to you intentionally, it’s not surprising you feel vengeful. But if they really didn’t mean to hurt you, maybe you should re-think your strategy of getting back at them.

4. What will getting revenge do for you?

After you figure out what you want to do to get revenge on your ex, you really have to figure out what you want your end goal to be. Sure, you want to hurt them as they hurt you. That’s obvious. But will you feel any better when you get revenge? [Read: How to make him regret hurting you – How to get your revenge without regret]

Will hurting someone else make you feel better about yourself? Sure, it will feel good at the moment to get back at them. But in the long run, will you have any regrets? What if you do something illegal and get caught? Will it have been worth it? 

These are some very important questions to ask yourself before you pull the trigger on getting revenge on your ex.

12 effed up and crazy ways to get your revenge on your ex

Take note, all these tips are meant for those who want to be labeled as the crazy ex. Not only that, but they may also land you in jail if you get caught.

So, if your desire for sweet, sweet revenge is greater than your love for your reputation and wellbeing, then, by all means, try these horrid acts of revenge.

1. Flood him/her on social media

Nothing says “crazy ex” better than broadcasting your problems online, ten times a day, seven days a week. Your entire social network will see your ex for what he/she was!

The added drama will likely get tongues wagging and will also deter those who may be dating your ex. [Read: How to get back at your ex – 23 fun, classy ways to get revenge]

2. Hack into his/her social accounts

As a couple, you may have some idea of what his/her password is. Do the guesswork and hack into his/her social accounts. Now that you’re in, have fun with it! You can either be subtle and sneaky or you can be loud and proud!

If you’re aiming for subtlety, you can start liking pages that are filled with porn or anything gross, so that when he logs on, his feed will be filled with every disgusting image and video the internet has to offer.

3. Post his/her number on dating sites

And we’re not talking about nice little dating sites like Tinder or OKCupid. Find those really seedy sites that are chock-full of creeps. Of course, you’ll have to create an account. 

This should be no problem as you probably still have a bunch of your ex’s pictures on your hard drive, right? If you’re feeling more adventurous, include his/her work address and home address to really give the creeps something to go on. [Read: 16 lessons to recover from a breakup one day at a time and move ahead]

4. Use his/her email to subscribe to spam

Oh, the wonders of the internet! All you need is your ex’s email address to get a bunch of spammy websites to bombard his/her inbox with spam! You can either choose to go all in and subscribe to every porn site you see. But you can also choose to be systematic with this.

Was your ex-boyfriend not well endowed? Did he have erectile problems? Penis pumps and Viagra sites are all over the net!

Was your ex-girlfriend dissatisfied with your love life?  Subscribe to her email to a bunch of sketchy dating sites. You can also add in some subscriptions for breast augmentation too if you want her self-esteem to plummet. [Read: How to make your ex miss you – 17 subtle ways to make them want you]

5. Go to his/her usual hangout spots

First, you have to look like a pathetic wreck so that if your ex deigns to fight back, you’d get the sympathy of the crowd. Once you’re there, cry your eyes out and make a scene. 

Make sure to loudly announce what your ex has done to you. This will work best if your ex has a date. And you also get plus points if your ex gets banned from the venue. Repeat until he/she is banned from the entire district.

6. Use seafood to stink up his/her house

You may already know that raw fish or prawns left at room temperature can stink up an entire area to high heavens. If you happen to still have a copy of your ex’s keys, use this information to your advantage.

 When he/she is out, sneak into the house and leave raw prawns in air vents, behind heavy appliances, and beneath his mattress. It may take a few days, but the stench will be well worth it.

7. Get a new beau and flaunt him/her

Want to make your ex jealous and insecure? Grab a pliable good-looking guy/gal and go on a date in a place where your ex is most likely to see you. Make sure your date is dressed like a Wall Street bigwig or the King of Spain. 

Then loudly proclaim how your date is a much better lover than your ex and that you’re glad you’re dating someone who knows how to work things in the bedroom. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re really ready for it]

8. Date one of your ex’s friends

Nothing hits closer to home than dating one of your ex’s best buds. Not only do you get to go out with someone who has intimate knowledge of what your ex is up to, but you can also potentially ruin their friendship. 

