How to Ask a Guy If He’s Seeing Someone Else & the Signs To Look For

You’ve been dating him for a while, but now you’re wondering how to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else. Here are the signs and how to talk about it.

Relationships aren’t exactly easy. Confusion abounds no matter what stage of the game you’re in. If you’re in that early stage, it can be even more mind-boggling. The problem is, that most of us want to know how to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else.

Before you ask him, you should know the signs to look for before you have that conversation and ask him if he’s seeing someone else.

The sneaky signs a guy is seeing someone else even if he hasn’t told you about it

You aren’t sure if how he’s acting means he’s seeing someone else. So, here are some of the big ones.

1. He always seems to be busy

If a guy you’re dating always has something going on in his life, or if something comes up completely out of the blue, this is a sign. This is especially concerning when he takes time away from spending it with you.

You also have to ask yourself if he’s telling you directly, or if he’s doing it in secret and you feel it in your gut.

2. He doesn’t want to go to certain places

If you suggest a particular restaurant or other venues to have a date but he comes up with reasons why he doesn’t want to go there, then there could be a reason.

If a guy is seeing someone else, he may be afraid of running into someone he knows or another girl he’s dating. [Read: 21 signs to know if he’s texting another women behind your back]

3. He’s not putting any effort into your dates

In the beginning, he was going out of his way to impress you with fun dates. But in no time, he just seems lazy. Maybe you just Netflix and chill now, and you are wondering why.

He might not want to go out at all anymore. Not only could this mean that he is seeing someone else, maybe he’s spending all his money on her *or them* and doesn’t have much left for you.

4. He talks a lot about a female friend

If you notice that he’s talking about his female friend or co-worker more than he used to, then maybe that’s because he’s interested in her. He might even want you to meet her because then you won’t get suspicious.

5. Your “dates” feel more like booty calls

Lately, the dates you used to go on are turning into late-night coming over and having sex.

Whether you like the sex or not, if that’s all it’s coming down to, then he’s not putting any effort into wooing and wining and dining you anymore. He’s taking you for granted and using you for sex. [Read: 25 signs he’s just using you for sex and all the reasons why he’s using you for fun]

6. He has become emotionally distant

If a guy is seeing someone else, every now and then, you may feel him pulling away. Of course, it could also be depression, stress, or family issues.

But if you feel like he’s actively creating distance between the two of you, then it could be because he’s spending his emotional energy on someone else. Even if he’s just not getting excited when doing things with you, he might be using that as an excuse to “take things slowly.”

7. He avoids defining the relationship

You’ve been dating a while, and you don’t know where you stand. You want to ask this guy if he’s seeing someone else, and maybe you have causally or playfully asked if you are exclusive or in a relationship.

If he dodges the question or says things like, “Let’s see where it goes,” then he doesn’t want to tell you that he is not serious about you and keeping his options open. [Read: 20 signs he doesn’t want a relationship with you and just wants fun]

8. He doesn’t want you to meet his friends

It’s normal to take time alone when you are first dating someone. But as time goes on, usually the people start to integrate each other into their lives by meeting friends and family.

So, if it feels like he’s avoiding that, then he doesn’t want you to get the impression that you’re the only one. [Read: Does he like me? 23 signs to see just how smitten he is right now]

9. He controls when you see each other

Sure, we’re all busy. But if you suggest hanging out on certain days or at certain times and he always has an excuse why he can’t, then that’s a bad sign too.

This is probably because he’s spending some of his other free time with another person, just like he did when he first started dating you. If a guy is seeing someone else, he’ll only agree to see you when he has nothing better to do.

10. He doesn’t want to post pictures of you on social media

Maybe you go to a concert together, and you take some pictures. You put it on your social media and tag him, but you notice that he never accepts your tags.

Why would a guy do that if he’s happy to date you exclusively? That’s probably because he doesn’t want other women to know that he’s hanging out with you. In fact, maybe he’s doing the same thing to the other woman *or women*. [Read: 15 subtle signs you’re unofficially dating and it’s time to have the talk]

Finding the right time to ask if he’s seeing someone else

If you’ve paid attention to the signs a guy may be seeing someone else, you know it’s always a good idea to know if you’re the only one or if there are other girls in the picture.

And of course, finding the right time to have this conversation and doing it in the right way can be extremely difficult. It’s vital that you don’t do it too soon. Timing is everything!

Generally speaking, guys don’t want to be pressured into thinking about the future too soon. That might be a huge generalization, but most guys fall into this category. You might be lucky enough to meet one which has his eye on the future and can’t wait to get past that awkward stage. If so, hold onto him!

[Read: Exclusive relationship – 36 signs you’re both ready for it or in one already]

Getting this conversation right could be the difference between going with the flow in a more open-minded way and blowing it all too soon. Never fear, there is some very useful advice you can follow, which should calm the waters somewhat.

How to ask if a guy if he’s seeing someone else in the right way 

Figuring out how to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else is nerve-wracking, but you must keep it casual, that’s the vital part. Coming on too strong at this point will make him panic and run. Guys are like that for the most part.

Again, if you find one who can’t wait to jump into a full-blown relationship, assuming that’s what you want too, great! For most of us, we should follow several unspoken rules to make this conversation far less of a panic. [Read: 45 signs a guy really loves you even if he hasn’t said it out loud yet]

The most important thing lies within you. Be sure what you want from the very start. If you want a relationship, know that and find out what he wants.

