How to Be Good at Sex: 32 Sex Secrets that Make You the Hottest Lay

Everyone wants to know how to be good at sex, right? After all, sex is a beautiful and natural thing. So why not make it as hot and steamy as you can?  

Learning how to be good at sex is one of our longest-running secret obsessions. You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think that getting an A+ for bedroom bonking isn’t something to strive for. We feel good if we perceive ourselves as someone who’s great at sex, and boy do we feel like a million bucks if we find a partner who’s equally adept as we are.

A comedian once said that there is no such thing as bad sex. Bad sex is still sex. But if you look at all the new kinks, toys, and fetishes that flood our culture nowadays, you can imagine that the regular shag doesn’t amuse us anymore as it might have in the past.

Modern sexuality is constantly throwing newer and weirder innovations at us to help us get off. However, all the world’s worth of sexual enhancers isn’t the solution to finding out how to be good at sex. Sometimes, all it takes is a little lifestyle change to do the trick.

[Read: How to prepare for sex – 20 things you MUST do to enjoy it way more]

Why are so many people bad at sex?

The funny thing is that a lot of people are bad at sex, but they don’t know it. So, what makes someone bad at sex? Here are some top answers.

1. No one taught them

Let’s face it – even though a lot of people take sex education in school, it’s not like they taught everyone how to be a good lover. So, it just comes down to trial and error and sometimes fumbling your way through.

2. Selfishness

When someone is selfish in bed, their lover doesn’t enjoy themselves. If they are head-pushers or just ignore trying to please their partner, then that makes them a bad lover. 

3. Lack of experience

When anyone first starts having sex, they don’t know what they’re doing. They just try to be as good as possible, but usually, it’s not good in the beginning. It takes time and experimentation to be good a having sex.

4. Laziness

Similar to being selfish, a lot of people are just lazy lovers. For example, if a guy only wants to have sex with the girl on top, not only is that boring, it makes the girl do all the work. And no one wants to do all the work.

What makes someone a good lover? 

So now that we know what makes someone a bad lover, what makes them good? Well, pretty much the opposite of what makes them bad. But here are a few more. [Read: 18 sexy ways to be incredibly good in bed and leave anyone wanting more]

1. Unselfishness

This one is so important that we feel the need to repeat it. In order to be a good lover, you have to care about pleasing your partner.

You have to spend time in their erogenous zones and make sure they feel good 100% of the time.

2. Enthusiasm

In order to be a good lover, you have to act like you’re excited and having fun.

You can’t just lay there like a dead fish and expect your partner to enjoy it. You have to have a lot of enthusiasm for your partner to feel like you are hot for them.

3. Passion

Going hand-in-hand with enthusiasm, having a lot of passion for your partner is also essential to being a good lover. Make your partner feel like they are so hot that you just can’t get enough of them.

What makes sex good or bad?

How can you be good at sex? Is it a partner with a hot body? A precision-engineered sex toy? 30-minute foreplay? There are a lot of things that we think make sex good, but all of those are just the mere icing on the cake.

It takes having a basic understanding of what makes sex good or bad to understand how simple lifestyle changes could greatly improve your sex life.

1. Sex is a physical activity

Think of sex as a regular physical activity or a sport. To be better at a sport, you need practice, a fit physique, energy, and stamina.

If you’re lacking in any of those areas, it will affect your capacity for performing well in the bedroom, just like it would for other physically demanding activities. [Read: 30 inspirational tips to get motivated and work out]

2. Sexual pleasure is physiologically driven

Sex feels good due to an aggregate of nerves, hormones, and body parts. Being good at sex is about identifying how to use those bodily functions for great effect, as well as knowing which ones hamper your sexual energy.

3. Sex is also psychological

This is the aspect that explains why and how we like sex. The mind plays a major role in making sex an amazing experience for you and your partner, so keeping your imagination and fantasies alive is important.

4. Sex is about making a connection

Want to hear a big secret on how to be good at sex? Well, make a real connection.

Sexual connection is not only the literal act of putting the penis inside the vagina. Emotional connections such as trust and intimacy also play a big part in keeping sex enjoyable. [Read: 15 relationship games for couples to feel more connected]

How to be good at sex – The must-know secrets that’ll make you way more desirable in bed

Now that we know the different aspects that play a part in good or bad sex, let’s talk about how you can become really good at sex.

Just to give you a heads up – if you want to be good in bed and impress anyone you have sex with, these tips do involve your mind, your body, and a few secret techniques as well!

1. Adopt a healthier diet

Eating the right kind of food will make you fit and healthy and will also help you increase your stamina, allowing you to enjoy sex longer and do it more often.

A healthier diet improves a man’s erection and can also help the semen to taste better. Diet also affects body odor—eating less fat and meat can make you smell better.

2. Do regular exercise

Exercise not only makes you shapely for your partner’s eyes but also aids in the circulation of hormones and endorphins throughout your body.

