How to Flirt with a Shy Guy: 15 Baby Steps to Help Him Talk to You

Learning how to talk to a shy guy can be difficult. Learning how to flirt with a shy guy is even harder! However, it’s not impossible. Here’s how. 

When it comes to who we like, we really have no control over it. Our bodies and minds decide who they like to look at and talk to, and we just kind of have to roll with it. This can make things frustrating when a shy guy becomes the apple of your eye. Wondering how to flirt with a shy guy? Well, we’ll get there soon enough. First, you need to learn how to talk to a shy guy and get him to open up. Then the flirting can begin!

Of course, it’s not that shy guys are necessarily bad. It’s simply that they are a lot more difficult to get to know and flirt with.

Since they don’t really talk to you or even look in your direction, asking them about their lives and finding out about their deepest desires is a struggle that isn’t easy to overcome. However, as with most shy people, once you gain their trust, you can coax them out of their shells in time.

[Read: How to be less shy and be more comfortable when you meet new people]

Why shy guys are actually the best

You may avoid going for guys who are shy simply because they’re a little bit harder to get to know. However, you should keep in mind that if you do pursue a shy guy, you won’t be sorry at all.

Turns out, they usually have the BEST personalities. They’re hidden but they’re so worth unearthing.

Not only that, but shy guys are usually the nicest and sweetest boyfriends. Because he’s more reserved, he won’t feel that it is necessary to go out and flirt with a bunch of other girls. Since he’s shy, you know he’ll have to like you an awful lot to open up to you. So, you know he really likes you.

[Read: Shy guy guide – How do I know if he likes me if he won’t even talk to me?]

How to flirt with a shy guy and get him to open up

Before you can hope to make a shy guy yours, you’ll have to flirt with him in order to see if there’s any real chemistry. Because at this point, all you know is that you’re attracted to him. Knowing how to flirt with a shy guy and getting him to open up to you can be really hard. The good news is you just need to know how to go about it.

To make the most of getting to know the dude you like, you first need to know how to talk to a shy guy. That’s the first basic step. Then you need to turn it up a notch and flirt in a way that doesn’t scare him away. These tips will certainly help you out. [Read: Is he shy or not interested? 15 signs to decode his behavior]

1. Act a little shy yourself

Do this in the sense that you should be coy and slightly guarded. Not that you should avoid talking or making eye contact with him. Doing that will get you nowhere.

But if he sees that you are just as guarded as he is, it actually eases his nervousness and makes it easier for him to let you in. So just be a little shy toward him so he knows you’re just like him. When learning how to talk to a shy guy, making him comfortable is key. He’ll be more comfortable if you’re just like him. [Read: Why guys like shy girls and find them incredibly attractive]

2. Make sure he’s alone

Shy guys are a little self-conscious. For that reason, you should always approach them when they’re alone versus when they’re with friends.

If you try to flirt with him when he’s around other people, he’ll be even more shy because he’ll get way too flustered to flirt back.

3. Use body language from afar

You don’t always have to approach a guy in order to flirt with him. In the case of shy guys, it’s usually a bad idea to do so. To start with, just wave and smile at him from across the room.

In fact, you can even start slower than that. Just let him catch you looking at him, and smile as you turn away. This lets him know that you’re checking him out, but he doesn’t have to do anything himself. That puts him at ease. [Read: Does he like me? 18 signs to decode a guy’s body language]

4. Ask for his help with something

As we mentioned above, shy guys are generally REALLY nice people. You should appeal to this quality in him by asking for his help. He won’t be as shy if he thinks he’s just helping you, but it gives you the chance to flirt while he’s doing so.

5. Ask questions not directly about him

Asking questions is the best way to get someone to talk. Preferably, ask questions that require more than a yes or a no answer. This forces him to talk to you, and the more he talks to you, the most he’ll open up. Then you can start flirting confidently. [Read: How to talk to a guy – 34 tips to sweet talk any guy and get them interested]

6. Don’t be aggressive

Aggressive flirting has its benefits, but only if the guy isn’t shy. If he is shy, this will more than likely just scare him away, and he’ll be too nervous to talk to you again.

