How to Rekindle A Marriage: 19 Secrets To Make Love Exciting Again

Marriages lose their spark occasionally. It’s only dangerous if you avoid taking action. Learn how to rekindle a marriage and see the spark again. 

Whoever said marriage was easy… oh wait, we’re not sure anyone ever has! The problem is that when you get married, you don’t want to hear that the magic comes to an end. In fact, who among us hasn’t thought, “That will never be us!”? If you find those butterflies replaced with vacant conversations and a bed with a hump growing in the middle, fear not. It happens to ALL couples. Definitively knowing how to rekindle a marriage is never easy—but possible.

The reason everyone else seems to be getting along so much better is that it is all in degrees. What we have found is that those who say “we never fight” or “we are in love more now than ever before” are either not all that passionate about each other from the get-go, or they worked through the doldrums to find a way to rekindle their marriage.

Or, the third option, they are newlyweds. And, who wants to hear what they have to say anyway?! [Read: The 8 most common marital problems and ways to solve them]

Why do marriages sometimes lose their spark?

Life, basically. Stress, problems, arguments, children, lack of sleep, illness, family problems, the list goes on.

It’s normal for marriages to go off the boil a little but you have to work to get that spark back again. If you don’t, nothing will change and you may find that you end up growing apart.

The good news is that it’s easy to learn how to rekindle a marriage, both sexually and non-sexually. Reconnecting can be as easy as making time for each other again or learning something new in the bedroom.

We get used to one another and boredom sets in. That doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it just means life is getting in the way. While it’s never going to be possible to maintain that honeymoon period for the entire stretch of your marriage *hopefully many years*, you can create a fun and fulfilling environment for both of you to enjoy and grow together. [Read: One year itch – 25 tips to avoid marriage problems early on]

How to rekindle a marriage – Inside and outside of the bedroom

There are a thousand articles about how to buy some sexy lingerie and turn each other on, but marriage isn’t just about sex. The reality is that what is happening in the marriage is being reflected in the bedroom. If you want to fix the magic and bring some excitement into the bedroom, fix the relationship outside of it as well as in it.

Try these a few things that make you feel like you’re falling in love all over again.

1. Think about how you used to treat your partner

We often reflect on all the things that our spouse never does anymore. There is undoubtedly a list of the way that they used to treat you and all missing from their end.

If you want to know how to rekindle your marriage, it is about considering your role and how you have changed. If you used to smile when they walked in a room or be sweet, funny, and cute at will, then it is time for you to be the same person they married again.

Baggage weighs you down, hence why it is called baggage.

Think about what the “dating you” was like and be that you again. Don’t be afraid of rejection or the feelings not being returned. Throw caution to the wind. Hey, you have nothing to lose by smiling and trying to be fun again. Nothing but gaining a happy relationship. [Read: 23 ingenious ways to keep a relationship exciting and fun]

2. Praise

When the day-to-day gets in the way, it is easy to get bogged down with responsibility and conversations that involve nothing more than what someone needs to do, what is wrong, or where your partner needs to pick up the slack.

If it has been a while since you have shown your spouse appreciation, we mean outwardly praising someone in words and love, then it is time to start.

A little praise goes a long way to rekindling what is lost in a marriage. Feeling unappreciated is one of the biggest complaints that both men and women have in a marriage. So, make sure to point out all the things that they do right and tell them how grateful you are for their help and love. [Read: 16 warm ways to show your appreciation for someone you love]

3. Be willing to try new things

Okay, we said it wasn’t all about sex, but it is partially about sex. Sometimes having sex seems like another chore after a long day of arduous work, screaming children, and unappreciative people.

Finding out about what your mate fantasizes about and making it come true is like a gift from the gods.

Being kinky may not be your thing, but sometimes being someone a little outside the box and going outside of your comfort zone can be exciting for you both and rekindle that passion that may be missing. [Read: The sexiest ways to instantly make married sex feel like a one-night stand]

4. Make time for sex and don’t cancel it

It’s not just about trying new things, it’s about actually making time for sex. It’s easy to start prioritizing everything else over bedroom time with your partner, but sex helps to bond couples together.

If everything else seems more important, you need to sit down and think about your priorities. Throw out your responsibilities for a change and just have some spontaneous sex. You might find it’s all you need to learn how to rekindle a marriage that’s lacking in intimacy. [Read: How often do married couples have sex – Real life confessions from readers]

5. Make time for your partner

Sure, you sit down to dinner every night, and you spend time staring at a television screen next to one another. But, many people need more in a relationship. There is a difference between being with each other and spending time together.

If you want to rekindle your marriage, try to find something that is just yours. Pick up a hobby or think of something you used to make time for.

Go to flea markets, skeet shoot, or do something really crazy. Making time for your partner means putting them in front of your other obligations and making them a priority. [Read: What is real love? 15 ways true love sets itself apart]

6. How to rekindle a marriage? Put away your cell phone

Is there anything that makes someone feel more insignificant more than playing second fiddle to a phone? We get it, we all get wrapped up when the text message ding alerts us. We have become conditioned to drop everything when our smartphones chime.

