How to Improve Your Marriage: The 35 Secrets to See Results Overnight

When you got married, you might not have anticipated the problems you have now. Here are some tips for how to improve your marriage so you can be happier.

In marriage, you must prioritize communicating and making the relationship function. Well, you signed the paper, right? At least give it a solid shot. Now, it’s not going to change overnight, but there are things to do immediately if you want to know how to improve your marriage drastically.

[Read: 25 ways to spark romance and rekindle your love for each other]

How to improve your marriage and make it feel like young love again

Relationships are hard work, they really are. Of course, when married there’s a legal commitment to each other which adds extra pressure. However, all relationships, whether bound by marriage or not, require constant work.

It’s normal for people to think that once married the hard work is over. But in reality, it’s just begun. Again, this doesn’t mean your marriage should feel like work.

When you’re trying to figure out how to improve your marriage, there are moments where you work harder than others, but that’s what happens when you go into a relationship. It’s no longer just about you. Now you have another person to think and compromise with. It’s time to roll up those sleeves and get to work.

1. Make sure to fall asleep together

Going to bed together is extremely important. This is usually the time when you talk about your day or what you’ll be doing tomorrow.

This doesn’t mean you need to have sex. Of course, if you want to, then have sex. The point is, going to bed together makes you feel connected to your partner. [Read: What is pillow talk? How to use it and 14 cozy conversations in bed]

2. Go phone-free

Now, this doesn’t mean you need to ditch your phone altogether but spend some time of your day without your phone.

Watch a movie with your partner, cook dinner, cuddle, have sex. Whatever it is you want to do together, do it without your phones. This is your time with your partner, your time to spend however you wish without any distractions.

3. Be affectionate

People get lazy when married. They stop showing affection, stop doing the little things that create connection, and make the person feel loved.

If you want to know how to improve your marriage, start by making a more conscious effort in this department. Kiss your partner good morning, hold their hand while walking, surprise them with ice cream or Chinese food. The little things matter. [Read: 19 secrets to rekindle your marriage and make love exciting again]

4. Communicate your emotions

Communicate how you feel to your partner. If they did something you didn’t like, tell them.

Don’t wait for a couple of weeks to go by because we all know what will happen. By then, you collected a list of things that bother you. You’re going to unleash them on your partner. This isn’t fair. If you have an issue talk it out immediately.

5. Say you’re sorry

This is a hard one for many people. But listen, if you f*cked up, you f*cked up. Just admit it, say you’re sorry, and move on.

No one wants to admit they’re wrong, but you’re a grown adult, so it’s time you grew up and took responsibility for your actions. Being right isn’t important, your relationship is what’s important. [Read: 28 heartfelt ways to say you’re sorry and apologize to your lover]

6. Have sex

You’ll be surprised at how sex solves a lot of issues in marriage. Many couples have their sex life drastically reduced after they get married.

Don’t wait for your partner to make a move. Take the initiative and surprise them with a quickie or a passionate kiss. Sex is extremely therapeutic for couples, it’s something intimate and rebuilds the connection. [Read: How often do people have sex to maintain a healthy relationship?]

7. Know each other’s schedules

This may sound a bit hectic, but it’s important if you want to know how to improve your marriage and feel closer. You may not see the importance but bear with us. You and your partner need to stay on the same page.

Plus, if your partner doesn’t care what you do during your day, that’s a problem. You want them to be interested in your day and vice versa. It shows that you care about each other.

8. Communicate as partners

Not business partners. Remember, now with texting and emails, it’s easy to send a text to your partner which sounds more like a business request. You don’t want that.

Yes, communicate with your partner but do it in a loving way. Add a couple of cute emojis at the end or flirt with them. [Read: 20 sexy ways to flirt with your wife and make her feel desired again]

9. Add some spice

This doesn’t mean you change your hair or tie your arms to the bedposts—of course, you can. But you can also spice things up just by wearing a new piece of lingerie or sending them a naughty text/photo.

It’s normal for relationships to plateau when you’ve been together for a long period of time. This means you need to work to bring back the flame.

10. Make a date night

You and your partner need time to hang out together. Now, you can stay in and watch a new movie or try something out of the house.

Go to a play, try ice skating or a new restaurant. The point is, if you want to learn to improve your marriage, you need to do something that’s new for both you and your partner. These date nights will rekindle the connection.

11. Write about your fights

If you fight with your partner, write about it. This helps you gain perspective on what happened and helps you understand your partner.

You’ll see things that you couldn’t see in the heat of the moment. Keep this writing for yourself and use it for your own self-awareness and self-development.

12. Don’t talk it out right after a fight

This usually doesn’t make people feel better. Instead, it brings up the issue again and more often than not, makes it worse. You need a timeout and so does your partner.

Go for a walk, go to bed, watch a movie. Calm down and regain perspective. When you’re emotional, it’s usually not a good combination to solve the conflict. Take a time out and talk to them when you’re calm. [Read: 8 things to tell yourself when fighting with your lover]

13. It’s all about quality

You may think sex five times a day, kissing every two minutes, and holding each other at any free moment will help the relationship, but that’s not necessarily true.

It’s not about the quantity of intimacy, it’s about the quality. You have to genuinely feel like kissing or hugging your partner, then they’ll feel it. Kissing them just to make sure they know you love them isn’t enough.

14. Listen to each other

Listen – really listen – to each other. And that doesn’t mean staring at the TV or your phone while your spouse is speaking.