Be timid when you start flirting, and then your chances of him opening up are much better.

7. Avoid the teasing technique

Teasing is a really great tool to use when flirting as long as the guy isn’t really shy. If you want to know how to flirt with a shy guy, teasing will only make him more self-conscious and even more shy!

So, avoid it until you get to know him better. [Read: 14 ways to show a guy you like him, and still be a tease]

8. Flirt infrequently

Don’t just go up to him and flirt every single day. He’ll be overwhelmed and will probably start to avoid you since he doesn’t like it when he’s super nervous. Start every few days, and then increase it until he’s actively responding to your flirting.

9. Smile a lot

Smiling warms anyone up. It doesn’t matter how shy someone is, if you smile at them often, they’ll feel as though they can talk to you and be your friend.

Smiling is very disarming. Therefore, smile at the guy you like a lot in order for him to see that you’re just being kind and friendly. [Read: 13 charming ways to be more approachable to guys]

10. Subtlety is key

If your flirting is really obvious, he’ll probably get nervous about it and not know what to do. You have to flirt in a way that makes him feel like you’re just trying to be friendly until he goes home and realizes that you were TOTALLY flirting with him. You do that by keeping things low-key and not overwhelming him with aggressive remarks.

11. Don’t make him the center of the flirting

If you focus all your attention on him when you’re flirting, he’ll basically go red and hide himself from you every time. Shy guys don’t like to be the center of attention, so in order to know how to flirt with a shy guy, try to talk about other things while giving flirty hints. [Read: 30 subtle, obviously and really sexy flirting tips for girls]

12. Be mindful of his body language

You have to be a master at reading body language when it comes to flirting with shy guys. You have to be able to tell if he’s responding to your flirtations or if he’s shying away from you even more.

To do this, notice the way he’s facing when he’s talking to you. If he’s aimed toward you, he’s open to your advances. But if he starts turning away, back off because he’s probably intimated and nervous already. [Read: Is he attracted to you? 16 giveaways to watch out for]

13. Make him laugh

Laughter has the ability to open even the most closed-off people. So, tell him jokes or just start joking around, even in a group that he’s in. If he can feel like he can laugh with you, he’ll be more comfortable around you and it’ll be easier to flirt with him.

14. Be consistent

Some shy guys have insecurity issues – not all, but many do.

So, it’s a good idea to make sure he knows you’re flirting and not just being friendly. His default is going to be to think you’re not interested in him, so be consistent with your flirting so he knows you actually like him. [Read: How guys flirt – 15 subtle things guys do to impress a girl]

15. Make eye contact

When you talk to him, he may want to look away from you because that’s what shy people do. But do your best to catch his eye. Making eye contact creates a kind of intimacy that’ll make him feel like he can trust you. Then you can get in any kind of flirting you want!

Understand his shyness and be patient

Of course, it’s important that you understand the whole shyness deal too. Many people are shy. Some are simply quiet, others are just introverted, while other people are downright shy.

There are subtle differences, but talking to and flirting with a guy who is any of the above, basically comes down to the same tactics. [Read: 20 subtle moves to make a guy miss you and leave him obsessed]

Shyness isn’t abnormal and it’s not strange. It’s actually very common.

However, it can also be very hard to live with and in some cases, debilitating socially. For that reason, be patient. If he’s not responding to the degree you want him to, but you’re getting signs that he is interested, stick with it. Don’t push him, just encourage him gently and give it some time.

Patience is key when communicating with anyone who is shy, especially when that communication is turning to flirtation.

[Read: How to get a shy guy to like you and ask you out]

If you want to know how to flirt with a shy guy, you need to allow him to open up to you and trust you naturally. If you force your flirtations upon him, he’ll be more likely to run away than flirt back.