How to Give Him Space Without Losing Him or Your Confused Mind

Relationships need a good blend of time together and time apart. Learn how to give him space and keep your relationship fresh and stress-free. 

When you’re crazy about someone, you want to be around them all the time. It’s normal. You don’t wonder how to give him space, or how to give yourself more space. But, spending every second together isn’t healthy.

You’ll end up suffocating the life out of your relationship if you don’t learn how to focus on yourself and let things flow naturally. If your partner has asked you for a little space, there’s a good reason for that. It’s not necessarily the end of the line, but you do need to learn how to give him space if you want your relationship to carry on.

You see, sometimes, people need to be alone to think and clear their minds. They don’t necessarily want to end things, but they know that if they carry on as they are, the relationship is going to suffer.

Have you ever wanted just five minutes to yourself to simply ‘be’? That’s what it’s like when you want space in your relationship.

Maybe he suddenly feels overwhelmed because he hasn’t spent alone time with himself for a while. Maybe he just wants to relax and do something on his own.

In the worse care scenarios, someone could ask for space simply because they need to think about whether they want to be with that person anymore, but more likely, it could simply be that he wants to have a little personal space before getting back into the swing of things.

[Read: 21 signs of a clingy girlfriend and how to avoid turning into one]

Drawing healthy boundaries early on in love

When you love someone, of course, you want to cling to them 24/7. And this is usually a completely mutual feeling. You want to cling to your guy, and he’d want to cling to you. But what happens when real life enters the picture?

Let’s see this from your guy’s perspective for a minute *and your own as well*. What if his work starts to suffer because he’s paying less attention to it? What if his friends are annoyed because he isn’t spending time with them anymore? What if he feels like his life is falling behind because he’s spending all his time with you?

As he senses his life falling apart around him *all because he’s totally in love with you*, he would end up feeling out of control, and just a bit frustrated and confused. He doesn’t blame you, but he knows spending time with you is causing this issue.

Think of it as a whole night of clubbing, drinking, and partying. It’s all fun when you’re doing it, until you oversleep the next day, wake up late with a raging hangover, and everything else in your life suffers for the rest of the week because of it. You don’t hate partying or drinking, but eventually, at some point, you will realize that you need to balance your life if you don’t want every other part to fall behind.

That’s exactly the same thing with wanting space in a relationship.

At first, a guy may drop a few well-timed hints to let you know he needs space. If you’re wondering what those clues are, check out this feature on the most obvious hints a guy gives when he wants space.

But if he feels like you’re not picking up on his hints, he may have no choice but to tell you directly that he needs space.

Does your boyfriend wanting space mean the end of happy times?

It may sound like a stab in the chest when you hear your partner hint that they want more space, or worse, tells you directly to your face. But it doesn’t have to mean anything bad at all!

Usually, they’re just requesting some distance so they can prioritize other parts of their life. And honestly, you should be happy to have a boyfriend who can communicate his needs clearly instead of ignoring you or getting annoyed with you! [Read: How to set boundaries in a relationship – 15 healthy lines you need to draw early on]

So does asking for space mean the end? No, not necessarily. In most cases, it’s simply that they need a little time for themselves. Maybe they’re going through some personal issues that they don’t want to unload on you at this time.

Whatever the reason, if your partner asks for space, you have to give it to them.

Of course, the most natural human response in the world is to cling on even tighter. You worry and convince yourself that it’s just an excuse to leave you, so you hold on even harder. The thing is, by doing that, you’re making things worse. If he wants space, you have to give it to him. If you don’t, the relationship will end anyway.

So, while your partner telling you that they want some space doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship grim reaper is going to pay you a visit, it does mean that you have to listen. It’s a warning sign.

So, heed it and do what you need to do. [Read: How to know when to give someone space – Don’t be THAT person]

How to give him space in the best way possible

Of course, when you suffocate someone, the odds are they won’t want to be with you. By not giving them space, they feel pushed into a corner. The only way to handle that is to push back even harder.

Now, it’s not always easy to give space. How do you give space? We know it sounds very literal, which to some point it is, but to help you go through it, there are some things you need to do.

1. Give him space, literally

If he’s asked you for space, do it. Give the guy some space!

If he’s dropping hints or telling you he needs space; back off. If not, you’ll only push him further away. Maybe he feels things are moving too fast or is overwhelmed with school or work. Give him the space he needs. [Read: How to learn to give space and breathe again]

2. Don’t act angry or resentful

Here’s the thing, if you’re giving him space, do it with an open heart and with love. Don’t punish him or behave in a childish way to hurt him for wanting to balance his life!

We know you don’t want to give him space; it feels like everything is crashing down. But that doesn’t mean your relationship will end. If you give him space while acting angry or resentful, you’re going to stress him out even more. 

3. Put your phone away

Checking your phone every five minutes for his texts won’t make this any easier. When someone asks for space, they’re not going to text you. Also, this means you shouldn’t call or text him either.

Yes, when it comes to knowing how to give him space, just take a step back and learn to relax. If he tells you he’s going out with his guy friends, or he’s spending the day at home reading a book, do not – we repeat – do not text him until he texts you first. [Read: Needy girlfriend – What makes a girl turn into one]

4. There’s no excuse to talk to him

Do not go hunting for reasons to text or call him. The guy asked you nicely for space, so respect his wishes.

You may have had a hard day at work or you’ve seen something really funny, but tell someone else what happened. If someone asks for space, don’t find a reason to invade their space again.

