How Soon Is Too Soon to Say I Love You Without Risking a Mistake?

You can’t decide when you fall in love, but you can decide when to share those feelings. So, how soon is too soon to say I love you?

Falling in love is overwhelming. It is uncontrollable. And it is magical. But, is saying I love you the moment you feel it too soon? Really, how soon is too soon to say I love you?

Are you going to scare off your partner? Should you say it when you feel it? Should you wait until the time is right? Is there a set time that is acceptable?

Well, yes and no.

[Read: When to say I love you for the first time in your relationship]

Is there a set time to say I love you?

Sadly, there is no formula for when to say I love you. You can’t add how many dates you’ve been on and divide it by when your first kiss was and multiply that by how many nights you’ve spent together and get an answer that fits your relationship.

Love is not a science. It isn’t something that fits everyone the same way. You may be ready to say I love you and hear it back, but it could be too soon for your partner.

One friend might tell you to be vulnerable and share how you feel now while another would suggest never saying it first.

[Read: Should you say ‘I love you’ first or wait to hear it?]

There is so much conflicting advice out there about when the perfect time to say I love you is. Some may say you have to meet the parents first while others give a deadline like six or eight months.

All of the advice in the world, unfortunately, will not give you a set answer. Knowing how soon is too soon to say I love you is entirely up to you. It depends how you feel and where you think your relationship is going.

I might offer that dates one through three are too soon to say I love you, but it really depends on so much. Have you had three coffee dates or have you been spending full days together? Were you friends first or did you just meet?

Like I said, there is no set time to say I love you. But you can analyze your relationship and figure out how soon is too soon to say I love you for your unique situation.

[Read: How to know if you’re in love and it’s not just butterflies]

How soon is too soon to say I love you?

Knowing the ideal time to profess your love in a relationship, especially a fairly new relationship, can be a huge source of stress. You don’t want to hold back your feelings, but you also don’t want to rush things or scare off your partner.

So, how do you know how soon is too soon to say I love you? Asking yourself these questions may help you decide when the right time for you is. [Read: The reasons why saying “I love you” too soon just sucks]

#1 Are you sure it is love? Confusing love and infatuation is easy to do. We can get so wrapped up in the romance or passion of a new person that we think we’re in love when it is really a fleeting feeling. Sure, love can be overwhelming, and as magical as it is, try to use a little thought in the process too. [Read: How to tell the difference between infatuation vs love]

#2 How much time have you really spent together? It is possible to fall in love quickly, but it may be too soon to say ‘I love you’ if you haven’t really spent much time together. Maybe you’ve been on 10 dates, but they were all only an hour or so long. You also could have been on only four dates but spent the whole day together.

Consider how much time you’ve spent with this person. Do you know them well enough to gauge their reaction to those three words?

#3 Are you on the same page? It is probably too soon to say I love you if you aren’t both looking for the same thing. If you want a committed relationship and they want something casual, it is definitely too soon to share those three words. 

I am a big believer in sharing your feelings, but if you already know you don’t want the same things, it may be time to move on. [Read: 15 signs they’re ready for a relationship and the subtle hints they’re clearly not!]

#4 Are you ready to be vulnerable? This is a big question and one of the most important. Saying I love you is not just a big deal for the relationship as a whole, but for you as well. Sharing those words is a big step and it brings you a lot closer which can leave you open to more pain potentially.

Are you ready to take that risk and really commit to being vulnerable with this person? Even if you feel it, you may want to wait to say I love you until you’re prepared to let your walls down. [Read: How to open up to someone you’re dating when you’re scared]

#5 Do you trust them? Trust and love go hand in hand. It is hard to love someone you don’t trust. When that happens, relationships can easily become toxic and dysfunctional because the feelings are there but communication and honesty aren’t.

Do you trust this person to be loyal? Do you trust them with your secrets or with your heart?

#6 Have you had a disagreement? Now, knowing how soon is too soon to say I love you does not require an argument or fight. But, knowing how you handle situations when you don’t agree is important. Even if you do love them, you may want to see how you handle imperfect moments before uttering the “L” word. [Read: The very first fight in a relationship – 15 steps you need to follow next]

#7 Is the risk of not hearing it back worth it? Anytime you share your feelings with someone, there is risk involved. The thing about being in love is that it is worth the risk. If you want to tell someone that you love them but are unsure about the timing because you won’t feel confident if you don’t hear it back, it may be too soon.

#8 Do you love them or the relationship? You may be wondering what the difference is, but it is a big one. I was once in a relationship where I thought I was in love. I even said it, as did he. But looking back, it is so clear to me that I loved the relationship, not him. I loved the things we did together, but he was not the one for me.

Figure out if you love the fact that you’re in a relationship more than the actual person. If so, it is too soon to say I love you. [Read: How to know what love really should feel like]

#9 Have they said it? You have probably heard all the advice about never saying I love you first. People say if you say it first, you care more and have less power. But, the thing is, healthy relationships are not about power. They are about respect.

If they said it, it could still be too soon for you, just based on how you’re feeling and your comfort level. If they haven’t said it yet, you don’t have to wait for them to go first. Knowing how soon is too soon to say I love you is about your feelings, not whether they’ve said it. [Read: How to respond to “I love you”… when you just aren’t there yet]

#10 Can you hold it back any longer? If you are busting at the seams and just want to scream your love for them from the rooftops, it is definitely not too soon. When you are in love, you naturally want to tell the person you’re in love with. Even if you’re scared of being hurt or not hearing it back, when you can’t hold it in any longer, it is time.

[Read: Different ways to say I love you without saying a word]

How soon is too soon to say I love you? Ultimately, when it feels too soon for you. Keep these suggestions and tips in mind, but make sure to follow your heart and your gut!