How to Get Over a Broken Heart: Seriously, the Only Guide You Need

Want to know how to get over a broken heart? It may feel like the end of the world but if you want to move on, here’s a guide to kick your breakup’s ass!

Ah yes, you wanna know how to get over a broken heart, and quick! And you want your ex to burn and groan, while you float from one awesome adventure to the next. Well, if we’re fantasizing fairy tales, why the hell not?

But honestly, it’s all doable. There are some good ways, stupid ways, and wicked ways too, and we’ll get to all of them!

So, back to where we are, at our low point after a breakup. Now at some point in your life, or after your true love fizzles out, if not already, the proverbial “shit happens.” You break up. And all you really want to do after that is try and figure out how to get over a broken heart. If you’re still licking your wounds or crying your heart out over a freshly dead relationship, this may be an eye-opener.

[Read: How to survive the first 168 hours after a breakup]

Moving on with a broken heart

First things first, life can be a bitch at times, and break ups can be painful, but you’ve got to move on. Really, you DO know this deep inside, don’t you?

Your ex has moved on, even if they’re telling you they haven’t. So what’s holding you back? I know it’s hard, and it’s going to take a while. But there’s no happy ending when you try looking for that little ray of sunshine from your ex’s rear end.

And to help you along that journey of self discovery and acceptance of the fact that there are other more awesome fish in the sea, here’s everything you need to do after a break, laid out one step at a time for you.

How to get over a broken heart

Yeah, yeah… we all know your half of the story. You were so in love and your ex was the only person in the whole world that mattered to you. And now, your heart is split into two and you don’t think you can last a minute without your ex in your arms.

But have you realized something? Your sweet, loving ex is having fun, loads of fun. [Read: Are you starting to feel jealous of your ex?]

The break-up hasn’t bothered your ex much, and they’ve moved on. If it really was mutual love till the last breath of the relationship, then why did your ex actually walk out on you? Or why are you the one who seems to be suffering?

Okay, maybe the breakup was mutual, but most mutual break-ups don’t hurt like broken bones because the love’s fizzled out anyway. So if your heart aches, then it’s probably because you’re still in love with your ex. And gasp, the love is one-sided! [Read: How to cope when you’re not loved back by someone you love]

Deal with it and get over your broken heart

As difficult and painful as it may seem, you still need to understand the most important fact here. You’re hurting, and you really need to move on. Fast. Here’s every single thing you need to do after a break up to ensure a speedy recovery and a quick jump into happy land.

#1 GET IT TO DEFINITELY END. First things first, you know you’ve broken up. How?

Your partner has probably told you something like “…hey, I think we can’t go on, it’s just hard. I still like you a lot though… mumble mumble… it’s me not you… I’m really sorry…”

You know what, lines like these are the reason why your heart aches. Soft words make you feel like there could still be a chance for the both of you, maybe even in the far future, and you end up thinking about your old love over and over again.

What you need is a clear answer that they want to break up with you because they’ve had enough of your face. Try getting those words out of their mouth, and you’d feel a lot better, even if it hurts initially. Give them an opportunity to yell that they hate you, and never want to see you in their lives again.

Believe me, that’s a better option than dancing on hot coals trying to decide if your ex partner is still in love with you or not. [Read: How to let go of someone you love by hating them]

#2 NO SAD, SAPPY SONGS. Logical thought, this one. Music has a huge amount of control over human emotions, and there are few things that can immediately change a person’s mood as effectively as music.

Stop replaying Spotify playlists of shitty love songs that dehydrate you and leave you sitting in a pool of tears. Okay, you know what, do it if that helps you. Listen to all the sad songs you want for a couple of days, and wet yourself in tears.

You might find some weird sort of satisfaction by making yourself sad and pathetic, but that’s really stupid. Grow up and learn to control your emotions, however hard it may seem. And once the tears have dried up and you feel like a complete idiot for having cried over the asshole ex of yours, have a good maniacal laugh.

And now, force yourself to listen to fun, exhilarating music instead of sad, sappy ones. Now that’s a good way to start the healing.