5. No chasing!

That’s right; do not chase him. Naturally, when we feel we’re losing someone, we pull closer to them for fear of having them let go. But this will only make him move further away from you. You don’t need to chase him.

If he wants to be with you, he’ll come back on his own. When he does that, your relationship will be so much better for it. [Read: All the reasons why chasing a guy never really helps]

6. Take a little chill break from social media

We know it’s easier said than done, but take a break from social media. For sure, you’re obsessing over his every social media move in case he likes some post or puts up a new story, but that’s not going to help you during this time.

Social media stalking may give him space, but it will only drive you insane. Chill out and let him take some time to cool off. [Read: Social media detox – 13 ways to wean yourself off social media]

7. Take this time to focus on you

You have the time now to practice some self-care *which you should be practicing anyways*. Don’t spend your time thinking about him and wondering what he’s doing. Instead, use this time to focus on you and what you want from your life.

8. Keep yourself busy

This is not the time for you to sit at home and watch chick flicks while eating ice cream. You can do that for a day or two, but then it’s time to jump on the horse and keep moving forward.

Go to work or school, hang out with your friends, and do the hobbies you enjoy most in life. While he’s sorting his issues, keep yourself busy. [Read: How to love yourself – The 23 best ways to find self-love and happiness]

9. Don’t worry about losing him

We know this is easier said than done, but you cannot spend your time worrying about losing him. The more you think about it, the more it will damage you.

He’s the one who asked for space *probably because his life is falling apart* and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if that little bit of space ends up with the two of you breaking up because you’re not attached at the hip anymore, chances are, you weren’t in a secure relationship in the first place. And if that is the case, you weren’t meant to be. [Read: 13 needy signs you’re too available for your partner]

10. Spend time with other people

You have family and friends who truly love you for who you are. And chances are, you’ve been ignoring them while spending all day with your man.

Spend time connecting with those people, and feel their love and support. No matter what happens, it’s important to know that they’re the ones who will always be there for you. 

11. Know that everything will be okay

Though it’s hard to hear this right now, at the end of the day, everything will be okay. You don’t need him around you 24/7 to function like the healthy and happy person you are.

You have other goals, dreams, and pleasures in life. We know it’s hard to accept and confusing to figure out how to give him space, but with time, you will move on, and everything will be okay. [Read: How to calm down – 15 instant hacks to put the crazy away]

12. You can’t control how he feels

Here’s the thing: you can’t control how someone else feels. It’s not something we accept willingly, but it’s true. But whatever you do, it won’t change how he feels.

You can be sweet, funny, and do all the right things. If his gut is telling him this isn’t the right relationship for him, there’s nothing you can do to change that. [Read: How fast is too fast in a relationship? A guide to perfect timings]

13. Give yourself a limit

There’s a limit to wanting space in a relationship. Maybe he needed a week away from you *which isn’t really acceptable in a healthy relationship*. But you can’t spend your life waiting for him to come around.

Of course, give him space and time to go through his emotions, but at some point, he should be back to normal, or you both should settle into a comfortable routine of healthy space and together-time.

If he avoids talking to you for weeks and weeks, and he’s busy having fun with his friends, you need to ask yourself if this is someone you can continue to be with. At the end of the day, asking for space to focus on other parts of your life is one thing. But asking for space to feel like a single guy while getting all the perks of a relationship is not acceptable. You’re not his private sex toy to be used as and when he pleases.

You cannot waste your life waiting for him to make a decision. Remember, indecisiveness is a decision. [Read: Healthy relationship expectations to define a good love life]

14. What do you want?

This is a big question, but it’s one you should ask. If he needs space in a relationship, you should do the same.

How is your relationship with him? Is this a relationship you want to continue? Are you okay with giving him all that space? Is that what you want? Or do you want a relationship where both partners spend more time together?

Be honest and serious with yourself. Use this guide on how often should you see your boyfriend or girlfriend to evaluate how your relationship is, and if it’s good enough for the two of you.

Giving him a little space could be a good thing

When your boyfriend tells you that he wants some space, there are going to be countless questions running through your mind. You’re going to be worried and probably a bit scared. Know that this is normal.

However, don’t allow negativity to stick in your mind for a long time afterward. Learn to see the ‘glass half full’ view and you’ll get through this time much easier. You might even find it rewarding. [Read: How to be more positive and increase the quality of your life]

You see, learning how to give him space might be hard, but what can it do for you? It gives you space too.

Maybe you need it more than you know right now. You can spend time reconnecting with people you might have distanced yourself from without realizing it – we all do this in relationships sometimes and it’s not healthy. This time can help you to fix those problems.

You can also work out what you want. There is obviously something not quite right in the relationship if he’s asking for space. For sure, it could be him and his issues, but do you want him projecting those onto you? This could be the time you need to assess your place in the relationship while working on the most important one in your life – your relationship with you. [Read: How to make him miss you – 20 subtle moves to leave a guy obsessed with you]

Go out and have some fun with your friends. Focus on new hobbies and learning new things. Have great experiences that make you smile.

The time will pass quickly and before you know it, he will have sorted out his issues and will let you know what he wants. When that time comes, ask yourself what you want before agreeing to anything.

[Read: Where to draw the line when you’re putting too much effort into a relationship]

Understanding how to give him space isn’t easy, especially when you’re scared you’ll lose him. But a little space can go a long way. Use these tips the next time he needs some space, and use the time to figure what you really want too.