How Often Do Couples Have Sex: Is Your Sex Life Dying a Slow Death?

How often do couples have sex? Everyone wants to know what’s considered “normal.” But does less sex mean your relationship is doomed?

Everyone wants to measure their sex life by numbers. It’s either how many people you’ve slept with, how much sex you have a day, how long you last, or how big your penis is. I mean, the numbers just keep rolling in when it comes to sex. Naturally, how often do couples have sex is another question people want the answer to.

Well, scientifically speaking, there’s actually an average number for it. According to the Archives of Sexual Behavior, the average couple has sex 54 times per year, which is around once a week. But do those numbers mean anything? If you have less or more sex than the average, what does that mean for your relationship?

[Read: The 15 signs you’re probably not having enough sex]

How often do couples have sex?

Let’s get one thing straight, when it comes to sex, it’s subjective. Some couples have amazing sex; however, they’re less frequent. Some couples have more sex, but that doesn’t necessarily mean sex is better.

Research from the Social Psychological and Personality Science discovered couples who have sex at least once a week have a happier relationship. But again, that isn’t true for all couples. At the end of the day, what matters is what you and your partner consider normal. You don’t need to have more sex if you’re already satisfied with your sex life. In other words, stop paying attention to the numbers.

When sexual satiation hits a relationship

At some point in your relationship, you’ll reach “sexual satiation.” What does that mean? Well, for long-term couples, around the two or three-year mark, sex becomes a routine and a little boring. But this isn’t something you should be upset about. Instead, use this as inspiration to rev up your sex life.

[Read: How to initiate sex and turn on your lover in alluring new ways]

If you feel your relationship could do with more sex, well, here are some ways to amp things up in the bedroom. It’s time to get down to business.

#1 Stop looking at the numbers. If you’re wondering how often do couples have sex, just stop. It doesn’t matter. Whatever science tells us about sex in relationships shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Why? Because everyone has a different relationship. Some people are more sexually active; others are not.

Relationships change, they fluctuate, and this is something to expect in relationships. Ignore the numbers and do what feels right for yourself and your relationship. [Read: Understanding how important sex is in a relationship]

#2 Sexual needs change. Before we talk about how to amp up your sex life, what’s important to know is your sexual needs change over time. When you first met your partner, you were probably having a lot of sex. But with time, your energy and libido changes. You may not be as interested in sex but crave physical touch instead.

#3 Give your body energy. If you want to have more sex, then you need the energy for it. Add some activity into your routine to give yourself the boost of energy you need. Whether it’s yoga or Zumba classes, do something that connects yourself to your body. By connecting to yourself, you’ll discover your own sexual power and confidence.

#4 Try something new. You need a boost of dopamine. In all honesty, we could all do with a dopamine boost. The best way to achieve it is to try new things that give you a sense of bonding. Whether it’s going go-karting or playing laser tag with your partner, try new things to bring back the honeymoon phase. [Read: 30 naughty questions for couples to keep the spark alive]

#5 Go on a weekend getaway. Want to get another dopamine hit? Well, why not plan a spontaneous weekend getaway with your partner. Go somewhere new, somewhere you haven’t been before. During that trip, explore your sexuality with your partner. Try new moves, wear something sexy, and talk about your fantasies. [Read: 12 arousing sexual fantasies to try in real life]

#6 Practice touching. It’s a weird concept but stay with me here. When it comes to a lack of sex, usually physical touch is also missing. You may feel a little uncomfortable talking about your needs with your partner, but you can also show them. Practice touching your partner and showing them affection. Ask them how they enjoy being touched. 

#7 Talk about it with your partner. Sex is more than just the physical; it’s about communication. Sit down and talk to your partner about what’s missing in your sex life, and what you would like to try out. Perhaps they have some ideas or feelings they want to share with you. This is your chance to really see what’s going on in your relationship. [Read: The 13 gender differences in communication]

#8 Look at your needs. What are you missing in your sex life? Do you just want more sex, or is there something else that’s missing? This is what you should ask yourself so you can fulfill that need. If not, you’ll never be truly satisfied. So, ask yourself what your needs are and communicate them to your partner. 

#9 Try out new positions. We all love the missionary position, but if it’s the only one you go to then we have a problem. If you want to have more sex and better sex, then try new things in the bedroom. Look up some new positions and test them out with your partner. Even if it’s not for you, you will share a good laugh, and that’s what you need. [Read: Top 50 kinky ideas for a really sexy relationship]

#10 Talk to a sex therapist. Sometimes you need a helping hand, and that’s perfectly fine. Talking to a sex therapist or taking a couples’ class can help you open your eyes to different types of sex play. You’ll be able to learn different techniques, toys, and positions in a warm and non-judgemental environment. [Read: 25 horny ways to increase your sex drive and keep it high] 

#11 Practice makes perfect. I’m not saying if you don’t use it, you lose it. But if you’re not having regular sex, you lose the urge for it. Not having sex becomes the new you, and you don’t want to get to that point. If you want more sex, then practice. That’s right; you’ll need to practice. That’s the only way to improve your sex life.

[Read: How to know if your sex life is well-balanced]

If you’re satisfied with your sex life, that’s great! But, if you’re wondering how often do couples have sex, you might need to try out some of these tips.