Adopting a cardio routine will make noticeable changes to your libido, improve your body image, and generally make you feel energized, last longer, and ready to go.

3. Get enough sleep

Needless to say, getting little sleep will sap your stamina and diminish your brain function, making you feel tired and uninterested in sex.

Getting the right amount of rest will give you that extra energy to last longer in bed.

4. Quit smoking and drinking

How to be good at sex? Seriously, quit smoking and cut down on your alcohol and you’ll notice a significant difference in a couple of months.

Aside from the tested evils of kissing with a tobacco mouth and having clumsy, drunken sex, alcohol and tobacco affect the circulation of blood to the penis and generally depresses your body, decreasing your stamina.

5. Consume less caffeine and drugs

Just like tobacco, caffeine has an adverse effect on your body’s circulation, which can result in a limp penis.

Other drugs can even mess up the natural flow of your hormones and could screw up your libido and arousal cycle.

6. Adopt proper hygiene habits

Hygiene is about keeping yourself clean and presentable. Proper hygiene is oftentimes the deciding factor in a good sexual encounter.

Even if you look great, one whiff of not-so-clean body odor could be an instant deal-breaker.

7. Have the right mindset and explore your sexuality on a deeper level

Sex is part physical action and part imagination. The psychological aspect of sex is what gives it an added layer. Without fantasies to act out and new kinks to explore, sex would definitely get boring.

8. Be sex-positive

Being sex-positive is about recognizing sex as a natural part of human life. We need it, we are better with it, and doing it is definitely enjoyable.

People who brand sexual activity as something negative will most likely enjoy it much less and might even develop stereotypes that could be debilitating to a relationship.

On the other hand, people who are sex-positive enjoy sex more and are generally more open to exploring new ways to make sex more interesting.

9. Keep exploring your fantasies

Every person has their own sexual fantasies traipsing around in their imagination. Some might be slow to put them on the table for fear of being judged. But as the saying goes, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.”

You can try your sexual fantasies by starting with something within your comfort zone. From there, keep pushing the line until you find where you draw the limits for you and your partner.

Work with what you’ve discovered and enjoy!

10. Avoid mental and emotional stress

Mental and emotional stressors reduce your sexual capacity by a) preoccupying you from enjoying sex, and b) diminishing your libido and putting you out of the mood.

Staying positive and doing activities such as yoga and meditation can help you clear your mind and stay sexually motivated.

11. Keep a positive bond with your partner

Sex, after all, is a dance between two partners. Pleasure and gratification must be equally distributed to make sex more enjoyable.

Working to maintain a positive bond with your partner teaches you to be sensitive about another person’s feelings and desires, and also helps you to develop intimacy.

12. Communicate more

Communication is a very important aspect of good sex. It allows both partners to be in tune with one another.

Open communication can be something as simple as letting your partner know that what they’re doing feels good, or telling them if you’re uncomfortable with something.

13. Be honest

with your feelings, with your fantasies, and your desires. Tell your partner what you think could make your sex better. And most importantly, be honest with yourself.

Avoiding communication because you think you will be judged can put a damper on your sex life and your self-confidence.

How to be good at sex as a woman

While there are no absolutes regarding how to be good at sex as a woman, there are a few things to keep in mind. 

1. Learn how to give a good blowjob

First, you should learn how to give a good blowjob. There is almost no man on earth who doesn’t like getting oral from his lady.

2. Be willing to try different positions

Second, you should be a little adventurous and be willing to try new positions. Guys don’t like just doing missionary all the time.

3. Find his erogenous zones

You also need to figure out where he likes to be touched on his body. It could be his ears, his nipples, or anything else beyond the obvious – his dick.

4. Make noises

Guys don’t like girls who just lay there like they’re dead. It’s a turnoff. So, make some moans and noises so they know that you are having a good time. 

How to be good at sex as a man

Okay, now if you’re a man, here are some tips to use to be good at sex.

1. Be selfless

One of the number one mistakes men make in bed is being selfish. They think it’s all about their pleasure and sometimes forget to make their lady happy. So, turn your attention to her body, to just yours.

2. Don’t forget foreplay

Sure, you can just go from zero to orgasm in no time at all. But most women can’t. They need some time to warm up and get their body going. So, foreplay is key. Never forget that.

3. Take it slowly

Because you can be so enthusiastic and are eager to get to your orgasm, some men forget to take their time. Make foreplay go on for a while and don’t rush the sexual experience.

4. Find her erogenous zones

When you are with the same partner for a while, you need to ask her what feels good to her. And when you figure that out, focus on those erogenous zones as often as you can.

[Read: What makes a girl very good in bed? 23 moves that drive all men wild with desire]

Finding out how to be good at sex doesn’t have to be rocket science. Just keep in mind that sex can be a beautiful, harmonious bond between two partners’ emotions and psyches. The secret to becoming good at sex is mastering these factors, and the simplest way to start is by changing some aspects of your lifestyle first.