#3 SHOVE THOSE DRINKS ASIDE. No alcohol at all. It’s easy to drown your sorrows with intoxication. It may help you forget your ex for a few hours, or you may end up crying over it with the bottle in your hands, and your head inside a porcelain god.

But the worst part comes in the morning, when you get up with a splitting headache, a lousy feeling in your stomach, Instagram-worthy depression, and a totally miserable and painful heartache. This will only make you feel worse and helpless, and right now, you need to feel like you’re in total control of your life. [Read: 20 signs of insecurity people can’t hide when they feel insecure]

#4 LOSE ALL CONTACT. After your true undying love has come to it’s untimely conclusion, you have to break all contact with your ex or you WILL go mad. Don’t beg or cry. Don’t drunk-text. Don’t social media stalk. Just unfollow everywhere, go offline if you must, and pretend they’ve never existed. Get the picture?

Your ex will find you if they want to. And even if you can talk your way back into your ex’s arms, it’s only a temporary reprieve. The worst part is that your ex already knows you want them back, and they don’t care about it. Take that as a sign, and walk away for good. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works]

#5 AVOID YOUR EX’S HANGOUT. Don’t stray into your ex’s territory. You wouldn’t be welcome. Or you’d be welcomed and used. Either way, that’s not a good look. Worse, if you find your ex having a great time there, that would only make you feel terrible. Find new places to hang out, and new memories to keep your mind occupied.

Make a few new friends if you have to, anything to stop you from thinking about your ex’s painful memories. If any of your friends insist on maintaining contact with your ex, you may have to shut them out too, at least temporarily.

After some time has passed, when you feel you’re ready to move on, you can go back to living normally, and that means hanging out at these places and reconnecting with your mutual friends.

#6 DON’T GET LONELY. We all need time by ourselves after a traumatic event, but whatever you do, don’t let yourself be alone for too long.

Lose yourself in your phone, surround yourself with people again, do some people watching in a cafe, whatever floats your boat, and these will help immensely in getting over a broken heart. It may be difficult at first, but force yourself to be with people after you’ve spent an appropriate amount of time alone. This is the best thing that can help you overcome your pain.

#7 GET ACTIVE. Get your butt out and do something you used to enjoy doing, even if you don’t feel like it. I know that staring at the wall with mild fascination and feeling sorry for yourself is very appealing at a time like this, but this is another thing you need to simply force yourself to avoid.

Start a project and make yourself complete it. Start exercising *you wanna look sexier after the breakup, don’t you?!*. Do something, do anything that takes your complete attention and activity. [Read: What should you do after a breakup to feel awesome?]

#8 THROW AWAY ALL REMINDERS *OR HIDE IT*. Let your ex’s name and memories be erased from your life forever. Of course, it’s hard, but a good start is by flinging all your ex’s memories out your door *for the ‘gram, of course!*.

But really, you don’t have to throw them or burn it all, but definitely hide any gifts, or whatever reminds you of them out of your line of vision. [Read: The psychology of deleting pictures of an ex and what it says about you]

As a rule of thumb, if the object reminds you of your ex, discard it or hide it. This can save your sanity over the first few weeks.

#9 HANG OUT WITH YOUR OWN FRIENDS. Let your buddies give you a reality check on how your ex wasn’t all that great to begin with, and that there are more fish in the sea.

A bit of shit slinging and bitching can go a long way towards getting your head straight. We’ve all been shattered by love, and we may experience it again in the future. So there’s nothing wrong in being dumped, is there? So talk, and talk until you feel better. [Read: 15 reasons why your ex still texts you and stays in touch]

#10 WRITE A HATE LETTER. Okay, seriously, who writes a letter these days? My fingers hurt when I pick up a pen. But indulge me.

Sit down, buy a pen, find a piece of paper and write down what exactly you feel about your ex. Write a letter pouring out your negative and weepy feelings. Now read it again. Go away for an hour, come back and read the letter again. Read it again after a few hours. and then again the next day. At some point, you’re going to start to feel like a real idiot because your misery, anger and frustrations would turn into humiliation.

