How to Tell if There’s No Chemistry and You Should Stop Trying

You can try to feel the spark but sometimes, you need to know when to give up. Here’s how to read the signs when there’s just no chemistry between you two!

Not everyone is meant to be together. If you thought you liked someone but it seems you have no chemistry, you should stop trying. It’ll never work. But then again, how can you tell? 

Can you really be sure there’s no chemistry, or is it just awkwardness or nervousness that’s preventing the two of you from building a sexual bond with each other?

How to know if there’s no chemistry at all

It can be really hard to tell if you have no chemistry with someone. You like them in theory, but you get together and it’s just not right. You can’t quite put your finger on it. But for some reason, you’re really uncomfortable in their presence even though you shouldn’t be.

Have you ever felt this? You want to like them, you want to feel that electric spark when you clasp their hand, and yet, you just feel nothing. This feeling is one of the worst things you can experience when you’re on a date. You’re excited, they’re excited. You’re in the middle of a conversation with them, but you don’t feel the sexual tension at all. Instead, you just feel numb or bored. 

A lot of the time, chemistry is responsible for this. This is particularly common when you meet someone online, really like them, and then realize you have about zero chemistry in real life. It’s disappointing, but it happens.

On the other hand, read this feature on how to tell if there’s serious chemistry between two people to know the other side of the story as well.

What is chemistry and why don’t we feel it with everyone?

Honestly, no one knows the exact answer to this to this day. But many studies have been conducted over the years, and many assumptions have been made as well. Let’s take a look at two assumptions that’s widely believed. 

Pheromones and the attraction we feel

There’s this notion that chemistry is what we feel when our body gives away subconscious signs to procreate with someone. [Read: Copulins and the secret scent women give away that drive men mad with desire]

All humans release pheromones in their air, through our breath, and through the pores on our skin. it’s believed that when two people don’t share a compatible sexual attraction towards each other, their pheromones actual repel them instead of drawing them closer. [Read: What are pheromones? The scent of sex and the role they play in attraction]

Social chemistry cues

On the other hand, there are social chemistry cues as well, that we may not recognize instantly. This is best described as someone walking into a room when you’re watching the TV. You’re totally focused on the television, but your eyes catch someone walking past. You may not notice it or even give it a thought. But your brain registers this information, and keeps it aside for its own processing!

Perhaps, your date behaves in a certain way that “repulses” you, maybe it’s their laugh or the way the chew. Or maybe this person is just not your type, even if you think they’re really attractive and someone you think you’d want to have sex with. 

That’s just the way our bodies and minds work. You may never really know why there’s no chemistry, but you for sure, can feel it in the lack of sexual attraction! [Read: How your body’s chemistry plays mind games on you and the people you’re attracted to]

Is lack of chemistry one sided or does it have to be mutual?

I’m sure many of you are wondering about this. In the movies, we always see no chemistry as something that has to be two-sided. Two people kiss, and simultaneously realize they have no spark at all. And this is usually true. Generally, both people would instantly realize there’s no sexual chemistry between them.

But sometimes, the lack of chemistry can be one-sided as well. Someone may really like you, but you may feel no chemistry towards them at all. In instances like this, we don’t talk about chemistry, we just say you don’t like the other person! [Read: The science of attraction and 17 things that are far more attractive than looks]

No chemistry and the problems of modern dating

Old school dating where you meet someone in person soon can help you recognize chemistry in no time. You know how easy it is to go out and meet someone you have chemistry with. If you two get along and have great conversation, you already know you have enough chemistry to date them. Then the only hard part is determining if their personality, morals, and values line up with yours.

But the big problem starts with online dating. When you date online, a lot of time can be wasted getting to know someone virtually. Sure, they might like the same things you do. But if you meet and have no chemistry together, it was a lot of wasted time. [Read: 15 signs of a bad first date that reveal a total lack of chemistry]

And what about hookup apps? You’re not just meeting them, you fully intend to have sex with them in the first meeting. If you meet each other, have sex and realize there’s absolutely no chemistry, not only would the sex feel terrible, but feel feel just as bad about yourself too. [Read: The 16 best hookup apps to give you exactly what you need while getting laid]

You can’t make a relationship work without chemistry

You know this. We all know this. Knowing that is easy. What’s hard, however, is determining if you really don’t have chemistry or if you’re just nervous. Sometimes when you meet someone you thought you’d like, you end up getting too nervous to read the signs correctly.

If you’re curious if you have no chemistry with someone, here’s how you can tell. Trust us, you’ll notice whether or not you have chemistry when you know what to look for.

1. The first kiss

We’re bringing out the big guns with this. The best way to know if you have no chemistry with someone is by sharing a kiss. A kiss is intimate, and forces the two of you to get as close as physically possible. You’re exchanging bodily fluids, you’re breathing into each other’s noses, there literally isn’t a better way to test your chemistry. It may take a few seconds, but you’ll know just how you feel towards the person the moment your lips lock. 