Look them in the eye. Paraphrase what they just told you so they know you were paying attention to them.

15. Learn how to work through conflicts

Every couple has fights. But how you work through your conflicts is key to knowing how to improve your marriage. Don’t yell or name-call. Be calm and rational. Work as a team to solve problems together, not as enemies. [Read: How to stop fighting in a relationship and 16 steps to really talk]

16. Have empathy

Seeing your spouse’s point of view is crucial to having a good marriage. You don’t even have to agree with them, but try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective. They will feel heard, and they will appreciate you doing that.

17. Put each other’s needs first

Both spouses need to put their partner’s needs at least equal to – if not before – their own. You have to care about what your spouse desires. You can’t be selfish. Well, you can, but that will definitely not improve your marriage. [Read: Am I the selfish one in the relationship? 19 signs you’ve become a user without realizing it]

18. Have real conversations

By conversations, we mean the kind you used to have when you first started dating. Stop talking about your finances, the kids, or what you’re having for dinner.

Talk about world events, your goals, dreams, and fantasies. Dig deep and talk to each other again.

19. Learn each other’s love languages

One of the biggest problems in marriage is that the two people have different love languages. One wants to hear “I love you” and the other might like receiving gifts. So, research the five different love languages and learn how to speak love in your spouse’s language.

20. Do nice things for each other

Don’t always focus on yourself. Think about the nice things you can do for your spouse. It could be rubbing their shoulders after a hard day or doing the laundry so they don’t have to. Regardless of what it is, you want to show your love by doing things for them.

21. Don’t avoid your problems

Some couples think that if they don’t fight, then everything will be okay. But just because you don’t fight doesn’t mean your marriage is healthy.

If you’re avoiding your problems, they won’t go away. You need to face them together or else they will pile up through the years. [Read: How to tell your partner you’re unhappy and 18 steps to not hurt them]

22. Spend time together

This means spending quality time together. It’s not enough just to sit next to each other in front of the TV and call that “spending time together.” Go for a walk, to a restaurant, or on a weekend getaway. That way, you can really rediscover each other.

23. Buy each other surprise gifts

You don’t even have to spend a lot of money on this. It could be a single flower or a cookie. It doesn’t really matter what it is. You could even make them something. The point is that it shows you are thinking of them and went out of your way to make them happy.

24. Say “I love you” 

Not everyone is good at expressing their love through words. But everyone likes to hear “I love you.” So, if you have gotten out of the habit of saying it, now is the time to start doing it again.

The more you say it, the more loved your spouse will feel. [Read: 25 love-filled ways to say “I appreciate you” without saying a word]

25. Re-examine your expectations

Are your expectations for your spouse’s behavior realistic? Maybe they are, but maybe they aren’t. If your expectations are too high, then rethink them. Your spouse isn’t superhuman. So, don’t expect them to be.

26. Focus on your spouse’s positives

When you’re not happy in your marriage, it’s easy to focus on what your spouse is doing wrong – or what you don’t like about them. But instead of doing that, try to think about all the things that you do like. There has to be a lot or else you wouldn’t have married them, right?

27. Stop blaming and criticizing

When all you do is focus on your spouse’s flaws, you are probably also blaming and criticizing them for things.

No one likes to be criticized and belittled. It demeans you. So, if you’re doing that to your partner, you need to stop ASAP. [Read: How to stop being toxic – 19 steps to not be bitter or blame others]

28. Compliment your spouse

At the beginning of the relationship, you probably were full of compliments for your spouse. You thought they were hot, smart, and had a great personality.

Well, why did you stop complimenting them? If you want to know how to improve your marriage, you need to remember that everyone likes to hear nice things about themselves.

29. Show appreciation

Don’t take each other for granted. You need to say “thank you” to your spouse as often as you can when they do something good. Even if it’s just thanking them for making dinner or doing your laundry. You don’t want them to feel used and unappreciated.

30. Give more and expect less

You might be grumbling to yourself that your spouse doesn’t do enough. But maybe they are thinking the same thing about you.

So, you should both agree to do more for your partner and expect less from them. That way, you’ll both be happy. [Read: Are you a giver who feels unappreciated in your relationship?]

31. Share the chores

Many times, one of the spouses handles more of the household chores than the other. When that happens, resentment can build over time. So, make sure you have an equal partnership in this respect as much as possible.

32. Look your best

If you let yourself go, then do something about it. Get healthy and lose weight. Do it not just for your partner, but for yourself too.

You want them to be attracted to you, right? And you want to be attracted to them too. So, you both should try to look your best.

33. Be vulnerable

Having an emotional bond with your spouse is crucial if you want to improve your marriage. And in order to build that kind of bond, you both need to be vulnerable and share your feelings with each other. [Read: How to open up to people – 15 reasons and tips to be vulnerable]

34. See a therapist

Sometimes it’s really difficult for a couple to improve their marriage by themselves. They simply don’t have the skills to do it. So, there is no shame in seeking therapy from a trained professional. In fact, it shows strength.

35. Commit to working on it

If only one of you is committed to working on your marriage, then it won’t happen. Both people need to commit.

You can’t have a one-sided relationship, because it doesn’t work that way. So, if you want things to get better, you both need to be on the same page.

 [Read: 18 secrets to be happy in a marriage that can make or break your romance]

Learning how to improve your marriage will take some time and effort. Though, by applying some of these tips to your marriage, you’ll notice an immediate difference that will help you in the long run.