How to Tell Your Boyfriend You Need More Attention Like an Adult

At first, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Now, the affection has fizzled. Here’s how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention.

Oh, I remember the honeymoon phase of my relationship. It was intense, passionate, and thrilling. That isn’t to say it’s not any of those things now. My relationship is still passionate and fun, but sometimes we forget to show each other affection and attention. This is the reality for any relationship. So, it’s vital to learn how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in work, school, and your family, leaving a small space for your partner. And we assume that our partners know we love them. Of course, you love your partner, but they don’t necessarily feel that you do.

How to tell your boyfriend you need more attention

Let’s not point the blame at anyone. We all get comfortable in our relationships and slack off when it comes to putting in the energy and time towards our partner. And you may feel the effects of that right now.

[Read: How to get out of a relationship slump and feel closer than ever]

You have a great relationship, but you’re feeling that you’re not getting the affection you need from him. This happens. What’s important is to express your needs to your partner and get on the right track. If you work together, you can make sure both your needs are met.

Sometimes, we just need a little more love.

#1 You need to speak up. You may be dropping hints here and there, but that’s only wasting your time. Don’t be subtle. You need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him what’s going on. That’s the only way he’ll be able to understand you need more attention. Have a talk with him and tell him how you’ve been feeling and what you need. [Read: 15 reasons why many couples get bored with their relationship]

#2 How do you and your partner show love? Your partner may already be showing you affection and attention, but you show love in different ways. For example, he may surprise you with a home-cooked meal or give you a gift, and that’s his way of showing love. But for you, attention is through physical touch and affirming words. See the difference?

#3 Lead by example. If you want him to see the attention you need, then you must lead by example. If you want to be cuddled more, cuddle with him on the couch. Or if you want him to hold your hand in public, be the one who makes the first move. Lead by example and show him what you need. [Read: How stonewalling in a relationship ruins something precious]

#4 Start flirting again. Bring back a little va-va-voom by flirting with your boyfriend. Be playful and fun, like how it was in the beginning. Cuddling with him in bed or cracking a funny joke can help you bond and become more affectionate.

#5 Don’t second-guess your emotions. If you feel you’re not getting the attention you need, don’t second-guess your emotions. Now, there are some people who get a lot of attention but have insecurities that make them feel they’re not getting enough. And some people simply aren’t getting enough attention. Figure out where your feelings are coming from. [Read: 13 signs you’re a clingy girlfriend and how you can avoid being one]

#6 Understand your partner. When you sit down and talk to your partner about this, he may say some things that you didn’t realize. Maybe he’s stressed or feeling like his needs aren’t being met either. This isn’t an excuse for him to not give you attention, but it does give you an opportunity to understand where your partner is coming from.

#7 Give him time to show affection. Okay, you told him what you’re missing, and he agreed with you that he’s going to work on it. Great! Now, give him some time. He’ll process the conversation and take some time to understand what he needs to do and what he feels comfortable doing. Give him some space for him to show you attention. [Read: How to get your boyfriend to be more affectionate and loving]

#8 Don’t be his second mother. I know you want him to be more affectionate and give you more attention, but don’t nag him on it. If he’s going to do it, he needs to do it on his own. In the meantime, if you’re the one who caters to everything *laundry, cooking, cleaning*, it’s time you took a step back and stopped behaving like his mother.

#9 Ask him if his needs are being met. You’re not the only one in the relationship. Maybe you’re doing everything you can to meet his needs, and he’s just soaking it all up without giving back. Or it could be that he feels his own needs aren’t being met, and this lack of attention is an act of resentment. The point is, you ask him if he’s getting the attention and affection he needs. [Read: 25 must-follow relationship rules to ensure both of you are happy]

#10 Work as a team on this. The only way this is going to happen is if you choose to work together. You cannot do this alone because you’re not him. You need him to give you more attention and affection, right? Well, that can only come from him. So, this has to be an ongoing team effort.

#11 Create a “love” routine. Now, I don’t mean you schedule time to have sex or to cuddle. But there are little things you can incorporate into the relationship that will give you a feeling of closeness. For example, he can start the tradition of sending you a “good morning” text message every day or make every Friday night date night. [Read: 14 signs you’re codependent and relying a bit too much on your man]

#12 Don’t force it. You can be doing everything right, but you should never force him to behave in the way you’d like. The want to change has to come from him.

There may be things he tries out to help the relationship, and they work well for you, but other things he’s just not able to do. That’s when you’ll need to compromise and decide whether the actions he does is enough for you. [Read: What steps do you need to take to tell your partner you are unhappy?]

#13 Reevaluate your relationship. You could have done all these things, yet your boyfriend isn’t choosing to work on the relationship. There’s only so much you can do. If he doesn’t want to help meet your needs and work with you in the relationship, then you need to decide if this is someone you want in your life as a partner. Because love isn’t a one-way street.

[Read: How to fix a one-sided relationship before it ends in failure]

It’s not easy always expressing or knowing how to tell your boyfriend you need more attention. But if you feel you need it, then it’s time they knew.