If you know for certain that he doesn’t want a relationship and he wants to keep it casual for a prolonged period of time, ask yourself whether you’re happy with that.

In the past, many girls have made the vital mistake of going along with it in the hope that he’ll change his mind and suddenly want a full relationship. Then, two years in, they are still going around the same hamster wheel of casual hookups. And this uncertainty is not something we would recommend for anyone!

Knowing how to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else, what you want from him, and having a general idea of where he’s heading, and where he’s at, will help you avoid wasting time and breaking your own heart. [Read: 21 signs he’ll never marry you and you’re just his maybe girl]

Once you know what you want, go with the flow for a short while and see what happens. Perhaps after the first few dates, you’ll decide that you really don’t want to take this any further. It saves you from having the conversation and thinking about how to ask if he’s seeing someone else!

Assuming everything is going well, wait at least a couple of months before approaching this subject, and make sure that within those couple of months you’ve been hanging out on a regular basis, i.e. a few times per week.

This would be about two months minimum of regular dates, three months if you can. The longer you leave it, the less pressurized the situation, and the higher the chances of a positive answer in your favor. [Read: How to get a guy to stop dating other girls and start dating you exclusively]

Do guys always date multiple girls?

So far, it may seem like most guys always have a huge list of girls they regularly sleep with or date casually. But honestly, that’s not true at all.

Most guys are usually single and probably don’t have a third of the dating action an average girl would get. So why the fuss? Why should a girl wait several dates to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else?

Let’s look at it from a guy’s perspective. The minute you ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else, what he hears is “do you want to get exclusive with me?!” To be fair, that IS what you are asking him, isn’t it?

So, instead of just accepting that he’s not had another date with another girl in a couple of months, and subtly getting arm-twisted into an exclusive dating setup with you, it’s just easier for a guy to play it cool, fake it, and say he’s still dating other girls!

To avoid scaring him off, it’s always easier to just play it cool, at least for a month or two, so both of you have had enough time to actually consider seeing each other as long-term dating potentials.

How to have the conversation and ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else

Now that you know why guys are afraid of this question, and also when to have the talk, we now need to cover how to ask if he’s seeing someone else in terms of what to say and how to say it. We can’t stress enough that the way you say this is more important than the words you choose.

Seriously, he’s not going to love you jumping down his throat with a demanding conversation. So, it’s vital that you not only approach this in a casual way, but you keep the tone of your voice light and cheery too.

[Read: The talking stage – What it is and how to progress to the next one]

Ease into the conversation and don’t make your meet-up entirely about asking the guy if he’s seeing someone else. Don’t jump straight in with the conversation when you first meet up. Wait for a little, so he can tell that you haven’t arranged to meet up solely to interrogate him on his dating habits!

When you’re ready to do the asking, keep it light once more. Something like “Can you believe it’s been three months we’ve been seeing each other? It’s crazy how fast time goes.” That’s a generalization and a conversation starter, and he won’t suspect that you’re going somewhere with it.

Then follow up with another line, again stay light, “I’m not seeing anyone else you know” and use a shrug as another casual body language aid, and then “are you?”

As you can see, casual, calm, and the shrug shows that you haven’t made this entire date about getting a serious answer to a serious question. This breezy attitude is far more likely to get a guy to open up and tell you if he’s seeing someone else. This approach is also way better than if you sit him down and shine a light in his eyes, demanding to know answers! [Read: The four month relationship – What should you expect when you hit this mark?]

Stay in the present

It’s also important that you keep everything about the here and now. Don’t let your words or your voice venture into the future. Keep it present tense. If you start bringing the future into it, you could freak him out; not always, but it’s possible.

Don’t mention what you want to happen in the future, or what you see on the horizon. You’re not a fortune teller and you have no clue what’s going to happen.

All you want to know right now is whether or not this guy is seeing anyone else as well as you. The answer is all you need for the here and now. [Read: 35 tempting ways to make a guy want you and dream of being with you]

Dealing with the outcome of what he says

We hope that you get the answer you want when you ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else. Hopefully, he says “no, I’m not seeing anyone else either”… and that he means it.

If you’ve been seeing each other for a while and things are going well, you’ll probably be able to tell whether or not he’s telling the truth. Don’t question it, take him at face value.

What if you don’t get a straight answer? In this case, you do need to push a little. A few extra probing questions will give you a bit more information to go on. This is vital because, well, why should you waste your time at this point? [Read: 15 signs he’s getting attached and is ready for a real relationship]

If you want this to go somewhere, you need to know he’s on the same page. If he’s still seeing other people, he’s clearly not on the same chapter as you, let alone the same page. At this point, you have permission to be a little firmer.

Keep it semi-light at this point, but get the answer you need. Something like “I just think after this amount of time we should be at least exclusive.”

You also have to think about your sexual health here too. If he’s seeing other people, does that mean he’s sleeping with others too? Are you being careful? These are things you need to know.

[Read: When to define the relationship – 20 signs it may be right now]

Understanding how to ask a guy if he’s seeing someone else might be full of pitfalls, but it’s the only way to get the answers you need. Time to take charge of your own dating life.