If it feels perfect, and you just don’t feel like letting them go, great, go good chemistry all the way! But if you feel nauseous or start to feel really weird and uncomfortable as you kiss them, chances are, there’s just no chemistry. [Confession: My embarrassing first kiss, and an experience with zero chemistry]

2. Conversation is difficult

When you have chemistry with someone, conversation flows easier than anything. You don’t really have to work to make it happen. It’s something that just happens and you end up talking forever and not even realizing it.

On the other hand, those you have no chemistry with will make it hard for you to carry on a conversation. It just doesn’t happen very easily and it usually comes out very forced. [Read: How to not be boring and learn to keep your dates exciting]

3. You don’t connect on ideas or concepts

This is a major sign you’re just not clicking. At all. When you can’t see their point of view or connect with them on certain ideas, there’s no chemistry.

That chemistry comes into play when you seem to connect on ideas you’ve never even talked to anyone else about. That’s how you know it’s real chemistry and if you’re lacking that, it can be a huge issue. [Read: 10 ways to feel more connected with someone new]

4. You don’t want to be closer to them

This is physically and mentally. If you’re ever noticed two people talking for a while and they end up sitting closer and eventually touching, even if it’s just their thighs, you know they have chemistry.

It’s like you’re drawn to each other. Therefore, if you only want to move away from them and you don’t even want to get to know them on a deeper level, you have no chemistry.

5. Time moves very slowly

This usually happens when you’re truly not enjoying yourself. And when you’re not enjoying yourself with someone you thought you’d like, you definitely don’t have chemistry.

Chemistry makes it really fun. And when you’re having fun, time tends to move a lot quicker. If the time is dragging and you can’t stop checking your watch, you probably have next to no chemistry with that person. [Read: 18 things you have to avoid doing on a first date with someone]

6. Everything feels very formal

Meaning, you aren’t very comfortable just being yourself. You feel the need to be proper and polite and you can’t just sit back and be who you really are.

And that makes everything feel stiff and uncomfortable. This almost always happens when you just don’t have chemistry with someone. Even if you like each other online, that lack of chemistry is fairly obvious when it feels so formal.

7. You feel disappointed 

This is always the worst. You get so pumped to meet someone you got along with, and then you do, and it’s super disappointing. You just don’t connect with them the way you thought you would.

This usually has nothing to do with their looks or anything like that. You just don’t vibe with them the same way. A relationship just can’t work that way. [Read: Stop wasting time – 15 signs your date isn’t interested in a second date with you]

8. Locking eyes is really awkward

When you have chemistry, you can make eye contact with someone for a very long time without it feeling weird. It’s natural. There’s nothing strange about it and, if anything, it just feels great.

This is just not the case when you have no chemistry with someone. Eye contact is uncomfortable, awkward, and you just want to look away more than anything. How could a relationship with someone like that ever work? [Read: Prolonged eye contact when flirting and what it really means]

9. You don’t feel a connection

As cheesy as it sounds, this is a huge sign you have no chemistry with someone. People you have chemistry with are those you feel a real connection with. You feel as though you’ve known them for a long time.

And that means the people you don’t have chemistry with don’t feel like much to you. In fact, they feel like strangers, even if you do know them pretty well. [Read: 8 small ways to build a stronger emotional connection]

10. You don’t really get their jokes

Humor is something that can make you have insane chemistry and it can be the thing that prevents it from existing. If you’re talking to someone and their jokes are just going right over your head, it’s a sign you have no chemistry at all.

11. You’d rather be with someone else

Even if it’s just a friend. If you’re always thinking about someone else you’d rather be with, it’s a problem. Having chemistry with someone would make you want to be with them all the time. When you have no chemistry, you don’t care about leaving them to even be alone.

[Read: 25 flirty questions that show your instant chemistry]

Should you give up if there’s no chemistry?

Do you really like this person? Do they like you back too? Sometimes, two people may feel no chemistry initially. But over time, they may start to feel closer to each other. This is your own body’s way of making adjustments to accommodate your new love interest. Of course, the attraction may be weak to begin with, but the companionship may grow over time. [Read: How to recognize a lack of chemistry and bring the sparks back]

And with time, there is a possibility that you two may grow to like each other and feel more intensely attracted to each other too. But then again, are you willing to wait that long? Will it be worth it? And most importantly, is there no one else you would rather be with?

[Read: The very lusty signs of sexual attraction to know if there’s chemistry]

It really sucks when you figure out you have relatively no chemistry with someone you thought you’d really like. In order to avoid wasting your time with someone who’ll never be right for you, use these signs to determine your level of chemistry, and decide on the next step together.