The problem is that bringing your cell phone to dinner, to the shower, or even to bed, makes your significant other feel insignificant.

Make a no cell phone policy when you are together, at least for an hour or two. You will quickly reconnect without interruption or someone raining on your parade. [Read: 12 real reasons why couples drift apart over time]

7. Take your spouse on a naked weekend getaway

If you can’t seem to get your clothes off quickly enough to get busy and put them on again because your kids are always at the door, that makes it difficult to rekindle love.

Learning how to rekindle a marriage is about finding that “I can’t get enough of you” once more. So, book a weekend getaway and make sure that you leave your clothes at the door!

8. Talk about your fantasies to learn how to rekindle a marriage

When sex becomes stale, it’s easy to feel bored in and out of the bedroom. So, it’s time to spice things up by talking about the things that turn you on.

What are your fantasies? What things do you want to try, or perhaps things you’ll never try but find a turn on just to think about them?

Talking to your partner in this way reconnects you on so many different levels and of course, you’ll probably end up spicing up your sex life as a very pleasant side effect! [Read: The top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once *or talking about*]

9. Remind your partner that you actually do love them

If you think your spouse just knows that you love them, news flash, they may or may not.

The simple three words “I love you” mean more than you know and may be the key to knowing how to rekindle a marriage. Don’t assume you are showing your love; they may actually need to hear you whisper that sweet three-word phrase.

10. Leave little notes around for them

Remember in school when you would find a secret note from your boyfriend or a secret admirer? Leaving a love note for your partner or a secret love letter makes their heart soar and reminds them about the first time you fell in love.

11. Send text messages often and with care

There is something very special about getting a text message in the middle of the day, at night, or just anytime that has a personal message saying I miss you.

Send love emojis, funny memes, naughty photos, and general declarations of love to rekindle your marriage one message at a time. [Read: The 80 best cute texts for him to make him smile and miss you more]

12. And, try sexting too

Don’t just stick with regular text messages and lovey-dovey chat, try sexting too. That way, you’ll reconnect sexually, fan the flames of desire, and turn each other on, ready for when you return home!

It’ll certainly bring back the excitement because it’s a dirty secret only the two of you share. that’s one of the best ways to learn how to rekindle a marriage. [Read: How to sext – The step-by-step guide to texting naughty, flirty and dirty in no time]

13. Give small, thoughtful gifts when learning how to rekindle a marriage

Gifts don’t have to cost a fortune or a whole paycheck. The ones that mean the most are the little ones that are a memory between you and your spouse.

If you see something funny, helpful, or just downright sexy, pick it up and bring it home tied in a knot saying “to the one I love.”

14. Make peace with the past

If you want to rekindle a marriage, it is about one thing – forgiveness.

Making peace with the past helps you move on, be more vulnerable with one another, not make assumptions about intention, and find the love that may be hiding under all those ugly angry layers. [Read: How to let go of the past and be excited by the future]

15. Hug more, make war less

All those small disagreements and fights begin to mount into an entire war campaign. If you want to rekindle your marriage and find a way back to love, let the little things go and don’t make a mountain out of a molehill or a war out of a small scuttle. [Read: Are relationship fights normal? 15 signs you’re arguing too often]

16. Do the small things that mean so much

It is the small things that mean more than the grand ones. Ask yourself what your spouse really wants and finds value in, and, likely, you will find that it isn’t anything expensive or outlandish.

It is probably just some acknowledgment and love from you. It is the small things that add up to love.

17. How to rekindle a marriage? Compliment your spouse in front of others

A compliment is an awesome thing, but even better when you hear someone praising you in front of others.

If you acknowledge how lucky you are to be their one and only, it is a proclamation that they are someone truly special to you. [Read: 15 sweet gestures to express love without words]

18. Plan a special date night

Spending a night alone with your partner may not seem like a big deal to you, but if they have been drifting away, a special date night or weekend getaway is the perfect solution to being disconnected.

Try to leave the stress of the day-to-day behind and get back to what is really important… the two of you.

19. Make them feel wanted, sexually, and learn how to rekindle a marriage

It’s so easy to start to feel unattractive when sex isn’t happening regularly. You wonder whether your partner has lost interest in you sexually. So, make your partner feel totally desired.

You can do this in so many ways. Lavish their body with praise, caress and touch them all over, telling them how great it feels to do so. Try new sex positions and basically place real importance upon your sex lives once more. Once the feeling of being desired comes back, everything else may fall into place. [Read: How to spice up your sex life in 30 sexy ways]

As you can see, learning how to rekindle a marriage isn’t always about therapy and tears, it’s often about reconnecting and going back to basics.

For sure, therapy helps those who have tried everything else first, but for most, these simple tips will do the trick.

[Read: Relationship rules – 30 must-know relationship tips to live your best love life ever]

If you truly want to understand the secrets behind knowing how to rekindle a marriage, try the little things that mean so much and let your guard down to find a future full of happiness with your mate.