Make sure you invite yourself whenever they’re together, just so you can passionately make out right in front of your ex. [Confession: Revenge sex – My own experience and everything shitty I learned from it] 

9. Key his car

This is vandalism, and it’s horrible advice. But if you want your revenge to be quick, hey, why not go to jail for it? Just make sure you do this under the cover of darkness where no one can see you. 

And instead of just scraping random lines, try to spell out words that describe your ex such as “wanker,” “slut” or “cheating good for nothing asshole who’s bad in bed and has toe cheese.”

10. Leave a burning pile of poop on his/her doorstep

Have you ever watched this show from a decade ago, “Orange Is the New Black?” If you have, then you know what this prank is. Wrap up some poop in paper and douse it in gasoline. Then drive up to your ex’s place, leave the pile of poop on his/her doorstep, and set it on fire right before you ring the doorbell. 

Your ex’s first instinct would be to step on it to put the fire out, which would leave them with a disgusting mess to clean up. [Read: How to heal a broken heart the wicked way!]

11. Send out warning pamphlets to his/her neighbors

This downright evil prank works best if your ex is new to the neighborhood. You can send out pamphlets detailing some of his/her most debauched acts. And don’t limit yourself to the truth, either! 

You can say he/she is an arsonist, a sex offender, a drug dealer, or a wife beater. The judgment of the neighborhood may be enough to make your ex move out for good.

12. For the ladies, tell him you’re pregnant

This works best if you’ve just recently broken up, and you were never caught cheating on him. Grab a female friend who happens to be pregnant and get her to take a few pregnancy tests. 

Send one to his house and the other one to his parent’s house with a card congratulating them on being grandparents. This works best if your ex is from a conservative household or if he happens to be living with someone new in his home.

If he comes to you on his knees, have some fun with him. He may have already broken up with the new girl. 

Once you’ve had your way with him and you’re tired of his presence, you can just say you took another test and it’s negative, after all. The emotional rollercoaster should be enough to screw with his head for a few days. [Read: Why a baby trap is the dumbest idea you can ever use to keep a man]

With all these tips in mind, just be sure you have a backup plan.

There’s a line that says, “Never use a permanent solution for a temporary problem.”

Your desire for revenge will only be temporary, but ruining your own reputation and being sent to jail will have repercussions that will stay with you for a lifetime.

So if you ever use any of these effed-up ways to get revenge on an ex, know that it’ll be your ex who gets the last laugh. And of course, you can wave back at them from jail or some dump you’ll find yourself in after ruining your own life.

Instead, use these better ways to get revenge on your ex

Now that you have some crazy ideas for how to get revenge on your ex *that you shouldn’t use and just fantasize about instead*, let’s talk about some better ways you can do it.

1. Lose weight and get healthier

Whether you are already in shape or not, it’s always a good idea to focus on your health. Be the best you can be.

Try to look good and feel good. So, whenever you run into your ex again, they will think, “Wow, they sure look so good, and I shouldn’t have broken up with them!” [Read: Bumped into your ex? 19 super cool ways to show them YDGAF]

2. Improve your life

Do something to grow as a person. Work on your career, or find a better one. Take yoga and mediation classes.

Read self-improvement books and go to classes and seminars. A break up is a time to sit back and reassess your life and where you want to go. [Read: How to get over a bad breakup and start feeling really good again]

3. Go out and have fun

Grab your friends and do all the things you couldn’t do when you weren’t single. Go to clubs, concerts, and have a blast living up your new life. Just because you broke up, that doesn’t mean that you have to sulk at home and grovel in it.

4. Be happy

As the saying goes, the best revenge is living a good life and being happy. If your ex sees that you are happy without them, that is the best way to get back at them.

It sends the message: “I don’t need you, and my life is much better without you, thank you very much!”

[Read: No contact rule – What it is, how to use it and why it works so damn well!]

Now that you know why you want to get revenge on your ex, some of the crazy ways and good ways you can, don’t you think you should take the high road? You won’t regret it if you do.