How to Get a Boyfriend in College Without Losing Your Mind & Freedom

If you are wondering how to get a boyfriend in college, you have a lot to learn. But I’ve got you, so let’s begin. Class is in session.

A lot of us want to know how to get a boyfriend in college. For many, it is your first time being out on your own. You are away from your parents and maybe your high school ex. It seems like now is the perfect time to meet your dream guy. But, there is a problem with trying to get a boyfriend in college. As soon as that is your goal, it is pretty much doomed from the start.

College, although a time to explore and try new things, is also about school and friendship. College is a chance for you to date and truly see what you like and what you don’t.

If looking for a boyfriend in college is your priority, not only are missing out on tons of other amazing opportunities, but you may be wasting your time. [Read: The questions to ask yourself to see if you’re ready for a relationship]

Why wondering how to get a boyfriend in college is no good

Whether you were single in high school or not, having a boyfriend in college probably sounds wonderful.  You get to date someone without your parents breathing down your necks, without a curfew, and without supervision.

You may want to get the most out of this newfound independence. And that all makes sense. I was the same way. The only thing is, and I know it is cliche, but, getting a boyfriend is not that big of a deal.

The idea of a boyfriend is much more attractive than actually having one, especially in college. This is a time for you to make lifelong friends, focus on your courses, your job, and your future. You have so much to figure out, why drag a guy into it? [Read: The 12 types of guys you’ll meet in college]

Not only do relationships bring on a ton more drama and stress than you already have in college, but they take up valuable time.

The fact that you are desperately wondering how to get a boyfriend in college tells me you are more interested in having a boyfriend to have one, not to meet the right one. Having a boyfriend just because can lead to resentment, dysfunction, and even social decay; essentially wasting your college years.

You do not want to spend this amazing time in your life worried about a guy that calls you dude, doesn’t respect you or depends on you for Psych 101 notes. Sorry to be so negative, but there is only a slim chance your college boyfriend will last for the long haul anyways. [Read:  College bucket list: 30 must-have items on your list]

How to get a boyfriend in college

Now, I am not saying you shouldn’t have a boyfriend or that you shouldn’t date in college. By all means, if the mood strikes or you like someone, go for it. My advice is simply don’t go looking for it. You can be open to love and romance and the possibility of a boyfriend without actively looking.

Put your focus and energy into things that are more beneficial to you and worth your while, boyfriend or not. Join a club or group. Try standup comedy or join in on planning a women’s march. Form a study group or student government.

All of these things will provide you with a lot more than your average college boyfriend can. And while you are doing these activities, you may actually come across someone that shares your morals and could potentially be your college boyfriend. [Read: How to get guys to notice you and fall for you]

Why you shouldn’t try to get a boyfriend in college

Meeting anyone with the intention of having them be your boyfriend is sort of self-sabotage. You are putting so much pressure on a guy you barely know. And having that word, boyfriend, flashing in the back of your mind constantly forces something that maybe shouldn’t be.

When you are looking for how to get a boyfriend in college, you are not being genuine about your feelings. It isn’t about the label boyfriend, it is about the actual connection you and this boy have.

I know I sound like a Debbie-downer, but I have been there. And I wasted some of my best college years pining over guys that weren’t worth my time or my tears. I could have enjoyed those years with friends. I could have even met someone that was a great match if I wasn’t so preoccupied with nailing down a boyfriend before I hit 21. [Read: Casual dating: 15 reasons why it’s the best thing ever]

Things to do instead of getting a boyfriend in college

Instead of having the goal of getting a boyfriend in college, change your focus. Looking at life through a new perspective not only opens new doors, but it changes how you look at those doors.

By focusing on other things in life, you realize you don’t need a boyfriend. You are a whole person on your own. You are awesome. And if you find someone they won’t be your other half, they will just add to your already 100% greatness.

When your life is full in every way, a boyfriend that is right for you will find you. I know it sounds cheesy, but it is true. I won’t say that the second you stop looking he’ll find you, but once you focus on something else, love has a way of making an appearance in the most unexpected placing. [Read: The real meaning of YOLO and how to live life to the fullest]

Like where?

#1 Join a club. This sounds so bad, but there are hundreds of clubs at college. And the kids in them are not losers. These are simply people with shared interests that are hanging out. Find something you’re passionate about and check out your school’s website and social media to see if there’s a club, if not, create your own.

It can be about making pancakes, watching Game of Thrones, or sewing. By bringing together like-minded people, you can create true friendships.

#2 Protest. Now is a time in our lives when we need to make our voices heard. And as young people, you can make a difference. You are the future, so start now. It seems like there are protests and marches at least once a month.

Not only can you go and support these on the day of the event, but you can volunteer to help with planning and spreading the word.

#3 Go to class. This is obvious, but there is a lot of class cutting in college. Instead of worrying yourself about a boyfriend, focus on your schoolwork. That is why you’re in college in the first place, right?

Take courses that inspire you and interest you. This way it will be exciting to get up and go rather than a nightmare. [Read: 13 secrets to find your passion in the simplest things]

#4 Get a job. Not only is it always great to have a little extra cash, but if you start saving for your future now, you will be so happy you did. It may not be the sexiest, but it gives you a little cushion for after you graduate and gives you real-life experience.

And depending on where you find a job, you can meet tons of interesting people.

#5 Date. You are probably saying, “huh?” I didn’t say dating was off the table, just that you don’t need to get a boyfriend. That doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Now is your chance to experiment.

Date different types of guys. Go on fun dates. Make friends and get this experience before settling down. And if you find the person, great, if not, you still had fun. [Read: 17 vital secrets you should know about dating in college]

#6 Attend seminars. There is a serious lack of attendance at college events and seminars. While everyone is at the football game or frat party, there are tons of events your tuition is helping to pay for. Why not get your money’s worth.

Whether it is in the school newspaper or on the website, look into the latest events. There are writers that do book readings, concerts, and even Q&As with people you would never expect. These are great places to learn outside of class and to meet more people outside of your daily activities.

[Read: The big differences between relationships in college vs mid-twenties]

Sorry if I bummed you out about learning how to get a boyfriend in college, but hopefully, I inspired you to make your college years about more than boys. Make them about you.