Once humiliation hits you, throw the letter away or burn it.

#11 REMEMBER THE BAD TIMES. If you feel nostalgic, then think of all the times your ex hurt you. That should do it. Remember the time they flirted with someone else? Or that time they lied? Or all those times they flirted with those Instagram thots?

Nobody wants those moments back. Use those thoughts to bring yourself back to reality.

#12 USE YOUR FREEDOM. Freedom is always intoxicating. There’s a world of activities you can partake in that you were never able to enjoy because your “other half” didn’t approve. So indulge. Follow people you want to on Instagram. Make new friends. Travel. Build a model ship. Go hiking. Eat that dish you love but your ex hates. Hang out with your pals. Play Cyberpunk 2077, bake something other than banana bread. Whatever floats your boat!

Do anything you want. Ideally, you should find an activity that allows you to release your anger and alleviate stress. And with all the free time, there’s always more time to stare and drool over hotties. Staring at good looking potentials is a great way to let yourself know that there are several good looking fishes all around you. [Read: 14 proven ways to forget an ex for good and move on]

#13 DITCH THE NEGATIVE PEOPLE. The last bunch of people on the planet that you need to hang out with, especially when you’re trying to figure out how to get over a broken heart, are negative people. They love telling stories of depression and sadness. They suck the happiness off everything and anything.

If a friend tells you that the break up was hard and there is nothing for you to do about it. Stay away from that friend.

Hang out with people who believe that a break up is only a step towards better prospects in your love life. Spend more time with people who are optimistic and fun loving, despite the circumstances. You’d find it a lot easier to look at your break-up as a small part of your life, instead of your whole life, when you’re having fun. [Read: How to stop having negative thoughts that drag you down]

#14 DON’T SHOW THAT YOU’RE UPSET. Very, very important! The last thing that you want to do is show your ex that you’re in the pits, while your ex is having a great time in the arms of someone else. Your ex may be having fun, but the only way to show that your life is great, even though you’re hurting inside, is by pretending to have a great time everywhere you go.

The stronger you make yourself feel, the better you’d feel, and the easier it would be for you to get over your heartache. Wallowing in self pity and begging your ex to take you back isn’t a good look, nor is it one that ever works. You’d just make yourself look a lot more pitiful in front of your ex and their new squeeze! [Read: 14 things to keep in mind when you bump into your ex]

#15 DON’T IDOLIZE YOUR EX. F*ck that piece of shit, not literally, of course! Your ex may have been prince charming or princess Jasmine in your eyes. But you know what, not everyone thinks the same about them. Your love for your ex is what made you overlook their imperfections and thought they were the best lay/love you could get. Smash those rose tinted glasses, get real, and take them off the pedestal in your head.

Stop idolizing them and treat them the same way you treat any of your other friends. Stop gazing lovingly at pictures of your old sweetheart. Seriously, it’s creepy AF!

If you want to know how to get over a broken heart, don’t jump to answer their texts or calls. And definitely don’t go out of your way for your ex. They no longer deserve even a minuscule amount of preferential treatment.

How to get over a broken heart with madness you may regret later

Oh, you want to do this bad, don’t you? You’re humiliated and you’re pissed off, you’re sad and you’re depressed.

Heck, you’re so messed up, you really don’t know what you are anymore! And each time you see your old flame giggling or hugging another squeeze on social media, it makes you wanna gag and go mad over the fact that they actually overcame your true love so fast. [Read: What are the signs your ex has moved on? 15 clues to know for sure]

On the other hand, you may hate them and yet find it hard to get over them, if your ex had been cheating on you.

At times like these, there are a few things you can do. But remember this, use these suggestions only if your ex has been a real ass, cheated on you, and walked all over you on the way out. Yeah, they are nasty and there’s no way you can take them back again! [Anne Freier on Medium: The scientific way to get over heartbreak]

These suggestions come straight from the little devil that’s hiding inside your head, and they are pretty brutal. As long as you stay on guard and do this for the pleasure of hurting them, things will be just fine. Maybe even great!

