How Do Cheaters React When Accused: The 8 Answers You Can Expect

How do cheaters react when accused of their relationship crimes? Do they deny it, twist the situation, or do they own up? What does it say about them?

If you’ve ever been in the unfortunate situation of being cheated on, you know that confronting the perpetrator is a difficult and emotional thing. Every single person cheats for their own reasons. In some cases, they have no clue why they did what they did. All they know is that they’re now faced with their partner directly accusing them of cheating, so how do cheaters react when accused?

Every person is different. Some people will be extremely remorseful. Some will lie. Others will become flustered and emotional. It’s difficult to give a general answer to the question of ‘how do cheaters react when accused?’ However, there are some common ways in which most cheaters react when they’re faced with the reality of what they’ve done.

How do cheaters react when accused? The 8 possible situations to consider

Remember, every person’s situation is different. You can’t just assume that ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ and avoid giving someone a second chance when your gut is telling you to. However, you also should be aware that sometimes people do repeat their own patterns, and that it might not be the one and only time.

[Read: Should you ever forgive a cheating partner?]

The answer isn’t clear, and it’s something you have to decide for yourself. What you need to be careful of is just doing what other people tell you to. Make your decision based upon your gut feeling.

#1 They deny the whole thing. Perhaps the most common answer to ‘how do cheaters react when accused’ is that they deny it ever happened. They lie and say that whoever told you is also lying, they say that they would never do that to you, they just flat-out completely deny that the whole thing ever occurred.

When exploring how do cheaters react when accused, remember that lying is a form of defense. They have no defense in terms of what they’ve done, of course, but they’re trying to do damage limitation. They think that they only way to do that is to just deny it and hope you believe them. [Read: How to tell if someone is lying to you about cheating on you]

#2 They lie about how it happened and what it was to them. Aside from denying it completely, they might own up to cheating, but lie about how many times it happened, what it meant to them, and/or how it happened. They might say it was only sex and only happened once. It’s also common for them to say they were drunk and didn’t know what they were doing. However, how can you be sure that the next time they’re roaring drunk they don’t cheat again?

#3 They start gaslighting you. Out of sheer desperation not to be found out, they may turn it all around and start gaslighting you. That means they either make you believe it was your fault, i.e. you pushed them into it, or that you’re completely ridiculous for even suggesting they would cheat. Either way, it’s manipulation and it’s not cool.

A person doesn’t need to be a full-blown narcissist to use gaslighting, although it is one of the tricks that narcissists regularly use. Anyone can use gaslighting, and it’s a cruel and manipulative way to get out of something which screams ‘guilty.’ [Read: Gaslighting – is your lover messing with your mind?]

If you’re in this situation, tell yourself that it’s not your fault, that you know what you saw or heard, or however you came to know about the cheating. Bear in mind that gaslighting is something that could happen. [Read: How do narcissists control you so subtly? And how you allow them to]

#4 They attempt the sympathy card route. Another possible attempt you might come across when exploring how do cheaters react when accused is arousing your sympathy. It sounds ridiculous. If anyone deserves sympathy in this situation, it’s you. However, the ‘poor me’ tactic is common.

In this situation, the cheater will try to make you think they had no choice, that they were somehow coerced or tricked into it, that they couldn’t help themselves because they were so stressed/upset/insert other emotion here. If this happens to you, remember, they don’t deserve your sympathy. [Read: Why do people in happy relationships still cheat?]

#5 They swear it will never happen again. Not all cheaters deny it. Some will actually be honest about it, but if they do this, the chances of them saying it will never happen again are high. How can you be sure? Well, you can’t, but you can’t rely on the weather forecast every single day either. The only thing you can do is assess how you feel about it. Ask yourself whether you can forgive and move on or not.

However, if you do take them back, avoid checking up on them every five seconds because you will drive yourself crazy. [Read: How to get over someone cheating on you and repair the damage]

#6 They lay the blame at the other person’s door. Some cheaters somehow think that it wasn’t their fault. They were tricked into it by the other person. They will blame the other person completely and make them seem like a homewrecker or terrible individual, attempting to make you believe that they’re the ones who’ve hurt you and not your partner.

Your beef isn’t with the other person, not all of it anyway. Unless the other person is someone close to you, you don’t have to forgive them. But you must decide whether you can forgive your partner.

#7 They blame you because they just weren’t happy. They blame you because you weren’t making them happy. They might say that you work too much, nag too much, you’re always out, don’t have enough sex as a couple, and then turn the tables towards sympathy.

If they attempt this, don’t give them the sympathy or satisfaction they seek. It’s not your fault. It cannot be your fault. You didn’t make them sleep with someone else or become emotionally attached to someone else. [Read: How to get over emotional cheating when your heart is broken]

#8 They beg for forgiveness. The final option for how cheaters react when accused is that they admit it. They’re extremely remorseful and beg for your forgiveness. Not all people who cheat will lie about it or try to hide the truth. Some will tell you everything you want to know.

This is usually because they feel so terrible about what’s happened that the guilt is eating them up inside. In that case, telling you whatever you want to know is a relief. Again, the pain is yours to bear, and they don’t deserve sympathy, no matter how sorry they are.

When your partner cheats on you, it feels like the world has just caved in around you. I’ve been there. Learning how do cheaters react when accused is a wide subject because every single person is different. When faced with an accusation, they may act completely out of character in order to dodge the question. Being mindful of potential tricks and damage limitation options helps you to discover the truth.

[Read: Affair fog? How to know if your lover is under another’s spell]

These suggestions for how do cheaters react when accused are common. Now, ask yourself what your next move will be. Remember, the decision is yours and yours alone.