#1 GO REBOUND! Most love experts are against a rebound relationship. It’s true, because jumping into a new relationship as soon as one is over is the wrong way to find love. I’m not denying that either!

But you need some special attention for another potential to get back at your ex. If they can hook up with someone else, why can’t you? Go ahead and hook up with a sweet ass and have fun. Show off your new hookup to your ex and let them know that you really don’t give a damn about them.

Watch your ex-sweetie bristle with anger each time you wrap your hands around your new hottie, and believe me, it can feel so good! It can feel even better if it’s someone your ex lover hates.

But one word of caution, just don’t fall in love with your new sex buddy. Use them to have fun, and don’t get too involved for your own good. [Read: 13 rebound sex questions to know if you’re ready for it]

#2 GET FLIRTY AROUND YOUR EX. Too clever to go for a rebound, or too scared that you may actually fall in love with the wrong person? Not to worry, skip that step.

Opt for wild flirting with any new cutie that you meet, especially when your ex is around. Laugh and have fun, flirt like mad, and make sure your lost love sees all of this. This can give you a load of satisfaction and help heal the scar of your previous love faster than anything else.

BUT just don’t overdo it, or you’ll just appear pathetic and desperate, which would make your ex feel great and you, worse! [Read: 30 wicked ways to make your ex jealous and win their attention]

#3 SEDUCE SOMEONE YOUR EX IS JEALOUS OF. Want to get really dirty in love? Then what better way than by seducing someone your former flame is terribly jealous of?!

Make a move that will pay off in more ways than just sex. Just think, if your ex finds out you’ve been fishing in familiar waters, it will drive them to the point of hysteria. This can be quite gratifying.

But do make sure the word reaches your ex’s ears. If there is anything that hurts your ex’s ego, it’s you sleeping or getting physical with someone they’ve always been jealous of! [Read: How to make your ex jealous and leave them begging for forgiveness]

#4 NO MORE SECRETS. Now let’s think, are you ever going to hook up again with someone who threw you in the dirt and stomped you all over? I think not. So what do we do about getting back?

Firstly, remember there’s no more sweet love between both of you. You hate your ex, so get back in ways that are way below the belt. She’s got hairy nipples? He’s got a prick smaller than your little finger? Then it’s time the world knows all about it!

Humans are sadistic creatures. If you want pleasure out of your miserable life, you can get that by making sure your sweet ex feels worse than you do. That would definitely cheer you up. But do make sure you don’t have any physical abnormalities that are worse than your ex’s before you open your mouth. The idea might just backfire!

Guilt may set in after you realize how mean you’ve been or after you get over the break up, but hey, if you want revenge badly right now, you’ve got consequences to pay, in this case, a bad case of guilty conscience!

#5 HOOK UP. Now this isn’t hard to understand, so go right ahead and hook up! Get out there, make eye contact, flirt, reactivate your Tinder, hook up and go wild. As someone once said, the best way to get over someone is by getting under someone else, right? Eh, what can I say? Wrong? Spiraling out of control is definitely the wrong way to get over someone, but if it makes you feel better, even if you’ll regret it later, then go wild!

Forget the fact that you’ve got a broken heart inside your chest. Hearts heal best when we’re not thinking too much about them!

Fixing a broken heart

If you want to overcome the pain and get over a broken heart, you need to do it one bit at a time, and replace the pain with happy thoughts that you collect every day, by meeting new people, enjoying new experiences and trying new things.

Convince yourself that the break up was the best thing that had happened to you. Just don’t sit in a corner and mourn. Why give your ex an opportunity to show how weak you are without them?

Have a laugh and have fun. Life is way too short to hide that smile off your face. You really don’t need an ex to tell you to be happy or sad in your own life, do you?

[Read: Why your ex still crosses your mind from time to time]

Knowing how to get over a broken heart is easy because there are quickfixes you might regret later, and painfully slow ways that hurt. Your best bet is to find a balance that works for you, and work your way through the healing stage.